Be yourself

Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you. It feels like pure desperation…  Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly…. And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from? Why do I still do this, even after all this time?! It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again. Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING! It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second. But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.  Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore. It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back. All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again, I’ll put my hands up, I’ll do everything different, I’ll be better to you.

Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.