Alulu

Bob had watched “La La Land” twice. The first time was with a woman who had been supplying him with meth. The second was when he was missing that woman. Or rather the high from the drugs she supplied him with. Needless to say He was extremely high the first time watching it. Slightly less so the second time around. This time, he was sober, excluding some anti depressants and anti anxiety medications.

When it was over, Yelena and Ava were dumbfounded staring at the screen with a thousand yard-stare. Both in shock for different reasons.

“ Walker you made no mention that it has a horrid ending!” Ava shouts as she punches him in the arm.

“ Ow!” He yelps. “ Why the hell would I even need to! That ruins the plot and point of the movie?!”

“ The plot was already ruined by that ending! They’re both miserable! After all that!” Ava continues to complain trying to make sense of the heartbreaking ending.

“ Actually I think Sebastian is the only miserable one. Mia got everything she wanted” Yelena begins to reason as she sits up from her slouch in the couch.

Ava looks at Yelena with a raised brow.

“ She got to be an actress… she has a husband and a daughter… Would she have had that if her life path followed with Sebastian?” Yelena asks.

“ Well…Sebastian got his dream too but he lost the woman he loves.” Bob chimes in. He hasn’t really given the movie this much thought before. Then again the only thought on his mind the last time he watched it was was how to get high again.

“ So is the point supposed to be ‘ someone always looses in love” John asks out-loud.

“ haven’t you seen this movie before?” Ava recalls turning back to John.

“ Yeah.”

“ So… you should have developed some level of understanding as to what the point of it is…?”

“I mean I just think the music and story is fun, that’s why I suggested it.” He shrugs nonchalant. “ Didn’t think it had a deep point or meaning other than sometimes things don’t work out”

Ava pinches the bridge of her nose. “ No of course that’s the reason why.” She murmurs, realizing that there was a never ending plethora of stupid habits John had yet to showcase to the team, such as Picking a heart wrenching movie just because the music is good.

“ I think the point is that Love is sacrifice.” Yelena says. “ I mean, I don’t think that he knew she was going to succeed without him. But they both knew they had a better chance without each other.”

“ So now the question would be if it was worth it?” John ponders as he stands up and stretches his arm upward.

“ That part is left to interpretation.” Bob adds. “ Is it worth it to give up a chance at your dream for a once in a life time love, or is it worth it to give up your one in a life time love for a chance at your dream.”

“ Not even the guaranteed dream itself though— just a chance.” Yelena points out.

“ I suppose the only solace in that is they both chose the chance.” Ava says.

“ That’s life.” Yelena shrugs standing up. “ taking risks and hoping it works…I liked it.” She says with an affirmative nod, putting her hands on her hips. “ although now I’m just kind of bummed out… for a musical with such happy music in the beginning… I feel like I’ve been hit by a brick.”

Bob chuckles. He’d say he felt the same but that wasn’t necessarily true. While he could focus on the movie a lot more now not on meth, his attention was still drawn to Yelena per usual. On movie nights she typically sat next to him, and every instance usually forced bob’s senses into overdrive.

He’d become extremely aware of how she smelled of Rose water and Raspberries. And on occasion, faintly like cigarette smoke, or vodka.

Tonight, it’s just rose water and raspberries.

“ You up for a race?” Bob asks.

Yelena paused and spun on her heel slowly, meeting his gaze with a fierce spark in her eyes.

“ You are asking to lose?” She taunts.

Bob chuckles as he crosses his arms. His tongue slightly slips past his lips as he smirks.

“ I’m not asking for anything, I’m challenging.”

“ Challenge accepted, Mr. Shy Guy” Yelena says with a competitive grin. She grabs the remote and configures the tv for Mario Kart.

“I want in.” Ava snatches a red Switch controller, and crosses her legs back onto her spot on the couch.

John crosses his arms over his chest.

“ I hate that you still find that game good. The mechanics of it are totally off.” John complains.

“ You just suck, actually.” Yelena says as the super Mario kart theme music fills the room.

John eventually gave in to playing. Mostly to prove he didn’t suck, but alas, he came in last place at just about every round. Only this time, he complained less about the actual race mechanics, and more about how the characters must play a role. That’s why he played Mario, the standard character, according to him. Otherwise, he believed if he played a character like bowser, the Kart would be too heavy and therefore slow the player down.

He quit immediately after Bob pointed out a flaw in his thought process. By John’s logic that would mean a character like Boo would be the fastest since the character floats in the car.

John crashed out,again, when Yelena further pointed out that, by John’s logic, the ghost could not drive a kart. He has no feet. And is a ghost.

Ava and Bob often laughed about how John took the smallest things so seriously. Like a toddler, adamant about something totally unimportant, but he was stubborn in trying to make a point. Always. Ava could relate to that stubbornness to some extent. Since becoming a team, she’d warmed up to John. And just about everyone else.

Eventually, she turned in for the night as well. Leaving Bob and Yelena alone, which was the case most nights.

“ You going to bed too?” Bob asks.

Yelena thinks for a moment before shaking her head.

“ No. I’m not tired yet. Wanna watch that one show you showed me? With the talking dog…? And the princess made of gum.” She laughs softly.

“ Adventure time?” He chuckles, grabbing the remote as she nods.

“ I’m going to grab a drink while you pull it up. Do you want anything?” She rises up from the couch, heading the elevator while stretching her arms up.

Bob was slightly distracted at first, seeing the hem of her shirt rise up further than it already was, exposing more of her lower back.

“…I’ll take a pop tart.. if we still have some.” He manages to spit out.

She salutes him without turning around, disappearing into the elevator.

In the kitchen, she opens a pack of cookies and cream pop tarts, throwing them into the toaster, and Setting the timer to 90 seconds exactly.

She couldn’t get the movie they’d watched out of her mind still. Playing Mario kart lifted her spirits. But something about the jazzy musical about love, had her in a spiral. She enjoyed romance books and stories. They were cute. Romance wasn’t a totally foreign concept to her. It sounded fun. Yelena had developed a crush a few times before she was subjected to Dreykov’s mind control. But in the life she’d lived thus far, there was always a reason why love just wasn’t meant to be for her. She wasn’t a human, she was a widow. Just something to be owned and ordered.

Then she escaped Dreykov. Her sister and her defeated him. And she was finally free. Free to make a life for herself and forge a new path.

Then her sister died.

And romantic feelings, along with any other positive and joyous emotion, was swallowed by her grief. She was alone, and love felt like something she was too late for.

“ A voice that says I’ll be here. And You’ll be alright.”

The lyrics from a song in the movie repeats in her mind, until it was startled away by the sound of Bob’s pop-tart’s leaping out of the toaster. She wrapped them in a napkin, noting the perfect temperature. Bob liked them warm. Not toasted. Enough for the creamy center to be gooey, but the pastry itself is still soft.

Yelena grabs a water for herself before pausing at the liquor cabinet. She wasn’t drinking as much as she used to. Being around the team forced some accountability on herself to not overdo it. But the burn from hard liquor would always help take away the not so pleasant thoughts. And truthfully, she wanted a restful night’s sleep ahead of a busy week.

She downs one shot. And that helped stir away the bittersweet movie they watched.

She downs another shot. And a few minutes later, the weight of being a new avenger began to slightly lighten.

Another shot. And now, she feels happy.

It would have to be enough rounds to kill the bottle and then some to not think about her sister. All she needed for now is just enough to ease her nerves for the night.

Before heading back up to the living room, she serves herself a bowl of pretzels, and grabs water for Bob as well.

“ You were gone a bit.” He commented as she finally settles back into her spot on the couch beside him. She hands him his pop-tart and water, after he presses playon the remote.

“ Honestly got sidetracked doing a bit of doom scrolling.” She says with no hint of her white lie. She didn’t need to hide that she was lying. Bob could usually tell anyway. Especially when her usual addictive scent of Rose water and Raspberries was now mixed with vodka.

The addition of vodka didn’t make her any less addictive.

But it did worry him. And he wasn’t ever sure how to approach it. Yelena took care of Yelena. That’s how she seemed to be the most comfortable. But the urge to bear some of the weight she carries was a daily occurrence. He knew what her answer would be if he asked if she was okay. He’s less sure of how she’d react if he asked if she’d been drinking.

She’d definitely catch on to his curiosity, and know where he would be going with it at least. Wheather she would be mad about it, he couldn’t know for sure. But he did know; he didn’t want to risk it.

So they watched several episodes of Adventure time while softly laughing and commenting about the ridiculous jokes.

After every other episode Yelena would sigh and make a comment about how she wished she’d seen the show sooner. During the episodes, Bob would take note of what made her laugh. What she found sad or interesting in regards to the show. And what she didn’t like.

So far, he figured out her favorite character is BMO, because she finds the way they talk adorable. Marceline is a close second favorite of hers. Yelena especially likes her bass.

She doesn’t have a character she hates, but she does get upset when the Ice King mistreats the penguins (Gunther). And she always comments on the subtle adult jokes in the show, shocked at how the intended audience was supposedly for children.

And she had a habit of quietly humming to the end credits song before the next episode would automatically que. Bob waits to hear her soft hum only for it to never come.

He looks over to find her fast asleep. Her head slumped onto her shoulder. He watches her, as the opening song played yet again with The vibrant colors illuminating the features of her face like a dream.

Bob could stare at her for hours, happily committing her face to memory.

When Yelena woke up, she was laying on the couch still. The tv was off, and the entire living room was dark with the exception of city lights from the streets below.

The sound of a ticking clock on the wall could be heard as she rubs her eyes, and sits up with a yawn.

She fell asleep, but it wasn’t the first time. She gazed over at the empty spot beside her. Bob had likely gone to bed, but the lack of his presence left her slightly disappointed.

Regardless, she stands up and slowly shuffles to the elevator, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Following the ding, she takes a step inside.

And her foot falls straight through the non existent floor. Her fall through the mechanical, hollow-shaft happens so quick, she doesn’t even have time to process what’s happening.

Her back hits a familiar floor with a thud as a groan of pain escapes her lips. She forces the pain away before she sits up quickly, only to be met with the hollow cold eyes of a Red Room handler, the vacant eyes she hadn’t seen in years.

“ вставать!” The handler yells through his mask as he forcefully grabs her arms and yanks her to her feet.

As if instinct, even though she was confused, she returns to a ready position in front of the other widow in the room, who instantly charges at her.

Yelena dodges and throws her own punch, only for the widow to use her throw to high kick Yelena’s side, with enough force to knock the wind out of her. It gave her a chance to right hook Yelena, nearly knocking her out.

When Yelena turned back to throw another attack, she was no longer in the Red room.

She now stood in the middle of her bedroom. Not the large room her and the widows would sleep in. Or the bedroom at the watchtower.

The bedroom of her real home. Her home in Ohio.

She pants softly looking around the room. Examining the small details she still vividly remembers, even now as an adult. Some children’s books were scattered on the floor, along with a couple dolls. Her closet was lined with bright clothes of pinks, baby blues, yellows and damn near the whole rainbow, reminding her of how excited she once was to pick an outfit every day for school. The shock and nostalgia pushes the logic of what was happening away from her mind.

Even further when she turned to see Natasha Romanoff standing in the door way. As soon as they lock eyes, Yelena’ freezes, her blood running cold , her eyes begin to burn as tears threaten to surface.

“ сестра..” Yelena whispers softly, instantly taking a step forward. Natasha stays silent, watching her sister’s movements towards her.

Yelena’s heart was racing, her eyes brimming with tears, happiness and confusion overwhelming her at the sight of her sister. It’d been years. With no proper goodbye. Yes she’d made amends, but here her sister stood, in the flesh, like no time had passed. Natasha’s chest rose and fell slightly with breaths of life. She blinked, She was moving, she was alive.

Yelena nearly fell into her sister loosing the sense of how to walk, breathe, or even stand.

When she thought her sister would catch her, she was blindsided by Natasha suddenly taking a fist full of her hair. Yelena instantly let out a yelp in pain and confusion, instantly trying to fight her, before she was suddenly thrown down to the ground. Her hands digging into dirt, before she launched herself to her feet and spun around.

It took a moment due to her on-going confusion to realize she was no longer in her home again. And another moment later she recognized where she was. Quickly turning around, she fell back, observing the familiar grey stone and delicate lettering of her sister’s grave.

She locks eyes with her sister’s name, sitting on the damp woodsy ground. Her heart was racing, her vision felt dizzy, and her mind felt scrambled, unable to make sense of what was happening to her. The floodgates of every emotion she didn’t want to feel on a daily basis was brought to the surface.

The overwhelming guilt of all that she did while under the control of the red room. To innocent people, to children, to communities. And the only excuse she had was that it wasn’t of her own free will. She never had a choice. As if that excuse would make it better for the loved ones of those she’d killed.

The familair deep pit of grief from loosing her sister then flooded whatever senses she had left. Every mention of her sister’s name was a reminder of how she was alone. How the one person who understood everything she felt, thought, and went through, was dead. Even worse, Yelena never got to learn more from Natasha. While they may have parted ways, she still felt there was more for her sister to teach her. And like every mortal, she figured they’d have more time.

Her chest tightened and her whole body tensed, as the build up of her darkest and deepest grievances with herself finally began to explode with her tears painting the sides of her face.

The air around her feels thick, and through her struggle to breathe, she releases a guttural scream. More tears streamed down her face as she hunched over clutching her sides in anguish.

The things she didn’t talk about left bigger scars than the ones on her physical body. And whatever nightmare she was in, was forcing her to stare at the bloody open wounds.

“Yelena! I got you, It’s okay.” A voice filled with urgency suddenly said right in front of her. Her senses barely started to calm, when she looked up, briefly startled.

Bob was kneeling in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, one already gently caressing her upper arm. His eyes were wide as he spoke quickly.

“ Yelena you’re okay.” He said again, as her senses begin to regulate and process his presence.

“…Bob..?” She says in a quiet shaking whisper. Her eyes start to dart around, to gauge their surroundings. Her body trembles, and more tears continue to fall from her eyes. Bob was there in front of her, which only amplified her confusion.

She starts to pull back, but he keeps his hands on her.

“ What- Is this the void— are you okay?” She asked instantly thinking the void had escaped Bob’s psyche once again. She moves to stand, instantly ready to find a way out, with her eyes still swollen and tears still flowing down her cheeks.

“ Hey-No. it’s not.” Bob says instantly as he gently pulls her back down. “ You’re dreaming…none of this is real.” He shakes his head.

She watches him briefly turn, and eye her sister’s grave before looking back at her.

“This is a dream?” She asks slowly.

“ Yeah. You’re fine, Just relax.” He repeats, in a gentler tone she’d never heard come from him. But it instantly made her feel warm.

“ So you’re a dream..?” She says slowly taking a breath and wiping at the tears lingering on her face.

“ Yeah, no this is all a dream…” he hesitates for a moment. “ can pretty much do anything, y’know? We don’t have to be… here.” He says quickly.

“ I just want to be home in my bed” She murmurs, covering her face with her hands. When she removes her hands, there’s less light. There’s no more dirt beneath her or in her hands. She looks around, and finds them on her bed at the watch tower again.

As she gathers her new, but familiar, surroundings, Bob shifted to excuse himself from her bed. But as soon as he shifts away from her, Yelena’s hand instantly clutches his arm.

“ Where are you going?” She asks instantly, her voice slightly shook, in response she clears her throat and releases her hand from his arm. She had not ever reached out to someone like this even if it was a dream. Other than her sister. The gentle sting of vulnerability sent a chill up her spine. But she couldn’t take it back.

And if this was a dream, then what is there to really be afraid of?

“ No where.” He says quickly shaking his head. “ Just.. didn’t wanna invade your space….” His eyes wander away for a bit as he rolls his next words around in his head.

“I’m here. I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to.” He says slowly, with his eyes meeting hers. Perhaps it’s because it was a dream that made him seem a bit more confident. Yelena had observed his confidence grow since they’d all moved into the watch tower. But, this felt different. His demeanor towards her felt protective. And she didn’t mind it. Rather, she didn’t know she needed it, or even how to respond.

Her brows furrow, trying to understand the warm feeling that Bob carried with his presence in this dream.

“ Just stay.” She says suddenly as their gaze meet again. Her eyes flick to the spot in bed beside her briefly, how does she even begin to ask that she not only wants him to stay but how she can wants him close.

Ultimately, didn’t have to ask.

“ Okay.” He says with a nod as he shifts once again, moving to lay in the spot beside her. Yelena moves to lay beside him.

As she tries to get comfortable, her heart races with looming anxiety as she wonders if she’ll fall through the bed and this time be faced with an even worse memory from her past.

“ Yelena.” Bob’s voice breaks through the noise in her head, with his hand on hers.

She meets his eyes, thinking for a moment before she shifts and moves closer to Bob.

“ I can’t figure out why you’re suddenly here.” She whispers softly.

His eyes glance away for a moment in thought. Yelena studies the features of his face, finding

comfort in his physical appearance as much as his presence.

Without warning, she moves closer. Releasing his hand, and hovering above him.

“ Is it my subconscious?” She asks slowly.

He stares up at her, a slight look of surprise in his eyes.

“ I don’t know.” He manages to stutter out. “ Have you dreamed of me before?” He asks.

She thinks for a moment, her expression softening. Realizing that Bob had been in her dreams before, she slowly felt her nerves relax more. Dreams with him weren’t ever bad.

When she had them, she’d often wake up lighter, generally in a happier mood.

She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she lowers herself down, laying her head on his chest. His arm naturally welcomes her, resting around her back. His hand, gently rests on her shoulder.

She focuses on his heartbeat. The steady soothing sound forces away the last of her anxieties.

Bob’s free hand moves up, and she feels him gently run his hands through her hair.

“ I’m here, Yelena.” He whispers. “ You’ll be alright.”

She felt the weight fall from her shoulders as she stays wrapped in his arms. And within a moment, her body had finally, and completely relaxed.

The end credit song of Adventure time softly filled the living room of the watch tower. Bob stared at Yelena’s sleeping face with slightly wide eyes, his hand frozen in place against the side of her face where he lightly touched her to move a strand of hair from her face while she slept. A faint golden glow radiated from his hand.

A million questions ran through his mind. He was in her dreams. But he wasn’t a dream, he himself was in her head. He saw everything before he realized what was happening. He interacted with her as if it was real. The way she curled up against him was real, the warmth of her body against his was real. Just as much as her cries.

He pulled away his hand, the glow fading quickly, away as he turned the tv off, lyingback with a sigh as he stared at her. Keeping his hands to himself now.

Bob couldn’t resist moving that strand of hair. But he didn’t know his abilities would allow him to enter her subconscious. Was the glow of his hand soothing her? Or was it his presence?

His face flushes pink thinking about how she looked while hovering over him. Blonde strands of hair hanging inches from his face, her intense gaze looking over every detail of his face, and her lips parted just enough for him to slip his in place.

He shook his head and took a breath before sitting up. He realizes that Yelena likely only acted that soft because she thought he wasn’t real. And perhaps he should have been more clear. But ultimately, being close to her fried his brain too much to think about the miscommunication.

Bob suddenly moves and gently slides his hands under Yelena’s body, gently picking her up bridal style. Careful to not activate any abilities that would put him back into her head. At first he didn’t mean to, so any time after would now just feel like an invasion of privacy.

He gently slides her into her bed after making his way to her bedroom. As well as carefully tucked her in so she wouldn’t be cold. He obsess her briefly before stepping back, playin with his hands nervously.

Mostly fighting his urge to make the dream a reality for her. But instead, he took steps back until he quietly vanished from her room. A nagging voice in his head convinced him he isn’t what she wants. Perhaps he was just a convenient person for her to think of for comfort. And for him that’s okay.

Yelena Belova is at a crossroads.

If she was being honest with herself, she’s been at a crossroads of some sort since the blip.

Or perhaps since she was freed from Dreykov’s red room.

Or hell, actually, maybe her entire life. Right now, it was just blindingly obvious to her for once.

Whether she was the cold, deadly killer that was specially created in the Red Room or an underground operative for Valentina, something about her felt wrong. No matter what she did or who she was.

But who even was Yelena? And why did it feel like other people felt they knew her better than she did? One would think no one would actually know a person other than that person themselves.

But She’d eventually come to the conclusion that along the trail of her bitter tragic life, her soul forgot who she was. And so it adapted. She wasn’t her own person, but rather whoever she was needed to be. What others wanted her to be.

Dreykov wanted a child to portray an innocent all American girl in the suburbs of Ohio, and so she was.

Dreykov wanted a deadly widow, and so she was.

Valentina wanted an obedient operative for her under the table schemes, and Yelena was exactly that.

Now, the world wanted an Avenger. Yelena was still figuring out how to be that. Saving people? Sure. Doing the right thing? She could try. That was easier said than done, for her and most of the team.

No matter how much she’d tried, she still didn’t feel herself. She still felt tethered to expectations, and some guilt. New found freedom was not her concern. Over all, the fresh start has been what she needed and wanted.

It’s figuring out how the hell and what the hell is next that has her in an existential slump.

To her, it felt like most conversations about life were focused on “ growth”.

“ think of yourself as a beautiful and radiant house plant”

Some influencer on Instagram says as Yelena mindlessly doomscrolled on the Balcony of her Floor in the New Avengers Watchtower.

“ Or even a flower if you prefer!” The woman’s pushy optimism made Yelena shudder.

What did it mean to grow? What did it mean to become a better person? What did it mean to be a person at all? What even makes a person? Her likes and dislikes? The way she dresses? Her work? Her past? Would she ever escape her past? Will she always fall back into her guilt? Could she ever be more than a weapon? Would she ever not be used? Would she ever know who she is?

Her spiral was quickly interrupted by soft, familiarly rhythmic knocks at the her door inside. Within a moment, she was opening the door to Bob Reynolds. He stood with his shoulders slightly slumped, a brown wavy lock of hair framed the left side of his face, as his soft eyes looked down at her. They instantly smiled when he saw her.

“ Hey..” he starts, his lips already curled into a small smile that matches his eyes. The same smile he would always greet her with. It was so commonplace that she would expect it every time now.

“ I hadn’t seen you around today so I just came to ask if you wanted a grilled cheese.” He offers, gesturing behind him to the kitchen from which he came.

She lets out a soft sigh as she puts her hands on her hips.

“ Yeah… I somehow managed to really only just sleep and do nothing today after I got home…” she mumble\s.

“ A grilled cheese sounds good.” She smiles and follows him out, down to the kitchen.

The lights were a dim, golden hue, only slightly contrasted by the blue moonlight seeping in from the large glass windows. Bob preferred it that way. And so did Yelena. There was something comforting about softer light that they equally found peace in. It was the perfect middle between sunlight and darkness. She felt more focused in a dimly lit room. Bob felt more relaxed.

Two plates with fresh grilled cheeses sat on the counter space, the two had shared dozens of times before already.

For a moment, Yelena’s eyebrows furrowed in thought as she sat to eat. Bob was already taking a bite. But something about how natural this routine felt, made her take a moment to think.

Without even knowing if she was hungry, or if she even wanted a grilled cheese, he still made one for her. This wasn’t the first time Bob had thought of Yelena. It was normal, but she still wasn’t used to it. Years of fending for herself trained her not to be, whether she was a Widow or otherwise. Yelena is responsible for Yelena. There is no other person to take that mantle for her.

But Bob was making her more aware of it everyday. At first, it was nothing to notice. To her, There was no need for further thought. A Kinda gesture after another kind gesture. It doesn’t mean much more than that; and it doesn’t have to. What troubled her though, was how aware it made her of how she was as a person. Like a different form of self awareness, she had yet to achieve.

Yes, she had trust issues. Every trained assassin would. She was hyper independent. Every widow was made to be. Which also meant Her connections with people were strictly transactional.

“ Something wrong?” Bob asks, his mouth still holding half a bite of his sandwich. His puppy dog eyes looking between Yelena and her food. The only thought on his mind was if she’d suddenly changed her mind about a grilled cheese. So naturally, his mind was racing with what he could make her instead.

With no further reaction, as to avoid suspicion, Yelena shakes her head and grabs the sandwich taking a casual bite.

“...Was waiting for it to cool off…” Yelena murmurs through her chewing. “ You always make me food before even asking if I’m hungry.” She observes suddenly. Before she’d even realized she was pointing it out. For what purpose? She had no idea. It was just a simple observation.

Bob thought for a moment before nodding slowly. “ Well yeah… I know you haven’t eaten.” He says nonchalantly. Too casually for her liking.

Her eyebrows narrowed for a moment as she looked over at him. She observed the innocent man as he ate his grilled cheese, with his shoulders slightly slouched, and his eyes staring a thousand miles away as he ate. Completely unbothered. While her mind felt like it was racing a thousand light years per minute, his looked to be completely still.

And unbeknownst to her, it is. Whenever Bob is with Yelena; his mind is still. His mind is quiet. They didn’t even have to talk about anything for her to have that effect on him.

He noticed it shortly after moving into the watchtower permanently.

While watching tv alone one night, Bob’s mind began to spiral. Although he doesn’t remember it, he imagined the horrified civilians running from the Void. From Him. And so, while coming to terms with the full extent of his abilities, he realized how dangerous of a person he was now. Which only made him realize how much worse he was making things. But now, not just for himself or people around him. But for a city. Possibly for the world. Whenever he did anything it made things worse. He always made things worse.

But there she was. Unable to sleep, and lazily dropping herself onto the couch beside him, questioning what he was watching. He still doesn’t know if he was close to unleashing the void that night. But what he does know, is he’s never had a spiral stop that quickly, and just from the sound of a voice. Her voice. A sleepy annoyed tone asking him why he was awake.

He doesn’t remember what movie they watched before they both inevitably passed out on the couch. And when he woke up, Yelena was gone, but he had a blanket over him. So naturally the instant question that plagued his mind for about a week was: “ Just having her next to me put me to sleep that quick?”

Prior to that, Bob would take hours to fall asleep. Unless he had the help of drugs to sedate him. Or kill him, and most times, he was fine with either outcome. And he was only ever disappointed by one outcome over the other a few times.

That night was the first in a long while that he slept near instantly, barely remembering the beginning scenes of the movie they watched. He thought about this realization for about a week, just enough to be sure of how he felt. But not near enough to come to a distinguished conclusion on what to do about it. Their situation felt too complicated. At least for the time being. He’s still finding his place on the team. And in Yelena’s life. He has no clue what place that could be. He just knows he needs to be in her life at the very least. To be near her light.

Something she was completely oblivious to seeing in herself.

“ I figured if I make you a serving and you don’t eat, I’ll just eat it later.” He shrugs as he takes another bite.

“ Good thinking.” She approves as she continues to eat.

“ What’s on the schedule for this week?” Bob asks.

Yelena thought for a moment before letting out a sigh and hanging her head in annoyance once she really put thought to it.

Bob could only softly chuckle at her reaction. It may have only been a couple months since they’d become a team, but there were only a few things that would make Yelena react this way to a schedule.

“ Interviews?” He asks.

She nodded before letting out a loud sigh and lifting her head. She tilted her head to him, meeting his gaze, with a half lidded expression. The small pout combined with her slight bed head, and lingering mascara from earlier in the day, made his heart skip.

As much as he was mentally screaming at himself for not being able to properly process and save this expression of hers in his mind, he appeared like a totally sane man on the outside.

“ I’m sorry.” He says with genuine pity. He hadn’t had to go through that yet. And he’s not looking forward to when the time would come. If it ever would. He has some hope he could be more helpful to the team, but part of him is still scared. And not about being ready to save people. He’s scared of how he’d hurt them.

“ Are there a lot?” He asks.

She thought for a moment, making a soft hum as she finished the bite of food still in her mouth.

“ Two.” She murmurs. “ Valentina coordinated an interview with a morning show…” she trailed off, trying to remember.

“ But then…before that, I think, some sort of meeting? They’re going to ask questions.” She said rolling her eyes. “ They’re so draining.”

He fin ishes off the last bite of his grilled cheese with a nod. As he was about to wish her luck for the week, an idea struck him.

All Bob ever wanted to do was help. It felt like second nature to him most times. And most times, he did feel it made things worse. But he couldn’t help it. It was a natural urge, which was only stronger with Yelena. For how much peace her presence gave him, the least he wanted to do was try to help her when he could. But most certainly not because she needed it.

“ I was planning on going to that bookstore this week. The one I told you about?” He says, resting his head in his hand as he peered over at her.

She still was eating her grilled cheese, barely on the second half. And this routine was normal to him already. Neither one of them made a comment about it. He wondered if she was even aware of how slow of an eater she was. Or was he fast? Either way, it meant more time to be around her.

“ Oh yeah… you said there were …trees.. but it’s a library?” She says, recalling his description from weeks prior.

He remembered only half describing it to her. Mainly because he knew she’d like to experience it first hand instead. So he kept his descriptions vague. He explained it was a book store that doubled as a partial library, in which there were multiple spaces for one to relax and read the books they’d like to purchase.

He spent all day there the day he found it. Grateful for how peaceful the space was while he stocked up on books. After telling her, Yelena became intrigued, and had since mentioned making a list of books she had been wanting to read.

The only issue was the busy schedule Valentina and Mel had the team on. Bob was the only one spared for the moment while they assessed his “condition”. Which included weekly therapy and bi-weekly psychiatric evaluations. As well as monthly physicals, of course.

“That’s the one.” He affirms. Before he could open his mouth, she was already on board.

“ I’ll come. When were you going to go?” She asks.

He held back a soft chuckle at her eagerness. While she was eager, her tone was still calm and final. She never asked to be around him or to be with him. She just would be. Yelena does what Yelena wants. And Bob found comfort in that. It helped to quell his fear of feeling like a burden to her. If she didn’t want to be around him, she wouldn’t be.

“ Well… we can go after your interview or meeting..?” He suggests. The interview and narrowed attention on her was more than likely to stress her out. And he felt confident this bookstore could be the perfect remedy.

Yelena pulls out her phone and swipes to her calendar.

Seeing that she finally finished, Bob took this opportunity to start cleaning up their plates, looping back around the kitchen bar they sat at and turned the faucet on.

“ I believe they’re both on the same day… yeah.” She nods. “ The meeting is at 8. Followed by the interview on the same show at 10 and we have to be there at 7:30…. Interview is at 10:15…” she lists off the schedule.

Her eyes meet Bob’s as he washes off their plates. For a moment they stare in silence. No thoughts really crossing each other’s mind. It just felt right to look at each other.

“… We can go after?” He suggests.

She nods slowly before shrugging with her own suggestion.

“ Yeah... Just come along and we can go as soon as it’s done. I don’t expect it to take long.”

“ Would Valentina even be ok—“

“ I genuinely don’t care.”

Bob chuckled. “ Didn’t think you did. Valentina seems like she’s suffocating over the pretend power you gave her.”

Yelena couldn’t help but smile mischievously to herself. The team’s feat over Valentina was priceless. And incredibly satisfying for Yelena personally. But What made it better was how Valentina essentially set the trap herself. Aside from saving Bob, and the City or world from Bob, the New Avengers didn’t have to lift a finger to gain Valentina’s compliance after she tried to have them killed.

After what she did to Bob.

Yelena’s mischievous smile faded as quick as it appeared. She tried not to think of what Valentina did to Bob too much. It upset her to begin with when they met. It infuriated her more than a lot of things, now that they were friends.

“ Well…She deserves it.” Yelena murmurs, a narrowed glare stayed over her gaze as she took a sip of water.

“ She tried to kill us.” She reminds him. “ If anything, her charade of power over the team is…” she scoffs dryly. “ far too generous for what she tried to do…and what she did.”

Bob raises an eyebrow not immediately understanding.

“ … what she did to you, Bob.” She says.

They’d talked about it briefly before. Bob was still fully coming to terms with it the last time that they did talk about his abilities. The conversation usually centered on how they’d manage it going forward.

But not how it made him feel. Yelena had an idea, but Bob would usually avoid going into detail. He saves it for therapy for the time being. At least till he understands more.

He nods slowly in thought staring at the plate he was now unnecessarily still drying with a towel.

“ Yeah. Probably was more generous than what she deserves..” he reasoned. “ but…the more I think about it, the more I almost… don’t..?” He said with an embarrassed laugh. “ that doesn’t make sense…I guess it stops being a big deal to me because… I can’t go back.” He shrugs, Still avoiding her gaze while he organizes his words slowly.

“ Not that I’d want to… or wouldn’t want to..” he trailed off. “ I just haven’t thought about it.” He murmured.

“ But…mostly because maybe it’s not all bad.” He says slowly. “ Had I not agreed… had they not experimented on me to begin with…had none of that happened to me, I wouldn’t have met you.” He says as his eyes slowly lift to meet hers.

Yelena’s calm demeanor had yet to ever betray her. But his explanation for seeming impartial to what happened to him tugged, or rather yanked with slight violence, at her heart strings in an unfamiliar way. She was happy to have met him. She enjoyed his company. Talking to one another came easy.

Before her mind could begin to truly spiral about what he said, and more specifically how it was making her feel, the elevator rang. The gentle moment now seized by John Walker and Ava Starr arguing as they exited the elevator.

“ Did you make dinner?” John immediately asks, eager for food enough to forget what point he was trying to make to Ava.

To which she was thankful for, as it’s entirely useless anyway.

“ Not really…?” Bob says.

“ Bob made me dinner.” Yelena corrects with a nod.

“ Oh. Of course he did.” John rolls his eyes.

“ it’s not always—“ Bob suddenly felt the need to explain before stumbling over his words as he realizes he was basically going to be outing himself for always making Yelena dinner.

“ Honestly I’ve made everyone food but you.” Bob admits. Thankful for the quick save he conjured.

Which was true. At some point he had made food for everyone but John. However, he never forgot to make extra food for Yelena too. Anytime he made something, there would be a little extra just in case she wanted some. The days he knew she’d barely eaten or was too busy to, he’d purposely make a full serving and then some.

He knows he’s attentive to her, and he's come to terms with why. What next, isn't important yet.

He has her. He has her light. That’s enough for now.

“ Walker, you also like… never cook.” Yelena notes.

“ I cook.” John’s tone is instantly firm in defense.

“ Those fully prepped fresh meals you literally just have to throw in a pan or oven to ‘ cook’ doesn’t count,” Ava says as she shook her head using air quotes around ‘cook’.

“ How does it not count? I am literally cooking it myself. What am I doing when I put my steak in a pan and wait for it to COOK?” He retaliates.

“ Okay well did you marinate the steak?” Yelena chips in.

“ No? It comes marinated? That’s the point. And then I have to separately cook my veggies.” He explains with growing irritation.

“ Right, so the scalloped potatoes you had to bake the other night.. did you slice the potatoes?” Ava says as she crosses her arms over her chest. “ Season them? Grate the cheese?”

“ Okay by this logic now, do you expect me to grow the damn potato myself too?” John says as he puts his hands on his hips.

“ Well there’s also the steak, did you cut the steak from the cow itself?” Yelena crosses her arms over her chest, her curiosity for his answer amounting to an absolute zero. But her curiosity for how long it will take to see another John Walker crash out? There was no number to measure.

As she’d guessed, it only took about two more snarky remarks. One from Ava, And another from her for John to throw his hands in the air, angrily grab a cereal box and storm back to the elevator.

“ Y’know what… screw both of you. I’m putting the damn movie on while you continue this stupid debate.” He grumbles in annoyance.

“ What movie are you watching?” Bob asks Ava as she made her way around the kitchen gathering her own snacks.

“ Some musical he says is really good.” She rolls her eyes. “ Frankly I’m not a fan of musicals. But he insists there isn’t an obnoxious amount of people bursting into song.”

“ What musical?” Yelena was now intrigued.

“ La La Land.”

“ Excellent movie.” Bob says, nothing in approval.

“ You’ve seen it?” Yelena was surprised, most of the movies she’d watched with Bob up until this point were action or horror.

“ Yeah. Have you heard of it?” He asks.

She nods. “ When did it come out though?” She asks, trying to figure out the reason for why she had not seen it yet. Especially given it wasn’t terribly old.

“ Did it come out during the blip?” Ava asks.

Bob shakes his head. “ No. Before.”

“ Yeah I was busy.” Yelena concludes as she hops off the stool she sat on. Not bothering to share that the movie came out while she was under Dreykov’s control.

Bob didn’t know all of the details of her past, but he knew enough to know when she was eluding to it being a reason why she didn’t know certain things. He never put much thought to it other than thinking it was fun to show the various things she’d never had the pleasure to enjoy.

“ You two going to join?” Ava was weighing her options for a drink at the fridge. “ Or are you more inclined to something graphic like usual tonight?”

“ My interest has been piqued.” Yelena reaches past Ava and grabs a soda from the fridge, examining it for a moment before settling on it and slipping it into the pocket of her hoodie.

Bob didn’t even answer, he simply nodded and followed Yelena into the elevator with Ava.