lunar theories

i hate this fucking "i'm just a girl" brand of feminism bc it is so easy for young women in their 20s who are afraid of big changes and personal growth to revert to depending on their gender and the associated fragility of it so that they can make it through life when really they're just trapping themselves in a position where they cannot and will not grow out of that fear.

i hate how "being a girl's girl" has replaced feminism. I hate that enforced conformity has replaced genuine compassion for and solidarity with other women. I hate how women call each other "pick me's" for not conforming to femininity or for daring to critique something other women like. I hate how we just keep finding new socially acceptable ways to bully other women for being unattractive or outspoken or difficult or complicated or weird or ambitious or for not performing femininity. I hate those front facing camera "comedians" whose whole thing is making up a straw-woman to make fun of. I hate the obsession with "girlhood" and clinging to being a girl instead of a woman. i hate "the girl version of the roman empire" and "girlhood" and it's just consumerism and I hate the characterised of girlhood as passivity, niceness, sweetness, helplessness and frivolity and I hate the revival of gender essentialism even as a joke!!!

i just don’t have the employable spirit

the holy trinity: the father (fuck it we ball) the son (it is what it is) the holy spirit (to be cringe is to be free)

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

It’s like. When I was told to “just be yourself” as a kid I thought it was a passive thing. Like oh easy I just have to sit here and be myself. but the reason so many people think that “being yourself” is bullshit advice is because you actually have to make active choices to do this and it WILL make your life way more fun. You have to wear t-shirts of bands that were popular ten years ago because you like them. You have to do your hair in a way that you find cute or comfortable even if it’s “so nineties”. If your friend says a food you enjoy is gross to them, you can’t be afraid to admit you casually disagree. You have to do hobbies that you’re interested in even if you’re bad at them and you cant feel like you have to get good at something before you tell people it’s an activity you do. You have to read manga and comic books in public and get piercings your relatives think are unattractive. You don’t have to tell people you dislike that you dislike them, but you don’t have to give them your time and attention either. You have to rewatch that kids show you’re nostalgic for even if you’re in your 30s. You have to change your name if you hate it, even if only a few close friends can know. You have to get fun girly drinks at the bar. You have to order hot chocolate when you don’t like coffee and black coffee when you don’t like sweet things. I am still bad at practicing this but it is the only way to make it all tolerable.

been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.