Farewell
“You are a fool.” The puppy looked up at her, its harmless expression betraying the depravity of the demon within. “That you would trade something so precious, so willingly.”
“It is all I have left,” said the Witch. “And I am not willing… the gods know I am not willing.”
Shadow considered her for a while before relenting with a sigh, “My happiness for yours, Anthea Moonglove? Are you quite sure, child? Never in a millenia had I even dared to dream…”
She put a finger to her lips shaking her head before scooping the puppy up into her arms. “I am still Ka`ada for a few more bells. I am the voice of my people, and my word is law.”
The puppy nuzzled her gently and with a soft whine. “As you will, my Ka`ada.”
—
Anthea had been quiet and contemplative all day, she didn't eat or rest and seemed completely absorbed in staring blankly into the horizon or quietly sobbing when she thought Deryk wasn't paying attention. It was hard to get one by him, though. He knew that she was upset and his brows were furrowed as he had attempted to keep himself occupied--he hadn't wanted to pry.
Just before dinner, she asked him to accompany her without giving any notion about where or why. He agreed, of course, although there was so much concern writ upon his face. She led him by the hand through an odd book that sat in the very center of the large bookshelf and he could feel her trembling; her touch was uncharacteristically cold.
They walked this way in silence for a while before emerging into a small clearing of stark white dandelions; they had come to the Twelveswood by her magic. The silence was deafening and the melancholy thick. He watched her, reluctant to release her hand at first, though he did relent after a moment. She moved forward timidly.
The dandelions swayed gently in the breeze, mimicking the rocking of the sea. Strangely, her form seemed to flicker, as if she was merely superimposed over an image of the Twelveswood; as if she didn’t really exist. Had Deryk not been watching her so intently, he might not have even noticed.
"Deryk... I... I'm not even sure where to begin. But I have a proposal for you. You must promise that you will hear everything I have to say..." She finally turned to look at him with tears in her eyes. "Can you promise me that?"
"You can speak plainly with me--you know I'll listen, I always do."
She nodded slowly, "I know. I... well, I have a solution to many issues that I've been thinking about for a long while." She hesitated, silence filling the space. "...I want to go to the Aetherial Sea. Deryk, I think it's time for me to... to..." Her gaze fell down to her feet as the tears came faster. "I think it's time for me to… go."
There was a shocked silence. Deryk’s fingers twitched before he tucked his thumbs into his hands and curled his fingers over them, squeezing them tightly as his gaze turned downward too. "...a mortal's life is already so fleeting. Why...why would you shorten it further?" There's a crack in his voice with the pause and repeated words. "Is this the best solution...or one of the ones you found that could work faster...or easier?"
"I promise it is. I've poured through tomes and consulted with my Elder, and Shadow…” She’d rehearsed this part so many times in the past few bells but still seemed much too eager to simply explain it all away. “I could finally release the Lady into the Sea, and the Silent Man would walk with her. The Ya`ani would be able to govern themselves for the first time in their history. Minerva's mother would be free from my curse as it would be undone..."
She hesitates for a second time, noticing his posture.
"And most importantly. You would be free to travel again, to live as you please. To… love as you please." Her voice cracks, apparently she'd been harboring these feelings for a long time. "I know you feel stifled here. Contained. Imprisoned, even. I know it is in your very nature to wander. I can't help but imagine the agony that is being chained to one place... and one person..."
"I...I would be free? ...what?" His gaze shifts in her direction, though his head is slow to lift. "I feel what? ...that's not even close to anything I feel. I choose to be here--do you truly think I'd stay if I didn't want to?" Eventually he does look at her, his expression a mixture of pain and confusion. "I...want to be here--I want to be with you. I want to love you..."
She is stunned by his admission, her eyes widening as he speaks. "D-Deryk..." She sits, hugging her knees to her chest, and speaks quietly. "I didn't realize that this might cause you so much pain. I had hoped you might be relieved." The words came out of her mouth heavy and viscous, they didn't seem quite right.
"Why would I be relieved? I... I understand what it is like to feel the desire to return once one's duty is done.. that was ever the way of my people... but your life is so short.." Another pause as he takes a breath; turning to look away again as he squeezes his thumbs a bit tighter to try and ease the trembling in his hands. "This...doesn't make sense to me... make it make sense..”
"I've convinced myself that I can help many people by leaving, Deryk." She pulls her legs in tighter to her body, "But seeing you like this... I don't want to cause you so much pain."
The wind blew through the dandelions as the pair’s words soaked into the earth around them like fresh rain. It was a while before Deryk spoke again.
"I am one... I should not be put above the many. My entire existence was to be in service of the many... so I do not get to be selfish. However, you must...must understand something.."
He sighed, stepping over to sit behind her, his lower back lightly touching up against hers.
"There is no coming back from this.. not as you are.. Your soul will be cleansed of its memories in the Sea and eventually it will be born anew, but it will not be you.” He takes in a deep breath and holds it for a second.
His voice is shaking as he draws his own legs up into a position similar to hers. "And I am unconvinced.. The elder I can trust, but Shadow...is still him--a being you warned me not to trust.. a trickster after only what he wants... And we are not infallible.. so I am not convinced yet that this is the correct course..."
She slouched a bit at this. In her heart of hearts, had she truly thought that convincing him would be easy? Was she even fully convinced herself? "I don't know what is right, Deryk. I'm not sure I ever have. I only know that I can help people, and I've always believed that to be my purpose in this life. However…” She paused slightly before continuing, “I don't believe myself to be a god, so generously bequeathing the realm with my energy... I think I've earned this destruction. I feel I must atone for my magic and the decisions I've made."
Even with Deryk right behind her she didn't budge. She did, however, steal a look at her forearm from which the Man's book of contracts was once sealed. How many souls had sacrificed and bled and died in service to her magic? How many curses had she cast? How many lives had she ruined? How many cried out, even in death? She had no way of knowing. In her mind Anthea was unraveling, and pulling her knees to her chest was all she could do to try and hold herself together.
He was beside himself. "...earned this..--what? How could you possibly?" Deryk furrowed his brows, twisting his body to look over his shoulder at her. He sighed and shifted, turning around more fully so that he could wrap his arms around her and pull her into his lap. "...I can't begin to understand any of this..." he sighs, daring to rest his chin upon her shoulder.
She hesitates at first but leans into him, pressing her face against his and nuzzling him gently. He always smelled of spring, and of dewy flowers. His embrace was as the rising sun, warm and full. "I feel like an abomination next to you. Like a sin against the realm and its makers. I inherited power and used it how I saw fit, I would not argue if someone called me selfish. I know you see me in such a soft, lovely light. Perhaps you're the only one..." She smiled a bit at that, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "...but I just don't see how I can remain here and come to terms with all I've done. Especially not when so many can find peace if I simply left."
"You say how many would benefit from you going...but what about those who benefit from you staying? Minerva, Fota, Sol, Corvan, Atreus...me? ...I beg you to consider us again."
"Of course I have, Deryk. Of course I've considered you, especially you." She whispers this, relaxing tenderly into him. "And yet, I find myself at a crossroads... Please, tell me what to do." She looks up at him with a pensive, serious expression.
"Tell you..? I can't... I could not possibly. I can only tell you that there's still so much of the Star out there that I wanted to see with you.” He presses his lips together, amber eyes moving to look off to the side, though he brings a hand up to ball a fist and rub at them, brushing away the wetness before it could threaten to grow further into tears. “...I don't want to be left behind again, but I cannot tell you what to do."
She nods, then tenderly brushes the tears from his face before planting a final, gentle kiss on his forehead. "Wish me luck, my love."
"I..." He paused.
A strong, warm breeze swept through the clearing, plucking the seeds from the dandelions and swirling them for only a moment, obscuring the entire scene.
He could see her face, heavy with sadness, but smiling gently. She closed her eyes and he his, and when he opened them again, she was gone.
Quiet filled the space as the breeze departed and with it, his Anthea. He could feel it deep within himself.
She was well and truly gone.
He fell silent, sitting where he was left, drawing his knees up to press his face into them. He'd stay like that for a long while--he had a lot to think about... and a lot to do now.













