onward & upward.

it felt slow , coming back to , and her entire body ached in a way that was vaguely familiar . she half expected to wake up in the physical therapist’s office at the rink , her mother worrying over her and swearing this was the last time she’d be allowed a training session this intense . lashes fluttered and the world came back into view , foreign and dark albeit the glow of two cellphone flashlights and a green glow from the windows . sweat drenched her skin , and her head was pounding , making her want to shut her eyes again immediately . maybe roll over and sleep for a couple of days with the heat and the exhaustion . but a familiar voice tugged for her attention , telling her to stay laid back , and dylan was a blur as he rushed out of the room in a whirlwind of worry . esme blinked , slowly turning her head only to feel her cheek brush against broken in denim . he wasn’t in the room anymore , but she could smell his cologne . . . she could hear the echo of her name , spoken softly in that worried tone . . . and she felt a different kind of dizzy . o v e r w h e l m e d , to say the least , by all that was dylan carmichael . she’d begun to think that if there was no way back , if there was no way home , if this is how it was going to be until the world actually ended –– it might not be that bad , so long as she could look up in any room and find the gentle gaze of warm , brown eyes looking back at her . dylan , she thought to herself , was the best part about this world . she was lucky he had been there –– the night they got trapped in a bathroom , and every moment after . footsteps bounded through the hall , and esme quietly settled back against a makeshift pillow , trying not to think too hard about the fact that she’d probably just given him a near heart attack . ice seared against her temple , causing her breath to hitch in a sharp intake . still , she’ll relax and close her eyes as lips soften into a timid smile , and despite the fainting , despite the heat , she’s perfectly okay with dylan nearby . lashes fluttered at the sound of his voice , and his smile elicits a weak bout of laughter . “ just –– got a little dizzy , is all , ” she looked up at him , dimples articulating the edges of a smile . everything about dylan was soft from the floppy curl of his hair to the gentle curve of his lips , from the warm brown of his eyes to the dark fullness of his lashes . her gaze flickered between his eyes , entire body relaxing as she allowed someone else to take care of her . . . for once . “ dylan carmichael , i think you might have the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen , ” her voice was low , tired and slightly rasped , and her gaze dropped as she continued , “ and luckily fairly fast reflexes . thank you for not letting me bust my head open . ” she paused , brow furrowed as she recalled every other time she’d passed out . her entire body still ached , she was nowhere near ready to sit up , and her hands still shook , slightly , as she tugged a the bottom hem of her shirt and rolled it up , slightly , allowing the skin on her torso to breathe . “ seems it’s always you i drag into messes like this , ” she said quietly , looking back up at him , “ i’m sorry for worrying you . ”

                                a steady gaze followed the path of the firefly the boy was chasing , and maybe it’s heat exhaustion –– . . . but she let’s out a breathy laugh at minnie’s comment . there was no surprising her these days , or so she thought . seeing a grown man with a ducky intertube around his waist wasn’t exactly curious . . . not for this world , anyway . but the fireflies . . . the lights –– the GREEN lightening , none of it could be seen coming . none of it seemed to have any blatant explanations . her eyes flicker over to study minnie’s face , her own expression solemn , if only for a moment . “ i think you look like you’re trying a bit too hard not to be , ” her gaze shifts back to the window and she folds her arms over her chest , “ heavy is the head that wears the crown , you know ? ” BRIGHT green flashed across the sky again , and her shoulders lifted in a shrug . “ not much different than every other day , ” she sighed , tacking on, “ other than the excessive use of aloe i’ll be going through . ” her eyes narrowed as another student darted outside . “ you’d think they’d be more wary of what you of all people were warning them . . . ” 

“ half of the time i have no idea what you’re on about , ” she mumbled to herself , shaking her head as he abruptly came to a stop . her shoulders tensed at the touch , and without a waver in the serious nature of her expression , she reached up and took his wrist between two fingers , plucking one off after the other . “ i’m calm , ” she insisted ,  raising her eyebrows at him . though there was very rarely a moment when esme macmillan was truly calm , always worried about something or someone in the back of her mind . but with zac , there were too many things to be concerned about to just pick one . . . they all canceled each other out . “ zac abraham, , ” she reached up , slapping her hands on either of his cheeks and holding his face , “ i think i’d rather go outside and lay on the sidewalk under the sun until i crisp than ‘give it a go’ with you  . ” her hands dropped and she looked around , shaking her head at the university pool coming to life with red solo cups and loud music . it was almost like things were completely normal . “ who planned all this anyways ? ”

there was no STOPPING it . . . the growing smile on her lips as she glanced down at his hands , gripping a book , no doubt scouring through the pages for answers , anything that might explain the green lights . it reminded her of herself , when they first realized life as they knew it was over and someone boldly suggested that esme traded in her CLASS NOTES for a prescription pad –– without years of med school , without. the residency . she still found herself digging through textbooks , absorbing what she could , when she had the time . it also reminded her of an easier time , when she’d glance over the top of an intro class textbook to see robin at the other side of her twin xl in a quiet dorm room . and that heart of hers would flutter , because she was in love . notes scribbled across the page in his handwriting snapped her back to a PRESENT where things seemed to be drifting , and he was always just out of her reach . maybe for the better , she thought , loathing the way it twisted her stomach in an unprecedented sadness . “ the world isn’t falling apart , ” she mused softly , wispy brown curls falling from her ponytail , “ and even if it was , it wouldn’t be up to you to save it . ––– come on , robin , even i’m taking a break . it’s too hot out here to be doing –– . . . is that chemistry or physics ? ” her nose scrunched as she squinted at the paper , only leaning back at the SHIFT in his voice . it was sharper . . . his question wielded as a weapon . esme’s tongue poked the inside of her cheek as she thought about her answer . “ i promised someone i’d meet ‘em here , ” because there was no point in trying to lie to someone who knew her INS and o u t s better than almost anyone . she clasped her hands behind her back , allowing a moment to pass before sitting down next to him and letting out a SIGH to match his . “ best as i can be . think maybe my body is starting to reject moving at 100 mils a minute , but –– ” she shrugged , allowing herself to RELAX next to him , a subtle smile on curved lips , “ i’m good . ” swaying , slightly , she bumped her shoulder against his . “ feels like you’ve been avoiding me , robin dieudonné , ” the french name rolling off of her tongue like a native speaker , thanks to her mother’s parents , “ so how have you been ? taking care of yourself ? ”

“ i know . i’m sorry , i –– ” her eyes met his , a low sinking in her chest shortly following , “ my phone’s been useless since those clouds rolled in . by the time i realized i’d be late coming out of work , none of my texts were sending . ” only then did she realize her voice was nearly a whisper , soft as ever in the presence of someone who had never known much gentleness . yet , over the past several months , that’s all she’d ever known from him . esme attempted to muster up a smile , but it faltered just as she did , wavering on knees that felt a little weaker than usual . he’d said something . . . she was sure of it , but it was warped and far off as she cleared her throat and focused . “ i’m fine , ” it’s too quick , an automatic response too often paired with a dismissive wave of her hand . but her fingertips are trembling if they aren’t holding onto him . her gaze is fixed downwards , for a moment , while echoes down the hall are the only noises they can hear . until her name falls from parted lips and she wants to collapse into him . to close her eyes and tell him she’s sorry for being so stupid . because it’s different , the way he says it this time . it’s not smiled or tucked into quiet laughter ; it’s pointed , and when she lifts her gaze to meet his , air gets trapped in the back of her throat . gentle frustration creases is brow , and she’s made him mad . . . but it’s the proximity that shocks her . with an arm around her waist , they’re closer than they’ve been in a while , and the worry that troubled the warmest brown eyes she’d ever seen made her chest ache . “ you were here , ” she whispered , holding his gaze , “ you . . . and maya and tatum and stevie . reese , robin , zara –– . . . you were all here . and i wasn’t . ” there’s a pause as she takes a breath , brow furrowing at the way her heart refused to slow down . with the ac shutting down , the heat was creeping indoors and she could feel it . “ also , i promised , ” she added . nodding her head slowly , but there was a sickening flip in her stomach , and the room began to turn , slowly . she needed to sit down . “ i just need to–– . . . ” but her grip on him went slack as her knees finally gave out , and esme crumpled , eyes closed , from the exhaustion and the heat . 

it was . . . CHAOTIC to say the least . an olympic sized indoor swimming pool turned into a party space within a few short hours . the smell of chlorine burned her senses , causing her to scrunch her nose as she slipped in . music , shouting , laughter . . . it was a lot , but by now , esme was getting USED to the way things seemed to get a little wild as a new problem sat on the horizon . the problem lately had been a lack of rain , but TONIGHT . . . it was an overcast of storm clouds and bright green lightening . gaze flickered over the crowd , registering familiar faces , searching . . . distracted , she lightly bumped into someone else . instantly , arms reached out to steady him , unaware of how close they were to the water –– just in case . “ shoot , sorry i–– ” she looked up , met with a familiar gaze that immediately settled her nerves ; one she’d known for the better part of a decade . and she melted , shoulders settling as her lips curled into the sweetest kind of smile . “ robin , hey –– ” because lately , she hadn’t seen much of him . lately , it felt like he’d been avoiding her . “ you’re –– impeccably dry for a pool party . . . so i take it you’re either not having a good time or no one’s gotten the jump on you and sent you under yet–– . . . ”

stuck at work . . . it was a common thread that tied together every time she’d been late to anything over the past several months . but she’d made a promise , and a promise she’d keep . even as the clouds rolled in . even as her cheeks brimmed a bright red from the same brutal heat that fought with unruly curls . by the time she’d made it to the pool , where a party was still in full swing , the clouds overhead had begun to light up with NEON lightening like none of them had ever seen before , but she was too busy searching to notice , dipping inside when dylan was nowhere to be found . two flights of stairs later , and it didn’t seem any cooler indoors than it had outside . the lights flickered . once . twice . and then –– nothing . “ you’re kidding me , ” she whispered to herself , shoving the swinging doors of a study hall open and entering a hallway . it was unmistakable , the racing of her heart , the tightening in her chest . . . the heaviness to her body that she pushed to ignore as she navigated the halls , rounding the corner when –– “ oh my gosh , ” staggering back , she blinked , eyes adjusting to the light and the new throb in her head . but she’d know that voice anywhere , “ dylan ? there you are –– ” she picked up his phone and handed it over , standing slowly in the process . “ i’m–– i’m fine , ” but between standing back up and the heat , she was unsteady . instinctively , she reached out for his wrist to stop herself from wobbling . “ i have no idea . they’re out everywhere . flickering at the hospital all night and everything , ” she glanced down at her hand , gently wrapped around his wrist , and despite the dizziness , pulled away . “ sorry i’m , um , late , ” she blinked , only feeling worse by the second , “ what are you doing wandering out here in the dark ? ”

“ you really called it , abraham . i would’ve never guessed that an obscene amount of heat would encourage people to flock towards the biggest pool we’ve got , ” esme said to herself softly , chin resting atop one knee pulled to her chest . she sat on a table behind him , face flushed and stomach churning from the heat . take it easy , she’d told herself . . . naturally ending up near zac abraham within the process . . . which was the opposite of taking it easy . tapping at her phone screen , she furrowed her brow and only answered one question once he finally took a breath . “ look at me , ” she said , face blank as he asked for a joint , “ let me see your pupils . did you start early , zac ? ”

“ i’m not laughing at you , maya , ” esme shook her head , following behind the blonde with careful footsteps . she glanced down at her phone , locking and unlocking it . her messages hadn’t been sending , and in between bouts of soft laughter , the concern could be seen in the same crease between her brows that she’d worn the night they all ended up in this upside down version of home . “ i just think it’s strange , i mean –– all these years . i could’ve taught you . my mom could’ve taught to you , ” she paused , lifting her head up with a tilt of her chin , “ suddenly the whole debacle that was molly sinclair’s pool party in eighth grade is making a lot more sense . . . ” her eyes shifted , following the blonde in front of her as she made her way to a desk and sits on the tabletop surface . silence lingered for a moment as she glanced down to her phone one more time , room lighting up an electric green as she turned away from the window . nothing . . . “ how many times did you have to bat your eyelashes for that ? ” gentle laughter fell from her lips as she crossed the room and took a hold of the metal flask . glancing around the room , she shook it in her hand , liquid causing the metal to be cool against her touch , “  you know i’ve always hated this room . nearly threw up in here freshman year . speech class . ” she took a deep breath and settled onto the desk across from maya , tossing the flask back without taking a drink , “ how long do you think we’ll be stuck in here ? ”

                                 storm clouds rolled in faster than anyone had seen before , dark figures in the sky sparking with a NEON green electricity . she’d been hoping for rain , seeing as they hadn’t gotten any in weeks . . . but it was just the heat . heat and wisps of light glowing against a dark backdrop . esme stood in front of a set of three windows , floor to ceiling , overlooking a university courtyard , with her arms folded over her chest and a furrowed brow .  PECULIAR , she thought to herself , before startling at the sound of a voice that was ironically announced with a crackle of lightening . “ i used to think it was education , but that guy in the red was in the honors program at halloway , ” she nodded down towards a fully grown man still dripping wet from the pool , inflatable intertube around his waist , chasing after FIREFLIES . a beat passed before she glanced over at minnie , gaze flickering over the girl’s features before esme had to bite back a grin , “ you’re not WORRIED are you ? ”