Ambivalently Asexual

and like, I hate tone policing but its triggering AF sometimes. like even men condescending to me about the sexism I’ve experienced is more manageable than people cursing in my general direction. 

and the trippy thing is sometimes I’m like, maybe I’m just making it up and I’m actually all these things? 

but then I talk to people and literally most of what they experience feels foreign and I’m reminded than I am an alien that is both a part of everything and nothing at the same time. 

and sometimes I’m incredibly grateful I can pass because of my various intersections (I don’t think I would get the same amount leeway if I was disabled and dark like my dad) but sometimes its incredibly alienating 

like I constantly have to come out over and over again sometimes to the same people. Straight white people expect me to understand and relate to them. I’m included by assumption in a popular groups way of thought because I don’t look like the groups I am a part of. people assume I am sexual because of my body type. 

I just, I feel erased and didn’t even know anything about myself. my mom thinks of us as white and in our new family my sibling and my ethnicity is erased, the unique experiences and makeup is forgotten. my mom doesn’t understand that we have like, some genetic trauma as a culture that have been passed down to us. 

me: okay lol? I don't necessarily have to be the most important person in their life or be the only one to get their attention/care; they can care about others and still care about me.

my brain: yeah that's true but also let's get upset about this for no good reason

someone: okay but

me:no

someone: have u ever

me: fuck no dont do it

someone: tried

me:dont say the thing dont you fuckin dare

someone: yoga?