Confessions
It's 2:25 am, Sunday night.. He left a few hours ago. Putting off going to sleep because he's not here. It's always so depressing the first couple of nights. So I try to just avoid it altogether. Tonight was especially difficult for some reason. I looked at the clock and remembered I have to wake up to take journey to school at 7:30 am. I pulled the gaming headset off my head and remembered to turn it off like he always tells me. Which sparks the question.. Why can't I remember when he's here? I rub my bleary, bloodshot eyes, remove my glasses, and pat the cat on the head before heading to the wash room to brush my teeth. All the while still entertaining his thoughts. Thinking about the last things we said to each other. As I'm brushing my teeth I remember how when he's here he always picks at me. Pushing me out of the way of the sink when I'm trying to spit, or splashing water into my face when I go to rinse. A sweet smile spreads across my lips as more thoughts of him come rushing in. I lean against the wall and sigh. Not just any sigh either. That sigh of just utter happiness but emptiness because he isn't right here. In those moments my heart flutters, my mind races, the air is thin and I feel like I can't get enough. Just so content in the knowledge that he's mine. And then reality comes back and I realize when I walk back in that room to climb in bed, he won't be there. I'll be on my own. And I'll some how have to manage until we meet again. So my head falls, and I walk back to my room quietly and slowly, because I know that when I get back to that bed I have to face it alone. It's not that I don't like being alone. I sometimes quite prefer it. It's just that when I lay next to him and he grabs me and pulls me close and wraps his arms around me it's a sleep like no other. It's uninterrupted and I've never felt so safe and comfortable. Breathing in his aroma as our hearts and minds slowly drift off together. Some of the most beautiful places I've ever seen have been in my dreams and I can't stand the thought of him not being there. It has to be this way right now though. So I face my fears and climb into my empty bed. I lay down and instantly his scent hits me like a ton of bricks to my heart. I remember the previous night the way he held me and kissed my forehead. The way he gently rubbed my head until I fell asleep. I toss and turn. Soon it's 3:51am. Where has the time gone. Why can't I sleep. Well how can you sleep when your heart is missing.
