Beauty, Brunch, & Benzos

Weight gain. 

They say that metabolism slows down in your mid 20-s. I knew this day would eventually come, but I was nevertheless wholly unprepared. I think my height leveled off at 5′5 freshman year of high school, and since then my weight in high school fluctuated around 105-115 pounds, senior year being the heaviest. I went off to college feeling kinda chubby, and worked my ass off the summer before my sophomore year to get things back under control. Sophomore year I reached 105 again and felt like I was in the best shape of my life. Pic on the left = winter of sophomore year. Then, junior/senior year the weight started creeping back up, especially because I got so stressed applying to med school and would use days off to imbibe rather than workout (don’t be like me lol). Not to mention being official legal = going out to drinks all the freaking time. By the time I finished college, I was at 127 lbs. Big yikes. 127 isn’t that bad for a 5′5 girl with muscle, but it’s pretty bad for someone like me who is all fat and no muscle. I also store fat primarily at my waistline, making it even worse to be even mildly overweight. I went from wearing a size 0 pants to a size 5 and from a S to a M (and thus had to re-buy all my clothes). Once again, I tried to crack down on weight loss, and after my first year of med school I managed to get it back down, but only to about 118 :( It was still a 10 pound drop though and I felt encouraged that there was only 10 more pounds to go to get back to looking the way I wanted to look.

AND THEN 2nd Year/STEP 1 HIT ME LIKE A TON OF ROCKS (or, more accurately, heaping pounds of pasta)

Maybe it’s because David moved in my second year and we are always eating out, or maybe it’s because I became extremely sedentary studying for Step (no joke my day would be like wake up, study in bed, eat food, study in chair, eat more food, study back in bed, sleep ... maybe like 100 steps a day and this was for 3 months) ...

Whatever the reasons, I stepped on a scale recently and I am 126-7 pounds after a meal, 124 in the morning. GUYS. I lost all my progress in a mere matter of months. It is so disheartening. I feel like I’m back to the drawing board with 20 pounds to lose. And what’s even more pressing is the upcoming bachelorette trip and wedding. These pounds NEED to go. 

I’m going wedding dress shopping this weekend with some of my besties, and there’s a part of me that already feels sadness about looking like an elephant as I try these dresses on. It’s supposed to be a fun day of feeling fabulous, but it’s hard to feel that when all you feel is f a t. 

Tangent: period bloating or face bloat after sleeping too much is the worst. I was at a cat cafe earlier this week and my face was soo freaking bloated I saw the pic and wanted to cry. Salty food is also my vice ugh ugh ugh

Tangent 2: being overweight/storing fat in your belly is infinitely worse when you don’t really have boobs, b/c then you can’t even be like “oh hey I’m just curvy now” like no, I am still flat-chested and bearing giant 2nd trimester belly 

Whining aside, I’m publicizing all of this to feel more held accountable. Losing 15-20 pounds in 2 years is doable, and I know this. I’m sure if I put in some cardio 2-3x a week and cut back on the takeout I could lose the first 10 easily. The second 10 will require more effort and intense dieting, but if it’s a pre-wedding thing I don’t necessarily have to sustain, it’s also do-able. I can...be content with a 115. Overjoyed with a 105, happy with 110. 115-120 puts me in anxiety, and >120 and I am the trainwreck you see now. Well, actually you don’t SEE all the panic that goes on in my mind, but my days are essentially covered with a veil of gloom b/c anytime I pass by a mirror or take a pic I’m reminded of how fat I’ve become. Btw, the pic of me on the right was taken a few weeks ago, and that’s even after I edited the photo a bit to slim my face slightly. In reality it’s even chubbier. When I was looking over engagement photos my bro took, I was like, “does the camera add 10 or do I just look like that now?” and he, being as honest as ever, was just like “dude that’s just you now...you’re not skinny anymore” and I died a little on the inside.

Hey beautiful reader!

As an impending shelf exam for my 3rd year medical student surgery rotation draws near, I of course decided to procrastinate. 

Some of you may remember I once had a blog named sweetskindreams with my own URL/domain and everything. Well, it was incurring an annual fee and I honestly wasn’t blogging regularly enough to make that worth the money. I also wanted my blog to expand to a lifestyle blog, where it’s not just regarding skincare but also discusses makeup, fashion finds, food, med school woes, relationship updates, etc. As for the decision to opt Tumblr yet again (rather than the more formal Wordpress) - it is because most of my closest friends (cough people who will actually read this cough) are already on Tumblr and can easily be updated via a follow, whereas a formal blog requires a mailing subscription and the idea of my blog posts being e-mailed out to folks seems a bit extra. For how casual I’m treating all of this anyways. 

Intro aside, I wanted to kick off this new lifestyle blog with my recent Spring/Summer 2019 beauty hits and misses. Hopefully this will save you some money if you’ve been eyeing any of these products because there are definitely options I would avoid. 

Let’s start with the MISSES: 

- Touch in Sol No Problem Primer, $18: this was gifted by my roomie, so I really wanted to love it, but I gave it a miss because it still doesn’t beat Benefit’s Pore-fessional (quite frankly, nothing has) for pore minimization purposes and it doesn’t really act well as a primer either. Doesn’t ease foundation application nor prolong anything. It feels silky and nice to apply but I can’t perceive any useful benefits. 

- Too Faced Cooling Matte Pore Perfecting Primer, $34: people need to stop labeling things as “pore minimizing” or “pore perfecting” when they do absolutely nothing for the pores. Similar to Touch in Sol, this primer didn’t do anything special to prime the skin or cover up pores. It does feel cooling, and SMELLS AMAZING like much of Too Faced’s products do (a sweet fig scent), but those are secondary perks that don’t mean anything if the primary function is lacking. I also didn’t enjoy the application, which was hard to spread over the skin and knotted up easily. Hard pass.

- Fresh Rose Deep Hydration Facial Toner, $45: it pains me to put this in the ‘pass’ category but I do so because the effects are not worth the price. Rose petals in the toner make this so beautiful and an addition to my routine I so wanted to incorporate for aesthetics alone, but my skin remained dry only minutes after application. It just can’t justify the hefty price tag.

And now for the FAVS:

- Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer, $54: Ugh. I can’t find a better one. Gifted to me on my b-day by my beautiful friend Liz, I treasure this DEARLY. I’ve known since college how effective this primer is, how flawless the application (very sheer liquid form makes it glide easily over your skin), and yet because it’s been on the pricier side I’ve never actually repurchased. To receive it as a gift is definitely a nod to how well my besties know me and I am so thankful for them. I only use this on special occasions/going out. Hoping I can make this last for a good few months. I have yet to find a better primer, although Laura Mercier is a close second.

- Laneige Berry Lip Sleeping Mask, $20: Again gifted by Liz (WHY DID YOU SPEND SO MUCH ON ME THIS YEAR STOP) and IT IS THE BEST LIP BALM I HAVE EVER USED. And I’ve tried everything from Glossier (overrated) to all the usual drugstore brands (Eos, Baby Lips, Burt’s, Nivea). Nothing beats this. Not to mention it smells/tastes delicious. Laneige kills it with their sleeping mask for skin and the lip one does not disappoint either. Keeps my lips hydrated and doesn’t leave them extra dry after (that’s the main issue with all those other chapsticks, they moisturize for a bit but leave you drier than you started off. This does not have that issue, and is the only thing I’ve ever come across that doesn’t leave me more dried out!) looks glossy too and that’s always a bonus :) 

- Missha Magic Cushion Cover, $12 on amazon: ok so... cushion BB creams are my new fav thing. They are so damn easy to apply (literally pat your face for 15 seconds and you have flawless looking coverage) and don’t dry your skin out as much as foundation. Looks super natural too. I can’t rave about these enough. Sure, regular liquid BB creams/tinted moisturizers are also nice and good for summer but those require brushwork or beauty sponge work which both take a couple minutes, whereas the cushions take mere SECONDS. For someone who has to drag her ass to the hospital at 5am, the shorter the routine the better. (AND YOU CAN’T BEAT THIS PRICE TAG! Altho sadly these do only last about a month with daily use) 

- Lastly, I received 2 Drunk Elephant samples for my Sephora B-day gift this year. I’m sure y’all have heard of this brand as it is advertised constantly on instagram and has iconically beautiful packaging in bright, fun colors with minimalist designs. The samples I tried were the Beste No. 9 Jelly Cleanser and the Protini Polypeptide cream. Both are ... phenomenal. Very mild scents, free of all the junk that irritates your skin (mineral oils, silicones, alcohols, etc) and just what my currently cystic acne covered skin needed. (Yes, my acne is back, and I am so bummed about it. Definitely a result of me neglecting skin care when I was studying for Step. I ran out of my prescription retinoid for a couple weeks and sure enough these zits came flying back. Recovery has been slow but there is improvement.) The only caveat to Drunk Elephant products are their prices. Full size Jelly cleanser is $32 and Protini cream $68. Decking yourself out in the Drunk Elephant line will definitely hurt your pockets. But omg... I am seriously contemplating trying their whole line now. It’s not just how beautifully the product wears and how effective it is at what it advertises, but the FREAKING PACKAGING. And I don’t just mean the looking pretty part but more importantly the functional design. Go to Sephora and try the already opened samples yourself and you’ll see what I mean. The Jelly Cleanser cap “twists” (but does not come off) and has a little hole in the center that allows you to squeeze out a tiny dollop of product so you can quickly “twist” it back. And their serums are all in little dispenser bottles. You already know how much I love convenience, and DE makes everything as convenient as possible (and so so clean!)