Harder Faster Stronger

Her arms arms wrapped around Aly’s waist as her sister laid on top of her. Her hold was tight, possessive, desperate. She was scared. She was scared because she hadn’t felt panic like this in years. The way her mind betrayed her. The way everything was too much but not enough. The way she just wanted to give up because she even hold it together for something she wanted. Except, what she wanted was Aly to show how much she loved her. Was that not what her sister was doing? Showing her how much she cared? How much she loved? 

A sigh escaped Val’s lips as she felt the way her heart slowed down, the way the sound of it receded from her ears like a tide going out. Letting out a shaky breath, she opened her eyes. “I’m here Lyssa. I’m not okay, but I’m here.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them because the voice in the back of her head was still bitching but it seemed to quiet when she told the truth. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying but not enough. I’ve been having nightmares and I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know how to tell you that I need you so much because I’m tired of doing this without you. That I’m tired of doing this alone. I love you so much and I didn’t want to tear you away from everything you’ve built. I didn’t-” The tears began to fall as she cut herself off, guilt washing over her.

With the first admittance, and as painful as it was to hear it, something finally clicked in place within for Alyssa and her body unconsciously sagged. She had known somehow that her sister wasn't doing as well as she said she was, but experience had taught her that if she let Val stew on it for a bit, she would break sooner or later. She always did, at least with Alyssa.

Val sighed, resting her head against Aly’s. “Always did know what I was thinking, or did you smell the gears burning and guess?” She giggled a bit, kissing Aly, arms protectively wrapped around her sister’s waist. She then buried her face in Aly’s neck, breathing a little, trying to ground herself. This was Aly. This wasn’t Reagan. It wasn’t anyone else who’d fucked her over. This was the one person who had always fought to do anything but. This was the person she’d pushed out of bed over morning wood but still had in her bed again the next night. This was, “Lyssa.” The nickname slipped from her lips as she nuzzled against Aly’s neck.

Pulling her face from Aly’s neck, she kissed her. It was gentle and hesitant, whatever dominance that she’d held before all but drained from her. It had to be, no matter what happened, because losing control safely meant needing someone else to have it. Meant needing Aly to have it.

"Both. Or maybe I'm just that awesome." Aly jested, grinning softly at her sister. She knew Val, perhaps better than she knew herself, and it was clear that the adrenaline and dominance had all but left the girl's body as she suddenly felt smaller in her arms. So she wrapped her arms around Val's shoulders, offering silent comfort and a moment to gather herself. This was the part where she stepped in, stepped up to the challenge and offered reassurance in the strength of her arms, where she held on tightly to keep Val from falling apart and getting lost in her own head. That he always been her duty, not by blood but by choice.

sketchingvalpez:

Feeling the way Aly reacted to her had Val returning the energy. Letting years of doubt and hidden secrets fall away. Her fingers in Aly’s hair held her head in place as she pulled her sister off the door. She kept her lips on Aly’s as she moved skillfully across her bedroom, only breaking to breathe. 

When they reached the bed, Val smiled, as she took a seat on the edge, pulling Aly into her lap, hands moving from her hair to around her waist. She’d thought about this for so long, getting Aly like this. Val was barely in control of what she was doing and that scared her. She’d made a vow to herself about how this was going to go but the closer her head got to stopping the thinking, the more worried she got about losing control and breaking that.

Val smirked as Aly spoke. Part of her wasn’t entirely sure where this would go. She knew where she wanted it to, but the rest of her was still hesitant on the matter. As Aly spoke again, Val nodded silently, before pulling herself from the wall and backing towards her bedroom door, more than a little happy she’d thought to leave it open.

Once through the door, she used one hand to push it mostly closed before spinning and closing it the rest of the way by pushing Aly up against it. Kissing her sister deeply, she smiled.

Like an eager puppy, Alyssa was happy to follow Val further into the darkened apartment,her bag all but forgotten somewhere in the living room. If she was to be honest, having Val being the aggressor, per say, was not something she would’ve ever imagined, but the older of the two was not about to complain. As her back met the door with a dull thud, her dopey smile changed into something more feral, and when Val kissed her, she kissed back without holding herself back. Years of wanting and pining in secret were poured into the kiss, into the way her body arched against the other’s, finally free of the restrains that held her back for so long.

Val smiled, letting out the slightest gasp as her back hit the wall. Her lip caught between her teeth as she looked at Aly. Laughing a bit at what Aly had to say, she moved her head, exposing more of her neck to Aly as her fingers tangled in her sister’s hair. “Why would I do that? They’re creeps out at this time of night.” She slipped one hand from Aly’s hair and used it to raise her chin, kissing her deeply. “Besides, I had something a little more, fun, in mind.” She whispered against Aly’s lips, biting at them a little.

Val smiled as she wrapped her arms around Aly’s neck. As the kiss broke, Val rested her head against Aly’s. “Yeah? It can be arranged.” She smirked before kissing Aly again, slowly walking backwards, pulling Aly with her. When they got to where the kitchen became the living room and the hallways led off to the bedrooms, she stopped.

“How tired are you?” She asked, not entirely sure if everything her sister had consumed was still running through her system. Val wasn’t entirely tired. Her sleep schedule was still fucked beyond repair, but she’d been managing to get sleep somewhat regularly. She had also taken a small nap before Aly arrived, so she wasn’t as tired as she could have been.

Aly followed Val happily, distractedly tossing her duffel off to the side in the darkened living room. “Are you kidding me? I’m high off my ass on caffeine and sugar right now, it’ll take me at the very least a couple hours to crash.” She explained, further walking forward, forcing Val to walk backwards by proxy, until her back met a wall, trapping her in place with her body. 

Val was curled up on the couch in the living room, waiting for Aly. Ro and Isaac were in their room, likely asleep, but Val had made sure to let them know Aly was coming up. They had seemed excited for her, and she knew why, it was just a little odd. So much had changed since the last time Aly had been around and they could sense it. Not to mention Val didn’t tend to shut up if they managed to get her going.

As she heard the door open, she slowly stood from the couch, making her way towards the door. She moved to where Aly could see her as the other spoke. “Yeah, but unless you want to wake the other two, keep your voice down.” Val smiled as she made her way over to Aly, not even hesitating as she pulled her into a kiss.

The moment her sister came into view, the tension melted from Alyssa’s shoulders and her expression lit up with a toothy smile. It was ridiculous, really, the effect Val always had in her, righting her world with a single smile, with just being there, and that was a fact, even before they had taken this new, terrifying step in their relationship. It just... was.