GHOSTLY

Is it so much to ask for my parents to love me?

i just want to punish myself for existing.

I want to destroy everything. I want to ruin my life, smash glass bottles agaisnt walls, run away into the night and get in trouble, scream and yell at the top of my lungs, get into fist fights, and stand up for myself. I want to be so so angry and loud about how awful I feel that everyone realizes that I was never okay, and I was never going to be okay, and that they left me behind to suffer. But I'm too tired. I'm too tired to move, to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and ignore the world. I just slap on a neutral face and do as I'm told. I wish I could be so angry about how sick I've become, but instead I keep quietly to myself, and live another miserable tired day.

Why develop feelings when you can walk into traffic while simultaneously being on fire and achieve the same feelings.

i’m so emotionally damaged that i cry when people show me that they actually care about me lmao

I can feel it. I see all the signs. You're about to leave me too aren't you?

Relationships are a huge trigger because it calls for reassurance. I can’t get inside the other persons head so mine blows up in response. I can’t control their decisions, I can’t make up thoughts for them so I’m left with my own reality which isn’t too far from fiction.

the ultimate thinspo: thinking of my boyfriend picking me up, me being super small and skinny next to him, drowning in his oversized sweaters, making all his clothes look huge even though he's only a size medium 💕