Ame

Introduction

I was so pissed off that I finally got somewhat deep with these dull ass box cutters. I probably shouldn't be proud of that, but somehow that makes me feel like i've accomplished something.

I hate how quickly my opinions change on people. just a day ago I hated them, but now suddenly i'm back to obsessing over them after the smallest bit of affection.

my friend (apparently) when they found out the national tragedy they make jokes about... contained tragedy?

struggling with verbal communication in a place where verbal communication is demanded out of you is genuinely hell. I always wish I could just type something out, or just use sign language, but the people i'm near demand that I verbally speak because they don't understand my struggles.

would you even care if I died. I feel so useless all the time. I really just want to commit right now, so i'll never have to show my face to the world ever again.

they probably don't want anything to do with me, and I don't blame them. i'm such a hypocrite.

you can't actually care about me, because that would be silly, right? being "serious" at all is such a stupid thing to do. why would someone ever want to be treated like a real person?

You ever feel like they don't take your relationship seriously? or is that just me.

did I sleep today? no. was I more productive today? yes. conclusion: I have to stop sleeping.

I feel so utterly useless. I feel like everything I do is a waste of precious free time that I won't have for much longer. There are so many things I could do, yet I end up doing nothing. Contributing nothing to the world.

I wish I could just run away from everything, run away and start a new life where I can be myself.

I hate every part of myself so much. I wish I could just be normal, but even that feels fundamentally wrong. I would give anything to just feel comfortable in my own skin. Instead I want to rip it all off of me.

I'll never be valid. I'll never be good enough. I'll never be perfect. I'll never be loved. I'll never be appreciated. I'll never be respected.

one day I will be rich with jirai coords trust me. mark my words. i'll share my wealth with all of jiraiblr. one day. when I get money.

don't put me on the spot. one time someone asked me what my favorite NIN song was and I just said the entire Downward Spiral album. I probably sounded like a poser and i'll never show my face ever again. half of my favorite NIN songs aren't even on that album fml fml why am I so embarrassing