mila

La verdad es que, al fin y al cabo, si que querías verme pero sólo mi exterior. Y querías que yo vea sólo tu exterior. No te culpo, ni siquiera yo sé cómo verme y pesar de todo el dolor que me causaste no lo hago, no me lo permito aun.

Pero se que puedo aprender, puedo renacer y verme a misma, por mi cuenta y sin esperar que vos lo hagas. Quererme, abrazarme y besarme sin desear que seas vos quien lo haga.

¿Sabes? No suelo ser alguien que se canse a la primera, por lo general, suelo poner muchas ganas en una relación y empiezo a amar desde el minuto 1, logrando que para mi, todo lo que suceda dentro de aquel espacio y tiempo se convierta en algo sumamente profundo. Pero me cansaste. Lograste algo increíble, que yo bajara los brazos.

Me gustaría poder decirte que seguramente en un tiempo, cuando te golpees contra la pared y despiertes de este periodo de juegos constante en el que vivís, y te des cuenta el daño que causaste a tantas personas con tu indiferencia, el daño que me causaste a mi. Y de alguna forma te arrepientas, quieras volver el tiempo atrás pero luego darte cuenta de que no hay forma, y que perdiste personas que pudieron haberlo dado todo por vos si tan solo las hubieses cuidado como se merecían. Pero no lo sé, no se que vaya a pasar en un par de meses o incluso en un par de segundos.

Lo único que se, es que no te tengo rencor porque quizás vos nunca sentiste nada por mi, pero yo si sentí algo por vos. Y fue lindo, ese mundo de fantasía en el que me sumí el verano entero me hizo sentí cosas totalmente nuevas y te agradezco. Se que no me odias, porque yo tampoco te odio a vos. Se que me queres y me ves, pero no de la forma en la que yo quiero que me quieras y me veas. Y lo acepto (o lo voy a aceptar)

Asi que voy a sacar lo bueno de lo malo e intentar levantarme del suelo en honor a todo lo lindo que sentí. Y como dice una de nuestras amigas, darle tiempo al tiempo. Sanar. Posiblemente tenga tropiezos o caídas porque sanar de vos no es fácil. Pero no va a ser imposible.

De alguna u otra forma tenía que aprender que los corazones se rompen, ¿no? Es solo que, jamás imagine cuanto dolería.

Pero voy a dejar mi lado egoísta y orgulloso (aquellas dos características que ambos compartimos un poco) a un costado para decirte que quiero tenerte en mi vida, de la forma que sea porque mi cariño si es sincero.

Here I am returning to my blog after spending a lot of time without writing, I really didn’t have much inspiration.I read this news yesterday and didn’t believe it at first, I read it so much that I couldn’t trust it so easily. Until I confirm it today.

I could talk about how much his leaving hurts me, even though I understand Justin’s reasons for leaving. But I won’t. I prefer to remember the story of one of my favorite characters in the world.

Alexander Michael Karev, he was an asshole when we met him but for some reason I could never hate him, I knew there was something deeper inside him. He became an adult at the age of 7, when he started cleaning up his drunk and drugaddict father. He was bullied at school because he was fat and he suffered violence for it. It made him think bad things about himself for a long time.

When his father left them, he became the father of his siblings and began to take care even more for his schizophrenic mother. He was in 17 different foster homes in the course of 5 years and also was in juvenile detention after stealing food for his family.

Even after all this history, he successfully finished college and started his internship at SGH. From there, he began to mature into the wonderful person he is today. An excellent surgeon and a doctor who cares about his patients, a good friend, a good man, a good uncle and a good husband.

Above all, a good human being.

He cares, he doesn’t mind having to risk his life to save a woman after a ferry accident. He doesn’t mind running the risk of going to jail just to restore a child’s sight.

I remember watching him hug those little babies who needed that warmth that he gave them, I remember him singing a song from “camp rock” for a little girl just for making things easy for her. I remember him bringing children from Africa to be medically treated. I remember him fighting for his life after someone shot him one day at work, I remember him admitting he was scared of everything.

He’s one of the most resilient people I’ve ever met. And I’ve learned so much by his side. He has borne the best fruits of all the adversity to which he was subjected in his life.

You deserve all the good things you can get out of this world, Alex Karev. Right now I can only say thank you, thank you for teaching me to face adversity, for pushing me to care and to act. To stand up and take it, no matter how hard it looks.

I’m going to miss you like you have no idea. I feel really lucky that I was able to meet you, Alex Karev, and believe me, I understand, but you don’t have any idea how much it pains me to let you go.

Thank you Justin Chambers, for being a golden person and a GREAT artist. You played Alex Karev like no other, you’re a giant and I hope life is beautiful with you because you deserve a entire world.

Thank you both. I’ll always remember you.

Bye.