memory is a field with endless graves

With the stress of the first day back working together behind her, the worst out of the way that had kept her up the weekend before, Morgan finally found herself able to calm down and relax when coming back home just in time to witness the beginnings of a dinner chaos. With a tired smile she watched as people yelled over each other while Ludo had started making dinner as she brought the bags of groceries in. After the day she’d had even something like this made her feel monumentally better.

Things still weren’t great between her and Adam, but she was now willing to write up the tension being brought on by both of them just being unsure where the line was now drawn. Surely once they continued working together things would slowly return back to normal. She wasn't sure how safe spending more time with him would be for her heart, but she didn't want to have their entire relationship crumble simply because she had been unable to keep her feelings in check for one night.

Being able to ride to work with her own car by herself the next day made her feel even better about the entire situation. Having her own flexibility of coming and going whenever and wherever she wanted and not being dependent on Adam driving her to places brought a stabilizing calmness to her mood for the day ahead. A small ray of hope shone inside her, making her believe that perhaps they would be alright—that perhaps everything would be alright.

Arriving at the precinct she found Adam and Elena already at work along with some other early birds. She'd already thought of it before, but the two really were similar—both very meticulous with their work, believing in the system and its rules, with a shared structured professional rhythm and efficient communication. It was like watching a well oiled machine work. It left a sour taste in her mouth that she refused to admit, but knowing it also brought sense to how fast she’d started getting along with Elena. It was easy to befriend someone who was so similar to a person who she’d known for a long time now.

"Morning," interrupting the two discussing something, she greeted them.

Watching Adam turn and give her a small, professional smile that barely even reached his eyes before turning away made her stomach churn, leaving the hope of the tension between them healing crumbling in her chest. This wasn’t him being unsure how to act around her, nor was it like how he had treated her back when he hadn’t wanted to work with her or have anything to do with her, instead avoiding contact with her–even in the professional sense. 

Elena came to discuss their shared case and discoveries they had made after she had left for the day after greeting her as well, but Morgan could barely focus on what she was saying, feeling rooted in the spot with static playing in her ears while her heart raced. She could hardly remember a time when Adam had acted so coldly towards her, which left her feeling even worse about everything between them. If she didn’t know any better she would think that he would want nothing to do with her anymore. An annoyance bubbled within her along with the shock, but she pushed it down.

"—However, the coroner's report proved traces of poison."

"Huh?" Blinking, Morgan forced herself to tear her gaze away from Adam’s back to look at Elena, now fully focused on whatever she was saying.

"Though the medical examiner couldn't find out what kind of poison," Elena continued, reading the report to her from the tablet she was holding. "Meaning we will have to return to the scene of murder to try and figure out how he was poisoned and with what."

Morgan was left reeling from everything she had just experienced in such a short time.

"Oh," she responded, still feeling shocked by everything, but satisfied with knowing that a missing piece of the puzzle that was their case and their victim dying was discovered. She’d been right in that it hadn’t been a medical event, and was glad that Adam had trusted her enough to go forward with the case despite having thought otherwise. They could still work this, the case and everything between them, out. "Of course. Let me just put my stuff away then."

Watching Elena nod and tell her that she would see them at the apartment, Morgan forced her muscles to start moving. Placing her bag by her own desk, she absentmindedly wondered why they were riding separately, but figured that Elena must have other places to go afterwards. Though confident that the relationship between her and Adam could still be fixed, she also dreaded the car ride that was to come. She could feel the pit of anxiety in her stomach. 

"We're heading out. Are you ready?"

"Yep, coming." Turning around, she started walking behind him.

Getting into the car, she could feel the silence fill the air again. It was the same as before, leaving her to start thinking that there was going back to the way things were before they had slept together. Time when they could simply be in each other's presences, time when they could laugh carefree, time when they could work with an ease that had come with hard work and time and be able to celebrate a case well done was all in the past.

She didn’t want it all to end.

“You never finished what you were saying,” she started, her mouth speaking before her brain could catch up, trying to start to close the gap of uncertainty between them. She needed to do something. “Yesterday, I mean.”

“No,” he answered, giving her a quick glance before continuing again. “About what happened… I meant what I said.”

Watching him stop mid-sentence to try and find words, Morgan let out a long exhale when Adam finished. Even if it hurt to hear, she’d been expecting it–they only needed to find a way to work around it anymore.

“It was just one night.” She said, her voice sounding far away even to her own ears. Even if she wished for more, these were the cards that she’d been dealt.

“We work together. It doesn’t have to impact us.” With those words, she turned her gaze away, looking out of the window–missing the grip tightening on the wheel, the expression on his face. “Complicating that wouldn’t be fair.”

The rest of the ride back to the scene of murder was silent. Not knowing what to say, not wanting to pick the scar that was still fresh, the only other words exchanged during it were regarding the case. Small details, things he’d found out with Elena after she’d left for the day. But even the way they talked through them was different—everything about them was different. She hated it. She didn't want it all to end, but what could she do about it?

Arriving at the crime scene, she was able to put it all aside for the time being and calm her mind by focusing on the work that was to be done. Elena had reached the apartment building beforehand and was already talking to someone she didn't recognize. Approaching her, Morgan watched the man leave while Elena wrote something down on her notepad.

"Who was that?"

"The maintenance worker for the apartment building," Elena answered and put her notepad away. She’d been taking notes of the conversation she’d had with the maintenance worker. "He has the general keys that can be used to access the apartments—one that was used to open the apartment the first time around. Seems like our victim wasn’t causing any trouble and kept the apartment in a good shape. Rent paid on time and the neighbors had nothing to complain about."

Morgan took mental note of the general key—just in case.

"Any reason to suspect him?" Adam asked, standing beside her with a small distance that used to not exist before the past weekend.

"He has legitimate access to the apartment, but no reason or motive."

"Got it," he answered with a nod. "Let's head up to see what we can find."

Trailing shortly behind, Morgan watched the two talk over what Elena had discovered while talking to the maintenance worker. She stayed silent, only listening and taking mental notes when needed, not hearing anything that she particularly needed to concern herself with. If there was anything new to be found out about the murder, it was inside the apartment.

Once inside she immediately separated herself from the two, giving her some space so she could allocate her mental capacity to something where she could actually make a difference for the better. 

Heading back to the office where the body was initially discovered, she thought back on  the package that had been in the trash can the last time they’d been here. Taking out a pair of nitrile gloves from her jacket pocket to pick up the small cardboard box, she felt a small twinge in her heart which she decidedly ignored, not wanting to pay attention to the way that Adam was always the one providing her the gloves she needed, instead focusing on the piece of evidence before her.

It had been shipped to him, along with a small test sample sized bottle of something that was empty and had been thrown in the trash alongside it. Turning her attention to the desk, she could find similar bottles scattered across the table. Looking at the labels, they seemed to be fragrances seemingly meant for the humidifier on the table. There had been a residue of a strange smell in the office the previous day that was now fully gone after the apartment had been aired, leaving her to wonder if it had been from that.

Bagging the bottles, she continued searching the desk and cupboards for anything else to give a hint as to what had happened and why. However the only clue that she discovered was the fragrances. Returning to the main living area, she could see Adam talking to his phone by the front door and Elena going through what seemed to be their victim's notebook.

"I found some fragrances that had been shipped here just a day before our guy died. One of them is empty. The package is just your regular Amazon one."

"Great work," Elena responded and closed the notebook. "Going through the notebook, it seems he was working on a bigger project with someone."

"That could be the friend who had left the company they had both been working for,” Morgan commented, thinking back on when he’d been at the precinct. “They both quit around the same time. It would make sense for them to have teamed up to work on the project. Did you find anything about it?"

“It seems to be some sort of program—though for what intent I can’t figure out.”

Morgan hummed in response. It was safe to assume that money was involved; both their victim and his friend did quit their jobs, so it made sense that they were expecting to get more of it from this project. “I suppose we’ll have to talk to the friend to find out more about it.”

"I called in both the friend and the ex-girlfriend to come back to the precinct. The girlfriend will be arriving tomorrow, but the friend will be over in a few hours. Maybe we can find out more about this project of theirs." Adam said, ending the call and making his way to where they were standing.

Morgan couldn't help but look at him, noticing the broad shoulders turned away from her ever so slightly and his attention mainly on the third member of their party. She hated watching him do it, turning away from her, avoiding her. She could only hope that it was just temporary from being unsure where they stood and how to act around each other, but a small part of her couldn’t help but think if he simply wanted nothing to do with her instead.

"Think we're all done here either way," Elena responded before turning to look at Morgan. "Anything still standing out to you that you want to go through?"

"No, I'm good."

"Morgan, catch a ride with Elena and I'll see you both at the station. I have somewhere to drop by for another case first," Adam explained before turning around to leave.

Morgan felt her stomach churn again. She didn't mind catching a ride with other detectives, but this time the reason behind the isolation hurt. Walking back to the car, she was glad that the mood during the drive back was not awkward at the very least, nor was there a suffocating silence during the ride, but instead a radio playing with her humming along to the occasional song that played and a comfortable silence.

In every way the ride back to the precinct was more comfortable—something she should be grateful for.

"So," Elena started after a while, breaking the silence. "You and Adam. Are you dating?"

Whipping her head in surprise, she turned to look at Elena, completely shocked and unsure how to answer her question. Although Elena hadn’t been with them for too long yet, Morgan didn’t think that she would be misunderstanding the relationship between her and Adam like that. Still, she hadn't seen a wedding band on Elena's finger and wasn't aware of anything regarding her personal life, leaving her to draw an unpleasant conclusion that sat heavy on her chest.

Her and Adam had been drawn to each other all the way from the very beginning. They worked well with each other, were similar to each other, and he seemed to hold respect for her in a way that would never be given to her; in a way he would give to a professional who had climbed the ladder to earn her spot. It shouldn’t be surprising that Elena was attracted to Adam—in fact, she should have seen it already. After all, she understood those feelings. 

"No. We just work together," she answered after a beat. It was the truth. They weren't anything.

"Oh. With how close you two are—"

"No," she repeated, cutting Elena off before she could say anything that made the heaviness in her chest worse. "We really aren't dating. Just been working together for some time now."

"Of course," Elena responded with a tone she couldn't quite get a read on, understanding that it wasn’t a topic she wanted to talk about. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"It's fine," her voice gentle, Morgan responded. It really wasn't, but she wasn’t going to say anything about it to the one person that wasn’t in any way responsible for their current mess. Instead she was going to be supportive and root for Elena’s feelings even if it crushed her. She wanted nothing but happiness for Adam, and if that came in the form of a person who was completely different from her, then she would have to accept it. "But we really are just coworkers that occasionally go out for a drink after solving a case."

"The bar downtown that people from the precinct go to?" Elena asked, letting the topic change. Morgan was grateful for it.

"That's the one. You should join us some time—we usually gather up as a group." She said, letting a smile rise up on her face as she extended the invitation. After a small moment, she added, “even Adam joins in; it’s the only time he seems to loosen up even.”

"I'll have to think about it," Elena said with a smile of her own.

They arrived just in time for the victim's friend to arrive for questioning. With Adam still nowhere to be seen, Soto gave the point to Elena. Pulling her focus back on the case again, Morgan went to stand behind the two-way mirror and listened in.

The friend of their victim, Dylan, had in fact been working on a project that they were going to sell for a high price with the victim. They'd had a fight over stolen code, but he had no access to the apartment, nor was he in the state on the day of death. Money usually was a great motive, but when there was no way for him to be at the apartment, they couldn’t do anything about it.

Morgan sighed as she left the room, her thoughts moving to lunch to bide away the headache that threatened to come. Walking towards the board to fill out everything that had been learned during the questioning, she heard their suspect leave and Elena joined her shortly after. Talking through everything, she started writing details. After a couple bullet points Adam arrived, joining to stand beside them by the board that she was filling in, proving himself to be a distraction before she was able to focus back on the job. Still, watching him stand beside Elena left her stomach churning.

With the girlfriend coming over the next day for an interrogation, they went through what they knew, continued chasing down leads and confirmed the man’s alibi. Unfortunately it held, and it seemed that he was being truthful when he said he knew nothing of the fragrances that had been shipped to the apartment. Something about the interrogation gnawed at her, about how he kept bringing up their friendship, but she wasn’t sure what.

Feeling already emotionally exhausted from the day, she was thankful to be able to leave by early afternoon. The air at the precinct felt suffocating, only disrupted by other people. She hated it. She had enjoyed the job, but now it felt like a trap. Ludo would probably kill her if she quit, though of course he would also understand her. They could work everything out like always.

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. The nagging over the case didn’t ease, but neither did the feeling of distraught and annoyance that came with Adam ignoring her. She’d developed feelings for him in the process, but she also had chosen to continue in the job under the condition of finding Roman. She had chosen to stay for her family, and that was what she needed to continue to do in the future. So she could be able to pay for Ava’s college, Elliot’s special school, whatever Chloe would become interested in the future. She only had to remind herself of that.

The next morning came too soon, too fast after finally being able to fall asleep from exhaustion hitting her, leaving her feeling tired and irritated. Getting up from bed as the alarm rang, the loud noises of people awake and the TV already on brought on a wave of headache. Only drinking a small amount of coffee and catching a quick, small bite, she left for work as soon as she was able to.

Arriving at the precinct, she left her bag and coat by her desk and made a straight beeline for the coffee machine. After even snapping at Ludo just for being slightly late that morning, she hoped that a cup of coffee and a moment of peace and quiet before putting her focus on what needed to be done would help. He hadn’t deserved that and she would have to apologize to him later for it, even if he seemed to understand that she was just tired and annoyed.

Sipping from her cup while leaning back against the counter, she watched as the two early birds were already working on their case. Watching Adam give an easy smile to Elena left her stomach churning. For the past few days he seemed to be barely acknowledging her even after all the reassurances that nothing was wrong, that they could still work together, so watching the scene of camaraderie and closeness unfold just across the room left her feeling even more annoyed and betrayed. 

She’d been trying to patch them up, trying to keep at least their friendship intact while he kept clamping up but still insisting that they were okay. That their night together had meant nothing. Watching him act like that hurt even more than the rejection.

With a sigh she pushed down the bubbling annoyance and got up to join the two with her coffee mug on hand. Nothing good would come out of simply standing there and wallowing in her own misery; they still had a case to crack. The ex-girlfriend of the victim would be coming over to be formally questioned as one of the suspects and they would have to go through the case again for anything they might have missed before that.

There was something about the case that was nagging at her, but until they got to ask some questions from the ex-girlfriend there was not much she could do about it.

Doing her best not to stare at Adam, to ignore the closeness between him and Elena, Morgan joined them to go through the evidence again. They still had to include everything that the friend of their victim had told them to their case board and the timeline of the murder. So she assumed a professional role, keeping her feelings in check so she wouldn’t snap at anyone. 

Thankfully they were able to hold a lunch break before the next person would come in for questioning. Morgan felt more emotionally exhausted from the day more than anything else, and ready to just go home. 

Sitting by her own desk and watching Adam return to his computer with a cup of coffee while continuing to ignore her, she once again felt an annoyance bubbling deep within her, threatening to spill over. She knew that she should give them more time to get their partnership, their friendship back to what it had been, but she also didn't want to wait that long and watch it all deteriorate even further. She didn’t want to risk everything that she had worked for crumble away.

Making a decision she stood up from her desk, grabbing her coat and bag with her before walking over to his desk with determination in her step, making Adam look up at her with curiosity in his eyes.

"Come with me," she said after closing the distance between them.

Adam looked up at her with a confused frown. This was perhaps the closest they had physically been in days–at least voluntarily. "Morgan?"

"We need to talk. Let's go get something to eat."

Turning away and starting to walk out, not waiting for him to come up with an excuse to stay behind, she listened to Adam get up with a sigh and grab his jacket before walking out of the precinct alongside her. With his long legs he had been able to catch her in no time, and she hated how much she yearned for the feeling of having them tangled up with hers in the morning. 

A hazy memory of being barely awake in the small hours of the night and moving closer to him while their legs were entangled surfaced along with the desire. Was it better to know how it felt to receive the kind of love she yearned for but never be able to feel the intimacy again or to never have known at all?

Making her way to the diner close to the precinct, one which they had gone over for lunch multiple times together, Morgan chose a booth further away from the door in an attempt of gaining at least some privacy. She'd basically dragged him here but she needed the courage to go through with it as well, unsure how Adam would take it and if she would end up simply making things worse with this. Still, she waited until they had both ordered something to eat and been left alone by the waitress before speaking up.

“You said you wanted to talk.” Adam said, interrupting her internal dilemma.

"We can't continue like this," she answered with nerves buzzing through her veins. “We slept together, but time and again we both agreed that it wouldn’t affect us.”

"Morgan—" Adam started, before being interrupted.

"No. Listen, I get it. It's awkward and it's weird, but you can't just shut me out. We promised that we could still continue working together. That it wouldn’t impact us in any way." I don't want to lose this—lose us, she thought, but leaving the words unsaid.

Shutting up before she would say something that she really shouldn’t out of consideration for his feelings–or rather the lack of them, Morgan watched as Adam stared at her with a shocked expression on his face before it turned into that of regret. Processing her words, she watched as a crease settled in between his eyebrows and a frown twisted at his lips as he thought through what she had said before responding.

"You're right," he eventually said, breaking the silence between them that had felt like it had stretched on for forever. I wasn't sure how to act in a way that wouldn’t make things worse and ended up placing unnecessary distance between us even after saying otherwise. I'm sorry."

Letting out a relieved exhale, she could feel the tension leaving her body with it. She hadn't been sure how Adam would take it and if she should even bring it up so soon, having been determined to almost leave them be and wait for something to happen that would fix them. "A do-over then?" She suggested.

He smiled at her choice of words. "A do-over."

Even after clearing the air, a small amount of tension and uncertainty buzzed in the air between them as they tried to find their footing within their relationship again. Still, she was happy. It was not what she yearned to have, but it was what she was given and that was what she would be able to find a way of living with.

The rest of the lunch passed by with a calm between them. It wasn't quite what they’d had before, but it was close. The air between them had been cleared and there was hope again for the coming days. They wouldn't shut each other out and they would eventually fall back into the easy rhythm that they had curated over months of working together.

Their other suspect came over after lunch hour, and with Elena next to her Morgan listened in on the questioning from the other side of the glass, but the ex-girlfriend seemed to be a dead-end. She'd been the one to leave the relationship and had given her keys back well over a week before their victim died. After hearing that he had died, she'd truly grieved for him. Morgan didn't think that she had it in her to be the murderer. But this time it was easier to focus on the questioning with a burden removed from her shoulders.

"It wasn't her," Elena said while walking out with her.

"I agree. There's no motive."

Returning to the board, Morgan removed the ex-girlfriend's picture. They were back to square one; waiting for toxicology results. She'd given away the bottles to be tested for any poison, though this time she'd been promised that the results would be expedited. When a familiar ding came from across the room, she moved to Adam's side instinctively to hear the results.

"It seems that the bottles contained poison in them, something that when aerosolized killed our victim."

"The girlfriend did mention that the fragrances of what was in the bottles weren't something that he used," Morgan said, thinking back on the questioning, her thoughts rounding back to the friend. The case was starting to look almost wrapped in her brain. And a wrapped case meant going home and finally being able to relax for the first time in days, maybe even enjoy a glass of wine on the couch while watching TV. "Elena interviewed the other guy; the only thing he was clear for was alibi with being out of state by the time of death."

"I'll talk to her and call him in."

The shipping box in the trash was likely how the poison made its way into the apartment. Their victim most likely thought it was from the ex-girlfriend, had thanked her with a message, added in the first fragrance and got poisoned over time while working from home. All because a person who he thought had been his friend had decided to undercut him and sell their work. Most likely he had refused to sell which is why he had become a target. It had all been meticulously planned.

The man was called in as an official suspect in the case and taken to the interrogation room. Morgan stayed behind the two-way mirror again—part of the rules that she had to leave the detective work to the actual officials—and listened in while watching the two detectives work their magic. It was smooth work; they had discussed everything earlier after Adam had caught up on the interrogation he had missed out on, and built a solid case against their suspect.

In the end it turned out that she'd been right. He had wanted to sell their project for a good amount of money, but as it hadn't been his alone he needed to do something about it. The court would eat him up; there was no doubt about it. Leaving to join Adam and Elena after they wrapped up their interrogation, leaving the murderer in the room waiting for a police officer to take him into custody, Morgan felt a lightness in her chest. 

The past few days had felt like they had dragged on for an eternity and the thought of wrapping everything up and heading home made her feel almost giddy. Though the morning had promised nothing but more heartache, she had been able to talk everything out and was ending the day on a happier note.

"Morgan, you got a minute?" Pulling her out of her thoughts, Elena stopped her.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Some of us were thinking about heading to the bar next Friday, so I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join us?"

"Of course,” she replied with an easy smile. It sounded like a great way to unwind, especially after this case and everything that had happened. “I think I'll be able to wrangle myself away from the kids for a few hours."

"That's great," she responded, looking happy that Morgan had accepted the invitation. "Adam seems to be coming along as well."

Though she said it matter-of-factly before continuing on without her, the words were enough to stop Morgan on her tracks. Things were still somewhat awkward between them, but there was a ray of light coming through, and an evening at their usual spot among other coworkers would definitely heal things up. She would just have to take care that the relaxed mood would not backfire on what she had just started patching up.

The rest of the week passed by fairly uneventfully, passing on to another with more cases coming along their way but everything that was easier to work on now that simply coming to the precinct no longer made her feel nervous and anxious. Slowly but surely they found their beat again and the days turned back to normal; filled with easy jokes and a closeness that made her heart pick up in speed. It almost felt like she’d become even closer with Adam now than she’d been before.

Trying to keep her feelings under wraps became hard–harder than it had before. If it weren’t for her sharp memory, she could have believed herself to be imagining it or think of herself crazy with the way after clearing the air between them Adam had started to stand next to her more, stand closer to her than before, the physical contact between them increasing with small touches and trying to keep her out of harm’s way. 

He started asking for her opinions on things more, referring things to her more. It was like a dam had been opened and along with it came a flood of closeness that had not existed before. She couldn’t help but wonder why it was so, but would not question it even if it certainly was no good for her heart, for getting over her feelings towards him, for not fueling her hopes and desires. Her good mood didn’t go unnoticed at home either, with questioning glances thrown her way and questions asked if something had happened.

“Morgan,” Adam said during a break at work, making her look up at him after zoning out and thinking about their current case. The expression on his face was filled with uncertainty and nervousness, leaving her curious as to what he had on his mind. “Elena mentioned something about all of us gathering up at the bar this week–something about unwinding and enjoying the weekend off. Are you going?”

The question left her looking at him in surprise, her mouth open in an O shape, uncertain where it had come from. A beat passed by between them before she answered his question. “Oh. Yeah, I think I’ll be able to get the night off for myself and join. She did ask me before if I could.” 

The relief on his face was so fast and sudden and gone in an instant before being back to his neutral expression with a hint of a smile that it made her wonder if she’d imagined it. It made no sense in her brain for him to be relieved that she would be joining; this was something they’d done before a thousand times and was almost tradition for some of the officers and detectives to spend time at the bar almost every Friday.

“I’ll see you there, then.” He nodded in response and left towards the kitchenette. Watching him fill his coffee cup and head back to his computer, Morgan tried to wrap her head around what had just happened.

With the days passing by, she couldn’t help but think back on the conversation with both a sense of nervousness and anticipation for the upcoming Friday building up inside her. After being certain that she was the only one awake anymore during one evening after work, she sent a message to Daphne with a cry for help. She needed the reassurance that she wasn’t insane for feeling so, not when it was certainly just going to be a normal night out with her coworkers. Still something about the thought of Adam asking if she was going to be there as well made her chest tighten.

Though Daphne was happy to help, she was also just happy to hear more about her love life and the current tangle with Adam.

The night before Morgan took the time to meticulously go through her closet, spending time trying to figure out an outfit for the outing, trying different combinations and sending Daphne pictures, asking for her opinions before finally landing on something that she was happy with and matched her current nails.

That Friday had been reserved for office work, giving her ample time to overthink things; she wasn't needed at the precinct today. Her job as a consultant didn't include office work, even if she did enjoy helping whenever she could. Working together had become smoother through the weeks, but nothing seemed to erase the buzzing in her veins when they stood too close to each other and feeling like they had been caught doing something they shouldn't whenever someone approached.

Distracting herself, she ran errands and cleaned the house. Prepared dinner for Ava to throw in the oven and tell Elliot to watch. This isn't a date, nothing will be happening, he doesn't feel the same, she kept telling herself. There was no reason or rhyme in the way she was feeling. But she couldn't help it; the chance to see him relax, spending time off together and talking about anything but work, the excitement that she really couldn't help but feel for the night.

Arriving at the bar, she felt good about the night. Spotting Oz, Adam and a couple other coworkers, Morgan waved back at them, before dropping by the bar and ordering a beer. Chatting with people at the bar, she took a few sips from her bottle before wishing them a good evening and headed over to the table to join her friends.

"Morgan, hi," Oz greeted him immediately with a smile. 

“Evening, Morgan.” Adam nodded his greetings with a small smile of his own as well.

"Hi. How's Daphne doing? How are you guys?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that, considering the way her phone has buzzed endlessly throughout the week?" He only laughed in return. "But she's great, we're great. Not much longer to go. I offered her to come along, but she wanted to stay home instead."

"I remember feeling like that. Not much motivation to go out when your stomach weighs and your feet hurt."

"So she says." Taking a sip of her beer, Morgan couldn't help but smile at how happy he looked. She'd always rooted for the two and was happy that they had found each other and were now growing a family.

"Where's Elena? Couldn't make it after all?" She asked, changing the subject and looking around.

"Should be here soon, she's just running a bit late," standing next to her, Adam answered. "I'm going to go get a refill. You want one Oz? Anything for you Morgan?"

"Sure, thanks."

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

Her gaze drawn to his back retreating, watching the broad shoulders accompanying the muscular arms that were pressing against the fabric of the sleeves of his dress shirt, she felt almost hypnotized. Tearing away her gaze out of respect for his feelings, she was faced with Oz having a grin wide on his face.

"You've been listening to Daphne too much," she retorted, a blank look on her face. It had only been a couple weeks, and though they had grown closer than before, she was just grateful to be able to work with Adam again. Things had finally returned back to normal after almost being destroyed. It had been too close, she had almost lost him completely, and didn’t want to risk anything.

"I didn't say anything," he only responded.

Morgan only scoffed with a roll of her eyes and took a long sip from her bottle. Turning back to look if Adam was coming back from the bar, she spotted him with a bottle in his hand and turned to face Elena who seemingly had just arrived. Just looking at them together Morgan felt like she was intruding by looking at them standing so close to each other with their shoulders almost touching, she couldn't tear her gaze away. Adam looked relaxed in her presence. 

Though she couldn't hear anything that was actually being said due to the distance from the bar to their table and the general buzz of the bar on a Friday night, she could see Elena say something and Adam laugh in response freely and openly.

Suddenly everything clicked together.

What he had been trying to say that Saturday morning, the reason he had rejected her and felt uncomfortable working with her and being close to her after they'd slept together. How he and Elena always stuck together, worked together, and even spent almost all their breaks together. The answer to all of it was so obvious a part of her couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't noticed it before, while another part of her understood that it was due to not having wanted to see the truth. Adam liked Elena. Thinking back on the question Elena had asked of her while they had been driving back to the precinct, Morgan knew that the feeling was mutual.

It made sense, really. Elena was the opposite of her in every single way, and they'd clicked immediately already on day one when he had been tasked with showing her the ropes, while he'd been nothing but hostile towards her until she finally had proved her worth, and even then it had taken her time and hard work to get where she was in their partnership.

He and Elena both shared a structured, professional rhythm, their communication was efficient with none of the chaos and friction that she brought into their work and Elena validated his way of working instead of challenging it. Elena was careful and logical, where she was anything but. Even the way they dressed were complete opposites.

For the second time Morgan could feel her heart break. Feeling completely rooted on the spot, she couldn't help but look at the two talking and laughing, unable to look away even if the hurt was overwhelming. She couldn't believe she'd ever been as foolish as to think that he could actually like her. They were partners, coworkers, and nothing else. Nothing more. They never could be.

"Morgan," she could hear Oz say, making her finally look away. He had a sympathetic look on his face that she hated. It was like he could read her thoughts.

"I— I have to go."

"Morgan, wait," he responded, trying to get her to stop.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine," she said, feeling shaky. "If anyone asks, just say that the babysitter canceled."

Grabbing her bag, she walked out briskly, circling around to avoid the bar counter, feeling like a fool. He'd only been nice to her, comforted her, had also been in need of physical contact and comfort after the case they'd had and she'd only been at the right place at the right time. He’d told her that. She’d been there when he’d said it right to her face, and she’d still ignored it. If she hadn't been there he probably would have called Elena.

Sunday passed both in what had felt like an eternity and the blink of an eye. Waking up, Morgan swore to herself that she wouldn’t be drinking to her heartache again in the future–at least not so much or when she was the sole party drinking and wouldn’t have anyone to lament with the next day.

Deciding to stay off her phone (for her own good, she tried to rationalize it), the itch to check it ran underneath her skin, the almost delusional hope to check that she hadn’t been alone in her want to text him last night, to make sure that they were going to be okay. So she instead distracted herself with household chores, thoroughly cleaning the apartment and preparing food for the week ahead, while also mentally preparing for it, almost believing the day to be just another Sunday with nothing unusual having happened during the weekend.

When the unmistakable ding of a text message came through, Morgan could feel her heartbeat pick up with hope as she abandoned everything she was working on to pick up her phone and check the message. Seeing the message being from Ludo instead telling her that they would be heading back from their trip now, she didn’t know how to feel aside from disappointment. She could almost hear Adam say to her again how it had meant nothing. Forcing herself to think about what mattered instead, she opened the pictures she’d been sent and smiled. She still had her family.

Going through her usual routines, she kept herself busy. Listening to the kids telling her about the trip they’d taken with Ludo at the end of the day after they had returned home, she smiled and made them something small to eat. It was easy, even if her heart still felt heavy. She could get through this.

However on Monday morning she was forced to come to terms with her car still being at the precinct. Ludo arrived, noting the missing car and though his offer to drive her to work after explaining that the car was there after getting a ride on Friday and that it was fine was certainly tempting, she also knew that there was no way that Adam Karadec would ever leave her figuring out her own ride when she was unable to use her own car. Especially since it was in part due to his fault.

A small nagging anxiety pooled low in her stomach as she thought about it. She couldn’t wait until she was on the clock to face him again, but instead was forced to do it a good deal earlier. That combined with the knowledge of having to ride with him to work left her stomach churning uncomfortably. She almost wished she could take Ludo’s offer instead and get him to drive her to work.

Her dilemma was interrupted by a knock on the front door that made her stomach fall through the floor to the lowest circle of hell.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out to calm down her nerves, she opened the door and was immediately betrayed by her heartbeat picking up at the sight of Adam along with her brain helpfully reminding her what it felt like to have his soft lips and calloused hands all over her bare skin. She wanted the ground to open up beneath her feet and swallow her within. She wanted to grab him by the lapels of his stupid dress shirt and kiss his brains out, no matter who was watching. Neither of the options were viable and she felt frozen on the spot. For the millionth time she wished that things were different, that this was not her life.

"Good morning, Morgan."

Standing awkwardly in the doorway and greeting her, she couldn’t help but stare as she felt all of her mental strength that she had tried to gather up the past two days crumble away into dust. He looked tired–more so than she’d ever witnessed before, even after tough cases and sleepless nights. She couldn’t help but wonder why that was, and couldn’t help but wish he didn’t look like so. It made not being able to bring it up, to talk freely, even worse. Her heart ached at the sight of him.

"Morning," gathering up all the willpower within her she responded and tried her best to muster up a normal looking smile.

"I, uh, came to drive you to work. Since your car is at the precinct."

"Of course. Yeah, let me just grab my things and then we can go."

Turning back around, she went to say her byes to Ludo and the kids and reminded them to eat their breakfasts, before grabbing her coat and bag and followed Adam outside. With the sun already shining high in the sky the morning was comfortably warm, promising a no doubt sweltering afternoon. Still she had trouble focusing on anything except the churning of her empty stomach at the thought of the upcoming car ride with a man who had in no unclear terms told her that he didn’t feel the same. She felt like throwing up.

The silence in the car was thick and awkward, perhaps in part brought on by her own nervousness. For several minutes the only thing that broke the silence was the sound of the engine and the turn signal. Even when he had wanted nothing to do with her due to her not being an officer or a detective in the very beginning of their relationship it hadn’t been like this.

Keeping her eyes on the road ahead of them, she tried not to stare and make the silence even more awkward. Still she couldn’t help but sneak glances at his way, trying to figure out what he was thinking. But Adam simply kept his focus on the drive to the precinct. 

“About Friday…” She started, not entirely sure where she was going with it. Something had to be said–anything to make the drive not so suffocating. Still, she could see the way his jaw tightened ever so slightly.

“You don’t have to explain.”

She frowned at the response. “I wasn’t going to.”

It earned a quick glance her way before his attention turned back to the traffic while another stretch of silence settled between them. She hated it and wished from the bottom of her heart that the Friday night between them had never happened, that things would be back to normal like how they had been before they had fumbled everything.

“I just—” She started and let out a sigh, unsure of how to bring to words everything she was feeling. “I just wanted to ask if we’re really okay.”

Stopping at red lights, it was enough time for Adam to really turn to look at her for the first time during the entire drive. Something flashed through his face–hurt maybe, but she refused that to be true.

“Yes. Of course.” He started, saying it matter-of-factly. “What happened doesn’t have to mean anything, and we can still work together. I just–”

With the light turning green, Adam turned his focus back on the road ahead, falling silent again and not finishing what he had been about to say.

“You just what?” Morgan asked and wanted to scream. Everything was going completely wrong. 

Adam looked at her way quickly, seemingly thinking about how to answer her question, how to finish what he had started to say. He opened his mouth briefly to speak up, to answer her, but the moment was broken by the radio on the dashboard crackling to life with a call to work. Possible unattended death of an adult male in an apartment complex with detectives being requested on scene.

She watched as he picked up the radio, the awkward conversation being replaced with a professional routine. Flicking on the lights, he turned at the next intersection and started accelerating. Watching him for a moment longer, she fastened her seatbelt a little tighter before turning her gaze away. The rest of the ride passed on in silence.

Eventually arriving at the parking space of a modern apartment building in downtown LA after what had felt like hours, Morgan stepped out of the car with her hands clammy from the tangible tension that had filled the car, simply grateful to be outside. Breathing in the fresh air, though she felt better just being outside, the talk they’d had in the car sat heavily with her. Not for the first time she wished she knew what he was thinking. 

Following Adam, they made their way towards patrol cars and up the elevator to an expensive looking apartment. She whistled at the sight of it. "The rent here must be insane."

The building itself had already looked fairly new from the outside already, and the apartment of their victim was rather spacious and clean looking. Stopping to stand a slight distance away from Adam, unable to bear even the thought of standing next to him like usual, she listened to the officer tell them about what had so far been discovered in the crime scene. 

A man in his mid 30s had been found dead by his desk, with the apartment having been locked with no signs of struggle or a forced entry that made the death look more like a medical event. Humming in consideration, she detached herself from Adam, determined to put even more distance between them as she made her way to where the body had been found.

Looking around, she could see some details that seemed off to her; a faint chemical smell seemed to linger around the office space, almost unnoticeable anymore, a package in the trash that looked to be a fresh delivery, a completely untouched glass of water on the desk. Everything about the surroundings looked too perfect to be normal, leaving her suspicious about it being simply a medical event.

"What are you seeing?"

Her skin prickling at the closeness, something that had been normal just days before, Morgan had to clear her throat before she found the voice to actually relay her thoughts and theories about the crime scene. She hadn't usually minded his close proximity, barely even noticing it with how used to it she was, but now it felt as if he emitted a sort of radiation that only she could feel.

"Wouldn't it more likely be just an overdose of something?" he questioned after listening to her.

"No way," she replied with a frown, feeling itchy in her own skin. "This was definitely set up in advance."

"You know people die in locked rooms all the time," Adam shot back at her. His tone wasn't even annoyed or mad which made it all just so much worse for her. "This seems fairly simple."

"Not like this—this isn't a suicide or a random heart attack."

"Morgan…" He said, as if she was making a huge deal out of nothing. Like she was the one who was overreacting here.

Noticing the people around them having turned to look at them argue, Morgan turned on her heels and walked away before there was even more of a reason for people to gossip. Walking away from the scene seemed the smartest thing to do, but she hated it. She hated how just a few days ago there would have been no argument, how they would have seen eye-to-eye and been able to communicate about her thoughts properly. Still, they would need to wait for a tox screen and the coroner's autopsy report on the body before anything could be done about it either way.

Stepping out into the hallway she leaned her head back against the cool wall and sighed. Everything was going wrong. They'd both agreed to not let their night together ruin their partnership at work, insisted in the car that everything between them was fine, and yet here she was going back on her word and almost blowing up at Adam simply for not agreeing with him.

She needed to get herself together. Things were tense between them but she didn't want to lose him. Even if all she could get was his friendship and their weird partnership at work, then she would be happy with it. Anything she could get, anything he would be willing to give.

"That was rough," a voice commented, interrupting her thoughts. 

After Daphne had left for her maternity leave, they’d needed to fill up the spot of the missing detective, and Soto had ended up hiring Elena Voss. A former intelligence agent who had risen through the ranks through discipline and consistency. She had sharp, angular features with dark hair that she had tied up neatly. Wearing tailored suits and muted color tones, her clothing already signaled efficiency and authority with zero chaos. Elena was professional and polished, reminding her of Adam in many ways.

It had taken her a while to be entirely comfortable with Elena, but Morgan was happy to have her around. She hadn’t joined their team not that long ago yet, but they worked together well enough and she seemed to fit into their mismatched team. She seemed to hold a sort of respect for the mess that was her brain, already making it easier to work together when she wasn’t being dismissed for not being an officer or a detective like the rest of them were.

Turning her head, she saw Elena leaning against the wall next to her and giving a comforting smile. “Are you alright?”

“Just having an extremely shitty day,” Morgan answered. “I really shouldn’t have snapped at him like that.”

“I can see that,” Elena said, making her cringe. She hated the thought that it was that obvious to other people how badly they were doing. They were supposed to be okay–and yet they weren’t. Even thinking back on how badly the car ride here had gone made her cringe.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay, I just… Need some coffee, I guess.” She’d been too nervous to even eat anything that morning, and even the thought of coffee had made her jittery earlier. But pouring all her heartache on someone who wasn’t any part of it wasn’t something she would do. 

Still a small part of her held hope that this was just the nervousness of their first day back to working together. They simply didn't know how to act around each other, but surely they would find their beat again after some misfires.

“If you want you can catch a ride with me back to the precinct and we can stop by somewhere on the way. I was thinking of getting a cup of something other than the precinct coffee anyways.”

If there was a God above, she thanked it for sparing her from another awkward drive together back to the precinct. She really didn’t think she could handle that. “Please.”

Watching Elena smile in return, her heart felt lighter already. It was easy to talk to her–even if she reminded her of Adam in her own way. Perhaps the similarity in their personalities was what made it easy after having worked with him for so long. As officers started to leave the room, they were pulled out of their conversation. Judging by the noises coming from inside the room and hearing a familiar pair of footsteps approach them, also leaving the room, it seemed that the initial investigations were starting to wrap up at the scene. 

As Adam stepped out he stopped in front of them, giving them a curious look before speaking up. “We're wrapping up here. Are you ready to go?”

“Actually,” she started, feeling sheepish. “I'm hitching a ride with Elena here if that's alright. There's a pitstop we both need to make on the way to the precinct.”

As she spoke she could see the curiosity turn into confusion and perhaps disappointment before schooling his face into a neutral one. For a while it looked like he wanted to ask something from her before seemingly deciding against it. So he simply just nodded in response.

“I'll see you both at the precinct,” he said before walking off.

A twinge of sadness twisted at her heart as she watched him go, but also a sense of relief washed over her as she thought back on the drive here.

“Ready to go?” Elena asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

“Yeah.” Her gaze fixated on the space that Adam had just occupied, she answered before turning to give a smile in return. Whatever happened, at least she wouldn't be alone.

Arriving at the precinct, she walked in to see Oz and Adam writing down things about their case, starting to build up the board. Dropping by her desk to take off her jacket, she noticed that her bag had arrived there after forgetting it in Adam’s car earlier. The thought of him being considerate like that made her smile. With a cup of coffee, a pastry and the company of someone who wasn’t part of the mess that was her current love life, her day was already turning out better.

At least until Oz walked up to her desk, seeing her smile to herself.

“A little bird told me there was some lovers’ quarrel at the case scene.”

Morgan groaned in response, starting to regret coming to work today. If even Oz had heard about it, and in such terms then she was well and truly doomed. Maybe it would be better if she just went home already.

“Hardly,” she responded.

She could see him eye up after the response, trying to figure out how her day so far had gone after having to ride in with Adam. Taking on a more sympathetic expression, he seemed to figure out that it hadn’t gone as well as he had hoped.

“Did you talk with him?” He asked.

“A little,” she started and cringed at the memory of their conversation in the car. “It didn’t exactly go well and the rest of the ride was super awkward.”

They’d definitely need to finish the conversation, to talk through things properly, but she wasn’t entirely sure how to go about it. Oz looked at her with his brows furrowed and a question clear on his mind, but was willing to drop the subject as she continued to talk about Daphne instead.

"But never mind that. Shouldn't you be more worried for Daphne instead of whatever’s going on between us?"

"There's still a few more weeks to go and she's already made me prepare for every possible scenario," Oz laughed in return, leaving her feeling more calm as well by proxy.

"That sounds like her," she smiled, being reminded of her own previous pregnancies. Ludo had still been more freaked out than she had been by the time she was expecting Chloe. She was glad that those days were behind her–in more ways than one. She and Ludo never were that compatible despite having two kids together.

“Break time’s over,” Adam called out, having turned away from the case board. “Get back here, both of you.”

Looking at each other sheepishly, Morgan walked away first to stand next to Adam, trying her best to keep her attention fully on the board in front of her.

 Feeling his eyes on her made a feeling of static run down her spine. She'd already been rejected once and she needed to keep her feelings in check, but sometimes—especially now after they had spent a night together, she just wanted to reach out and kiss the frown away. It didn't help that now she had first-hand knowledge on how it felt to have his lips on hers. Keep it together, Morgan. She needed to snap out of it, and start getting over him.

Still she couldn't help but be completely attuned to everything about him—his every movement, the way his brows furrowed slightly as he was thinking, the way his fingers tapped against his thigh when he was faced with a problem, a puzzle of the crime that was missing a piece needed to fit in so he could see the whole picture and move forward with a clue. Adam Karadec was a radio station that she had fine-tuned herself to over time and she wasn’t sure how to stop, how to tune out.

While she’d been talking with Oz, Elena had been working to find out about any relatives and friends that they could be reaching out about the death of their victim. Coming back to join the rest of them by the board, she forced her mind to stop wandering elsewhere and actually focus on the case they were working on. Picking up the marker, she started scribbling the names and details of everyone on the board. An ex-girlfriend and a former coworker from a tech company that he worked for who was also a good friend of his. No family.

They would have to wait for the coroner's report, but the line forward was clear: talking to the two people who had been close with their victim. Though she knew that Adam was not fully on board with the murder part just yet, something about the whole case just made her doubt that their victim had died from something as simple as an overdose or a sudden medical event.

"I'll call them in, see what they can tell us," Adam said.

"I know you don't think it's murder, but thank you. I just don't think everything about this is as it seems."

"I trust you Morgan. I trust your instincts, and if you say there's something off about it then I'll investigate," Adam said simply and matter-of-factly before turning to Elena. "You can talk to the coworker, I'll take the ex-girlfriend."

Even when the work continued, Morgan was left reeling. Her mind was spinning in circles and her heart thumped in her chest like a jackhammer just from the trust he held for her and the gentle tone of his voice while he said so. It had been completely different from how he had talked to her that morning, something that was so close to normal. 

Walking to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face just to calm herself down, she could see out of the corner of her eye Oz pulling out his phone, no doubt to send a message to Daphne and fill her in on what had just happened. He seemed to be playing the part of a perfect husband who forwarded all the gossip she was missing out on—mainly about the situation between her and Adam.

Taking the time spent waiting for the friends and family of their victim, Morgan returned to go through the evidence again, starting with the photographs that had been taken. The apartment told a story and it would be a way to learn about their victim and get them one step closer to finding out the truth behind it all.

Looking at everything but the body, she started noticing things. Shoes that lined up perfectly, his keyboard and mouse aligned, bills filed neatly; their victim was extremely organized. Being aware of this made the package being thrown to trash and a faint circular mark on the wood like something had been there before strange. She frowned at the thought; there was something going on that didn’t fit the ‘died of a medical event’ suspicion.

Losing herself into work helped. Having something to do, something that made a difference helped. Still, going through the pictures from the apartment made her lose all track of time. She could hear people starting to get up to leave for lunch and taking breaks. Even from across her desk, she could see Adam get up from the corner of her eye.

“Still trying to make it into a homicide?” he asked after walking over to her desk and taking a look at what she was working on.

“I’m trying to understand,” she responded, not looking up and decidingly ignoring the way her heartbeat picked up at their close proximity.

“The victim?”

“The room.”

Feeling his eyes on her and almost hearing the question in the silence that followed her answer, Morgan tapped the photos she was staring at and continued. “A room reflects the person who lives in it. If I can understand how he lived, then I might come to understand the circumstances of his death.”

Only humming in response, not giving any proper answer, he walked away–no doubt to go get lunch away from the precinct. She briefly wondered if he was placing distance between them; but also she would not blame him for doing so. They would both need the time and distance to move on. She sighed, trying to focus back on the photos, but finding herself unable to do so. Instead, she followed suit and went to get herself lunch, thankful to have access to her car again.

Coming back to the precinct a good hour later, feeling more calm and prepared for the rest of the day, she was surprised to see Adam and Elena going through the same photographs that she’d gone through earlier. He had said that he trusted her instinct; perhaps she’d been able to open his mind more about the case. She smiled at the thought as she walked over to the case board.

As the only two people they knew of to be connected to their victim appeared, Morgan watched from a distance with either Oz or Selena as they were told the news. She didn’t care to be a part of this process, not enjoying watching people break down after being told that their loved one was dead. But they still could give them useful information; did their suspect have any quarrels with other people, who could have had access to the apartment, did anything strange happen before he died? 

The girlfriend had broken up with their victim recently and still had access to the apartment. Arguments would be motive enough, but it would perhaps be even too obvious. The friend, however, had been working on some bigger project with their victim. An argument came up over stolen code, but he didn’t seem to have any access to the apartment and had an alibi for the day which the ex-girlfriend didn’t.

There was still something that she was certain she was missing, something related to the case that would make the puzzle start to make more sense. They would have to wait for the coroner’s report before anything could really be done about it. Sitting down by her own desk with a frustrated sigh, the feeling of wrongness gnawed at her as she stared at the case board from an entirely wrong angle. 

By now she usually sat on Adam's desk, discussed theories with him and listened to his usual grumbling about having demanded her own desk and not using it for anything other than storage space for her own things and case files. Yet now she was stuck sitting in a chair that felt almost unfamiliar and uncomfortable underneath her, forced to watch Adam and Elena go through their respective talks with the people who had been close to the victim, sharing their thoughts and findings, while filling up the board with ease and in complete sync.

The sight of it left a feeling deep inside of her that she couldn't—refused to name.

With a frown she stood up. Since the case was waiting for the report, Morgan decided to call it a day before she said something she shouldn't. Work would be waiting for her the next day, and whatever was left to salvage from the partnership, the friendship she and Adam had, it would need the breathing room that she needed to give. Tomorrow would be better, she told herself.

Saying her byes, she had half a mind to drive over and go see Daphne again to cry out her feelings, but decided against it in the end. It was late enough into the day and she would be needed at home, nor was she sure that doing so was actually the best option. What she really needed to do was focus on her life outside anything work or Adam related. So she simply just walked over to Oz and told him to say hi to his wife for her. 

As she stuck around a bit longer than she meant to, talking to him about Daphne’s wellbeing, she could almost feel a prickly feeling on her back from someone looking at her, but refused to turn around to see who it was. If she didn't look back, didn't see Adam looking at her, then she could still stitch her heart back together and move on. If she turned around and saw that it was Elena or someone else curious about what they were talking about, she would feel even worse.

Detaching herself from the passenger side window on the backseat that she had been leaning her head on during most of the drive, Morgan thanked the driver as she paid for the ride and got out. If she'd already shed a few tears by the time she showed up at the Forrester-Ozdil doorstep, then at least she knew that she wouldn't be judged for it here. Ringing the doorbell, she came face-to-face with Oz opening the door giving him a sympathetic smile in lieu of greetings.

"Hey, Morgan. Daph told me that you're coming over. You feeling okay?" He asked, giving her a worried look after giving her a look-over. She was probably a miserable sight with puffy, red eyes from crying and wearing crumpled clothes she knew he’d seen her in the day before at work. To think that just a few hours earlier she was feeling wonderful and completely rested.

"Do I look that bad?” She asked, despite already knowing the answer just by looking at his face.

“You look pretty bad,” he answered with a sympathetic smile. She let out a laugh in response, one that was lacking any real joy behind it. Opening the door fully, he stepped aside. “Come on in. Daphne’s waiting for you in the living room already.

Thanking him, Morgan walked in to find a heavily pregnant Daphne on the couch with a bottle of wine along with a glass and some napkins next to her on a low table seemingly prepared just for her arrival after the SOS message. Morgan couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Nearly crashing down on the couch next to Daphne, she leaned her head on Daphne’s shoulder with a sigh. After the disastrous start to the day she’d had so far, she was glad to have someone to come to that she could just cry out her feelings to and seek comfort with.

"You're looking bigger by the day." Morgan joked, slightly patting the round stomach.

"Tell me about it," she huffed in return, bringing her own hands on top of her stomach as well. "I sure feel like it as well. Wouldn't mind getting him out already."

"I remember how that felt," Morgan said, giving a sympathetic smile in return. It wasn't too long ago that she was in the same situation with Ludo back when she’d been expecting Chloe. After that she’d decided that three children were enough. Their rocky relationship had also ended soon after, with both of them deciding that they simply weren’t compatible enough–though that seemed to be the theme for all of her romantic endeavors. Maybe she simply wasn’t meant to experience romantic love and relationships. "Not too much longer anymore, right?"

"Just a few more weeks if everything goes right and he comes out on time."

"I'm sure it will, you've got nothing to worry about."

Leaning more towards Daphne, she felt a comforting arm wrap around her shoulders, making her let out a content sigh.. If she only closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment for what it was she could almost forget everything that had just happened. She could imagine that she'd only taken advantage of her day off from work and kids to come check up on Daphne and spend some quality time with her and Oz before their whole world would change.

Expecting their first child, Morgan was incredibly happy for them. She'd gladly been there to support the two in whatever they had needed, answering whatever questions they had. Already having three children she knew some tips and tricks that would help both parents with what was to come, and she would definitely be there to help from the very beginning, remembering how taxing everything was early on with little to no sleep.

"Alright," Daphne said, breaking the moment of calm and bringing her back to the cruel reality that had brought her here in the first place. "Spill. What happened?"

She groaned in response, wanting to escape back to the fantasy world where she was here only to provide support and have fun before they would have to put all their focus on their family for a while. Pulling herself away from the comfortable illusion and Daphne’s comforting touch, Morgan grabbed the bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. She was going to need plenty of that if she was going to talk about what had happened.

"I slept with him," she eventually confessed after taking a gulp and then another. Liquid courage. If she was going to recount everything that had happened, to think about the way he had looked at her when he’d told her that none of it meant anything, she was going to need plenty of it.

"Adam?"

"Bingo."

"So why are you here instead of enjoying your honeymoon at his place?"

She could see Daphne trying to figure it out, her brows furrowing as she stared at her. Morgan let out a bitter laugh in return before drinking more from her glass. Even to her everything still felt surreal. She’d been so sure of it the night before when she’d fallen asleep in his arms or when she’d woken up that morning in his bed that there still was a sense of disconnect from her fantasy to the reality where she had been rejected by him. She should still be at his place, probably enjoying another round of great sex before eating reheated leftovers that he had ordered for both of them the night before, but instead she was at the Forrester-Ozdil household drinking through a bottle of wine and crying to Daphne about her rejection.

"He doesn't feel the same."

Letting her gaze drop to the glass she was holding, the answer was as simple as that. It was what she would have to keep reminding herself so she could eventually start the process of getting over him so they could continue working together and maybe even some day hopefully continue being friends.

"Wait, hold on. Just back up and tell me everything."

Setting the glass back down on the low table, Morgan leaned back on the couch, taking a more comfortable position before starting to recount everything. Unsure of how much Oz had told her about the case they’d been working on for the past couple weeks, she started from the very beginning. 

“We ended up with a real shitty case at work that we worked on for a couple weeks, a seemingly family where the guy murdered his wife and pretended it was a break-in. I helped interview the kids and it turns out their dad was the one at fault. Real shitty case. We finally cracked the case and got the guy arrested yesterday, except Ludo has the kids for the weekend so Adam offered that I could stay with him instead of having to go home alone. He ordered takeout, one thing led to another and instead of sleeping on his pull-out couch he took me to bed and we ended up having sex.”

Doing her best to keep her voice neutral, Morgan distracted herself by fiddling with her ring. 

"Morning came and after breakfast he brought it up, wanted to talk about the night before, but ended up freaking out about it so I picked up my stuff and left. And here I am. After being told that it meant nothing and that it was just a moment of intimacy and seeking comfort after an extremely shitty case."

Months ago when she’d finally noticed her own feelings towards Adam, she’d come to Daphne to tell her about it, to freak out about it and to help herself come to terms with it. Daphne had already told her then to talk to him about it and confess to him, certain that he would feel the same. But she'd worked hard to prove herself to him and everyone else and had slowly built a partnership with him based on mutual trust. They’d eventually even become friends over time, close friends, and she hadn’t wanted to jeopardize everything just because she had ended up developing a workplace crush on her partner. 

So despite all of the encouragement she had received from Daphne to act on her feelings, to tell him how she felt, she never had, and she never should have. She should have known better than that; a workplace romance could never end well.

"Morgan…" Daphne started, her tone of voice already sounding pitiful. 

Though she didn’t want to be a pity case for anyone, least of all to her friend, she couldn’t help the tears that were burning at the corners of her eyes threatening to surface again from the sympathy that she was being given. Against all logic and her own decisions to not do anything about it in fear of ruining everything she’d ended up giving them a chance. Giving love a chance had ended up being a mistake again. 

"I blew it," her voice wavering, she let her gaze drop down to her hands on her lap that she kept fiddling. Regret filled her up. Had she followed reason and either denied his offer and gone home or slept in a separate room none of this would have happened. "We had a good thing going, but he doesn’t feel the same and now it’s all ruined. How am I supposed to continue working with him now? To face him at work?”

"Hey, no. I'm sure there's just some misunderstanding here."

"He was very clear in telling me that it was just one night, that we both just needed to feel something and that it doesn’t impact us in any way.”

If there was one thing she had full clarity on, it was that she was alone in her feelings for him. Watching him stand by the kitchen island, telling her that it didn’t mean anything was not a sight she would be forgetting anytime soon.

"Have to say that I'm with Daph on this matter—there's probably some huge misunderstanding going on," Oz said, appearing on the doorway. With a jacket on, he gave the two a gentle smile, trying to give his own guidance on the emotional mess that she was going through. "I'm going out for a bit. You guys need anything? Anything for our little man?"

"No, I think we're good for now. I'll text you if anything's needed," Daphne responded with a gentle tone and a wide smile. Their marriage was picture perfect, and they fit together perfectly–they were even expecting their first child. Morgan had to avert her eyes as Oz walked over to give Daphne a kiss. She loved her friends and was incredibly happy for them, but could not handle watching their perfectly happy relationship after her earlier rejection.

"Talk to him, Morgan. The man can be dense as hell at times, but I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad. Hell, he practically spends half the time at the precinct just making moon-eyes at you," he continued the previous topic after detaching himself from his wife. It was almost sickening at times how sweet they were with each other.

"I think he made his feelings quite clear just this morning actually," she replied, shooting down the idea. She had been made fully aware of how he felt towards her, and certainly did not feel the need to dig that wound any deeper just to hear him say again how having sex meant nothing, how he didn't feel the same and how they were better off as partners at work. If he would even want to stay partners anymore.

With a groan she laid her head back down on Daphne's shoulder as she thought about the upcoming Monday. "How will we be able to even work together?" She couldn't even imagine having to face him—working with him in close quarters, driving to places together, trying to solve a case together. Everything that had once been completely normal was now completely out of the question.

"I doubt he'll kick you out of the team just because you two had a falling out," Daphne said in response while also shooing Oz away. Morgan smiled slightly at the sight of him backing away and going out to whatever business he had planned.

A hidden desire, a distant hope that she had held onto secretly but pushed down time and time again came back to her in full force as she had watched her friends continue to be completely enamored with each other. One where she could have a relationship like theirs, imagining herself having one with Adam. It was nothing more than a wistful thought, but it made her heart hurt even more this time around as the tears that she had been able to hold back threatened to surface again.

"Yeah, probably not. His moral code wouldn't allow it anyways," she sniffled against Daphne’s shoulder, hating how well she knew that he would be kind and respectful to her even after the mistake of their night together.

"Everything will work out, I'm sure of it," Daphne comforted while rubbing her arm. "Just talk to him okay? He's probably just giving you some space."

Of course Daphne was right, she knew that, but that didn't mean that she wanted to hear it right now. She didn't want to even think about the possibility of it all being a huge misunderstanding, not when her heart was broken from the way he'd looked at her, how he'd told her that it didn't mean anything. If she was any younger and didn’t have children she probably would be calling in sick on Monday. Just the thought of having to face him at work made her stomach churn.

Her head snapped up at the thought. In her sorrows and anxiety about having to face Adam again at work on Monday, she’d forgotten about one crucial thing.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“My car,” Morgan continued, leaving Daphne furrowing her brows and looking at her in confusion. “It’s still at the precinct after Adam drove us to his place yesterday. I took an Uber here.”

She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten about that. She wouldn’t be driving to work and meeting him there, but instead he would have to come pick her up. The thought made her groan as she buried her face in her hands. Having to face him again first thing on Monday morning and driving to the precinct sounded like her own ninth circle of hell.

“Okay, that changes things.” Daphne said after getting over the shock, still her being there reminded her of one crucial thing.

“Is Oz working on Monday?” Morgan asked, turning to look back up at Daphne with some hope in her heart. She could just get a ride with him instead–that way she could just avoid the awkward car ride back to the precinct. They would have to meet eventually, but not being forced to have it happen first thing in the morning would let her prepare for it more emotionally.

“I think so,” Daphne responded, thinking about her husband’s schedule. “Though I think he’s heading in a bit later.”

Morgan groaned at the response, the small hope that she had held being crushed. It would have been too easy to get a ride from someone else. Though she supposed she could always catch the bus or ask for a ride from Ludo. Taking the glass of wine from the low table she’d set it on earlier, she took another sip from it. At least she could drown her sorrows.

“Hey, I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’ve been friends for so long that it’ll just be a bit awkward at first, but you’ll get back to your usual speed in no time. He’s probably currently trying to think about how to make it work as well.”

Something about the gentle tone on Daphne’s voice actually ignited a small spark of hope in her chest. Daphne was right; they’d been working together for quite some time now. They would just have to find their beat again. She’d proven herself and earned his respect back when he had wanted nothing to do with her–they could get through this.

"Okay, that’s enough of that," Daphne said and took out the remote, opening the TV to turn the conversation away from the heavy topic of the rejection she’d experienced. "The Real Housewives or 27 Dresses?"

This was exactly why they were such great friends—Daphne knew exactly what she needed right now, even better than she did herself. "I could kiss you right now."

"Knowing where your mouth has been in the last 24 hours, I'll pass on that," Daphne only laughed in return, drawing out a snort from her and immediately lightening the mood.

Taking a more comfortable position on the couch next to Daphne, she stuck close enough, drawing comfort from the physical contact. Taking a sip from her glass, she watched as a new episode of The Real Housewives was turned on. It was ridiculous enough and filled with plenty of impossible drama, leaving her completely hooked—watching and criticizing the characters and their plotlines in the company of someone so like-minded only enhanced the experience.

Enjoying the bottle of wine along with the great company and the warmth of the Forrester-Ozdil household, Morgan allowed herself the day to mourn what could have been, cry out her feelings and not stress about how she would face Adam again on Monday morning before she would have to get herself together the next day and be a responsible adult capable of taking care of her children.

Staying on the couch, watching trashy TV and relaying forward all the work related gossip that Daphne had been missing out on since starting her maternity leave, Morgan found a great comfort in simply enjoying their day together doing nothing that involved her taking responsibility in the lives of other human beings. She was simply able to be herself and wallow in her feelings, making her feel like she was back to being young and irresponsible again and not someone who had to have everything together and be responsible for the lives of three other human beings.

Later in the day they called Oz together after a text message he sent asking if he should bring anything with him as he was returning home, the mood between them light and joyful and only added on by the wine that she had been drinking. Telling him to pick up food with him as he was coming back, all of her worries seemed to wash away. 

Staring in amazement as he came back with insane amounts of takeout, the shock quickly morphed into spouts of laughter as he kept placing boxes and boxes of food on the table. Enough to feed an army, they joked as he kept filling the table with what seemed to be an endless amount of takeout boxes. He’d skipped their usual Chinese in favor of bringing food from various other places–something which Morgan was grateful for.

"You should be grateful for the way I'm actually spoiling you guys," Oz only huffed in return, though the grin on his face was wide. He’d done it only to lift the mood and keep it light like it always was with the three of them–sometimes with the four of them whenever Adam was able to join them. "I'm pretty sure the people working thought I was insane."

Morgan laughed, being able to imagine the looks he’d gotten from those poor, young, minimal wage workers as he’d ordered one of everything while Daphne comforted her husband, bringing Oz in for a short kiss. "You were very brave for daring to order the entire menu at every restaurant."

"Must have been very difficult," Morgan chimed in with a grin, making Oz roll his eyes in return to their teasing.

By the end of the day they had been able to eat most of the food and swear off take-out for a good while. Simply enjoying the day together, eating and watching TV, it was easy for Morgan to put everything that had happened behind and forget that she was there for any other reason than simply spending time with her friends before they would become too busy with a child. 

Of course she was simply delaying the inevitable, she knew that, but by the end of the day she had a lighter heart and more confidence in being able to face Adam again come Monday morning. Everything might not be normal for a while, it would definitely take her time to heal and start getting over him as they worked towards a new normal, but it was going to be alright.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for the night?" Daphne asked as she watched her put her coat on. The sun had long since set, and she had ended up staying a lot longer than she had originally planned on. "You don't have to spend the night alone."

"No, it's alright," Morgan responded with a reassuring smile. Her heart wasn't feeling as heavy as it had that morning when she had arrived and the smile came out easily now.

"You know we won't mind if you don't want to be alone. Oz can set up the guest room for you."

"Really, I'll be alright," she laughed. "I'm a big girl. I can spend a night just by myself."

Though the offer had certainly been tempting, she needed to start facing reality and prepare for Monday. It would be too easy to ignore the world outside and spend more time with Daphne, but she really did need to get some things done before her children would return back home the next day. Still she pulled Daphne to a comforting embrace. "I just need to be alone for a while and think things through. And I definitely need a shower and some fresh clothes."

"Alright. Text me if you need anything though, or call Oz if I don't respond."

"I will, don't worry."

Detangling herself from Daphne, she waved bye to Oz as well who was standing a short distance away, looking at the two. Morgan was certain that they were both going to be excellent parents no matter what would happen, and was just as excited to meet the new member of the household.

Walking outside she took in a deep breath of the cool evening air, already feeling better than she had that morning. In that moment it truly felt that everything would be alright, that she would be alright. Her heart would heal and she would focus on her children. That was all the love that she would need. The small family she had with her children and Ludo was enough—it would have to be.

She’d loved and lost before–this was hardly the first time, nor the worst. There was still something to salvage from this crash at least. A partnership that she had worked hard to build, a friendship where they trusted each other. With enough time to grieve and deal with her emotions, to start healing from the hurt, she could at least hold onto those. She wouldn’t lose him fully.

Ordering a ride home and paying for it, walking to her own house again after a couple days away felt good. Unlocking the door and walking into the empty house felt like everything would be alright and that life would go on as normal. Taking a long, hot shower, going through the process of washing herself and putting on clean, soft pajamas she started feeling more like herself again.

Turning on the TV, watching some documentary that was running, painting her toenails, she was happy to end the day on a good note and feeling more normal again. Still, she couldn’t help but think about picking up her phone. Debating whether or not she should send Adam a text message, she kept glancing at her phone whenever she finished painting a toenail. She would be perfectly fine going to work by any other means, but she also needed to know if he was coming to pick her up or not.

Knowing him, he would be on her front step first thing in the morning, but the thought also made her stomach churn uncomfortably. Would he? Or would he be too uncomfortable facing her again so soon and sharing the ride to work?

The anxiety made her pick up her phone and open their message thread, the documentary running on TV long forgotten, unable to focus on any of it. Being faced with messages from earlier in the week, the longing feeling from earlier resurfaced; the dream she'd secretly held now shattered. 

Still looking at their most recent messages, she couldn’t help but smile. What had no doubt been an effort to cheer her up during the awful case they’d been trying to solve, he had snapped a picture of an office coffee machine with a note over it that had said ‘OUT OF ORDER’ and sent it to her with a message calling the picture her worst nightmare. She'd only responded with an emoji that rolled its eyes, but even then it had brought a smile from her. It felt like they had been sent a lifetime ago.

Feeling emboldened by the messages she started typing out a message, wanting to break the ice and clear the air, before deleting it. Her brows furrowing from annoyance at herself, she tried to type out another message and another before deleting them both.

[MORGAN]: sorry for making things awkward—

[MORGAN]: can we pretend yesterday never happened—

[MORGAN]: you don't have to come pick me up on Monday—

With a frustrated groan she locked her phone and set it aside. She wanted to say something, anything to make the night before and everything between them normal, but couldn't quite figure out what. What was there to say? There was nothing that she could say, nothing that would make things okay, and she knew it.

As a stray light shone through a gap in the curtains, starting to wake her up as it spread across her face and bare back, Morgan started stirring and nuzzled into her pillow, feeling completely relaxed and yet also completely spent. The warmth of the blanket along with the sole ray of sun lighting the room and providing warmth, she felt more comfortable than she had felt in some while now. 

Slowly turning around to her back and stretching out in bed, she could feel a sense of soreness across her body. Opening her eyes, she was faced with an unfamiliar bedroom and an empty spot on the bed next to her. A rush of memories of the night before, of the intimacy she had shared with the man she had harbored feelings in secrecy for some time now came back to her along with an almost giddy feeling.

Spreading out her arm to touch the spot next to her, she could feel that it was still somewhat warm, meaning Adam hadn’t left all that long ago. The thought of it made her smile. Thinking back, she could almost remember the feeling of his arms wrapping around her as sleep had overtaken her. Being in the arms of someone, hearing his heart beat and feeling the warmth of his body around her, she’d been able to sleep better than she had in ages while wrapped in the comfort of it all.

With no responsibilities for children to feed and take care of or any work she had to get to, she could have fallen back asleep right then and there. The only thing making her get back up was the grumbling of her stomach responding to the smell of coffee and food wafting into the bedroom through the slightly cracked door.

Sitting up on the bed, she looked around the room and located the shirt she had been wearing the night before and thought back on Adam’s reaction to her wearing it. Getting up and throwing it back on, a grin rose on her face as she wondered if he would react similarly to it again this time. They would definitely have to talk about the night before, but there was plenty of time for that and it could wait until after she’d eaten something. Breakfast first, figuring out their relationship after.

Opening the bedroom door fully, she was greeted with the low hum of music coming from the dining area alongside the smell of food she’d already noticed earlier. The thought of him being considerate and letting her rest made her feel warm. 

With the morning sun leaving the apartment in a pale golden hue, she thought back on how every time she'd visited him before had always been under the guise of work and how different everything looked now. It all still felt almost unreal. She'd held onto her feelings, pushing them deep down inside her, refusing to let them come to daylight lest she ruin everything she'd worked hard to build—the friendship and trust of her partner. And now she was here, wearing his shirt that kept dropping off her shoulder after spending a night together and waking up in his bed.

Strating to walk towards the dining area and seeing Adam by the stove, humming along to a song that was playing in the background, cooking breakfast for them both, Morgan couldn't help but smile at the sight. The morning seemed beautiful and full of hope—hope for the day ahead and what the previous night would mean for them. The feeling of giddiness returned, twisting at her stomach.

Reaching the dining area, with the sound of her bare footsteps against the bare floor, he turned to look at her with a warm smile, leaving a fluttering feeling in her chest.

"Good morning." Interrupting her thoughts, Adam greeted her. "Sleep well?"

"Morning. You could say that."

"That's good," he responded, his voice gentle. "Take a seat, breakfast's almost ready."

Being motioned towards one of the chairs against the kitchen island, she walked over and sat down on a chair. With the sun warming her back and the record playing in the background, watching Adam completely unguarded and making breakfast for them both, Morgan wished she could stop time and bottle up this moment, this morning.

A sense of calm lulling over the room, the small moment of silence was completely undisturbed yet comfortable. Watching him set up their breakfast while wearing only a t-shirt and college pants, a set of casual clothes that he would not let just anyone see him wear, made her wish for more mornings like this with him where they had nowhere to be and could simply enjoy their time together. The thought left her craving for even more—a life together, even with mornings that were nothing like this where they only had time to make sure the kids got their breakfasts and were on their way to school before leaving for work together. A domestic bliss unlike anything she'd ever really experienced, not even with Ludo.

Placing the plates on the table, Adam sat down on a chair next to her. Morgan's stomach grumbled at the sight of the plateful of food before her.

"Hungry?" He asked with a grin in response to her stomach.

"Starving,” she responded, her mouth already salivating from the sight. “Turns out not eating almost anything for an entire day is an exceptional way to make space for a filling breakfast in your stomach."

With almost a snort and a shake of his head Adam started eating his own meal. A silence fell between them again, but as her stomach reminded her of her hunger with another loud grumble, she didn't mind it and started eating as well.

"That was the best thing I've eaten in a while." Leaning back on her chair after finishing her breakfast with a content sigh, she drew a chuckle out of Adam as he picked up their dishes to wash them. Watching him move around, she could hardly imagine getting up at all for a while.

"You know there's still takeout in the fridge.” Looking back up at her, a mischievous grin on his face, he spoke up. “Especially a considerably large amount of wontons."

"Oh man," she groaned just thinking about them, having completely forgotten about the takeout that had been ordered. There was no space left in her stomach for anything. "Definitely need to save those for later."

With only a smile and a shake of his head, Adam circled around the kitchen island and started washing the dishes. Morgan simply leaned forward and rested her face against her palm, enjoying the calm and domestic scene. It wasn't often that she got to see him this relaxed as he usually tended to keep a professional front at work that left people at an arm’s length away. It was definitely a sight worth seeing—one she treasured for being allowed to see and hoped to be allowed to see more of him completely relaxed and fully himself in the future if he would give her the chance. She hoped he would.

The calm moment soon after came to an end. After all, they needed to address the elephant in the room if they were to continue to be able to work together in the future as well.

"Morgan, we need to talk," wiping his hands dry, Adam started. She had an inkling what he wanted to talk about, but stayed silent and gave him the moment to gather up his words and say what he needed to say. "About last night, you should know that I... We… I mean…"

"It doesn't have to mean anything," watching him stumble on his words, she spoke up, interrupting whatever he was about to say. 

Her words made his head snap up, having been leaning on the island, staring down, trying to figure out how to articulate his feelings after the disastrous start. Looking at her in surprise, she watched as the expression on his face changed into an expression that she hadn’t seen before, one that she couldn’t decipher, but made her stomach churn. Those had become more common than she had ever previously thought possible. 

She hadn’t wanted to say it, to even think of it as a possibility, however she knew him well enough to say that if he had trouble speaking up about having spent the night together, it could only mean that he was trying to let her down as gently as possible, but couldn’t find the words to do it. 

A sad smile rose on her lips, one she tried to control–to keep her face neutral so as to not show her actual feelings on the matter. She didn't want him to feel forced or trapped into anything he didn't want to have with her just because they'd had sex. So she gave him an option—a way out. The expression on his face turned into something more neutral, matching the one she had on as well.

"You're right." Breaking the silence between them that had felt like it had dragged on for hours, he responded. With only two words from him, she could feel her heart shatter into a million pieces as the future she had dared to dream of just minutes earlier disappeared. She'd hoped dearly that he would turn down her offer and tell her that she wasn't alone in her feelings towards him. "It was just one night and we both needed to feel something. This doesn't have to impact us in any way."

"Yeah," her voice shaky, she forced a half-hearted smile on her face in an attempt to hide her own feelings on the matter. It was as he said—it had only been one night and he didn't feel the same way. He didn't love her the way that she did him, and that was going to have to be okay. It really wasn't, she instead wanted to scream and cry, but she needed it to be until she could get out of here. 

"Yeah. So I'll just—I'll just go put some clothes on and head out. There's stuff I have to do since I have the weekend to myself, you know. Busy day ahead." Willing her voice to not shake, she started rambling, trying to explain why she had to leave immediately. There were things she needed to take care of during the weekend, but nothing that she had actually planned on taking care of until the next day. Pointing towards the hallway that led both to the bedroom and the office, Morgan got up and left the room wanting to get out as quickly as possible.

Heading towards the office space where the bed that had been prepared for her, Morgan quickly closed the door behind her. Leaning her back against it, she let out a shuddering exhale and looked up while trying to will herself not to cry. Looking back down at the couch she felt a pang in her chest as she faced the bed that was still pulled out and left completely untouched with her own clothes on top of it. If she’d just slept here the night before then none of this would have happened.

Finding her phone exactly where she'd left it, she opened her text conversation with Daphne and sent a couple texts to her before opening the Uber app and ordered herself a ride. Taking off the oversized t-shirt she could smell Adam on it, his aftershave, his apartment, and she could almost feel the ghost of his lips on hers, could remember the sounds he’d made against her skin and she wanted to scream. The morning had felt like it was full of hope when she’d woken in his bed, full of promise for the day ahead and what the night before could mean for them, and now she was scrambling to leave as quickly as possible.

[MORGAN]: emergency coming over [MORGAN]: be there in 30

Putting on her own clothes, she pocketed her phone and fingercombed her hair quickly in a desperate attempt to not look as disheveled as she felt. Her phone buzzed in response, no doubt with messages from Daphne, but she willed herself not to open it until she was outside. In an attempt to calm her nerves, she took a deep breath in before letting it out and plastering a fake smile on her face. She didn't feel like smiling, but she needed to look the part of a person that could accept that her feelings weren’t reciprocated–at least until she could get out of the apartment before she started crying about it.. 

Her hands felt clammy as she opened the door and walked out of the room, back to the dining area where she could see Adam standing still in the same spot as before as if rooted to the ground. A part of her faltered, her heart shattering even more at the sight of him. Had she been the one that had screwed up everything just by her own suggestion? Had he simply been polite to her, thinking that she had been the one to reject him?

She wanted to walk to him, to make him turn and look at her, to have him tell her how he actually felt. To embrace him, to comfort him. But she couldn't. She couldn't stay here and she certainly couldn't give herself the mental space to think about it all yet. Maybe in half an hour when she was crying about it on Daphne's couch with a glass of wine in her hand. So she simply cleared her throat to get his attention and tried to get the fake smile back on her face.

The kitchen island between them felt like an impenetrable wall. One she couldn't even hope to cross.

"I'll get going," she said, her voice low. "Guess we'll see each other again next week."

"Next week," he repeated after with a strange expression on his face. She had prided herself before on knowing him and his facial expressions well, but the past day alone had proven her wrong when even this one was something that was completely new and unknown to her. She hated it. She hated seeing it on his face, and wished for nothing more than to return to the warmth and calm that they had shared only an hour ago.

The sun shining across his bare arms and face only made him look more handsome and Morgan mourned what they'd had—even if it had only been a momentary illusion that she had been forced to confront and see shatter to pieces along with her heart.

"Yeah. I'll see you at work," he continued after a moment.

Not quite trusting her voice to not betray how she was feeling, how close to tears she was, she only nodded and briskly walked out of the apartment. Closing the front door behind her, Morgan let her smile drop as she leaned her forehead against the door with a sigh. She couldn't believe that she had been this stupid. They'd had a good thing going, and now everything had been ruined because she had become completely wrapped up in her own feelings. She wanted to scream and cry in frustration, but instead she took in another deep breath to calm herself down before pulling out her phone and starting to walk down the hallway.

There was a notification that her ride was on its way and a response to her texts. Swiping away the notification from the uber app, she opened her message thread with Daphne instead.

[DAPHNE]: I'll take out the wine

A small, genuine smile rose up to her face as she read the response. They'd been friends for so long already that Daphne had recognized her cry for help. Not even being able to drink any of the wine herself—their wine nights long past them, at least on Daphne's part, she'd still thought of her enough to have it ready just for her.

Heading out to face the warm California morning, the sun that had seemed so gentle earlier was glaring at her now, promising a suffocatingly hot afternoon. Looking up at the sky she could almost remember a memory from earlier that morning—a pair of arms untangling from hers, a hand gently trailing her bare arms, brushing away a strand of hair from her face, a gentle kiss placed on the top of her head, a whisper telling her to go back to sleep. Yet now the only thing of the day ahead that seemed promising was the knowledge of a bottle of wine and good company she could cry her heart out to waiting for her.

Standing in the kitchen of what had once been a home for a happy family, Morgan felt a sort of hollowness while a deep sorrow filled within her. The case they'd solved had been an especially difficult one and had hit closer to home for her than she cared to admit.

A suburban mother of three had been killed in her home. The scene had at first looked like a break-in, though eventually after endless interrogations and false leads they had discovered that everything about it had in fact been staged afterwards in a desperate attempt to hide what actually had been done.

As a mother of three of her own, Morgan had taken it upon herself to be there when they talked to the children about what they possibly had seen and heard. Having to listen to their accounts, trying to understand what had happened, determining if their memories of what had happened were reliable all the while the husband had played the part of a heartbroken man had turned the case into an especially tough one. She couldn't help but think of her own children and come home exhausted at the end of each day.

In truth the marriage had been crumbling. What had been hidden behind the facade of a seemingly perfect and happy marriage of multiple years that even their neighbors and the children's teachers were sold on was actually years of financial stress and a secret debt that had led to a fight which had ended with the children losing both their parents in the end.

Standing a slight distance away, she watched as Adam cuffed the man, arresting him for the murder of his wife before handing him over to the officer in the scene. Looking around the room she couldn’t help but keep looking at the similarities to her own life: a family vacation and other planned events written in the calendar, school pick-ups and birthday parties planned, toys and laundry that still needed to be picked up, a grocery list still on the fridge written in the handwriting of their now dead wife and mother. A life with children–completely destroyed. Their lives would never be the same again.

Leaving the house that had once held love and hope for the future in it, but was now full of sorrow, she followed Adam to the car to head back to the precinct with him. The drive there was silent and the air between them felt heavy as she kept looking out of the window, completely silent, not being able to muster up the energy to talk anything about the case anymore.

She knew that Adam kept glancing her way and giving her concerned looks. He knew that this particular case had been an especially hard one for her, but she simply didn’t have it in her to talk about it like they always did after cracking a case. Instead she leaned the side of her head against the window, keeping her gaze locked at the sun setting in the distance and letting the ride back pass in silence.

Making her way back up to the precinct, she sat down on her usual spot at the side of Adam's desk, trying to gather up energy to help with finishing up the paperwork to the case, while waiting for him to get back from Soto's office where he was debriefing her about the details of the case and arrest. They'd solved the case and caught the murderer, but she couldn't feel at all happy about it.

Looking around the room, the board that presented the case with all the details and clues she’d helped gather simply stood there for all to see, but seemingly mocking her. This is what you use your skills for, it seemed to be saying, tearing families apart. A familiar set of footsteps pulled her out of her own misery. She'd been given the opportunity to step out of the case on multiple occasions, but had insisted on staying and seeing it to the end, saying that her familiarity with young children would be especially helpful with solving it.

"Are you alright?" Adam asked after returning, giving her a concerned look.

"Not really," she admitted, giving him a sorrowful smile in return. "Guess the case hit a bit too close to home this time around. Doesn't help that I've got an empty house to return to since Ludo's got the kids for the weekend."

Getting a frown in return, she supposed that she looked somewhat pitiful right now. Morgan let her gaze drop back to her boots clicking absentmindedly against the side of the desk, not wanting to face any judgement for her own poor choices in that moment. She didn’t mean to complain, but couldn’t help the feelings that kept overflowing.

"Come home with me," he said, making her eyes snap back up in surprise.

"What?"

"You shouldn't have to go to an empty home alone right now, so come home with me."

"What about the paperwork?" Staring at him in disbelief, she questioned. "I don't even have anything to wear."

"Paperwork can wait. We’ll deal with it on Monday. And you can just wear one of my t-shirts."

It was true that she didn't want to go to an empty house where she would be spending the weekend mulling over the case while feeling sorry for herself, but she hadn't expected anything like this. It did, however, sound better than the alternative; she didn't think she could make it through the night alone without at least one bottle of wine and eventually passing out on the couch, mulling over her own sorrows while trying to distract herself with whatever documentary she could find on TV.

So instead of heading home to do just that she got up from the desk, grabbed her jacket and bag and started following him to his car, the knowledge that she wouldn’t be spending the night completely alone leaving her feeling somewhat better.

The car ride there was mostly silent except for Adam speaking up about the arrangements for the night. He had a comfortable pull-out couch in his office and she could borrow one of his shirts for pajamas. A low nervous energy pooled in her stomach. She'd been there before on multiple occasions, but never for the night and always under the excuse of something work related.

The first thing she did when getting to his place was take a long, hot shower. Letting the water relax her muscles and wash away her make-up, washing her hair and body with the soaps she found. After letting the past few days of stress wash away with the water, she started feeling better and more human again.

Stepping out of the shower, Morgan put on the t-shirt that she had been given earlier. It was just large enough to be somewhat decent, covering her up to around mid-thigh. Drying her hair and running her fingers through it due to the lack of a hairbrush, she gave herself a look-over in the mirror before taking her clothes to the room she’d been shown earlier where the bed had been pulled out and made. Morgan smiled to herself at the tidiness of it; the neatly placed sheets and pillows, tucked in corners. Everything about it was completely like Adam.

Heading back towards the dining area, she could hear the low hum of a song coming from the radio and the smell of what was no doubt Chinese take-out. Noticing the more comfortable clothes Adam was now wearing instead of his usual dress shirt and tie, it seemed that he'd had the time to change as well while she'd been taking her sweet time in the shower.

"What's this?" Breaking the silence, she asked while looking at the boxes of take-out spread out on the kitchen island.

Turning to look at her while holding the bottle of wine he had been in the process of opening, Adam let out a choked sound, before turning his gaze away and clearing his throat. "Chinese. You need to eat something." He said, popping the cork open and pouring them both a glass.

She couldn't deny that a glass of wine didn't sound tempting right now, but even the usually delicious smell of Chinese take-out didn't do it for her. What she really wanted to do was to fall asleep and forget all about the past week. Not that it would even be possible–she doubted her mind would let her simply be and not run over all the similarities the case held to her life.

"Come on, I even ordered your favorites." Noticing the no doubt sour and tired look on her face as she looked at the take-out boxes, he tried to entice her into eating something while handing her a glass.

A small smile started to tug at her lips while a warmth spread over her. He'd been thinking of her especially when ordering food, to the end where he ordered extra of her favorites. She was basically intruding at his place, crashing over completely unplanned, and yet he'd gone the extra mile to try and make her feel as comfortable as he could.

"Well I suppose the wontons won't be eating themselves," she said, accepting the glass of wine and sitting down on a chair by the kitchen island. "Just think of the stomach ache you'd get the next day if I left them all for you."

"Of course," he responded, taking a seat next to her and handing the box of wontons to her. "I could never survive this amount of food all alone, so clearly I'll need your help."

Reaching out for the take-out box she could feel their fingers brush together as Adam moved to push it towards her, leaving behind a static thrumming underneath her skin, jumpstarting her heart. Raising her gaze from their hands, she was met with a dark pair of eyes looking straight at her, making her heart thump in her chest. With their fingertips still touching, both holding onto the take-out box, time seemed to stand still as she felt frozen on the spot, unable to tear her eyes away from his.

Neither of them saying anything, the magic was only broken once the song changed on the radio, making her remember where she was. Adam looked away and cleared his throat, pulling his hand away before focusing on the food in front of him.

Turning her attention to the small box, she picked up one of the wontons and started nibbling on it. With the exception of the radio playing a song she'd probably heard Ava play at some point and both of them eating, the room was comfortably silent. She'd been over before, but before now she'd never really appreciated the homely feeling of the apartment. She remembered being surprised during her first visit, but now she could notice the small things that showcased Adam's personality and tastes.

When she'd started working for the LAPD, for Soto, she hadn't exactly expected to stick around for too long. She hadn't expected to befriend her own small group of coworkers and certainly had not expected to fall in so deeply with her own partner. Of course she'd always appreciated his good looks, his fit physique, having noticed those first, but with time her feelings toward him had grown in ways that she had not expected.

In an effort to distract herself from the dangerous thoughts, Morgan took a gulp of wine. Staring into the glass, she couldn’t help but remember how the murder weapon had been a wine bottle. With a silent curse, she set down her glass, hating her own brain for never being able to turn off and reminding herself or things she didn’t want to remember or think about. It was a reminder why she was even here in the first place. Setting the glass back down, she felt a wave of nausea overtake her.

Three children that had lost their parents one by one. Three children that now had no home. She couldn't help but think how it must have been for the children to hear that their dad had been the one that had murdered their mom. What it would be like for her own children to hear that she was hurt or wouldn't be coming home because of the work that she does. 

What little appetite she'd had before disappeared completely.

"Morgan," Adam said, placing his hand on top of hers. 

Blinking away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, she looked at his hand before looking up at him. How long had she been lost in her thoughts? He'd once told her that he knew all of her silences, and with the sympathetic look on his face he probably knew now as well what she was thinking about. Giving her the time to speak, his thumb brushed over her hand in a comforting motion.

"I can't stop thinking about it," she confessed eventually, her voice low and wavering. "I can't stop thinking about what would happen to Elliot, Ava and Chloe if it were me, if something was to happen to me. If I wouldn't be able to come home anymore. They're just children." Her voice breaking on the final word, she watched as Adam stood up and pulled her into an embrace.

"Nothing will happen to you, Morgan." His voice low, he said in an attempt of comfort. Burying her face into his chest, her hands gripping his t-shirt, she tried to keep down the tears that threatened to burst out. "You know I won't let anything happen to you or them."

And she knew this—of course she did. He would do anything in his power or even get hurt himself than let anything happen to her. Of course he would step in the line of fire for her just so she would be able to go home at the end of the day, return to her children completely safe and unharmed. She knew all of this, but she also couldn't help but think about the case they had just solved, about all of the what ifs.

"I know you won't," her voice shaky, she eventually confessed. She could feel the large hand slowly starting to rub circles around her back, reminding her that this was already the second time that she had fallen apart in front of his eyes. She hated the feeling—appearing weak. Especially in front of someone she actually cared for. "But I can't stop thinking about it. Ava's already lost one parent."

It was her greatest fear, one she never had admitted to anyone else. She'd seen firsthand how being abandoned by a parent had affected Ava and she did not want to inflict that pain again on her or any of her other children.

"And she won't lose another one. None of them will," Adam said matter-of-factly, yet with a gentle tone of voice. Her grip on the shirt he was wearing tightened momentarily before letting go, hiding the tears that had started trickling over. Her mind was filled with the what-ifs combined with what she had witnessed over multiple days with the children that she had helped interrogate. It had truly been a case from hell, designed just for her.

But something about being alone with Adam, safe from the gazes of others while being held in his arms made the feelings overflow, like she was allowed to simply be herself and feel all of her feelings without having to put on a brave front. A gentle kiss was placed on the top of her head, making her heart stutter in her chest.

"Come on," taking a hold of her hand as she looked up at him. "Let's get some rest."

"Okay."

Though she had agreed to his suggestion, Morgan was unsure if she would even be able to sleep a wink. Whether she was in her own bed or on the couch in Adam's office, she would still be alone with her thoughts—those which would not let her be, comparing the case to her own life, to the possibilities of what could be, and how her heart had been broken by what had actually happened.

Letting herself be led, she blinked in surprise as he took her to his bedroom instead of the office where the pull-out couch had been prepared for her earlier.

"You don't have to be alone. Not tonight," he explained, as if knowing what she was thinking of. Standing beside the bed, he gave her the option to back out, to go to the office where he had prepared a bed for her and sleep separately if she wanted. Maybe she should have backed out, but the consideration for her feelings and the support she was being given made her feel warm all over. Just the thought of having someone hold her and tell her that it was going to be alright was enough for her to nod and let herself be taken to his bed.

Being pulled in, having her head on his chest along with a pair of strong arms wrapping around her, Morgan felt a rush of emotions fill her. A deep sorrow from the case they had solved, the way it had reminded her of her own life and the anxiety towards her own children, but also a rush of love towards the man holding her, completely unspoken. She didn't want to confess and destroy everything, but the reminder of her own mortality made her grip his shirt and bury her face into his broad chest.

But with Adam's lips connecting with her hair again, she came closer to confessing than ever before.

"Everything will be alright. I won't let anything happen."

"You can't promise that."

"But you can trust in my skills as an officer of law."

And even if only being there, in his bed and in his embrace, she could have almost let herself believe his promise, his skills as an officer were something she could believe in without a doubt. She knew how much he trained daily to take care of himself and his skills. She knew firsthand how good he was at protecting people—protecting her. Though the sorrow and anxiety of what had happened did not leave her fully, his words were enough to calm her heart some.

"Thank you."

"If you want to thank me, then wipe those tears away from your eyes, Gillory." With a gentle stroke of his finger, he brushed away at the wet spot on her cheek where a tear had fallen earlier. "That man doesn't deserve them."

"I'll try," with a sniffle she promised and smiled at him.

"Good," he answered, his voice dropping low to almost a whisper.

Looking up at him and realizing the closeness of their faces and bodies, Morgan could feel her heart stutter and her breath hitch at her throat. Though they had embraced once before when she'd had a panic attack from a fear of dying and even now he had only taken her to his bed in an act of comfort, there was intimacy in the moment that had not existed before.

With their bodies wrapped together and only a small distance between their faces, she could feel his warm breath on her face, could feel his steady heartbeat against her own skin. His eyes flicking down at her eyes, her lips, the mood in the room changed. Licking her lips, she could see him slowly leaning in as she lifted up her face to meet his.

It was a soft brush of lips at first, almost a question. Did she want the same? Did she feel the same? Turning her head to a better angle, the kiss was calm and unhurried, simply lips moving together, leaving her feeling warm all over.

The gentleness of the moment, his lips slowly moving against hers, his hand moving to cup her face at a better angle felt almost like a dream. One where he reciprocated her feelings, where she could feel his body against hers without it ruining everything between them.

With a grip of his shirt, trying to move closer, the kiss turned faster, more urgent, like the contact between them was the only way for them to get oxygen. Lips moving, breathing heavily, she could feel his hand move away from her face to explore her body underneath the shirt. The skin on his hands coarse from use, trailing up her waist and grasping her bare breast made her gasp into the kiss.

"Adam…"

"Is this okay?" Do you want this too? He almost seemed to ask.

"Yes, yes. God yes," Morgan breathed out, raising her hands to help Adam take off the t-shirt that was at least a few sizes too large for her.

His touches turned more gentle again, exploring her body like a feather running across her bare skin. He touched her like he was afraid she'd disappear. After the kind of day, the kind of week they'd had, the gentleness in his touch, in his lips that connected with the crook of her neck and bare shoulder, undid her completely. She kissed him again, slower this time, and let herself stop thinking for once.

Just this, the physical contact, the gentleness, the love felt between them, was enough. Still there was a fire underneath his touches, with the way her skin burned at the contact with his skin, making her crave more. Between the gasps and moans as his hands explored her body she could feel tension building up inside her as he entered one large finger inside her, and then soon another.

Her fingers gripping tight against his arms, her nails no doubt leaving marks on them, she could hear him talk to her, but could barely register anything he was saying with her eyes shut tight and the sound of blood rushing in her ears as she came over the edge.

Removing his fingers, he gave her a moment to collect herself, to come back to him. Opening her eyes again, breathing hard, she looked as he smiled with an expression that she couldn’t read. This was unexplored territory for her–one she was more than happy to explore, to know more about.

Her breathing calming down enough, she could feel her heart beating like a jackhammer as she leaned back in for a searing kiss. It wasn’t enough, she wanted more, she wanted to feel him.

“I need you,” she breathed out against his lips.

A dark look crossed his eyes before he turned her on her back and started positioning himself against her. “Are you sure?” He asked once more before pushing forward.

She nodded, leaving out a strangled, “please.”

It took a moment for her to adjust before moving. The sensation of being filled up, to have him all around her, to have him inside her, left her head swirling. Unable to think about anything else, her head blissfully quiet, she only held on while each of her senses were filled with and by Adam.

The feeling of strong arms around her, the sound of his hard breathing, his hair beneath her fingers, her other hand desperately trying to grab onto anything on his back, his hands on her, around her. It all quickly started to become too much, he drew her in for a kiss before climaxing with her following soon after.

Only breathing in each others’ air, they stayed still for a while before pulling apart. Mustering up the strength, she turned to face him, feeling completely exhausted and blissful. A strange expression overtook his face again as he brushed aside a strand of hair that had glued itself to her face with sweat. She wanted to ask what it meant, wanted to tell him how much she actually loved him, how she had for some time now, but the words died when they came to her lips.

“Hold on,” he said and started getting up. “Let’s get you cleaned.”

But between everything that had happened, the glass of wine she’d had on an empty stomach, sleep started to overtake her before he returned with a damp cloth. She’d wanted to talk to him, to ask if he felt the same as she did, but could hardly stop her eyelids from closing.

“Morgan,” he said, his voice sounding endearing and perhaps a bit regretful for having to wake her up.

Mumbling something in response, a rational part of her knew that she needed to clean up, but was too tired to really care and instead motioned for him to join her in bed. All that she cared about in the moment was that she wanted him close to her.