Pond Dweller

I asked my five year old cousin what he would do if there was a scary skeleton and he said "I would pour water on it and then kick it" and I've been losing my shit laughing crying about a wet skeleton for about fifteen minutes straight

Coca Cola flavored Oreos taste like if you could eat clipart

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

Everyone loves me for my repetitive speech, my odd noises, my constant forgetfulness, and my repetitive speech

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

i agree so much about making your blorbos pathetic but i do fear that many take this to mean 'make them more traditionally feminine/submissive' which genuinely hurts my soul. make your blorbos pathetic in interesting character-oriented ways. understand their neuroses and turn the dials up to eleven. juxtapose the parts of life they handle extremely well with the parts of their lives that make them eat shit. make them angry. make them cold. make them pave their own way to hell while building walls preventing them from seeing any other way. please i'm begging you no more pathetic as an euphemism for bottoming im gonna mclose it.

fuck baby ur so hot i wanna do the dishes with u and make u hot tea when ur sick

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.

australian sour patch kids have gluten in them i am truly at my fucking limit im crashing out im waging war against wheat idgaf anymore

oh is that one of those things where ableist companies put in traces of common allergens so they can just avoid the cost of making it safe

WHAT

I wonder if that’s part of the reason behind my seeing an upswing in products adding corn starch or corn flour to things that didn’t have those before? <- rhetorical question, because I’m certain that’s what’s going on.

it's summer which means i am constantly asking myself questions such as "who is on my hockey team" and "is that a good idea"