Ha - an alternative hypothesis

I have 9 days before I leave Montreal and with it a part of myself. I've made a very deliberate decision not to carry my camera with me, but instead to have the movers pack it and ship it ahead of me. Which gives me 8 weeks without a camera in my hand. And I'm thinking that it might just be the FIRST 8 weeks, that my days of shooting are behind me. My camera gave me access to areas that I'd not otherwise have seen. Allowed me to have conversations that I'd never have had. To scratch a creative itch. And to allow others to really express themselves. But it also became a crutch. Something to hide behind at parties. A way to disengage. A physical barrier between me and what was happening in my life. I started to play the role of photog and forgot to be me.  And so it's time to put away the camera and to start taking delight in what I see with both eyes, not with one. Montreal gave me the freedom to be expressive and unafraid - to see things through the eyes of people younger and more interesting thanI have ever been or ever will become... and I shall forever be grateful. But now, well now it's time to run, jump, swim and explore with my son - and not to care whether the moment is captured to be enjoyed later 

This "Rue'd Fashion" is everywhere, it's important and it's gaining a momentum that you feel has to be noticed by the outside world too. Yesterday evening D.Y.D.H put together a runway show that captured this movement and moment perfectly - showing the city's raw, pulpy, poly sexual, poetic heart even as down below Forever 21 tried to sum us up as a world united by the sheen of polyester.  Challenging without being tricksy, gender bending without being an 80s pastiche, current without being exclusive the D.Y.D.H show mixed without bothering to match, stomped without demanding that people get the hell out of the way and showed us a tribe united by a thought - with arms outstretched and open to all. You may not have seen the show, you probably don't have to. This was an invitation to get out of the mall, get past the curated taste of the designer collection and to start to dig for influences of your own - if it worked you'll be seeing some of these looks (and the looks of people inspired to make what they wear an extension of what they believe) everywhere

Lots of things in flux here at the moment, but I'm hanging on to the fact that whatever it is that happens over the next month or so shouldn't result in harm to anyone, so isn't really worth worrying over. That said I've noticed that a lot of my pics are doing the swan thing - graceful on top yet peddling furiously below the surface. I have a lot of glossy images in front of scenes of dereliction for example. Maybe this is all therapy after all? 

i think i have a new favorite place to shoot....

Here's hoping I get some funding

I spend most of my time with people way hotter than I am. WAAAAAY hotter. And as my decline into middle age (the hair, the poundage, the 'it fits' styling) accelerates the gap just widens. I used to bridge some of the gap with fashion, a statement saying 'i'm not as attractive as you, but I understand this world and I could be a part of it' but these days I use my invisibility to place myself amongst the beauty - and try to capture it. Old and ugly isn't great , but I'm doing what I can with it 

It was COLD when we shot this, by a frozen lake in Vermont with ice slushing and cracking like our fingers. But I like the woods womany feel of it. I've not shot artists in a while, tomorrow I will. I'm excited

So I tore off a strip from the white background paper we'd all been walking on, handed him scissors and tape and 15 minutes later we took this shot. I do love the people I know here  

Another moment in Montreal

sometimes, in winter usually, it's easy to forget why you live in Montreal. And then you walk into a bar and you see something like this and it all falls back into place

I love Michael to tiny pieces... that's really all I have to say about this one

I'm a bit of a narrative freak. I love models to have stories floating in their heads as they work their way through a shoot - it just shows in the movement and in the mood of things. Being with Julian is always great. Early morning he's already up, he's stretched, he's done his yoga and as the sun comes up he's ready with tea and a home made fig preserve. There's something about him that's just centered, and present and 'figured out' Which is why I love this set. The idea in my head anyway came from the idea that the guys here are neighbors. So it's 1950, you're gay but you can't be seen together. You live in adjoining apartments and live in fear of being betrayed by a look that's too familiar or a gesture that's too fond. In the entire set the guys never made eye contact. Never acknowledged each other's proximity. Never played 'the pain of it.' It's so far from the vibe of the morning and the people, and yet (again to me) it feels soaked in regret and longing. My favorite kind of marinade 

Sometimes you forget about an image in a series... you get excited about 'the' pic and the rest all become no more than what you sifted through in order to get to the image that you love.  Going back through the archives though is fun, because sometimes (and only sometimes) you find things that you just overlooked. All of the other images in this series are about 'passive aggressiveness' - usually him forcing a cigarette on her and meeting no resistance. But in this one you can actually see her sucking the soul from him, just a subtle cloud of vapor leaving his body and being captured by hers. Or not. It's what I see, but then I would, wouldn't I?

I blame Tara Banks. I have seen so much Smyzing, so many 'Booty Touches' and so much 'bend it til it breaks' poses over the last couple of years... and it's usually from people just starting out. It's tough being in front of a camera and being asked to 'just move' or to 'emote' and I can see how, without experience to fall back on, you'd fall back on advice instead. The best models I know start out as voracious readers of fashion and mature into real people who just know their angles.  Fred here made that transformation faster than almost anyone I've ever met. He wouldn't really like this one, it's a little quiet. But I do 

Someone reminded me that this was still here today and going back through it was odd. It's not really me. It's florid and it's down and a lot of the time it feels quite alone. There are no jokes. Not even bad ones. No puns. No stories about what happened right after we took the shots. And nothing about the person that was in them. It's self indulgent in other words. A blog then. Anyway with that said and with Tijke now sailing along towards the independence of 18 months ("I'm hungry and I want a banana", "Enough now, no daddy") I actually have enough time to search through the archives and post some stuff. This is an out-take from a shoot I did for "The Little Beau Peep Show" - a burlesque fantasy that used fairytales as its connective tissue. Think filthy dirty, sweet, musical, comedy, horror show and you're pretty close. Some of my favorite people in the world were in it - so I'm biased but I thought it was pretty shit hot

It's time to breathe new life into this old site.... time for some updates, for some thinking, for some pictures and for some of life's poetry... Good to be back

This is far from the best pic taken in the new place, but it has the best title, it's called "The one that stayed for Breakfast"