An Average Girls Life

This is a sensitive topic for me. But I feel like I need to say how I feel. I know I’m not alone in this situation but I do feel that I am sometimes.

4 years ago I got into a relationship with the most gorgeous, handsome boy I have ever met. He made me feel special and like I was the only girl in the world. I was smaller then. Weighing around 9.5 - 10 stone. Small waist, nice legs and good bum. I had long brown hair and although I suffered with acne it wasn’t as bad as now.

I was at college studying childcare and had a part time job. Passed my driving test and was the happiest I could be!

A year into our relationship I started experiencing weight gain. I still wasn’t too big and didn’t feel too self conscious. Only on a bad day. I finished college and started at a bigger college to study health and social. For some reason this didn’t mix well with my anxiety and I started having panic attacks and dropped out of college.

By year 2 I had found another job, working as an apprentice at next. I really enjoyed my first few weeks but after a month my manager started criticising everything I done. Saying hurtful and negative things about my work. I started having panic attacks at work and eventually quit as I hated the thought of working with her any longer! It was a shame as I actually loved the days she wasn’t in.

At this point my self esteem and confidence had completely gone. I gained more and more weight. My acne became worse. I signed on to ESA as the doctor signed me sick for anxiety and depression. I was taking Citolapram but it wasn’t really working. After a few months my partner had a full time job. We decided to move into a bigger home (did I mention we moved into a flat at 2 years). We realised shortly after that we couldn’t financially live and after a while my dad had to start helping us with money every now and then.

And here I am now. I’m overweight, weighing 16 stone. I’m scared my boyfriend is in love with the old me. I’m scared that people look at us and think “why is he in a relationship with her, she’s so fat”. My anxiety has calmed down but my depression is still there. My confidence job wise has gone up a lot. I currently run a nanny business. I absolutely love nannying and babysitting. But eventually I’ll have to find something more secure.

I just wish I could turn back the time and do so many things different. I need to lose weight. I eat two meals a day and walk at least a mile every night. I try to be the best that I can. I try to make everyone happy. But I’ve lost focus on myself. Will I ever be healthy weight again? Will my acne ever clear up? Will I always have to stand next to my boyfriend and feel like a beach whale?

I just don’t know anymore.

Hiya guys. So last Saturday I went for an interview with Primark - Cardiff & GOT THE JOB! I know this might not be the ideal job for some people but for me this is temporary. I am hoping to become a social worker in future but during my study I need a little job to get the money coming in! But I am very happy I got the job at Primark, the staff are so friendly! Also more good news, I PASSED MY THEORY TEST FIRST TIME! I am really lucky this week.

Anyway originally this post is about my change in shampoo. Just thought I’d tell you the good news first:D

So basically I have medium to long hair and I find it hard to keep my hair in good condition. I use to use AUSIEE SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER and if you can afford £6 a bottle every time then I highly recommend this, it thickens your hair so much and it smells so beautiful! I then moved on to the L'Oreal Elvive Fibrology Thickening Shampoo & Conditioner. This worked well for me also. Now I find it hard to buy new shampoos as I have sensitive scalp and I often am allergic to most products. So I have almost run out of my L'Oreal Elvive Fibrology Thickening Shampoo and decided to buy more today at ASDA. I came along the Argan oil shampoo & have heard many wonderful things about this. I will write a review when I’ve used it and maybe share your experience below? It smells gorgeous though! THIS WAS ON OFFER FOR £1!!!!! BUT THE CATCH WAS THAT THERE WAS NO CONDITIONER….. so I found the Garnier ultimate blend conditioner & it looks like its good it was £2.68 :) I will also review this. THANKS FOR READING.

So today I had a Job interview for Primark - Cardiff and decided after that interview to treat myself to a new bath bomb or anything nice from LUSH. For those of you who don’t know what LUSH is (although most of you probably do) it is a Cosmetic store full of skin care/hair care/bath bombs and bath related products. The products are a fairly good price for what your buying. Anyways I decided to pop in to the store and have a browse (as you do). I left the store with 2 products. Firstly I bought the bubble bar slice (show in the picture above as the pink swirly looking one). This is not my favourite. My favourite is usually Snow fairy but as they only do that during Christmas time, the next best thing is the pink bubble bar slice. Basically you break a piece off of the bar and crumble it into the bath. It smells gorgeous & sweet. It’s RRP is around £4-5. So I went to the counter and the lovely young lady says to me “would you like to buy a sample pot of our ‘New Charity Pot’” (the picture is above) and of course I could not say no, it was only £1 and all the money goes to charity. I highly recommend this to anyone with dry skin. Basically it is a hand/body cream, it smells beautiful. Of course it’s not a good idea to buy the sample pot if you want it for your body as it’s only small but I think the larger pots are around £5-6 and again all money goes to charity. Next time your in LUSH be sure to pick one up!:)