head in the clouds

I’m not trying to be like “ohoho look at me I’m such a good friend”, I’m saying the second I stopped going “I wish I had friends who would invite me to tea parties” and just. hosted the tea parties myself? I still got to do the thing. I still got to see my friends. I still got to be happy with them.

It’s a lot of energy, I get that. Especially if you’re putting in all this effort, but not getting any back.

But I think that’s the reason no one does it. I mean we’re so worried we’ll start doing all these things and our friends won’t like it or won’t be into it, so we just don’t.

Only last week my friend messaged me, asking if I wanted to go stargazing with her. When I forget about our weekly virtual tea party, another friend called me to ask if I wanted them to host it this week.

I’ve been invited on hikes and picnics and pie making competitions over zoom, and it all sort of started with me going out of my way to be “that friend”.

The following suggestions may be helpful for a person who finds that they are struggling with low self-esteem:

1. It starts with a decision to be your own person. Don’t live your life to please, or impress, others.

2. Try to grasp the fact we have different goals and values … And don’t be swayed by people who criticise your dreams.

3. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s journey as we start from different places and face different challenges.

4. Be kind, understanding and patient with yourself. Accept mistakes and failures are part of all our lives. Also, choose to frame mistakes as learning opportunities.

5. You need to root for yourself, and seek to be your own best friend. Don’t put yourself down – in public, or when you’re alone.

6. Remind yourself a weakness can become a strength in time. It takes patience and effort – but eventually things change.

7. Make a list of what you’re good at, and keep adding to the list. Also, note the strengths that others see, and comment on, as well.

8. Treat yourself with respect and praise the things that you do

9. Find ways to dissipate and channel negative emotions. Don’t allow them to dictate the way you start to see yourself.

10. Spend time with those who like you, and can see your worth and value. Ignore those who attack you, and would like to see you fail.

11. Choose to stand up for yourself, and value being more assertive. Also, set and then enforce appropriate, healthy boundaries.

1. Spend several days alone with minimal contact with people

2. Listen to music that first matches your mood then gets progressively more positive or energetic.

3. Exercise. Preferably walking because appreciating nature helps.

4. Do something spontaneous with just yourself. Example: walk to the nearest library, music store, movie theater, used bookstore and spend time there.

5. Think about other peoples patterns. Slowly involve yourself with people again.

6. Plan something fun. As a P it can be stressful sometimes to leave all the planning to the Js.

7. Pick up a new hobby or do an old hobby you forgot about.

8. Dress up and look good while with friends.

9. Read or listen to something that makes you more self-aware aka, have a good cry.