Concentrate, concentrate
People dying, children crying
Concentrate, concentrate
Knife in your back
Blood is running down
Spiders crawling up
Spiders crawling down
Knife in your back
Blood is running down
Spiders crawling up
Spiders crawling down
Concentrate, concentrate
I try to give myself the shivers; it never works. It feels like there's a very thin layer of paper over my eyes. Sleep sounds so nice. I was an insomniac for awhile, and now I keep busy. That's the trick; keeping busy. Can you imagine a caterpillar without segments? Life's not so different. Structure. Everyone needs structure.
The damned nurse breaks my reverie with an announcement of bullshit. I canāt be mad, because sadly thatās what I pay her to do. āWhat is it Beverly?ā I ask. Sheāll never know but I hired her for her name. It just sounds like a nurseās name. Itās not a good reason, but I did it, so thatās on me now.
āA patient just came in. Heās bleeding all over the waiting room... Should I tell him to go? I donāt much like the look of him.ā
She doesnāt like the look of anything. Beverlyās a malcontent. Iāve never known a more hateful woman. Thatās the second reason I hired, but I donāt mind owning that one so much.Ā āLet me take a gander.ā
"Thal's balls Altan, what did you do?"
"I played Manawall,ā he replies, but thereās got to be more to the story than just that. I wonāt ask. I donāt really want to know.
Blood is coming out of his arm in gobs now. And I just know itās all over my godsdamned waiting room and Iām the one whoās going to have to clean it up. You think Beverly would go out there with a mop and broom? Heavens no. āThe bullet seems to have knicked a few major... euhh...ā I motion about with my hands as if this will give me the words. It doesnāt of course.Ā āBlood passageways.ā
āCould you mean arteries and veins?ā
āNo one likes a know-it-all, Altan.ā I pinch his arm. He doesnāt seem to feel it. In fact, he doesnāt seem to feel anything. That isnāt good.Ā āCan you feel this...?ā I ask, then inadvisably poke at a tender piece of exposed, pink, skinless flesh. Probably shouldnāt have done that.
āIf youāre going to dissect me, can I have some formaldehyde first?ā
āHa. Ha.ā The least he could do is suffer a little. I cannot stand his cheery disposition. This is a clinic after all. Only pregnant women are allowed to be happy here.Ā āIām going to have to dig out the bullet.ā
āThat would be why I came here.ā
A small part of me wants to let him die. Maybe Iāll leave a piece of gauze in his arm or something.