Finding Myka Rae
I think ive always known. Growing up in a religious and conservative home i was forced to hide it though. I suspected all the other boys secretly wanted to wear cute clothes, play with makeup, and giggle with their friends. I never realized that I was experiencing something special. I secretly envied my sister's friends' bodies. Found them attractive? Im sure. But differently. They also inspired some feelings of jealousy and fomo inside my young mind. I was never aggressive. Never boyishly violent or rough. I was no delicate flower. But more of a tomboy type than a real rough and tumble boy. I met the prettiest, gentlest, boy in highschool....a year my junior...but very much more demonstratively feminine than I was. He had the most beautiful gray/blue eyes and moved and carried himself ina way that made the other boys tease him....but I secretly envied him. He seemed brave and strong and genuine and bold to me. He was still closeted as was I. But I knew he was special. Years later, in a chance meeting while home for the holidays, I was able to reconnect with him and we had both grown and HE was out, if still struggling in our small town after living out west for a few years. Id gone east and was home for the holidays and very much closeted but was able to open up to him and share some very amazing nights together. Even with him I struggled to show the real me. Gay yes. But still masc and male. Myka's secret still tucked away, like i tucked away my manhood when I had moments alone and trying to find myself. However.....one night after a long day if socializing as a male, I was exhausted socially and made my way by a neighborhood bar to grab a nightcap before heading home alone. After walking in and taking a seat in the mostly empty bar, I ordered a drink and a small appetizer and settled in to wait. My drink and appetizer came and I was sitting quietly and enjoying the quiet. The place was closing and my server was cut. When my glass was empty I was ready to go, but the most beautiful, tall, sexy, angel eyed young man stepped towards my table and asked if id like anything else. I needed to go. I didnt need anything. But I was captivated. He was obviously gay but very masculine even if his appearance was overwhelmingly stunning. I stumbled across a new drink order and he stepped away. When he returned I knew I had to act. So I went full middle school and asked for a pen and piece of paper. He obliged and while he was gone I wrote the silliest note ever written. I admitted my biggest secret and threw myself at his mercy. I asked him to contact me if he was interested and to destroy the note and keep my secret if he wasnt. It was my first public admission ever. I finished my drink, tipped well, and after stealing a final glance at this beautiful man, I practically ran for my life. I got home and waited. It felt like months passed. Really..it was an hour. He said he was interested but exhausted and heading home for the day. I explained my cowardice and second guessing and begged him to come by before I lost my nerve. He relented. I had already shown my cards without knowing it. I had surrendered my secrets, my authority, and my position to him before he ever stepped thru the door of my home. I was alone in my bedroom with only the TV on. Id showered and was wearing only some short boxer briefs when the bell rang. I went to the front door and opened the door and stepped aside. He towered over my 6' frame by what seemed like a foot. He was stunning. I stepped aside and he stepped in. Before the door even closed he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. He said I was shaking and held me for a long moment and comforted me and told me he was glad id reached out. Then, HE grabbed my hand and led me to my room by following the light from my television. Id never had a man lead me by the hand. It felt so safe. It felt so unreal. I felt so small and yet so safe. I wasnt asked to lead. Or be strong or have opinions or thoughts. I was led by the hand to the bedroom by this stunning man. He motioned for me to get in the bed and I did.
(More to follow)
Thank you @alphasgurl69 and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!
