Amanda Nicole

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got no one but myself. but what if i don’t like myself? i am just a mix of existential crises and a pot head. if i had pot right now, for instance, I’d be much happier. sometimes I want to go back to my ignorant state. sometimes I wish I never read philosophy or thought heavily about pink floyd lyrics. everyday I just wish I could stop trying to make sense of things and just let it be. I wish I could stop thinking of the point of it all. I wish I could go back to being a productive member of our shitty useless pointlesss society. But the moment I realized that none of this matters and that everything we have been told is just a fantasy and a lie, my will to keep doing this shit has gone to a negative level. I’m still trying to figure what I could do instead of being a part of this society.but so far there’s nothing. there’s no point in escaping the society either. perhaps the most reasonable answer is to create things for my own satisfaction but quite honestly dying just really seems a lot nicer easier and sensible option. I know you wouldn’t get my logic behind it completely but I really don’t see any point in living. I don’t care much about my parents or friends. My friends are just people I smoke up with. It ends there. My parents and I have a very strained relationship and it’s only still alive because we are related by blood. My dad, for one, is not the nicest human ever and his ideals do not match mine at all. For most part, I’d say he is a bad person. So is my sister. And I would abandon them most likely if I had the option to do so. Perhaps there are 3-4 people who care about me and I care about them but well, it’s going to die out some day and I’ll be the only one remaining in the end and so it doesn’t matter. It all comes down to me just having myself and I don’t want myself. I’m not killing myself any time soon so don’t worry about that (you probably didn’t) but well it doesn’t change the fact that I do want to die. There’s no point in writing this either but then again there’s no point in not writing this. whatever bye

Ive never read something so accurate to how I am feeling in this very moment. Fuck.

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