A Million Roses

By Chelsea Fagan September 1, 2016

http://thefinancialdiet.com/the-woman-you-want-to-be-is-rich/

“And only through building, through knowing more than I did yesterday about money and forcing myself to put it into action, have I realized the truth about what I’ve always seen around me: The woman I want to be is rich. And there is a good chance that, if you were raised in America like me, watching movies and reading books and flipping past pages and pages of advertisements to get to magazine articles that were nearly-indistinguishable from more advertisements, you want to be a rich woman, too. You may not ever think of yourself in those terms, you may not have a hard number in your mind or a plan for how you’re going to get there, you may not even think that having a lot of money is important to you. But it’s what you want, I can promise you.

An In Depth Analysis

On February 19th, 2018, after the recent release of the Netflix Original “Queer Eye” (a modern remake of Bravo’s “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”), I asked for the public’s patience as I thoughtfully analyzed to which member of One Direction each Fab guy correlated. After three years as an avid 1D stan, I instinctively analyze any groups of five (people, kittens, kitchen appliances, cupcakes) into the One Direction boys, but something about the Fab 5 was truly astounding in how they remind me of them. Like a group of puppies who are also thoughtful and kind and caring with distinct personalities who more than anything love each other so much. And so they deserved more time than my gut instinct ‘lol that’s Liam’ point and shoot.

Thank you for giving me my time and space and respecting the process. But I’m ready. This will undoubtedly cause controversy, and tbh? I’m here for the discourse. I think the Fab Five mean different things to all of us, just as the 1D boys do. 

Harry = Jonathan - Scream worthy. The obvious favorite that you try to fight against but in the end they are too beautiful of spirit, to golden hearted, to purely energetic to resist. They are silly and sexy, funny and intellectual, surprising at every turn They have the hair of gods and should be respected as such but they don’t want you to think of them that way but that’s just what they are ANGELS on EARTH.

Niall = Bobby - RESPECT. FOR. BOBBY/NIALL. Lowkey the hardest working one who and at first you’re like bobby/niall whomst? until they come through and ROCK your little world with how well they’ve been paying attention and can deliver exactly what you want and need. Can execute a genre/aesthetic TO PERFECTION without it feeling derivative. The heroes we need, not the ones we deserve tbfqh

Louis = Karamo - Yeah. That’s fucking RIGHT. He will overwhelm you time and time again with how astute they are and how deeply, deeply giving they are. Could destroy you but wouldn’t (one with words, one with his thirst trapping), And yeah, at first you’re like ‘we don’t need you’ but then you realize holY SHIT this whole thing working hinges upon you! You are the foundation and everyone relies on you even though the untrained eye would just DISMISS YOU. Essential. Important. Huge hearts. 

Liam = Tan. Handsome as sin. Quiff can touch the sky. Predictable? maybe but reliable and loyal and sweet and just genuinely wants you to be your best and would take a nap cuddled with karamo LET’S BE REAL. There is a classic class to these two and they are just putting out hit after hit after patterned roll-sleeve button-up hit.

And finally, there is no other truth but this:

Zayn = Antoni YOUR CONTROVERSIAL FAVE. SO BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT BUT SOMETIMES YOU’RE LIKE ‘HON, STOP TALKING’ but also a sensitive soul, likes ‘real’ music, soooo preeeeettyyyy have i mentioned how pretty? but yeah you’re gonna get a reaction whether pos or neg if you stan either of these men as your number one but also i gET It. Some people spit hate but your heart wants to fave what your heart wants and you follow on Instagram despite yourself because have we mentioned HOW PRETTY?

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: CHOOSE ONE

FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU

WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST

CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS

ONCE AGAIN CONFUSED “EMPATHY” FOR “TAKING RESPONSIBILITY” AND INVITED OTHERS TO UNLOAD THEIR EMOTIONAL BURDENS ON YOU WITHOUT FIRST ENSURING RECIPROCITY, WHOOPS

ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM

ASSUMING ANY TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU HAD TO INITIATE IS SOMEHOW LESS AUTHENTIC THAN REQUESTS FOR TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU ACCEPT

BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU

CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THEN WONDER WHY YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS YOU

MISTAKENLY BELIEVE THAT NEGATIVE FEELINGS MUST BE MISTAKES EITHER TO BE AVOIDED OR FIXED RATHER THAN EXPERIENCED

DESIRE TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT THE CONCOMITANT WILLINGNESS TO FULLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF

BELIEVE TRYING AT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SHOULD RESULT IN INSTANT PERFECTION AND FIND YOURSELF HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED OF MAKING REALISTIC PROGRESS

TRY COCONUT OIL

CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING

STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD

THINK YOU’RE BEING PLAYFUL BUT ACTUALLY YOU JUST GET MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK

SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SAYING THINGS LIKE “EITHER’S GOOD” OR “DOESN’T MATTER TO ME” WHEN IN FACT ONLY ONE THING IS GOOD AND IT DOES MATTER TO YOU BUT YOU THINK “NOT EXPRESSING A PREFERENCE” IS THE BEST PERSONALITY TRAIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER OTHERS

PEOPLE ACTUALLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR BARELY-CONCEALED CONTEMPT FOR THEIR CHOICES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAN YOU THINK THEY ARE

NO GOOD REASON, SORRY