I'm A Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream

““How do you know it’s time to walk away?” “Walk away from anything and anyone you love when it starts to make you love yourself less.””

“tongue inside your mouth - i swallow the name of your old flame. your eyes stay open while i kiss your poker face and my mouth becomes a suitcase - i will take her everywhere. i can’t scrub this jealousy off of my skin because in your sleep you talk about what might have been.”

there comes a time for old things to end and new ones to begin

“you were born to chase the stars , not the things that tire you endlessly .”

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be,” he said softly. She shook her head. “Don’t be. I always knew it would come to this.” She exhaled. “I just wish, for once, I’d be wrong.”

““Do you think one day, we can try again? Like really try, I mean. Without the bullshit, without the lies, and without half-assing things,” I asked. “I miss you, I miss us, and I miss the person I was when I was with you. There’s still a part of me that thinks, no - that hopes I’ll meet you again some time in the future. And maybe this time, it’ll work. What number are we on? The fourth time around? Is there any chance of that working out? Maybe we won’t. Or maybe, even with the odds against us, it will. I don’t need to start over. These feelings will still be here.” “But God forbid,” I said, “it fails again, or if there’s another fork in the road or a bent that cannot be mended, at least we can say we gave it our all. People will look at us like we’re crazy for play cat and mouse so frequently that we’ve lost track of who’s who, but all I can tell you is that there’s something about this that is real. There is still hope left.””

“I thought I was the kind of girl who knew what she wanted. I thought I had it all figured out, that I could outsmart anyone and that I‘d never settle for less than I wanted and certainly not for less than I deserved. And here I am now, nothing more than a feeble flicker of what I used to feel simmering in the pit of my stomach. I‘m a fleeting kiss on the cheek and the girl who meets you frequently - but never the one who stays, only the one that comes and goes. The one with her car standing in your driveway, gone the next morning. Always leaving, always running. I‘m both heartfelt conversations at midnight and a whispered hello and a court nod in the streets. I’m unanswered texts and silent understandings. I’m left on read, tangled limbs, skin on skin and crying on the bathroom floor. I’m an hourglass running out of sand to spill. I’m shy smiles and empty gazes all at once and my confusion borders on madness. I don’t know who I am around you anymore and I forgot who I used to be when I was on my own. Once, I think, I wanted to be more than this. I wanted us to be more. I wanted to be the one you thought of with a smile and the girl who woke up next to you. I wanted to be the one you called at night, the one you told your mother about and the one to pick up the pieces for you whenever you were too broken to do it by yourself. I wish I could say I knew what I want now. But you made me lose sight of it. There‘s only one thing I know for sure: I‘m the girl I swore I‘d never become. Turning into a stranger in front of her own eyes for somebody who can’t make up his mind.”