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i’m not ok. someday i will be, but i know i’ll never be the same.
i was at the 2015 daytona xfinity race where he crashed into that wall. i remember wondering if i had just witnessed the worst. i remember being relieved as hell to hear he was gonna be ok. he came back to win the 2015 championship and i loved it. he was one hell of a prickly, mercurial, difficult, hilarious, brilliant, insanely talented race car driver, and i loved him for it.
it has been one of the joys and privileges of my life as a motorsports fan to watch him grow and mature, become the kind of elder statesman of the sport and endless font of wisdom and advice for the younger generations — like maybe most people thought he’d never be — while still kick ass and take names, one of the best to ever put foot to pedal to floorboard. for my own reasons, i put my motorsports love on the back burner for a while in the late 2010s, but then covid happened and i turned on a race for lack of anything else to do and watched in realtime as he (completely accidentally, i will add) wrecked the driver that would become my favorite. and something flipped inside me. and since then i’ve had a near-feral love for the sport in a way i hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
kyle busch was a huge part of that love. he was an icon, an institution, as towering and immovable as a mountain. he was inevitable. i was lucky to see him win in-person, at bristol dirt in 2022 in a literal turn-4 pass on the final lap, one of the most chaotic finishes i’ve ever seen. i was there with my dad, and both of us looked at each other like “what the hell just happened?” then we couldn’t help but cheer when kyle did The Bow.
speaking of my dad — a lifelong racing fan and the reason i got into motorsports in the first place — he told me once that nothing will break your heart like motorsports. god, it’s so fucking true. this sport has broken my heart so many times in so many ways, but this one, man. this one has ripped me open. it’s impossible to express how deep the ache is. why this has hurt me in the depths of my soul.
he was so young. he was my age. and now he’s gone. it doesn’t seem real. it probably won’t, not for a long time.
grief is not linear. and it can’t be rushed. it just has to be lived and experienced, and whoever you are at the end of it — if and when you ever get there — is not the same as the person you were before.
thank you for everything, kyle fucking busch. you meant so much to so many. you meant so much to me. we won’t be the same without you, and we sure as hell will never forget you.
Ryan and Corey psychoanalyze victims of the race car driver son complex, particularly Chase Elliott.
Transcript below.
Ryan: I think a lot of us are, are different than what you see like on camera, right? We're there to do a job and we're there to work, but--
Corey: A lot of it, too also comes down to, you mentioned earlier, like what your expectations are set by your team, whether voluntary or involuntary. Like, I think Chase Elliott-- ring the siren this weekend, right? Yeah, gets in victory lane now twice this year. He's on a heater. He's on a good year. If I wouldn't have got, like, the peak behind the curtain and got that opportunity couple years ago to drive the nine... I'm like, okay, now I see. If you are not winning, you can't show personality, because there's no excuse as to why you shouldn't be winning. [Ryan agrees.] So if you're not winning.. you can't... like, inherently, you're really not allowed to be-- you have to be like, we got to get better, right? We got to do more, we got to get better. So that's the hard part, right? [... Spire] lets Carson be himself, because there's no expectations within reason, right? Like they're running better than expectations. So he can do Carson Hocevar things, right? And then he gets celebrated for it.
Ryan: And it just depends what you're comfortable with. Like, Carson seems very comfortable. And just, I'm this way all the time, and this is my personality. And, you know, that's, that's great. And I think, honestly, that question, and you brought up Chase, like, Chase is that. Everyone's like, Oh, Chase is just a stick, you know, stick in the mud, vanilla. I've known Chase since I was 10 years old, that I've had the most fun I've ever had in my life, on multiple occasions, on trips with Chase, just being with him, hanging out with... Like Chase is another guy that people would kind of dog on for being vanilla, but he's the one of the most funniest guys, but he's got a job to do.
Corey: You're going to be perfect for me to ask this, because I've presented this theory to the podcast, I'm sure, at some point in time, and to you, I've talked about it. I think there is a race car driver son complex. There's like a race car driver son complex. And I think Chase wears it the most. I've worn it. You've worn it because you never feel like you're ever going to be as good as your dad. [Ryan agrees]. So there's, like, this inherent--
Skip: Little bit of imposter syndrome? Corey: I wouldn't call it imposter syndrome. It's like, you have a good day. Well, it's not good enough. [Ryan agrees.] Did you ever get to a point? Did you ever have that?
Ryan: Oh yeah, yeah.
Corey: Did you like, was there a distinct moment where you're like, Okay, not that I'm better than my dad, but like, I can look him eye to eye...
Ryan: [...] I mean, like you said, in my mind, I will never be better than my dad. My dad, to me, is the best race car driver that has ever sat behind the wheel of a car. And I think any son or daughter of a race car driver is gonna say that. Corey: And imagine Bill Elliot, right? That Chase is trying to.
Ryan: Yeah. Like, it's hard to-- all Bill's success. Like, I don't know. I just feel like it's, there's so much expectations on you, because these people watched your father do it.
Corey: And he wears it.
Ryan: Yeah, and he definitely has, he has to wear it more than anybody.
Skip: We talk about ass chewings a lot. We talked about a lot here from our dads. I just can't picture Bill Elliott being a race driver dad, bit chewing Chase's ass.
Corey: He strikes me as a guy that's like, not going to chew your ass. He'll just say something and you're like, oh no. He's disappointed.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. I think Bill is more that way. I've got spend to good time with Bill. Yeah. He's more that like, yeah, he would never--
Corey: 'I expected you to do better.' [Ryan agrees.] 'I expected more out of you'.
Ryan: I got a great story with Bill and Chase, we're out in Utah. This is years ago. Gosh, we were going to ride dirt bikes out in Utah, and we're driving from Colorado to Utah, and it's like five hours, and we wake up super early in the morning, and Chase is already in the truck, and he's in the backseat. Like, got his iPad. He's gonna go take a nap. I'm gonna watch movies, whatever. I gotta sit front seat with Bill. So I'm like, Oh, this would be fun. Bill does not listen to--
Corey: What he put on the radio?
Ryan: Nothing. Wind. It was wind. Dude, no music for five hours. I'm trying to make conversation and Bill like, he gives you, like, you know, two sentence, maybe answers, and I finally just ran out. So we just sat in silence for like, three more hours. It was like, alright.
Corey: Good stuff.
Ryan: Yeah, he's just alone with his thoughts in the wind, dude.
Corey: And Chase is already like, I'm setting him up for this.
Ryan: He knew! He's like, I've been around this my whole life. I know there's gonna be no music, there's gonna be no radio, no conversation. I'm sitting in the back. He set me up so good. I got to the truck and I opened the back door, and he's like, sprawled out. Can't sit here. Yeah, it was great though. It was fun. It was one of the most best-- It was the best car ride I've ever had.
Corey: And then he puts it in park, looks over, like, Hey, man, that's good a good conversation.
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they have the same energy as that catty gay couple in your extended friend universe thats been together forever and if you ever really sat down and thought about it you’d realize you don’t actually like hanging out with them
i feel like people aren't getting how dire ai is. we are running out of drinkable water. our brains aren't engaging as much with what we see and hear. people near data centers don't get clean water and experience electricity blackouts. it's being used to make pornography of underaged people and women. it often just lies. it affirms everything. it lies. it has made people kill themselves. it lies for gods sake. and people act as if im dramatic for being staunchly against it. 'now i KNOOW you hate ai and whatever, but look at this cute video' this isn't me being a new age puritan about internet videos, this is about the fucking earth and our future living on this planet. people are suffering now, people will suffer more, and my friends and parents will roll their eyes and think im annoying for despising ai so explicitly. we need to wake up because we cannot live like this
while working at his standing desk for a while, my colleague said he was doing the video game character pause-wiggle thing so I sent him a 10-hour video of mii channel music.
I am now on hour three of listening to mii channel music
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Chase in a 2021 interview about his Chili Bowl attempt:
Chase: I grew up a big Tony Stewart fan, so obviously he kind of wanted me to do that stuff I feel like as a kid. He always kind of was joking with dad about getting me in midget and Quarter Midgets and stuff when I was little. He actually gave me a Quarter Midget when I was little that never got used. So I kind of grew up with a lot of interest in it.
Interviewer: [...] You hear Earnhardt talk about stories of watching the Midget racers and even the car owners were watching. Was that your fandom towards Tony Stewart? Was that because your dad was such a fan of watching that?
Chase: No. It was really more just Tony always was just really kind to me as a kid. He was that other driver that would always take it two seconds out of his grid walk to stop by and pick me up or try to tickle you or whatever as a kid. When you're a little kid, that's a big deal, right? Obviously my dad was a star at the time, but you're always looking outside of that too. Outside of him and Tony was having a lot of success and he was just really kind to me and I knew he was really involved. I think he would send me little die-cast sprint cars and stuff at Christmas. Daniel Lasoski, I think was his driver at the time, I remember he would send me t-shirts and stuff of all of his dirt guys. That was really the big thing. I just felt like he was kinder than most for whatever reason and I respected that.
i know everyone loves baby seals, but sometimes i really am blown away by their whimsy. they took a teddy bear and made it a mermaid. i feel very wonderful knowing we live on the same planet as puppy mermaid teddies
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