Unabashed, Candid and Downright Flagrant

The beauty of social media is that it gives a voice to the masses. We are no longer dependent on the media to get our message across; we can grab our phones, open an app and do it ourselves.

The rise of this technology has been great for one gender specifically; women. It has given a chance for us to band together and fight the patriarchy, call out the 'oppressor', so to speak. In a world where the media is body shaming us and men are being....men; we now have a global, online community that supports one another and has each other's back. Who would have thought, right? I'm baffled but oh so proud.

But, I do believe that in this time of unity we need to:-

a) identify, accept and respect that we have supporters within the opposite gender and;

b) it doesn't have to be women v men

We do not need to put men down in order to uplift ourselves. Yes, we can call out misogynistic behaviour in the hopes that the ones we are addressing will listen but we do not need to do it in such a harsh and crude way.

Tell me the last time you had your listening ears on when someone was yelling at you?

I think the one thing we are forgetting is that the change we are after will not happen over night, it is generational; always has, always will be. Unfortunately, there will be those that will disagree and teach the future generations what they believe is right. Such is life.

But, let's stop the hate, let's stop the belittling, let's stop making men feel like they have made us feel for generations because then how are we any different? Oppressing the oppressor is not the answer.

This is a message to all the individuals, whether you identify as a she, they, etc; DO NOT be afraid to be yourself.

DO not be afraid to like what you like.

Do not be afraid to voice your opinions.

Do not be afraid to speak up for yourself.

Do not be afraid to stand up against those that are demeaning, patronising or dehumanising you.

Do not be afraid to tell men that objectify you to shove it where the sun don't shine.

Do not let men mistake your assertiveness as bossy-ness.

Do not let people speak over you.

People notice the way you walk.

People notice the way you talk. 

People notice when you speak negatively of yourself.

People notice when you lack self confidence.

People notice when you do not have faith in your abilities. 

What I am trying to say is that if you do not love yourself; how can you expect others to do so?

The good news is that there is a simple way to turn this around and it goes by the name of affirmation. I have tried it myself and I can say that it 100% works, just make sure you commit to the process.

I lacked self love, I did not believe in myself, I did not love myself, I though I was, at best, an average individual. When people would compliment me, I would thank them but never agree with them. 

Then, I wrote the following affirmation down, stood in front of the mirror every morning for 30 days and said it to myself. I also documented how I felt and whether I saw change, in seven day increments. 

“I treat myself with kindness and respect, I accept myself. I am beautiful and worthy, I am enough.”

The first few days, I felt extremely silly saying it to myself. However, as the days went by, I started to feel more confident, I started to look at myself in a different light, I began appreciating my positive physical attributes and accepting the ones I was not overly satisfied with. I no longer needed external validation but when I did receive it, I whole heartedly agreed with what the other person was saying.

 I am beautiful, I am attractive, I matter and I do not need to compare myself with others because I am unique and that is appreciated.  

I became my own HYPE person and I haven’t looked back since.

So, it is well known that what you believe on the inside is what you attract on the outside. If you’re a positive individual, you will attract positivity; similarly, if you are more of a pessimist, the world will look meek and less colourful, less opportunities will present themselves to you, you’ll meet a different class of people, etc. 

So, the one thing you need to know about me is that I was a true pessimist. I’ve been through a fair few traumatic experiences, which led me to suffer from depression and anxiety for about 5 years. I CHOSE to live in the past, victimising myself, feeling sorry for myself, blaming my past for what I was currently going through. This fed into the depression and it was a vicious cycle for YEARS. I was a functioning depressant, which meant I could go to work, study, train at the gym, full-fill my social obligations but I was dead tired every single minute of every single day. 

I was on the brink of doing something seriously harmful to myself (for the second time) because I could no longer cope with life and then something just SNAPPED. 

I decided I was going to start holding myself responsible and accountable for my actions. Being depressed wasn’t working for me, it wasn’t getting my anywhere, it wasn’t allowing me to full-fill my dreams so I chose to do the opposite; try and be POSITIVE. 

What’s the worst that could happen, right? 

So, anything and everything that happened, it was on me, I was responsible and I had to talk to myself and decide how I would move forward from it. Would I allow myself to be bothered by it? Was it under my control? What could I control? I knew I couldn’t control the world around me, the only thing I could control was my reaction to my circumstances so I decided to do that and I decided it was going to be positive instead of negative.

Circumstance: I dislike my job, it’s repetitive and I know my talents could be used better elsewhere. 

My new reaction: Be grateful for the job you do have as it allows you to live the life you are currently living whilst working towards your future endeavours. You obtained this job during a pandemic and it has allowed you to have a steady stream of income, while so many others were barely surviving. 

Circumstance: I am anaemic, don't have a lot of energy and therefore can no longer train 5-6 times a week. 

My new reaction: Everybody’s body is different, you are still able to train and the spare time you do have, you can use it to enhance your skills or do some cardio instead of weight training. 

Circumstance: I want to own my own business but I do not know what I want and it’s frustrating because I work full-time and cannot devote time to the process. 

My new reaction: Allocate time after work and on weekends to discover what you are passionate about and how you can enhance your skills to offer something new and unique to the industry. In the meantime, you have something else to keep you busy and bonus, it brings in money. 

Giving absolutely everything a positive spin allowed me to start feeling more grateful for what I already had and accepting the privilege I was/am surrounded by. Suddenly, life does not seem so dull and boring. I am enjoying the little things such as the blue skies and the chirping of the birds. I wake up with more energy and a can-do attitude as opposed to a ‘when will my life get better’ viewpoint. 

Now it’s, ‘how can I make my life better’ and the levels of growth I have experienced in just two short months have been tremendous. I am so excited to see what happens next and it is all because I took accountability of myself. 

And, the depression; nowhere to be seen. It vanished, JUST LIKE THAT!  

There’s always a lot going on in my head and I do not have the patience to write in a journal, not to mention that my hand writing is so bad that I cannot read it myself. Sooo, I've decided I’m going to start blogging what I am going through, my limiting beliefs and how I am going to overcome them and just fleshing out my thought processes so there is less going on up here. I am constantly trying to better myself and it seems like a good idea to start documenting it and if I can help people along the way then it’s a win-win situation! 

So a little bit about me, I am 25 years young, I have a bachelor’s in law and marketing, neither of which is currently being utilised as I work in sales. Why? That’s a very good question, I do not have the answer to except that I was passionate about sales. Key word: was. 

I worked in jewellery whilst studying, it was a lot of fun. Helping clueless boyfriends and husbands pick out a gift for their partner was my favourite thing in the job. I liked learning about their partners’ likes and dislikes, forming a picture in my head and then convincing said men to spend more than they originally planned. Hehehe 

It was harmless manipulation, ya’ll. Up-selling is never bad, I hit my targets, the partners got amazing jewellery, everyone is a winner here...except for the buyer but we’re choosing to ignore that. 

Then, I graduated and worked in travel. Another amazing experience. It brought me so much joy to formulate itineraries for people and see the excitement and joy they felt about their upcoming travel plans. I was good at it too, surpassing my targets and winning awards. I was also fortunate to go to Vegas and Cairns, all in the space of 7 months and then....covid hit. 

Now I work in corporate sales in the freight industry and it’s a different environment, one that entails over promising and under delivering and I'm too honest and authentic of a person to lie to individuals. If I don’t believe in it, I cannot vouch for it/sell it. 

Working the corporate life has also made it abundantly clear to me that I cannot live a 9-5 life. It’s too restricting, it’s too controlling, I feel like my life revolves around work when it should be the other way around. I’ve always wanted to own my own business and it is blatantly obvious that, that is the only route. 

But, as I embark upon this journey, I want to help myself overcome myself. Does that make sense? I am the only person holding myself back and that changes now. Watch me evolve, mature and better myself so I can help others because that is all I want. To put positivity into this world and make people more accountable for themselves.