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We need to start seriously treating the concepts of "obesity" and "weight loss" as a dangerous pseudoscience and I'm not kidding.
It's some shit that everyone thinks they can understand based on vibes but science just doesn't work that way. Real scientists have proved time and time again that it doesn't work how people assume. Many medical conditions where it's assumed weight is a "cause", something to blame the patient for, it's often actually a symptom.
Body size is based on so many individual possibilities. genetics, upbringing, wealth, what type of food you eat, what type of work you do, where you live, etc etc etc. it is impossible to control for all of these.
I was a child born to fat, impoverished, labourer parents, and I grew up doing farm labour, gaining muscle - I will never ever be thin. It's just how my body developed. And no matter how much weight I were to hypothetically lose, doctors would still push me to lose more. Family would push me to lose more. Society would push me to lose more. It will never ever ever be enough. You will never be thin enough, there is no bmi low enough to satisfy them, there is no "progress" that won't just make them pity or shame you even more. Your personal circumstances aren't important to a pseudo-scientific practice, the variables don't matter that much, it must be a one-size-fits-all solution.
Every weight loss pill, every low calorie shake or meal replacement, every weight watchers frozen meal, it all contributes to the pseudo-scientific cult of thinness. Every ad that says you're not good enough, it pushes you to drop your critical thinking skills. We have created a world where people think shitting themselves into thinness using potions with untested ingredients is healthier than having some fat on their bodies. But it's not! That's absurd! You're sending your body into a constant state of gastric shock!! And one day, when you get bored of eating tasteless nutrient paste and decide to eat something with some flavour in it, your body will react with a starvation response and store every little bit of fat that it can, because it's so used to being fucking starved. Which sends people into a panic response, buying up more pills and trying to crash-diet and lose their meagre protective layers.
Your body stores fat because that's your reserve energy. Fat is protective. I thank my body every day for storing so much energy for me, fuck knows I need it! That's your blubber!! You are a large mammal. Your body is designed to keep energy in reserve so you can sleep and stay warm and keep your brain alive. You should research the human metabolic process. You should research the cow metabolic process. You should research bear metabolic process. YOU NEED FAT!
And just like so many other pseudosciences, fatphobia and all that it entails is deeply rooted in racism and specifically antiblackness. It is not a mistake that the ozempic-chic era is coinciding with one of the biggest waves of open, globalised white supremacy we've seen in decades. Whiteness needs to perform & police whiteness constantly, maintaining appearances is THE way to stay part of the ingroup.
You must commit to removing yourself from that ingroup. Do not allow it a single toe in the door. A pseudoscience, no matter how comforting and easy to digest it may be, is not your friend. It is feeding you lie upon lie upon lie.
Aang is about the strike the final blow and kill Ozai while in the Avatar state, and all the past Avatars of all the Four Nations are speaking through him, but he stops, and the glow fades from his tattoos
and the fire and the water and the earth drops away, and all heâs left with is Air, his native element, the element of a people that were wiped out, and the air surrounds him with this simple grace and dignity
and itâs like, even with all the power in the world, Aang remembers who he is, he remembers what he learned from the monks, he remembers his heritage, and he stays true to it. Itâs no accident that Air is the element heâs left with when all the others fall away, that itâs Air heâs surrounded by when he comes out of the Avatar state and decides to spare Ozaiâs life.
The Air Nomads were wiped out by ambush because they had no military power, Aang was brutalized in his fight with Ozai because of his mercy, and everyone, including his friends and past lives, were urging the necessity of killing OzaI. Ozai himself taunts Aang âyour people didnât deserve to exist in this world, in MY worldâ. But against all this, Aang refuses to let go of the ideals of compassion and mercy. He refuses to believe that power and violence are the only ways. Aang sparing Ozai was the last, bittersweet stand of the Air Nomads: not vengeance but true justice, an affirmation of the power of their beliefs, an assertion that the ways of peace, freedom and forgiveness are vital for the world.
I mean, how much courage does that take, when your entire culture has been wiped out by a violent world, to still say âNo. What my people believed has value, has strength.â
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Mizisua & Ivantill & Hyuluka // 6k oneshot // Modern AU
SUMMARY
âWhy are you always like this?!â Till is practically boiling over with rage, his words hitting him like the slap of a tidal wave. His face is creased in what looks like disappointment, as well, lips twisting like he shouldnât have expected any different. âFuckingâ say something, Ivan, what the hell!â
âDo you want to hit me more? You can, if you want.â Ivan tells him with startling clarity, face open and neutral.
âNO, I donât- I just- god, I wantââ Till runs a hand over his face, so frustrated beyond words he can barely speak. So he doesnât.
His face sets. Eyebrows furrowed together, he looks at Ivan like heâs some sort of alien creature, utterly incomprehensible. âFine. Fuckingâ fine. You want to start fights? You want to ruin the nice time we were having?"
"Then I will hit you, since you want it so bad.â
Or, the gang is split into pairs during an escape room challenge. The first to solve all the puzzles within half an hour wins. But...
As time ticks by, the doors don't open.
They're stuck with their partner of choice, for better or for worse.
And each of them are forced into startling realizations.
The ticking of the clock is loud. The room is utterly silent.
Mizi stares at it. Specifically, at the numbers blinking past the time they had been allotted. They were supposed to have been released ten minutes ago (though theyâd solved the puzzle long before thenâ anything to avoid the awkwardness lingering in the air) and yet, nothing.
She glances back from the clock to Sua, only to find the girl already gazing at her. Caught, Sua glances at the ground with a frown. Sheâs got that pensive look in her eyes which means sheâs stuck on a particular thought, pondering it until she works it out.
And itâs got nothing to do with the escape room.
Itâs both irritating - because sheâs clearly not talking about it - and upsetting, because thatâs what she normally does. So why isnât she?
And now Miziâs just like her, caught on a stubborn thought.
She sighs, leaning back against the wall and staring up at the garish decorations. An escape room had seemed like a good idea, at the timeâ booking the two of them one room, Hyuna and Luka another, and Ivan and Till in a third. That way, they could battle in teams to solve their room first.
(Till, competitive as always, had originally been pretty sour at being stuck with Ivanâ until he remembered that Ivan was topping basically all of his university courses. And was incomprehensibly good at solving Wordle every day.
Heâd been much more amenable after that.)
Luka didnât really seem to care at first - clearly thinking the whole idea a bit stupid - until Hyunaâs competitive streak had shown. Mizi had a feeling he was at her beck and call right now, hurriedly rearranging puzzle props according to her demands.
Either group was probably faring better than Mizi and Sua.
Mizi shuffled uncomfortably, chancing another look over at her. God, this was so weird. She had to say something. Anything.
âItâs strange, right?â
Her voice comes out a bit strained and awkward, despite her best efforts. Sua barely looks at her. âYeah, I guess.â
Mizi winces. Yikes.
She tries again.
âI mean, we solved it ages ago. Normally the door unlocks and a staff member greets you at the door, but⌠nothingâŚâ She trails off, because though Sua nods in agreement, itâs obvious she isnât listening to her in the slightest. She seems lost in her own thoughts.
In the room next to them, something bangs against the wall. They both jump.
It breaks the awkward air, as they both glance at eachother with raised eyebrows. Mizi opens her mouth to say something, but sheâs cut off by another loud bang from the other room. What on earth?
âUm⌠thatâs the room Ivan and Till are in, right?â Mizi says with an uncertain smile, brows furrowing. Sheâs a little concerned (though itâs probably nothing.) She wouldnât be surprised if theyâve come to blowsâ those two have a pretty complicated history.
Sua just nods in response, looking mildly curious. Then her nose wrinkles, as if somethingâs just occurred to her. âWait⌠you donât thinkâŚâ
âHm? What?â Mizi waits for her to finish the thought, but Suaâs gone quiet, moving over to the wall connecting the rooms and pressing her ear to it. Thereâs another thud, softer this time, and Mizi thinks she hears a noise - a groan, or something similar? A- moan, even?
Oh.
Sua pulls away from the wall with a shudder, a sort of horror in her eyes. âNevermind. Itâs⌠exactly what I thought. Ew.â With a grimace, she quickly moves over to the opposite wall. âLetâs just pretend this isnât happening.â
Mizi catches her drift, and canât resist the smirk pulling at her features as she follows after her.
In the short pause, Sua somehow detects it without even looking at her. Her voice is reproachful. âItâs not funny.â
âItâs⌠a little funny.â Mizi canât resist the snort that escapes her, as she slides down to sit next to her. Their gazes meet naturally, for the first time in a while. Suaâs brilliant violet eyes watch her with an unamused expressionâ before thereâs a third loud bang from next door, and both their eyes widen.
Mizi canât help but let out another snort. Suaâs face creases in a little smile, and then sheâs snickering too despite herself. As they giggle together, feeling like little kids, Mizi takes in Suaâs face â so free, laughing without a care in the world.
After the giggling fit has left them, Sua sighs, staring off at the opposite wall with narrowed eyes. âGod, theyâre so gross.â
âTheyâre guys, they have zero self-control.â Mizi examines her nailsâ thereâs a chip in one, when did that happen? âDonât know what we expected.â A brief pause. âThough Lukaâs not like that, and heâs a guyâŚâ
Sua meets her gaze with a flat expression. With a growing sense of distrust, Mizi remembers all the times Luka had slobbered on Hyuna growing up, and the way he follows her around all the time on campus, and comes to a swift realization.
 âNevermind.â
MeanwhileâŚ
Next door, an escape room has already been solvedâ but though the minutes tick by on the clock, neither party has noticed they shouldâve been released by now.
Theyâre rather preoccupied, at the moment.
âWhat the FUCK is wrong with you?!â
Ivan breathes shallowly, having been thrown against the wall after giving into temptation. Probably not the wisest decision heâs made, butâŚ
Staring up at Till, silver hair decidedly dishevelled, face flushed scarlet and screwed up in a scowl, eyes narrowed in red-hot hatred⌠he canât bring himself to regret it. Ivan rubs at the bruise forming on his cheek absent-mindedly, the memory playing on loop in his head.
Entering the escape room. Solving it, together, irritating Till all the while but also making him laugh, at certain pointsâ with a certain surprise to the laughter, like Till hadnât realized he was capable of making him feel anything other than burning irritation.
Thanks to Ivanâs intellect and Tillâs athleticism (sprinting around the room at double speed to slot shapes into places), theyâd solved the puzzle lightning fast. Within five minutes, as it happened.
Congratulatory music had played over the speakers as soon as theyâd placed the colourful teacups on their specific saucers, completing the final puzzle. Till had glanced up at the clockâ twenty-five minutes still to goâ and had let out a whoop of victory, certain theyâd beaten their friends.
Heâd glanced over at Ivan with this sort of- unbridled joy shining in his eyes, lips that were normally so sour and surly around him drawn up into the brightest grin heâd ever seen. He was looking at Ivan with that expression. Not Mizi, not any other girl, him.
Could you really blame him? When Till was so close, standing right next to him of his own volition, giving him a high-five of triumph, grinning at him like that⌠close enough to count every lash encircling those bright teal eyesâŚ
âWhy are you always like this?!â Till is practically boiling over with rage, his words hitting him like the slap of a tidal wave. His face is creased in â disappointment, as well, lips twisting like he shouldnât have expected any different. âFuckingâ say something, Ivan, what the hell!â
His eyes burn with revulsion, and Ivan can sense the restless, bottled-up energy in him, an itching irritation you canât bear to scratch. Till needs an outlet. He can give him one.
âDo you want to hit me more? You can, if you want.â Ivan tells him with startling clarity, face open and neutral. His hand still raised to his cheek.
âNO, I donât- I just- god, I wantââ Till runs a hand over his face, so frustrated beyond words he can barely speak. So he doesnât.
His face sets. Eyebrows furrowed together, he looks at Ivan like heâs some sort of alien creature, utterly incomprehensible. âFine. Fuckingâ fine. You want to start fights? You want to ruin the nice time we were having? Then I will hit you, if you want it so bad.â
A sort of savage satisfaction settles in the wry twist of Ivanâs mouth. Tillâs face contorts into a loathing scowl, as he drags him forward by the collar and cracks his hand straight across his face, as hard as he can.
Itâs like a strike of lightning, and as crimson trickles down from Ivanâs lips, and he tastes it on his tongue, he canât help but smile.
MeanwhileâŚ
Hyuna barely hears the loud thuds coming from next door, and if she does, she doesnât pay them any heed. Sheâs far too focused on her missionâ she wonât let the others distract her.
âLuka! Go check the music notes next door and tell me what colours they are.â Her brow creases as she examines the puzzle, pressing the buttons that correspond to different musical notes. Finish the melody, finish the melodyâŚ
âBlue, green, pink, red.â Luka says promptly, after ducking his head into the previous room. âIn that order.â
His lashes flutter sleepily, as he wishes they were doing literally anything else. He walks back into the room and takes in Hyunaâs expression, twisted in confused consternationâ she always gets too competitive. There was no beating Ivan when it came to intellectual puzzles, anyway. Even Luka knew better than to try pitting himself against him.
âHyunaâŚâ He says, trying to be gentle about it, as he watches her frantically press blue-green-pink-red, blue-green-pink-red, over and over, becoming increasingly frustrated. âI thinkâŚâ
âArgh!â Hyuna bangs the table, eyes roving impatiently over the puzzle to see what she missed. âI donât get it! What else are we meant to do other than input the notes?!â
âI thinkâŚâ Luka looks over the melody with a mild expression. âYouâre meant to add the melody already written, as well. And input the full melody, along with those extra notes.â
Instantly, Hyunaâs face splits open into a wide grin. âOh, of course! Nice work, Luka!â
Luka smiles- a rare, small smile. âNo problem.â
He watches as Hyuna successfully hits each button (in the right order, this time). Ordinarily, Hyuna wouldnât even make such a mistake â she had quite the razor-sharp intellect â but her competitiveness currently was serving as a double-edged blade.
Because on the one hand, she was incredibly driven and focused. But on the other, she was so stressed about winning that she tended to miss small details, in her search for the bigger picture.
Luka leans against the wall, watching as a hidden drawer containing a key is revealedâ and Hyuna thinks out loud, scanning the roomâs walls surrounding them. âWhat does this key unlock⌠it would have to be a drawer of some kindâŚâ
âWe could use a hint.â Luka suggests, idly, and Hyunaâs head snaps to him instantly.
âWhat?! Of course not! Thatâs basically giving up!â Her eyes are wide, as if shocked he even suggested it. Her expression melts into a winning smile as she moves forward, taking his hand. âNow come on, help me figure this out. Maybe the keyholeâs in the other room?â
Sheâs as bright as the sun as she tugs him alongâ Luka almost has to look away.
âŚMaybe this escape room wasnât such a bad idea after all.
MeanwhileâŚ
Thereâs another long pause, for a while, as the two girls listen to the bangs and thuds coming from next doorâ accompanied by muffled loud noises and shouting. Ivan and Till were certainly getting into it, werenât they?
The awkward silence Mizi had thought they were free of settles once more, like an itchy blanket. Sua seems unaware of it, aloof as always (though it could be an act) and itâs making Mizi feel a bit insane, like maybe itâs all on her side.
She decides to bite the bullet, because otherwise all this restless energy is going to make her get up and pace around the room, which would probably just unsettle Sua even more. âSua?â
Her voice comes out a bit small. Suaâs head snaps to her instantly. âYes?â
âJust, um⌠Itâs probably nothing, but.â Suaâs eyes are fixed on her, and now that sheâs got her undivided attention, she doesnât actually know what to say. âAre we, you know, okay?â
Her words, uncertain and uncharacteristically nervous, seem to reverberate around the room. Surrounded by neon painted walls and plastic decorations of trees and teacups, Mizi at once realizes how absurd the situation is. She could almost laugh. If she wasnât so scared.
âOf course.â Suaâs words are quiet and forthcoming, and she watches her steadily. âWhy wouldnât we be?â
Miziâs words leave her in a rush. âI guess you havenât really been talking to me and itâs making me worried I did something wrong? Youâve been quiet since yesterday at lunch and I thought itâd be fine today but then the whole escape room itâs just⌠been awkward? And weâre never awkward, thatâs why I like you so much, I feel like I can say anything around you, so I justâŚâ She trails off, abruptly noticing that this is actually making her feel worse rather than better.
Mizi feels hot tears start to prickle at her eyes, and blinks them back hurriedly before Sua notices. âNothing. Itâs probably fine. I just wanted to make sure. Sorry.â
Suaâs silent.
Mizi looks back up at her, trying to gauge her expression, and finds her with wide eyesâ absolutely floored. For whatever reason.
Sua feels her gaze and seems to shake herself, reaching out and grabbing Miziâs hand, lacing their fingers together.
Miziâs face turns a delicate pink, just briefly wondering if this is something friends do, yâknow, platonically, as Sua brings her face awfully close to hers. Mizi notices how the violet darkens in elegant arcs throughout her shining eyes, that there are pretty shades of indigo circling her pupils. âIâm sorry. Really sorry, Mizi.â
It takes her a second to process, utterly absorbed in how Suaâs dark lashes frame her eyelids, noticing for the first time that she has faint freckles dusting the slope of her noise. When she finally does, she goggles at her. âWait, what?â
Suaâs tongue darts out to wet her lips, seeming as nervous as Mizi is. Sheâs normally so put-together. âYou know howâŚâ She hesitates, and Mizi sees the internal battle flicker across her face.
One side appears to win, and Sua relents with a sigh. She looks like sheâs given in completely, like anything that happens now is going to be her fault and hers aloneâ and sheâs made peace with it. âYou know how guys are always flirting with you?â
Mizi blinks, not anticipating that course of conversation. âYeah?â
Itâs pretty irritating, honestly. Sometimes when sheâs sitting with Sua or Hyuna on the grass, on campus, random university boys come up to them â vaguely unwashed-looking boys, mostly, not even cute guys â but itâs not just her they flirt with. Theyâll hit on anything with legs, so Mizi doesnât understand where this conversation is going.
Suaâs expression is raw, and vulnerable. Mizi experiences a keen sense of not wanting to mess this up, because sheâs never seen her like this, and maybe never will again. âSee, I donât care about those guys, because theyâre all assholes.â Yeah, exactly. âBut you know that girl who came up to you? When we were at lunch, yesterday?â
Right, yes. This lovely, gorgeous girl had come up to them, with blue curling hair in waves past her shoulders. Sheâd chatted to them both, and she and Mizi had exchanged Instagrams. It was a lovely spontaneous interactionâ sheâd never made a friend in that way before.
âYeah? She was nice.â Something occurred to Mizi. âOh, right, I should send you her Insta handle. Pretty sure she just gave it to one of us for convenience.â
âNo, Mizi. No.â Sua squeezes her hand, expression almost pitying. Not insecure, just- disappointed. Her point is going completely over her head. âThat girl was giving her Instagram to you. Not the both of us.â
Sua is looking thoroughly like a kicked puppy now, and Mizi has no clue why. âMakes sense you didnât notice. This whole time I thoughtâŚâ An unhappy sigh. âWhatever. I guess it doesnât matter.â
Mizi latches onto her words with the ferocity of a hunting dog. âOf course it matters!!â Sheâs utterly confused, but she hates seeing Sua so upset. âAlright, soâ that girl was hitting on me then? I didnât even realize. Itâs hard to tell, sometimes, with girls.â A pause. âGuys are way more obvious about it. Makes them easy to ignore.â
That makes Sua laugh, for some reason, and Mizi brightens. That was a step in the right direction. After a second, she continues, not wanting to move on just yet. âSo⌠what did you mean by âthis whole time I thought?ââ
Sua stills. Instantly looks sorry sheâd even said anything. Her expression cuts through Mizi in a way she hadnât expected.
âSorry. You donât have to talk about it.â Mizi says, a bit awkwardly. Her gaze flits away, and Suaâs hand feels cold in hers all of a sudden.
âNo no! No. You just surprised me, thatâs all.â Sua says quickly, and she slides her hand out of Miziâs grip. She sounds a bit surprised, stressed-out, as if not expecting Mizi to catch on so fast.
That happens, a lot, people assuming sheâll just forget about little details like that. Comes with the territory of being a pretty girl. Mizi hopes dearly Sua doesnât think of her like that, like some ditzy bimbo. Surely not.
The silence weighs down on them again, for a moment. Suaâs wiping her palms off on her skirt, like theyâre sweaty. Is she that nervous? Is that why she let go of her hand? Mizi has so many questions.
But she has a feeling she needs to let Sua collect herself, and then speak.
So she waits.
MeanwhileâŚ
Tillâs out of breath, covered in a sheen of sweat, surrounded on all sides by fluorescent plastic decorationsâ and yet heâs never felt better.
Maybe this is just what he needed.
He has Ivan pinned against the floor, face blooming with fresh bruises. Till roughly pulls his head back by the hair before punching him square in the nose, feeling the sharp crack sound throughout his whole body.
Ivan lifts a hand to his nose, letting out a low groan, the sound reverberating around them. Before Till can decide how he feels about that theyâre moving.
Ivan shifts below him, trying to get out from under his heavy grip, pushing up against him. They roll around on the floor, each trying to pin the other down, and Till gruntsâ pushing Ivanâs face into the ground, trading childish jabs and quips all the while.
Ivan grins at him, wiping at blood smeared across his lips. âI thought you could hit harder than that.â
âShut up!â
Panting, Till swings for Ivanâs pretty-boy face, but he ducks out of the way, using the momentum to roll them over. Ivanâs powerful fist connects with Tillâs cheekâ âFuck!â landing a solid hit, the force carrying his head back, and Till grimaces, grappling to push him off. Â
âI thought the idea was,â Till gets out, glaring at him as he shoves him off, rolling them over again, as they bang into the wall with a thud. âThat I was going to hit you, not the other way around!â
The only response he gets is Ivanâs dry chuckle as they grapple with eachother on the ground, bruises blooming on both sides, practically wrestling at this pointâ
âWhat the hell- did you just BITE me?!â
âNo?â
Till avoids that dangerous mouth as best he can, the fang hanging from Ivanâs lips glinting under the lightsâ he doesnât want to be savaged, thanks very much.
Till yanks back Ivanâs hair by the root â Ivan makes a strangled noise â and grins wildly, sending his fist flying up his chin in a brutal uppercut, with all his strength. As Ivan falls backwards, thudding against the wall, he grabs at Tillâs backâ and heâs pulled in close.
They both breathe, together, Ivan sprawled against the wall with his hair falling in his eyes, sweat beading on his forehead- Till effectively straddling him, hands around the small of his waist trapping him there.
Itâs not exactly a comfortable position to take a breather in. Till tries to struggle out of his hold, but Ivanâs got him in a vice grip, grinning down at him with a glint of red in his eyes â bastard â and Till gives in, at least for the moment, slumped against the wall.
MeanwhileâŚ
A question has been broiling in Hyuna for a long while now, surging up like a hot geyser as she finally gives in, jaw clenching.
âWhy havenât the doors opened? We solved the puzzle ages ago, and itâs been more than forty minutes since we started!â Her eyes narrow. âThis escape room wasnât meant to be any longer than half an hourâ I donât like this one bit. Luka, help me force the door.â
Luka heaves a sigh, shoulders slumping as he acquiesces with grace.
They both heave at the door (Hyuna more than Luka), slamming their shoulders into it with gusto, but itâs immovable. Calling the âhintâ phone for help produces nothing but an endless ringing tone, echoing around the room uselessly.
âArgh!â Hyuna slams another fist into the door, feeling panic start to rise. She really doesnât like being confined in spaces like thisâ brings back- bad memories. âShit! Thereâs- what are we even supposed to do?!â
âLets just wait it out.â Luka says softly, bringing an arm around her shoulders, but she shakes it off instantly. Lukaâs brow creases, ever so slightly. âHyuna- think it through. Theyâll likely let us out soon, but all we can do is wait.â
He brings his arm back up around her shoulders again, waiting.
After a moment, Hyuna gives in, shifting away from the door, and letting him guide her back down towards the floor. Sheâs stiff, all over, her prosthetic leg jumping on the ground nervously. She spares a glance at it, as if remembering what happened the last time she was trapped in an enclosed space.
âHyuna.â A low, soothing voice.
Lukaâs arms come up around her, careful â seeing if sheâll flinch away â but she melts into it, and he holds her gently, with a loose grip. He runs a hand idly through her hair, the brown tresses cascading down her shoulders, and waits for her to speak.
He can feel thereâs something on her mind. And he knows exactly what it is.
He was there too, after all.
âSorry, Luka. Thanks, for- this.â Hyuna sighs, her shoulders finally slumping. âI thought I was over it all⌠butâŚâ She trails off, seeming to not want to finish her thought. Forcing herself to relax, and unstiffen, she takes Lukaâs hand, turning his palm over, examining the bluish tint to his fingernails. âYou took your meds today, right?â
Deflection. Alright, he can do that. âYes.â
âThatâs good. Your fingers just look a bit blue, thatâs all.â A brief pause, as she runs a light finger down the middle of his palmâ eliciting a pleasant shiver down his spine. âAnd youâre sleeping alright?â
âYes.â Lukaâs fingers close around hers, holding her hands in his. She squeezes his hand, gently, and he squeezes back. âBut I have a feeling itâs not me you should be worrying about, Hyuna.â
That mightâve been a touch too honest. Maybe sheâs not ready yet. But as Hyuna heaves a heavy sigh, settling into his arms, he has a feeling sheâs ready to talk now.
MeanwhileâŚ
The tension in the air is heavy, pressing down on them at all corners.
Mizi isnât kept waiting too long.
âToday and yesterday⌠Iâd thought you flirted with that girl right back.â Comes the quiet admission. âAnd I guess it was weighing on my mind, because I didnât thinkâŚâ She swallows. A brief pauseâ sheâs deliberating over her words. âI donât know, I thoughtâŚâ
âThat I was straight?â
The words echo around the room.
Itâs the first time either of them have ever even brought up sexuality around eachother before. Itâs just⌠never really come up. The topic is unfamiliar, and feels tense for a reason she canât explain.
Sua looks relieved, that she didnât have to say it out loud. âI donât know. Like I said, it doesnât matter, because you werenât flirting with that girl anyway. So itâs fine.â
Miziâs world narrows down to a single point. Sua in the lens, with relief evident in her expression, hands knitted together in paradoxical anxiety. Thereâs no way.
Suaâs words about Ivan and Till from earlier echo in her brain. âGod, theyâre so gross.â
A quiet horror enters Miziâs expression, and she stiffens, all over.
Oh god.
Her best friend is homophobic, and she never even realized.
Sua has noticed the panic in her eyes, which is now mirrored in hers. âWhat? What is it, are you okay? Mizi?â She seems to go over her words in her head, trying to see if sheâs said anything amiss, utterly confused.
Praying sheâs wrong about this, Mizi watches a realization dawn on Sua in real time.
âMizi.â Sua says urgently, until she meets her eyes. âMizi.â
Mizi drags her gaze up to meet hers, reluctant. âMizi. Iâm not homophobic.â
Oh god, is she so easy to read? Mizi wilts like a flower, relieved beyond wordsâ sagging back against the wall. Suaâs face is so open and honest she doesnât feel the need to question anymore, knowing itâs the truth. âYou really scared me for a second there, Sua.â
âSorry.â
The situation is absurd beyond words, and Mizi lets her head thud against the wall, letting out a dry laugh. âWe really lost the plot there, didnât we?âÂ
âYeahâŚâ Sua sighs, sounding relieved too, but in a different way. As if she just barely avoided disaster, and is shocked she managed to avoid it. Miziâs hand snakes over to find her hand again, shyly, and their fingers lace together once more.
Mizi wonders if it means anything, petals of hope unfurling inside her. As she turns and sees the soft smile on Suaâs face, with a tenderness sheâs only ever seen directed at her, she wonders even more.
MeanwhileâŚ
Hyunaâs words are shaky and hoarse in a way that makes him feel physically ill.
Sheâs normally so strong, so positive, able to turn the darkest of situations into some stupid joke, in a way that makes nothing seem that serious.
Sheâs like a pale shadow of her usual self, right now. Uncertainty doesnât suit her. He hasn't seen her like this since-
Well.
âI justâ I donât get it.â
Lukaâs hand moves to her hair, combing her scalp soothingly, and she closes her eyes, leaning into his chest. âItâs been years since Iâve even- even been in an elevator. I thought Iâd never have to feel like this again. I justâ I canâtââ She struggles for the words, feeling panic start to grip her again, and Luka feels it as it comes.
âItâs alright. Itâs okay.â He cuts off her train of thought, murmuring reassurance in her ear, as she shakes silently in his arms. âTheyâll let us out soon, and then you probably wonât have to feel this way again. Itâs just a freak accident-â
âBut so was back then, Luka!â Itâs an outburst, a frightened string of words that mean much more to Hyuna than they ever will to him. She turns to face him, and sheâs already so pale with anxiety, her expression pulled taut like a fraying rope.
 Luke wincesâ probably not the best choice of words.
Watching him, Hyuna weakens again, voice quieting. âI know, I know itâs not the same, but- I donât know.â
âI feel the same as we did then, right now.â A choked sob. "And- and you're fine. You're notâ even affected, right now. Which is great, but- it makes me feel like something's wrong with me, likeâ"
Hyuna. Hyunwoo. Luka. Metal walls. Smeared scarlet. A help button, pressed over and over. Ear-splitting alarms, red and blue lights, playing on repeat in Hyunaâs head.
Luka mutters a soft curse word, taking in how tortured her eyes are, before lifting his arms to encircle her entirely, her head pressed into his chest, as if shielding her from the world. He feels pathetic with how useless he is. He doesnât know what to do.
Itâs normally Hyuna in his position, Hyuna protecting them both from the world. Bullies in middle school. Standing next to him at every doctorâs appointment. Clutching onto his icy hand like a lifeline in the E.R, when his heart was weakly pulsing, stopping and starting again.
âIâm so sorry.â Luka murmurs, into the softness of her hair. They pull eachother closer. He doesnât know what she needs, but he can offer his body, physical comfort and warmthâ thatâs all he knows how to do, after all.
MeanwhileâŚ
The door swings open with a loud ding. Mizi has the startled realization of feeling like sheâs in a microwave.
âOh my god Iâm so sorry, I got like no sleep last night and I ended up falling asleep at my desk!!â A panicked young girl with dishevelled brown hair stands next to them, clad in her blue staff uniform. âCongratulations on solving the puzzle- you didnât even need any hints!â
She then turns rather guilty, digging about in her pockets for something. âSorry if I, um, negatively affected your experience⌠I have coupons? If you want to come again?â
She holds them out with an appropriate amount of sheepishness, and Mizi and Sua look at eachother with matching grins. âYeah, sure. Weâll take them.â Theyâre both in agreement about coming back and repeating the experienceâ without all the weirdness.
âThoughâŚâ Thereâs a brief pause, as Suaâs expression turns thoughtful. âHave you checked on our other friends yet?â
âNo! I was just about to.â The girl says, straightening her uniform, smiling at them brightly. She tilts her head to the side. âWhy?â
âUm⌠no reason.â Sua says reluctantly. âBut just so you know, for the room next doorâ you might want to knock first.â
Mizi stifles a giggle, as the girl sends them a bemused expression. âSure! Alright, I can do that.â
They follow her outside into the corridor. Mizi prepares to cover her eyes as the girl knocks on the door, not wanting to scar herself for life if their friends are less-than-clothed.
Briefly, she wonders if she and Sua shouldâve warned them beforehand, as this might get the two banned for life.
The door creaks open⌠revealing the back of Till whoâs straddling Ivan on the floor, still fully clothed, thank god. Mizi breathes a sigh of relief.
Until Till turns towards the door, and they see a ripe bruise swelling on his face, and how his features are drawn together in a scowl. âHold on, Iâm not done with him yet.â
Till proceeds to pull back his fist and punch him across the face with a satisfying crack. Ivan makes a pained noise as his head snaps to the side, and Mizi sees his face for a second, appearing utterly blissed-out despite the blood leaking from his nose, and the various scratches and bruises littering his features. What the hell?
Till pulls himself off Ivan and dusts off his clothes with the air of a job well done, blowing on his bruised knuckles. Ivan, meanwhile, staggers to his feet with several bruises and a clear light-headedness, steadying himself against the wall.
Ivan smiles at them brightly. âSorry about that. Donât worry, no bodily fluids got on the escape room.â
âYeah, bet you wouldâve liked that though, wouldnât you.â Till says, witheringly, with a context they apparently lack. Ivan just shrugs at him in response, looking rather pleased with himself.
âIf this is you two, I donât even want to see what Hyuna and Luka have gotten up to.â Sua says with an air of utter disdain. The poor brunette girl just glances between all of them with increasing concern, eyebrows drawing together.
âI hope you en-joyed?-âHer gaze catches on Ivan, clearly limping along, and her brow creases. ââŚyour experience. Sorry about the delays.â She manages to breeze past the oddness with startling efficiency, and guides them down to release the last of their friends.
Mizi feels a less ominous sense of dread this time as the door is unlocked and creaks open, because the most responsible of them all would surely be Hyuna. Well, apart from when her temper gets the best of her.
They find the two huddled together in a corner, whispering about something. Most noticeably, Lukaâs holding her, Hyuna leaning back against his chest â thereâs a glint of wetness shining in her eyes â and as soon as the door opens, she flinches, jumping up and away from him.
Luka slowly gets up behind her, as she smiles brightly at them, weak all over with sheer relief. âHey guys! Howâd you go with the puzzles? We finished ours in ten seconds flat.â
Mizi and Sua exchange glances of concern. âWe did⌠alright.â
Hyuna takes in the bruises covering Till and Ivan, the blood still smeared across Ivanâs upper lip. âHoly shit. What happened to you, Ivan?â
âTill did.â He says with a small smile, which seems to piss off Till quite a bit.
âOnly because you kissed me, you asshole!â Till shoves him away, and though heâs scowling, his scowl changes halfway to a laugh when Ivanâs momentum carries him straight into the wall with a thud. Mizi realizes, distantly, why the walls kept on thudding in such a fashion.
Sua frowns - she was half-right, then. She places a hand on Tillâs shoulder, turning him towards her and speaking quite seriously. âYou may be one of the only good ones left here, Till.â
Till levels her with a look of absolute confusion. âWhat?â
The employee clears her throat, and they all turn to her. âIf youâre all, um, finished⌠Free vouchers and coupons! Here. And please donât tell my supervisor. Thanks.â She holds out the strips of papers, which are taken, and ushers them outside with great haste.
âThough she gave us free vouchers, I get the feeling she doesnât actually want us to come back.â Hyuna remarks with a grin that seems a little less forced, now, and Mizi snorts, pointing over at Ivan (who is purposefully walking diagonally to run into Till) and Till (who is shoving Ivan off the sidewalk).
âWell, yeah. Iâm surprised those two didnât kill eachother in there.â
âEh. Fine line between love and hate.â Hyuna watches them with curiosity not unlike a scientific researcher examining a specimen. Luka sighs, lagging behind, seeming tired out, and Hyuna catches his hand and pulls him along. They exchange a gentle smile, tinged with pure relief.
Mizi watches them and their hands, before looking at Sua, walking right beside her. They're walking close together.
Mizi walks a little closer.
Their feet move in unison, one after another down the pavement. Their hands touch once on accident and flinch away, sending a shock down her spine. They touch again, accidentally-on-purpose, a little slower.
Then when they meet a third time, their fingers lace together quite intentionally, twining two into one in a firm grip.
They both smile off to the side, unable to make eye contact, faces warm.
And they continue down the sidewalk, an unlikely group of friends, on their way to get kicked out unceremoniously of whatever establishment they enter. (Itâll be Ivan and Tillâs fault, probably.)
Leave a comment on ao3 if you enjoyed! :)
I want you like a mad, mad woman (5972 words) by Pheenix
project hail mary is insane bc the first half is like oh my god the world is dying and there's alien bacteria eating the sun and there's some guy alone on a ship and he's having a breakdown and the flashbacks are getting darker and this is a tragedy the likes of which i have never seen. then BAM andy weir says fuck you actually. here's this pokemon guy he's here to save the day with the power of friendship. and it's the best thing you've ever seen in your life
I see your âRocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans canât hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words meanâ and raise you âRocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that âbad bad badâ isnât actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.â
Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rockyâs been saying is âshit shit shitâ.
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k but imagine Rocky wanting to learn about how humans became the apex predators of their planet so he has Grace âhuntâ him in the biodome as an experiment and during it he thinks Grace isnât trying or taking it seriously which is bad bad bad because this is for research purposes
only for Rocky to get more and more tired as the experiment goes on just to realize that Grace isnât which makes him panic so he puts as much distance as he can between them and finds a (hopefully) safe spot to sleep and when he wakes up the human is crouching over him like âgot youuuâ and Rocky has never shrieked so damn loud before in his life
roald dahl was antisemitic and misogynistic. george orwell was openly homophobic. edgar allan poe married his 13 year old cousin. dr seuss cheated on his wife (and was racist as well as antisemitic!). hp lovecraft was racist as fuck.
anyways theyâre fucking dead itâs not like youâre enabling their behaviors in the afterlife or something. then again I think they bleed into the books so uh keep an eye out for that
the difference between these old white guys and jk rowling is that the former group is all dead. jk rowling is alive and using your money to oppress trans people
once you realise that fandoms are shaped by white fans and a lot of these fans hold very conservative and reactionary views when it comes to their personal relationship to things all the while professing theyâre the fourth wave of feminism or whatever, you stop caring about what any of these people think and you find peace
on transitioning from fanfic to original fiction pt. 1
before i finally finished my first original short story in 2021, i had probably between fifteen and twenty attempts under my belt. some of them were only a handful of paragraphs -- strings of dialogue that never quite found the right mouths to go into, descriptions of settings that were beautiful and purposeless. a few more promising ones turned into meandering conversations between characters whose point i hoped to find in the course of writing them. it wasn't easy like writing fanfiction. but that was the point in order fit the contours of what i thought a short story was supposed to be: serious and literary. not something that i had fun writing or at least, not anywhere close to the same fun that i had with fanfiction.
i tried a lot of different tactics to get out of this rut. i could make scenes but there never was much point to them. whatever quality seemed to animate my work when i was writing about characters that did not belong to me was utterly missing from anything that came from my own mind. it's only now that i've finished a couple more stories and finally gotten one published that i have realized that this is, in large part, the point of writing your own characters. when you start, you don't know them, even if you think you do.
there is a difference between compiling a list of traits and general ideas about a character and actually making one, especially if you are used to working with characters that have been developed by someone else. you have an idea of what they sound like when they are talking and how they might look walking around. though this might change depending on the kind of fanfiction you write, you are still working from a base that your readers are familiar.
i've been writing my own version of eren jaeger for almost four years now. there are ways that i have changed him to my own purposes but, ultimately, the way i write him adheres to a general form of a reckless, self-loathing person who is allergic to his own happiness. this is my own interpretation of him, based off of the text, as well as other fics i have read. when i have an idea for a fic that involves him, he is already a known quantity in a lot of ways and all i have to do is figure out how my interpretation of him might move through different scenes. it's still a lot of work (which is why it can be super scary when you're writing in a new fandom for the first time) but there is something i can tack back to if i am lost, especially now that i've written so many versions of him. since i write a lot of aus, usually the characters are the same while the setting varies wildly. but because i have a concrete set point in my characters, it doesn't feel like i'm having to come up with everything from scratch.
when you're working with an already developed character, someone else has already done a lot of trial and error, shaping them into what they are. making decisions about their personality and how that interlocks with the story. creating alternate versions of them that don't end up fitting into the final product but inform it anyway. creating a character who is compelling and believable takes a lot of work and trial and error. while in fic, your character is usually your set point (meaning that they way they act is generally defined in your mind), a character you create on your own, as well as the story that you create around them, can be changed depending on what you find interesting and what best conveys the themes that you are trying to communicate. it is a lot more freedom but with that freedom comes a lot more choices that have to be made. and it is through these choices that you are articulating your creative vision for the story and maybe even your work as a whole. even if freedom is technically a good thing, it can be scary! like fuck, i gotta make all these choices on my own??? in this economy????
i used to think that these choices needed to be made in a different way than i made them in my fic writing. i used to think i had to make the smartest and most intellectually riveting choices that would make my readers think i was smart and well-read and knew what i was doing. but when i did that, i would end up with these meandering, solipsistic 5k behemoths that never went anywhere or reached any higher form of truth.
when i am writing fic, my guiding question is "does this make me horny?" which might sound insane but stay with me for a second. for me, horniness is not just about sexual arousal but a certain feeling i get in my brain that means i am inspired by something. i can't describe it but i know when i feel it. i'm sure you have a feeling like this too when you find a piece of art that you really vibe with or a song that can't get out of your head. it's speaking to something deep inside you that you don't quite understand yet but you know is important.
by ignoring this feeling when i was writing my original work, i was ignoring what i actually wanted to write. even if it wasn't "serious" or adhering to the conventions of contemporary literary fiction. it wasn't until i was so burnt out from writer's bock that i started to let my original characters act in ways that i found interesting, instead of adhering to some amorphous genre conventions i made up in my head. once i figured out this trick, my stories got a lot better. not because i would always get it right the first time but because i would be interested enough in the story to keep working on it. if you don't give a shit about what you're writing, it's unlikely that anyone else will.
anyway i have more thoughts on this and how to actualize it (unfortunately, a lot of revision) but will stop here. :) feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions about this or your own methods for developing original characters.
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âcouldnât be meâ âcanât relateâ âi always had good tasteâ and then i check the profile and youre 22âŚ.. give it a second! your favorite movies will start sucking shit shortly!