In the Rough

I've never been really active on this site, but Tumblr has been an interesting place since they took comments away.. even when they came back, it never recovered. I find myself checking this space less and less.. I'm thinking about deleting the app from my phone. Most people I interact with on here I follow on some other social media platform so I don't feel a need to say a big goodbye. Idk.. just something I'm thinking about.

My Granny called me this morning out of the blue just to chat. I spent a lot of time with her when I was growing up, and she has always been one of my favorite people in the world. She is witty and sassy, and I love her to bits. She is 81. While we were talking I started to kick myself bc I have not been calling and keeping up with her, and it is something I want and need to change immediately. Her memory is not what it once was. Today she asked if I liked coffee yet and told me she thought I was 40. *gasp to both of those things* But it made us both laugh when I told her old I was. She then said I was still a baby (not true). Last year on her 80th bday, my aunt threw a big party for her. Jimmy and I went down to celebrate and to help with things. My granny ALWAYS offers Jimmy food. And 99% of the time, Jimmy declines. This particular day, my granny grabbed a bag of chips. She turned it around to see what kind they were. Sour cream and onion. Her face lit up and she had the cutest grin bc that is her favorite. That made Jimmy and I start to laugh. So of course she offered Jimmy some chips. Sour cream and onion chips are not his thing, and he politely declined (blasphemy). She looked at him and said "Jimmy.. You have no idea how good it feels... To be overweight!" And we all died laughing. Her statement was so unexpected. She has been someone who has always struggled with and worried about her weight. So it was just endearing and funny that at 80 she's like ehh.. Eat the chips! It probably doesn't sound as funny typed out here. But it is a fond memory, and I wanted to document it. Grannies are special. If you still have yours, call her. ❤️

In an effort to get myself out of yesterday's funk, I made myself go to the gym after work yesterday. I REALLY didn't want to. I bribed myself with getting a cherry lime from Sonic on the way there and a stop at the library on the way home. Balance? I just knew it was going to be so hard, and I would be sore. But I told myself if I got it over with, that would be the hardest day. I also had a real talk conversation with myself. You guys.. I am just never going to like working out. I LOATHE it. I need to accept that I'm just going to hate it, but do it anyway. I know that it is good for me. I like how I feel after I do it. I want to feel strong. My arms are so weak. But I went, and I am sore. And I'm probably going to make myself go back today. Do any of you actually enjoy working out?! Does this ever get better? I scheduled a consultation with a personal trainer. I'm thinking about getting one for the accountability of it as I am not usually able to stick to goals I set for myself. But I am already getting nervous and thinking about cancelling it.