I'm not real

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you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

… huh.  I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

Something is

I'm at a convention for the game of Go with a friend who is almost 84 years old, and he is constantly being accosted by elementary schoolers who want to play him because every year there is a prize for whoever plays a game with the biggest age difference between players.

People in the tags pointing out that this is a great way to get communities to interact: you are extremely correct. There were a lot of kids at this year's go congress (many of them extremely strong players) and it's very funny to watch them roving in packs looking for old people to challenge. At one point when my friends and I were sitting in one of the side rooms, a trio of elementary schoolers marched in and shouted "IS ANYONE HERE OVER FIFTY?"