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2.5k | this is a draft from like 2 years ago lmao, but i wanted to post something so i stop getting stressed about my first post so

“You’ve never done that before?” You laugh loudly rolling against the carpeted floor. You neared the beer bottles that had surrounded you both, all oozing a sick smell of alcohol that had fallen numb to your noses. “Wait seriously,” Gojo moved closer to you with a shocked face. “Never?” You sat back up, reaching for the bottle beside you and then leaning back on your arm as you took a sip. 

“No, why would I,” you questioned, leading under your breath. He mirrored your movements, reaching beside him for a bottle. “You do know we can’t see ourselves in photos right? Or did you somehow forget?” Gojo took a long sip before laying down, inching away from the crackling fireplace besides his feet and closer to you.

“I dunno, thought maybe it’d forget,” he replied staring up at the ceiling rather than at you, since you  had begun to laugh again repeating ‘it’d forget’ under your breath. He sighed with a smile “Come on, it’s not that funny.” Gojo would admit that yes, spending hundreds on different polaroid cameras to see if he’d show up in at least one photo was a dumb idea but hey, at least worth a shot. It wasn’t that dumb. To him at least.

“How would it even forget? That makes no sense. It’s a person not a curse it can’t just ‘forget’ you’re a vampire, stupid.”

“I get it, I get it. Jeez, can’t be a little bit creative around here,” Gojo sighs again, this time covering his face in embarrassment. “I just wanted to see, you know. I wish it would forget.” The laughing soon died down after his impromptu confession. Both of you lied facing the ceiling without saying a word. The only noise breaking the silence had been the pops and cracks of the wood in the fire, though it wasn’t long until that too had died down.

It had been the first time one of them had acknowledged it aloud. Though the idea had plagued them both for centuries, it had been more of a topic to mull over at night by themselves when they were the only ones awake. What would they do to become human again. If it was even possible that is. What they would give to become ignorant of the world of monsters the way they were centuries ago. They both had been naive, believing the simple life they gave up for immortality had been worth the trade, but years of exhaustion weigh on your shoulders even if one couldn’t see it on your face. The guilt of killing others, the constant hiding during the day, the isolation of watching everyone you loved pass away slowly. If you had known what this life entailed you would’ve welcomed death with open arms.

“What would you do if it did,” you asked in a soft whisper. 

“Everything.” He waited a beat before continuing with a large grin. “Maybe remind myself of how hot I look.” You groan and roll your eyes, a smile spreading across your face.

“You’re insufferable,” you said as you playfully smacked his shoulder.

“No really, I’m curious. I’ve forgotten after all these years and I gotta know why people still swoon when they see me.”

“No one swoons.”

“Come on, you still do.” Gojo’s smile grows as you turn away from him to look at some of the half empty bottles surrounding you both.

“I forgot too you know,” you admit. His playful demeanor slowly drops as he hits up and looks at you. “You know, I used to do such dumb stuff to figure it out again.”

“Like what?” 

“I used to wear contacts in a bunch of different shades of brown to see if my friends would ever say anything, maybe give a hint as to what color they actually were. Went through 20 different shades and no one said a thing.” You smiled fondly to yourself, and looked over to Gojo to be met with a matching grin.

“And you made fun of me for the pictures,” he chuckled, “what if they did notice and just didn’t say anything?” You thought to yourself for a second before groaning, covering your face with your hands.

“Oh my god, I’d cry , that’s so embarrassing.” He laughed harder, earning another light hit to his arm. “What did you do? Besides spend a fortune on cameras.”

“Well,” he shifted in his seat, “I used to cut a chunk of my hair every couple years to look at the color.  I only stopped because last time I cut a bit too much, everyone noticed and made fun of me for it.”

“That’s even dumber than the pictures. Even if you forgot, everyone always mentions your hair. You can’t go a second without someone mentioning your  ‘silky white hair’,” you quote in a teasing voice.

“It’s not about remembering the color,” Gojo laces his voice with a cocky tone, “it’s about looking at it, seeing why everyone mentions it. Every time I’d cut it I’d look  and think, ‘god my hair is gorgeous no wonder everyone admires it’.” You giggle at his antics.

“I bet it looked even better with a chunk missing,” you take another swig of your drink. “I would put on lipstick and kiss pieces of paper just to see how big my lips were.” 

“Did it work?”

“Yes, but then my roommate walked in on me making out with a sheet of paper, so never again.” The both of you continued to share stories of different methods you had used to figure out anything about your appearance, laughing at one another’s failed attempts until the room went quiet with a wave of sadness once again. A sense of hopelessness filled you. Something as simple as remembering your own face was impossible, for you could not remember the last time you had seen your reflection. If you had known it’d be the last time all those year ago maybe you would’ve studied for a bit longer, making notes on your quirks and imperfections. “You know last week, Shoko told me she was on a train, and this guy across from her just started drawing her.” You spoke softly, slowly recounting the story, all the playfulness from earlier drained from your voice. “She told me she was confused and had no idea who he drew until he told her. She nearly cried right then and there but just said thank you and left. She has it hung up in her room now, she said she likes to sit and stare at it at times.”

“Does it actually look like her?” Gojo asked quietly, staring at you.

“Yeah, just like her. He did an amazing job.”

“Why haven’t you done something like that yet?” Curiosity dripped from his voice. If Gojo had thought of that he would’ve tracked down the artist immediately. Although slightly embarrassing to admit, Gojo yearned to see his own face again. To understand every curve of his nose, learn every fold on his lips, to memorize every wrinkle on his face. He had some idea yes, but the idea had been warped and muddied with years of memories that left his image of his own face looking more akin to a child’s drawing rather than a photograph of himself.

“Done what?”

“Got an artist to draw you?” You lied in silence for a moment, deep in your own thoughts before you whispers, more to yourself than Gojo.

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?” Gojo moved closer.

“I don’t know.” It was true, you had also desperately wanted to know what you looked like. You had spent countless hours of sleep mulling over this exact thought, envisioning what type of face you had. Round? Slim? Sunken? You had built you own body countless times in your mind, each looking vastly different from the last. You wanted to know but at some point your mind rejected the idea completely.

“Are you scared of being ugly?”

“It’s more than that,” you scoffed. “it’s just hard to explain.”

“Try me.” You glance quickly at Gojo, looking away just as fast once met with his reassuring smile. You sat up knees to your chest and sighed. “I don’t know just, right now I have no problem with how I look, I mean I don’t know how I look so obviously I have no problem with it right?” He nodded. “What if I see myself and suddenly I have a problem? I don’t want to see myself and become super insecure because I don’t like what I see. I’m stuck with this face forever, I don’t want to find out I’ve had so much wrong with me all this time.” Gojo looked deep in thought, you swore you could see the gears turning in his hear as his eyebrows furrowed in thought. It was clear he hadn’t thought of this situation in this way before. You took a deep breath. “But you know,” he looked back up at you, “at the same time. I think I’d give anything to know what I look like when I’m happy.”

“Beautiful.” 

“Oh come on Gojo I’m being serious.” He moves towards you till he’s sat directly infront of you.

“I am being serious. You look beautiful when you’re happy. Your smile is like one of those half moon shapes.” He tries to imitate the shape with his hands.

“Is it? I’ve tried to smile and touch my lips to feel the shape but I’ve never felt that.”

“Well you felt wrong cause you definitely have that type of smile.” He leaned forward to look closer at your face. “And your eyes get really small and your cheeks become super puffy,” Gojo reached over and pinched your cheek only for you to swipe his hand away. 

“What about when I’m mad? Do my eyebrows do the thing in emojis where they go like this?” You slant your fingers infront of you.

“Yeah, and you frown.”

“What about when I’m sad? Am I one of those people that look pretty when they cry?” You ask wide eyed, doing absolutely nothing to conceal your excitement with his answers and Gojo cannot help but smile.

“Definitely not, you look horrible when you cry. Your face gets all red and your eyes are puffy and you just look bad,” Gojo answers sarcastically.

“Got it, thanks. I would tell you but I’ve never seen you cry. But when you’re mad you get all these wrinkles on your forehead that you actually look your age.”

“Ouch,” he feigned hurt with clutching his chest, “I guess I’ll just never get mad again.” 

“You do have a pretty smile though.”

“Oh really? Tell me more.” He leaned closer, a bit too close for comfort but not enough to pull away.

“You have dimples. Right here,” you poke his cheek with your finger, “and here.” His eyes slightly widen with shock as he brought his hands to touch the sides of his face you’ve delegated to be his dimples.

“I do?” Gojo asked astonished.

“Yes, but they only show up when you really smile wide, so I’ve only seen them a few times.” Gojo begins to study your face, moving his head from side to side trying to find feature he can describe for you. 

“This feels weird you know,” you keep your head still as your eyes follow his back and forth movement.

“Shh,” he grins, “Your nose is about this long,” he puts his hand to your face to measure it out. “It’s not a button nose but it’s cute it suits you.” You mirror his same movement, measuring his nose with your fingers to show him. 

“Yours goes straight down, no curve or bump to it. Your eyes are pretty big, and kinda bright. They’re this scary shade of blue.” His head moved backward slighty, as if offended.

“Everyone always compliments my eyes no one ever calls them scary.” He playfully scoffs, before focusing back on your face, his eyes darting all around seemingly scanning every inch. He moves between your eyes and lips, finding it difficult to stay on either. 

“Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“What?” Seemingly pulled out of his trance Gojo moved backward awkwardly, focusing on just your eyes.

“You said I looked beautiful when I smiled, do you really think so?”

“Yes,” he answered after a moment of silence, looking away awkwardly as the now dead fire, clearing his throat before he continued, “well?”

“Well what?”

“What about me? You think I look ugly or am I as hot as everyone says I am?” You roll your eyes, of course he’d ask that. You tap your finger your lip in exaggerated thought.

“Well you’re not the best looking guy I’ve ever met,” he gasped before you finished your sentence.

“What? Seriously?” He looked back at you with genuine astonishment. Everyone always insists Gojo is the most attractive guy around, why else would he have an ego this large for a man who could barely remember his own face.

“What did you expect? A compliment?”

“Well maybe I did.”

“You get them all the time from everyone else.” His gaze fell back to the floor “Don’t tell me that you’re hurt by that.”

“I’m not. Definitely not whatsoever.” He refused to look at you.

“Oh come over here,” you pulled at his shirt to bring him closer to you, even closer than he was before. He obliged, not even attempting to fight back. You looked at his face closely, imitating what he had done earlier with a playful grin that slowly faded as you looked at him.

“Do you really have to look this close to tell me if I’m ugly?” Gojo felt awkward under your gaze, especially since he expected some sarcastic retort back, a ’shut up’ or even a shushing in anyway but you were silent. Silent and incredibly close to his face. He could feel the heat slowly rush to his face, if only he knew how visible it was to you.

From here you could see the pores on his face, misplaced hairs along his eyebrow, even the cut on his lip. His lips were slightly agape as he looked back at you, and were this slight pink tone you would’ve attempted to described if he hadn’t stared at you like that. Your stomach fluttered as your chest began to feel full.

Your breaths slowed, thought if either of you had noticed was a mystery. Gojo leaned first, moving slower as your grip on his shirt loosened. You’re not sure when your eyes had shut but you know that soon after you felt his lips meet yours. The kiss was soft, still hesitant. Neither of you could think much just focusing on the slight taste of the liquor in each other’s mouths. It might’ve lasted 3 seconds but the curling feeling in your stomach remained.  You pulled away first, overwhelmed by the sense of emotion and opened your eyes to meet his.

“No, I don’t think you’re ugly Gojo.” You spoke awkwardly, unsure of how to continue.