I really enjoy daydreaming and fantasising. It excites me to think of things that have not yet happened that may one day come to be. This may sound very typical and you may roll your eyes but one of my biggest fantasies is that of getting married *Cue my boyfriend getting hot under the collar*. I don’t want to get married for a good few years yet but planning it all in my head makes me very happy. The dress, the cake, the band and even down to the finer details like the table names and who’d sit with who! However, dreams can be just more than strange, mystical things that disappear in a puff of smoke when our brain clicks back into reality.

I’ve announced it pretty much everywhere but for those reading this who don’t happen to already know, I’m writing a novel called On The Other Side which is being published by Little, Brown who published All I Know Now! I couldn’t be more thrilled that they liked it and I’m even more excited that next July, you guys will be reading the story of Evie Snow and many other characters whom I’ve come to love so ridiculously much. And it’s amazing to think that the whole idea from the book came from my sleepy brain at 2AM one morning last year when it couldn’t switch off. It was in that place between asleep and awake that 'On The Other Side' was born. 

Usually, when I have thoughts in the small hours of the morning, I wake up the next day, remember them, and laugh at myself for how horrific those ideas were and sometimes scold myself for thinking up such utter crap. Sometimes I don’t even remember the idea at all! But the morning after I’d dreamt up a girl in an emerald green coat who was locked out of heaven and needed to find a way in, well, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down everything I could remember. There might just be something here, I thought and I started building. I kept it to myself for so long though. I’d spent so long shaping Evie, who she was and how she thought and the people she’d met in her life that I’d fallen in love with them all. The thought of someone reading her and not liking her was unbearable. It took me months to admit that I’d kept this whole world locked away inside my notebook. I felt physically sick when I clicked send on the email that contained the typed up file of everything I’d written, sending Evie and her story through the screen into someone else’s life but I’m so so thankful that everyone at Little, Brown love her as much as I do and are completely behind me writing the rest of her story as Evie tells it to me, so I can share it with you. I hope I’m not alone in feeling so attached to the characters I write. If you’re a writer too, professional or aspiring, let me know how you feel towards your characters, even the not so nice ones, because Evie and Company feel so real to me. Even if they were just a dream.

I made a video about the day which you can watch here but I wanted to write a blog to talk a little more in depth about what made the whole day so brilliant.

I’ve been quite down recently. I think the routine of my life started getting a little repetitive so I started finding new things for me to do. I started making videos a lot more often (almost every day in April in fact!), started writing a new book, i’d get restless at home so instead of chilling out and resting I’d start creative projects for myself that would take all day, I also went on my book tour during my three days holiday from Les Mis and not to mention, rehearsals for Les Mis have now started again which means rehearsing during the day from 10AM-5PM and then doing the show in the evening! Basically what I’m trying to say is because my life got a bit repetitive, I made a lot of work for myself in my spare time make things interesting again, to mix things up a bit which meant I didn’t give myself any time to breath or be still and relax. Everything I was doing was also very isolated and solitary so I didn’t really see anyone either. I ended up making myself a little miserable and I got so run down and so mentally drained and exhausted, I had to take a day off of work which I HATE doing! It’s also amazingly easy to get caught up in the negative when you’ve been too much inside your head. You overthink EVERYTHING to the point where one measly, upsetting, thoughtless tweet had the power to ruin my day…and I’d given it that power! Then every night after work, I had this horrible dilemma about leaving through stage door. I’d be so tired and feeling so so of…haunted, that my priority had to be to get home and get to sleep and sometimes going through stage door means chatting for 30-45 minutes with lots of people which is wonderful fun and something I truly enjoy! But it’s also the difference between getting home at 23:30 and getting home at 00:15 and when you’re rehearsing the next day and you need to be up at 08:00...it can be a killer! So, I’d get myself all worked up into a frenzy about needing to get home and sleep but also not wanting to disappoint at the people I could see from my dressing room window waiting at stage door holding my book! I never want to disappoint anyone but I’ve realise that sometimes my physical and mental health needs to come first so I apologise profusely in advance, as I won’t be out of stage door for the next few weeks over cast change as I’ll be working 12 hour days and need all the sleep i can get to put on the best shows possible for you guys, with the current cast and the new!

ANYWAY!

I had a day off to reset and Pete, bless him, came over and cooked dinner for me and made sure I sat on my bum and didn’t do a thing. But then Sunday came along and I had a few things planned and to a girl who had sort of shut herself away for a while and hadn’t been out of her own head much for the last few months, I was a little daunted at the thought of my Sunday plans!

First on the agenda was the Rugby 7′s at Twickenham Stadium. Having only ever been to one rugby match I was very unsure what the rules were and what the day would entail. All I knew was that it was “space” themed so I stuck on my Tardis dress and my friend, Celinde, and I got the train to Twickenham. The reason we were going at all was because all the boys in the current cast had bought tickets and four of us girls (also from the cast) decided to buy tickets without telling them to surprise them there! (Two girls bailed out on the morning which just left me and Celinde!) The boys were dressed as aliens in masks and gloves, some were even in morph suits and although Celinde and I aren’t big rugby fans, seeing their faces as we ran towards them yelling was totally worth the price of the ticket!

We whooped and cheered for the team we’d chosen to support when each 7 minute match began, we drank Pimm’s, and cider and danced a lot to the music the DJ played in “The Fan Zone” a little outside the stadium. 3PM rolled around and Celinde and I headed back to the station to get the train to Leicester Square!

Celinde had said that she’d never been to a movie premiere in London before and I’ve been lucky enough to attend quite a few so I assured her it was all very exciting and we’d have a brilliant time. This premiere was for Disney’s new movie ‘Tomorrowland: A World Beyond” and the Disney team who had invited us had hired a room in a hotel that overlooked the red carpet (which was actually blue) where we could go and get changed into our fancy dresses. I told Celinde we’d need to walk around through the side streets to get to the hotel. “Why can’t we just walk through Leicester Square?” Because that’s where the premiere is, babe. “But it’s only at the cinema!” I laughed and lead her round the corner to where we could see the hotel and Leicester Square and there it was. The blue carpet, the large Tomorrowland signs, the barriers and the hundreds of fans behind them all waving and cheering and wielding their cameras and autograph books, the cars with tinted windows rolling up and letting out movie star after movie star and the whole affair took up the whole of Leicester Square. Celine’s mouth was hanging open as I pushed her through the spinning doors of the hotel! We got changed and drank Prosecco and as my friends from the Youtube world arrived, I introduced them all to Celinde and she’s the sort of person who is able to make everyone in the room fall in love with her so it was fun to sit back and watch each of my friends, one by one, become besotted with her. I felt rather proud!

Then, it was time! Down on the blue carpet, we were on the “paparazzi list” to be officially photographed as “West Enders”. I have this horrible dilemma about whether I try and look sophisticated, elegant and glamorous or whether I smile like a big dorky idiot because I’m awfully excited to be at a premiere! The latter usually wins! I was also very excited to be wearing a dress I bought when I was 16 and had only worn on one other occasion: when meeting and singing for Steven Spielberg! *picks up the name I just dropped* I was amazed to be recognised by people on the other side of the barriers and to be asked for photos and autographs. I never feel like a celebrity when put in situations like that. I feel, and probably will always feel, like someone who’s won a competition to be there and rub shoulders with Hollywood’s finest!

The movie was BRILLIANT. I am truly, forever and always, a Disney fan so maybe my view is biased but I really did love the movie and I did shed a tear. It very much reinforces the idea of positive thinking which is something I truly believe in so it really excites me when ideas that I’m behind are broadcasted on a large scale to a lot of people! Especially when it’s done in the form of a Disney movie!

I went home that night in a wonderful mood. I felt like someone had pressed my “Reset” button, like on a Tamagotchi. I’d been inside my own head for so long and convinced myself that happiness and feeling well rested were a thing of my past! Luckily this weekend proved me wrong and although I have a lot of work ahead of me, as always, at least I’m pushing forwards with a better mindset!

This was a long one but if you’ve got this far, thanks for reading!

Lots of love!

Carrie

For ticketed events (Waterstones London Piccadilly, Waterstones Birmingham New Street and Manchester Central Library)

The events will include a talk and Q&A, followed by a signing. Only people with tickets will be admitted to the events. The London and Birmingham events will start promptly at 7pm; the Manchester event will start promptly at 5pm. Due to the nature of the events, we cannot determine the exact end time. However, we anticipate that they will take no longer than three hours.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE MANCHESTER EVENT IS NOW AT THE CENTRAL LIBRARY.

Each customer will be entitled to have a maximum of 3 books signed at this event. You may bring books purchased in advance, but proof of purchase at Waterstones may be required. Books will be available to purchase on the day. Your ticket is redeemable against the cost of the book to the value of £2.00.

Unfortunately no merchandise or memorabilia will be signed.  

You will be able to have a quick photograph with Carrie while your book is being signed, but due to time restraints photography may be assisted.

Anyone under the age of 14 years must be accompanied by an adult.

For the Liverpool event     Carrie will be signing copies of All I Know Now at 12pm at Waterstones, 12 College Lane, L1 3DL   Please arrive early to avoid disappointment. Access to the signing queue will be on a first come, first served basis and this event will not be ticketed in advance   Each customer will be entitled to have a maximum of 3 books signed at this event. You may bring books purchased in advance, but proof of purchase at Waterstones may be required. Books will be available to purchase on the day.     Unfortunately no merchandise or memorabilia will be signed.  

You will be able to have a photograph with Carrie while your book is being signed, but due to time restraints photography may be assisted.   Anyone under the age of 14 years must be accompanied by an adult.

Terms & Conditions:   This is a prize draw to win one of ten All I Know Now super fan bundles including:

1 x All I Know Now mug  1 x All I Know Now tote bag  1 x All I Know Now necklace by the Literary Emporium  1 x hardback signed copy of All I Know Now 

To enter, please tweet a photo of yourself with your copy of All I Know Now using the hashtag #10daysofalliknownow.  Please note that only you should be visible in your photo and it should not include any other persons. 

Each day one winner will be selected at random from the entries received that day in accordance with these terms and conditions by Carrie Hope Fletcher, whose selection will be final. 

The winners may see their names posted on the Little, Brown website and possibly other websites and Twitter accounts owned and/or operated by Little, Brown Book Group. 

There is no purchase necessary to enter.  

The prize draw opens at 02.00 pm BST on 1st May 2015 and closes at 10.59 pm BST on 10th May 2015.  Any entries received outside these specified times and dates will not be eligible for entry into the competition.  

Entries for each day must be received after 5.59 pm BST the previous day (or after 2.00 pm BST on 1st May 2015 in respect of the draw taking place on that date) and before 6.00 pm BST on the day the draw is to take place.  The draw will take place each day after 6.00 pm BST from 1st May to 10th May 2015 (inclusive) and the winner for that day will be published before 11.00 pm BST on the day of the draw on the @LittleBrownUK @CarrieHFletcher Twitter accounts. By way of example: Entries received after 5.59 pm BST on 4th May 2015 and before 6.00 pm BST on 5th May 2015 will be entered into the draw taking place after 6.00 pm BST on 5th May 2015.  The winner of this draw will be announced before 11.00 pm BST on 6th May 2015. 

Following the prize draw each day, the winner of that day’s draw will be contacted by direct mail on Twitter and asked to provide their postal address for delivery of their prize.  Your contact information will only be used in connection with the administration of this competition and will not be used for any other purpose. 

The prize draw is open to anyone aged 14 or over in the UK except employees of Little, Brown, their families, or anyone professionally connected to the competition either themselves or through their families.   

By entering this prize draw you are confirming that you are aged 14 or over and, if you are under 18, you have consent from your parent or guardian to do so.  If you are one of our winners we may ask for contact details for your parents or guardian in order to verify your age before issuing your prize. 

Only one entry per person allowed. Second or subsequent entries will be disqualified. Entries will not be accepted via agents, third parties or in bulk. 

Little, Brown is not responsible for contacting or forwarding prizes to entrants who provide unclear or incomplete information or for entries lost, misdirected, delayed or destroyed. 

Little, Brown reserves the right to alter the prizes or cancel the prize draw without notice.  No cash alternatives to prizes will be provided. 

By entering the prize draw each entrant agrees to be bound by these terms and conditions. 

This competition is being organised by Little, Brown Book Group, 100 Victoria Embankment, London, EC4Y 0DY. 

If you are struggling with any of the issues I talked about in All I Know Now, or with anything else that feels overwhelming, or you just want to talk to someone, please make use of the resources below. I hope they help.

Don’t forget about your family doctor! Your GP can be a really good place to start if you’re trying to deal with a problem (physical or psychological) and are feeling a bit overwhelmed. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the same doctor who treats your parents, or if your doctor’s a man and you’d rather speak to a woman, just ask the receptionist to make you an appointment with someone else. And remember that anything you tell your doctor is confidential unless they believe there is an immediate risk to you or someone else – but they should always consult you before they share your private information. Ask your doctor to explain your right to confidentiality before you speak to them if that would make you feel more comfortable. It’s worth checking out www.nhs.uk for information about finding a GP, as well as factsheets on a huge variety of issues. In the UK you can call the NHS on 111 (24 hours a day, 365 days a year) for any urgent but non-emergency medical assistance or for advice on who to speak to about a particular problem. For further information about confidentiality and your rights in the UK, check out: bit.ly/brookmyrights bit.ly/nhsmyrights I have included some links to helpful organisations outside of the UK below, but unfortunately I can’t list all the brilliant organisations out there in the world or this book would be twice as long! If you need help or advice and can’t find anything local listed below, then you could ask your doctor or school counsellor to recommend a suitable organisation – and a lot of the advice provided on these websites will be relevant and helpful no matter where you live. If you would like to recommend any services that you’ve found useful then please do so in the comments and perhaps you’ll help out a fellow reader!

General Advice and Support

UK

Get Connected Free confidential advice for young people under twenty-five. This is a very comprehensive website providing useful factsheets on a variety of topics including bullying, self-harm, sex, drugs and mental health, with links to further resources. There’s loads of really clear and useful information on this site, so it’s a good place to start if you’re feeling lost. Call 0808 808 4994 1 p.m. to 11 p.m. every day or text 80849 and someone will get back to you within twenty-four hours. Visit www.getconnected.org.uk for further information, online chat and a confidential email service.

The Site An online guide to life for sixteen- to twenty-five-year-olds, providing advice and support on topics from ‘sex and exam stress to debt and drugs’. Visit www.thesite.org for further information and access to a variety of resources and moderated chat boards.

Ireland

SpunOut.ie Website offering extensive resources and advice for young people on a wide variety of issues including relationships, school, drugs and alcohol, body image and self-esteem. Visit www.spunout.ie for further information, articles and links to useful resources and other support services.

Australia

ReachOut.com A comprehensive website for under-twenty-fives, with lots of resources and advice on issues including bullying, relationships, alcohol and drugs and sexuality. Visit au.reachout.com for further information, factsheets and access to an online forum.

New Zealand

Healthline Free medical advice – twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Call 0800 611 116 to speak to a registered nurse. Visit www.healthline.govt.nz for further information.

Teen Tools A useful website for young people, offering a range of information on topics including drugs, alcohol, sexual health and bullying. Visit www.teentools.co.nz for a variety of factsheets and links to other useful organisations and services.

Helplines

UK

Samaritans Free confidential support for anyone in distress – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 08457 90 90 90 from the UK and 116 123 from the Republic of Ireland, or email  [email protected]. Visit www.samaritans.org for further information.

ChildLine Free confidential advice and support for children and young people – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 0800 1111. Visit www.childline.org for further information and an online chat facility.

Ireland

Childline Free confidential advice and support for children and young people – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call  1800 666 666 or text ‘Talk’ to 50101. Visit www.childline.ie for further information, factsheets on a variety of issues and an online chat facility.

Australia

Lifeline Helpline offering free confidential support for anyone in distress – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 13 11 14. Visit www.lifeline.org.au for further information, an online chat facility (7 p.m. to 4 a.m.) and information about Lifeline centres in your area.

Kids Helpline Free, confidential counselling service for anyone between the ages of five and twenty. Call 1800 55 1800. Visit www.kidshelp.com.au for further information, an online chat facility and confidential email service.

New Zealand

Samaritans Helpline offering free confidential support for anyone in distress – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 04 473 9739 or 0800 726 666. Visit www.samaritans.org.nz for further information.

Youthline Free confidential advice and support for young people – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 0800 37 66 33 (24/7) or text 234 between 8 a.m. and midnight. Email [email protected]. Visit www.youthline.co.nz for further information and to find out about face to face services in your area.

What’s Up Free confidential counselling and advice service for anyone between the ages of five and eighteen. Call 0800 942 8787 to speak to a counsellor between 7 p.m. and 11 p.m. Visit www.whatsup.co.nz for further information and access to an online chat facility.

Specialist Help: Bullying and Online Safety If you are being bullied and don’t feel you can speak to your parents or a teacher, you can call ChildLine (UK) on 0800 1111, Childline (Ireland) on 1800 666 666 (or text ‘Bully’ to 50101), Kids Helpline (Australia) on 1800 55 1800 or Youthline (New Zealand) on 0800 37 66 33.

UK

Kidscape Charity providing information and support for young people who are being bullied. Visit www.kidscape.org.uk for information and advice.

Additional Resources NHS factsheet: bit.ly/nhsbullying Kidscape factsheet on cyber bullying: bit.ly/kidscapebullying

Specialist Help: Drugs and Alcohol

UK

FRANK Confidential advice for anyone concerned about their own or someone else’s drug use or alcohol consumption. Call 0300 123 6600 or text a question to 82111. Visit www.talktofrank.com for further information, online chat and a confidential email service.

Ireland

Drug and Alcohol Information and Support Free confidential service offering advice and support for anyone struggling with drugs or alcohol. Call 1800 459 459 (Monday to Friday, 9.30 a.m. to 5.30 p.m.). Email [email protected].

Additional Resources NHS factsheet (alcohol): bit.ly/nhsalcohol NHS factsheet (drugs): bit.ly/nhsdrugs

In Australia please contact Lifeline or the Kids Helpline and in New Zealand Youthline or What’s Up on the numbers above if you are concerned about your own or someone else’s drug or alcohol use.

Specialist Help: Eating Disorders

UK

Beat Confidential information, help and support for anyone affected by eating disorders. Call 0845 634 7650 (Monday to Friday, 1.30 p.m. to 4.30 p.m.; Mondays and Wednesdays, 5.30 p.m. to 8.30 p.m.) or text 07786 20 18 20 and someone will get back to you within twenty-four hours. Email [email protected]. Visit www.b-eat.co.uk for further information, online chat and information about support groups in your area.

Ireland

Bodywhys Organisation supporting people with eating disorders. Call 1890 200 444 for advice and support – line open for two hours every day, see website for details. Visit www.bodywhys.ie for helpline opening hours, online support group and further information and resources.

Australia

The Butterfly Foundation Confidential information, help and support for anyone affected by eating disorders. Call 1800 ED HOPE / 1800 33 46 73 (Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. AEST except public holidays). Visit thebutterflyfoundation.org.au for further information, online chat and a confidential email service.

Additional Resources NHS factsheet: bit.ly/nhseatingdisorders

In New Zealand, please call Youthline on the number above if you need to speak to someone about eating disorders.

Specialist Help: Mental Health

UK

SANE Support for people suffering from mental health problems, including parents and carers. Call 0845 767 8000 (every evening, 6 p.m. to 11 p.m.). Visit www.sane.org.uk for further information and access to an online support forum.

Young Minds Charity committed to ‘improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people’. Visit www.youngminds.org.uk for information on a variety of issues, as well as links to further resources.

Mind Charity providing ‘advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem’. Call 0300 123 3393 for confidential practical advice on how to find support in your area (9 a.m. to 6 p.m., Monday to Friday, excluding bank holidays) or text 86463 with a question. Visit www.mind.org.uk for further information and resources.

Ireland

Headstrong Organisation dedicated to raising awareness of mental health issues among young people in Ireland, and providing support. Visit www.headstrong.ie for resources, information about support groups in your area and links for further support networks.

Australia

Beyondblue Charity providing support for people suffering from depression and anxiety. Call 1300 22 4636 for confidential support and advice – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Visit www.beyondblue.org.au for further information, an online chat facility and confidential email service.

New Zealand

Headspace Website providing information and resources on a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety and self-harm. Visit www.headspace.org.nz for further information and resources.

Suicide Prevention Information Organisation dedicated to raising awareness of suicide prevention in New Zealand. Visit www.spinz.org.nz for information, resources and links to useful services.

Additional Resources Get Connected factsheet and resources: bit.ly/getconnectedmentalhealth

NHS factsheet: bit.ly/nhsmentalhealth

Specialist Help: Self-Harm

UK

National Self-Harm Network Online support forum for people who self-harm. Visit www.nshn.co.uk for crisis support, information and resources.

Self-Injury Support Charity providing support to girls and women in distress and in danger of harming themselves. Call 0808 800 8088 (Wednesdays 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. and Thursdays 3 p.m. to 5 p.m.) to speak to a trained female volunteer or text 0780 047 2908 (open Monday to Friday, 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., although all texts are answered). Visit www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk for further information, resources and a confidential email service.

Ireland

Pieta House Irish organisation dedicated to the prevention of self-harm or suicide. Visit www.pieta.ie for information and contact details for centres in your area.

New Zealand

Headspace Website providing information and resources on a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety and self-harm. Visit www.headspace.org.nz for further information and resources.

Additional Resources NHS factsheet: bit.ly/nhsselfinjury Get Connected factsheet and resources: bit.ly/getconnectedselfinjury

In Australia, please contact Lifeline or the Kids Helpline (numbers above) if you need to speak to someone about self-harm.

Specialist Help: Sex and Relationships

UK

Brook Advisory Service Advice and counselling for young people (under twenty-five) on sex, contraception, pregnancy, sexual health and abortion. Drop-in appointments available at clinics nationwide – visit www.brook.org.uk to find one near you or to use the confidential ‘Ask Brook’ service.

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard Charity providing support, advice and counselling for lesbians, gay men, bisexual and trans people and anyone who needs to consider issues around their sexuality. In spite of the name, this is a national service! Call 0300 330 0630 for advice and support (10 a.m. to 11 p.m., 365 days a year). Visit www.llgs.org.uk for further information and resources, access to instant messaging and an email service.

Rape Crisis Helpline Confidential support and counselling for victims of sexual assault and rape. Call 0808 802 9999 (12 p.m. to 2.30 p.m., 7 p.m. to 9.30 p.m., seven days a week). Visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for information and to find your nearest crisis centre.

This Is Abuse A useful website with information on how to identify abusive behaviour, with advice and support for anyone affected. Visit thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk for further information.

Dean Street Express A brilliant walk-in sexual health clinic, where you can be quickly tested for STDs and STIs even if you are symptom-free. I recently made a video about my experiences of being tested at this very clinic, which you can watch here: bit.ly/carrie-sexhealth Visit bit.ly/deanstreetexpress for further information. The Brook website (see above) provides information on finding similar clinics in your area.

Ireland

BeLonG To Organisation providing information and support to young LGBT people. Visit www.belongto.org to find out about support groups in your area and for further information and resources.

Positive Options Organisation providing crisis pregnancy counselling services. Free-text ‘List’ to 50444 to access counselling services in your area. Visit www.positiveoptions.ie for further information.

New Zealand

Sex ’n’ Respect Website providing information about sex, consent and respectful relationships. Visit www.sexnrespect.co.nz for further information and links to helpful services.

Rainbow Youth Website providing support and resources for young gay and trans people between the ages of thirteen and twenty-eight. Visit www.rainbowyouth.org.nz for information about support groups in the Auckland area and a variety of resources.

Additional Resources NHS factsheet on abuse in teenage relationships: bit.ly/nhsrelationships Get Connected factsheet and resources on gender and sexual identity: bit.ly/getconnectedgender

Currently I am sat on my train home from a double show day at Les Miserables, sucking nervously on a cinnamon Jolly rancher, my tummy doing sickly somersaults and my phone buzzing agitatedly in my pocket. In short: All I Know Now is released tomorrow and I’m terrified. Brilliantly so, of course. I mean, it’s a long awaited dream come true to see a book I’ve written on the shelves of Waterstones but…ever since I started working on turning this very blog into a book, I stopped posting on the blog so everything in the book has been a secret between myself and the team at Little, Brown for so long that I feel almost reluctant to let it loose into the world. Much like a mother not wanting their child to go on their first day of school. 

“Maybe they can just start next year!” 

I fear if anyone tells me, for the first time that my book helped them, even if only in a minuscule way, I may break down in front of them. I’ve always said that if my book helps even 1 person feel better about themselves or if it gets them through a tough situation, just ONE person, then everything I set out be achieve with All I Know Now, is done.

Writing All I Know Now was like writing my diary. I tell stories no one else really knows and I poured out my inner most thoughts that I never felt were necessary to share in casual conversation for fear of getting too deep or over sharing! So, I think that’s why I feel so “fragile” tonight. It’s the thought of potentially hundreds of people picking up my book-my honest, personal, secret book- tomorrow and delving into it’s pages. My book feels very personal and close to my heart and while tomorrow is a dream come true, I reckon I’ll be shaking like a leaf as people start reading my stories. 

                                                        *     *     *

I hope those who have bought it and have started reading enjoy it and I hope those speedy readers who have already finished it have found it helpful!

And thank you. For all your continued love and support. I can’t thank you enough but I hope the book is a start!

XXX

In those brief few seconds between being not quite asleep and not quite awake, my brain yells “WHAT TIME IS IT WHAT ARE YOU LATE FOR WHERE DO YOU NEED TO BE TODAY?!?!?!” and on occasion, I get to calm myself down and tell myself I don’t need to be anywhere until much later and I can have a morning hour to myself. On days like this, I bound out of bed, take care of the little things like going to the loo and brushing my teeth, then I’ll go back into my room and slide the curtains open. Today, the sky looks like Andy’s wallpaper in Toy Story which makes my Disney heart leap for joy. I usually open the window a little to let some air in and some outside background noise filter into my room. Then, I rush downstairs for the highlight of my morning: a cuppa! My mum looks after my nephew a few days out of the week so there are often days when I can hear him babbling from the front room and usually he laughs as soon as he sees me, no doubt laughing at the state I look in my checkered purple PJ’s and my Aslan hair. I’ll make my tea, potter back upstairs and my room will be crisp from the outside air which is perfect for crawling under freshly made covers, opening my laptop and watching an episode of something or catching up with comments, tweets and messages from all you lovely people!

It’s the little things in life. :)

xxx

Over the last couple of years, I’ve discovered that one of my favourite things in life are early morning train journeys home after having had a wonderful time out in the world. Night’s out with the cast of Les Mis have meant having to stay with friends when I’ve missed the last tube home or maybe it’s been when I’ve spent my Sunday with friends from out of town which means having to get various different railway networks home that don’t take me through underground tunnels like little London City mice but overground with gorgeous green scenery to gaze at.

I’m not entirely sure what it is that inspires me so much or what it is about the whole experience that makes me so happy. It could be the coffee/tea (or hot chocolate if I’m feeling particularly devil-may-care) that I’ve purchased from the little independent refreshment stall on the platform from the happy, red cheeked woman who, even though it’s 9:53am, has been so rushed off her feet already, her eyeliner is steadily making it’s way down her cheeks! It could be the thought of all that lovely time the journey allows me to finish my book (This Is Not A Love Story by Keren David, it was ace!) or get some writing done or sketch my fellow train travelling carriage companions or to just look out the window taking in the green countryside that I never get to see what with living on the outskirts of London. It could be the feeling of a weekend well spent, reminiscing over memories of a brilliant vegetarian curry, telling stories and laughing at tales told in return, coffee in a park I’ve never visited, having my fortune told by the scary looking machine named Madame Lincali and an evening watching old movies and playing silly games in which everyone’s getting by on tidbits of knowledge and sheer luck! It could be that the journey makes me feel like I’ve already done so much before the day has even really got started and yet I still have time to do everything I need to do when I reach home. It could absolutely none of the above or it could be all of them but the main thing is, is that it doesn’t matter what it is that makes me feel so happy, well travelled and inspired. All that matters is I feel this way at all.

xxx

Had my fortune told by Madame Lincali (fortune telling machine)!

Below is a list of all the places you can pre-order ALL I KNOW NOW (either the print copy or ebook) in the UK, US and in other parts of the world I’m asked about most often. We are all working very hard to make sure you can all read a copy of the book as soon as it’s published, but unfortunately in some parts of the world you might have to wait a little longer. As and when there’s any news on the book’s availability in these places, I will let you all know on @carriehfletcher and update the links below.

PRINT EDITION

(Don’t forget the book should be available in lots of smaller independent bookshops too, and if you can’t find it you can always ask the bookseller to order it for you!)

UK / 23 April 2015 / Little, Brown / ISBN: 9780751557510 / @littlebrownuk

Amazon (hardback) 

Waterstones (hardback)

_Anyone who pre-orders ALL I KNOW NOW through Waterstones will be entered into a competition to win a shopping trip, with me, to their flagship Piccadilly store in London and a £100 book token.  All the details are here. _Make sure you read the Terms and Conditions carefully!

WH Smith (hardback)

Hive (hardback)

REPUBLIC OF IRELAND / 23 April 2015 / Hachette Ireland ****/ ISBN: 9780751557510 / @HachetteIre

Eason (hardback)

Dubray (hardback) 

The Book Centre (hardback)

AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND / 28 April 2015 / ISBN: 9780751561791

A paperback edition of ALL I KNOW NOW will be available for sale on 28th April in Australia and New Zealand.

Australia / 28 April 2015 / Hachette Australia / @HachetteAus

Bookworld (paperback) 

Booktopia (paperback)

New Zealand / 28 April 2015 / Hachette New Zealand / @HachetteNZ

Whitcoulls (paperback) 

EUROPE / 23 April 2015/ ISBN: 9780751557510

At the moment there are no translated editions of ALL I KNOW NOW planned, although I hope there will be soon! But you can buy the English-language edition from your local Amazon site (e.g. amazon.fr, amazon.de or amazon.sp) or other local internet retailers.

USA and CANADA / 25 August 2015 / The Experiment / ISBN: 9781615192946 / @experimentbooks

Amazon (hardback)

Barnes & Noble (hardback)

Indiebound (hardback)

Workman (hardback)

Books-A-Million (hardback)

Powell's (hardback)

EBOOK

You can buy the English-language ebook edition of ALL I KNOW NOW via the links below.

UK and Republic of Ireland/ 23 April 2015 / ISBN: 9780751557527

Amazon 

iBooks

Kobo

Google Play

Nook

AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND / 23 April 2015 / ISBN: 9780751561791

Amazon

iBooks

Kobo

Google Play

EUROPE / 23 April 2015 / ISBN: 9780751561791

Amazon 

iBooks

Kobo

Google Play

USA and CANADA / 25 August 2015 

Hello Everyone!

Exciting news! Lots of people have been asking whether I’m going to be doing a book signing tour and I am very pleased to announce that I shall be doing just that! Below are the details of the dates, venues, times and where to get tickets! If you’re coming you can tweet me and let me know by using the #alliknownowtour and I shall see you there!!! EXCITING STUFF! AHH!

Carrie

xxx

An evening with Carrie Hope Fletcher

Thursday 7th May at 7pm

Waterstones

203-206 Piccadilly

London

W1J 9HD

T. 020 7851 2400

Tickets £4 are available from the shop or online here. £2 from the ticket price can be redeemed against a copy of All I Know Now purchased at the event.

An evening with Carrie Hope Fletcher

Friday 8th May at 7pm

Waterstones

128 New Street

Birmingham

B2 4DB

T. 0121 631 4333

Tickets £4 are available from the shop or online here. £2 from the ticket price can be redeemed against a copy of All I Know Now purchased at the event.

Meet Carrie Hope Fletcher

Saturday 9th May at 12pm

Waterstones

12 College Lane

Liverpool

L1 3DL

T. 0151 709 9820

Free to attend, however please arrive early to avoid disappointment.

An evening with Carrie Hope Fletcher

Saturday 9th May at 5pm

Waterstones

91 Deansgate

Manchester

M3 2BW

T. 0161 837 3000

As April 23rd draws nearer, the whole process of having written a book is getting far more exciting and emotional for me. Uncorrected bound proof copies of the book have now been sent out to family and friends and for those that don’t know what they are, they are copies of the text that still have grammar and spelling mistakes in because they’ve not been gone through with a fine tooth comb yet but because that won’t happen until nearer the time it’s released and we’d like to let people read it and start getting excited about it, we send bound copies of the uncorrected text (and by we I mean myself and the team at Little, Brown who are all so wonderful and supportive of my book)! I held a competition on my channel and 10 lucky Hopefuls won an uncorrected proof and I sincerely hope they enjoy it! However, the first person to read and finish my book was my mum. She got quite emotional when she finished it and had to email me her thoughts because she knew she’d cry if she said them all to me in person and wouldn’t be able to finish! Her email explained that she wished she’d had a book like All I Know Now to read when she was younger and well…that set me off! It’s amazing to think that my mum, who is obviously older than me...by a good few…well...decades (sorry mum!), had similar, if not, the same problems when she was a teenager! It completely cemented the idea that none of us are alone in our problems and if only we started talking to each other we’d all feel a lot less isolated! Since the proof copies have been sent out, I’ve received some seriously, heart warming messages about my book from my friends and fellow authors and I thought I’d share them with you here. I can’t even begin to tell you all how excited I am for you guys to read what is a essentially the result of the last year’s worth of train journeys to and from London and intervals at Les Mis!

Oh, what a fantastic book - so honest, so brilliant, so KIND. If every mum or dad buys this for their teenager they'll be doing themselves a real favour - everyone will benefit, I promise! (JILL MANSELL)

Young, fab and incredibly talented, I think I manage to keep my massive jealousy of Carrie Hope Fletcher just about under control :-) (JENNY COLGAN)

Carrie has written the ultimate life survival guide for teens and beyond! (ALI MCNAMARA)

All I Know Now by @CarrieHFletcher is exactly what my teenage self needed, and a reminder for my 26-year-old self that we're not alone in our quirks, breaks, wonder and woes . . . it's absolutely magic. (JODI ANN BICKLEY)

 Emma Blackery’s review of All I Know Now

I’d also like to mention there’s a very cool competition where you could win an £100 book shopping spree with me in Waterstones!   Good luck to all entering!!!

Thank you everyone for your continued love and support and I hope that when you get to read my baby…sorry…my book, you enjoy it!

The majority of the people I know, who have those weird things called jobs, are required to work during the day. Their working hours are kept somewhere in that time when the sun is up in the sky (or if you’re in England like me, when all those clouds are sat in front of the sun, hogging all of it’s loveliness)! However, if you work in a nightclub, you’re a vampire or like me, you “pretend” for a living in TheatreLand…you work during the evenings and into the night and something very strange starts to happen to your daytimes. 

You see, when I was at school, I’d spend my day working hard and I’d come home, quickly get my homework out the way and then use my evening hours to unwind. To watch movies. To catch up with friends. Sometimes, I’d spend those hours doing absolutely nothing! But the most important thing was I never felt guilty about not doing anything with that time because it was my own, personal, free time to do with as I pleased. Even if that meant not really using it for anything at all! However, now that it’s been reversed and the time I am scheduled to work hard is during the evenings, I have tricked myself into believing that I still need to be working during the day otherwise I’ve wasted my day entirely! It may also be to do with the fact that I adore my job and although it’s tough, it does feel like I get to play dress up and belt my lungs out and get paid for it, but even so, I am absolutely shattered after every show. Yet I still make a point of getting up at 10:30AM and filling my day with writing, filming videos, scheduling meetings and interviews…otherwise I feel incredibly guilty and as though I’ve wasted lots of valuable, precious time. 

I’ve spoken to a few of my friends at the theatre and they all seem to feel the same way and it seems so bizarre to me. However, I know I’ll never change it because…well…when else am I going to get anything done? But I think what baffles me is the guilt that swamps me every time I do occasionally give myself a "Duvet Day" when practically every evening after school was a "Duvet Evening" for me! I do need to work on not feeling guilty when I do permit myself some rest but let’s face it, I’ll always find something to do no matter what time of day it is!

Oh no…I think I’m what they call a workaholic!

xxx

The lights and tinsel are being pulled down from the trees, the After Eight boxes are filled only with wrappers and there’s no turkey left for sarnies anymore. Yes, Christmas is over but despite the festive season having ended, it’s getting colder by the minute. However, as someone who’s generally quite optimistic, I always find or create something to look forward to and the next thing on my list to get excited about is New Years. New Years always strikes a particular chord with me. It’s all those clichés of fresh starts and a clean slates but clichés are clichés because they’re SO true that everyone is already hyperaware of their meaning. 

The first half of this year SUCKED. It well and truly bit me on the arse. As it turned, I put my trust into the wrong people and as a result, I reacted badly and it made for a very difficult few months. However, the second half of this year, from around July onwards, has been…*sighs dreamily* spectacular. I’ve not stopped moving! From workshopping Paradise Lost (playing a shy and weird angel called Aia) and Only The Brave (playing a strong 16 year old girl called Isabelle who joins the French Resistance) to going on tour with The War of the Worlds (playing the wife of a possessed Parson), then jumping straight back into Les Mis four days after that tour ended and finally, finishing All I Know Now, my book based on this very blog! Christmas got wedged in somewhere along the way, as did making lots of new friends, spending time with my gorgeous nephew Buzz and…well...falling in love! But the result of being overwhelmingly busy and spending my time with the right people is that I’ve become happier and happier and it doesn’t seem like there’s an end to that happiness! So, starting a new year with all these wonderful people and with these brilliant things finally in place, feels very important to me and unbelievably right *nods*. 

  BUT…there is ALWAYS room for improvement and I’d be a fool to think otherwise. So, it’s time to make some resolutions!

  1. Kid, You Need To Play The Piano/Saxophone/Guitar/Ukulele More!

These are all instruments that I have the ability to play a little of but I want to get better at them all. Especially the Saxophone as I started playing that before any other instrument and yet it’s probably the one I’ve played the least overall!

  2. Write More! Whacha Waiting For?

I’ve got an idea for a fiction book that I’ve had in my head for the last couple months and until it’s out and down on paper (or on the computer screen) it’s not going to leave me alone! I just gotta get it out there! I also want to keep up with this blog more! WRITE WRITE WRITE!

  3. Get Organised, Moron!

Since I started in Les Mis, my organisation skills have gone straight out the window. I’m crap at getting back to people and replying on time because I get easily distracted. I must make a point of replying immediately when an email/text/call comes through and not leave it til it’s too late which has too often been the case!

  4. Eat Less Crap, Carrie!

I can’t deny, this is something I struggle with. It’s not for weight issues but mainly because of my teeth! I eat a lot of sugary sweet JUNK and as a result of that, I had to have three fillings, five more need to be done and I even had to have a tooth REMOVED! Like literally, actually cracked into pieces and pulled out of my head. Ouch. So, I need to cut down on the Jolly Ranchers and switch them for carrots and celery. I’m also now a vegetarian so I need to learn some easy-peasy-yummy-scrummy veggie recipes!

  Finally, 5. GET THE HOPEFUL LETTERS READ AND REPLIED TO!

This one is in capitals because I can’t bare this feeling anymore. I’ve had boxes of letters piling up over the last couple years and just not enough time to get them all read and replied to. So, no matter how knackered I am, I need to set aside a few Sundays to get them sorted and so I can reopen my PO Box again and you guys can finally get the replies you’ve been waiting for!

  Let me know what some of your resolutions are and let me know what resolutions you made last year that you accomplished! 

  I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas and here's hoping 2015 kicks 2014’s BUTT!

  xxx

Here just a few pictures from my epic year!

“You don’t have a soul. You ARE a soul. You have a body.” - C.S. Lewis

I read this quote earlier this week and I had to sit back for a little while, in the chair of my dressing room, looking at it on the screen. "Celinde" I said in disbelief and nudged Celinde Schoenmaker, Les Mis’ current Fantine who I have the pleasure of sharing a dressing room with and sit directly next to, to get her attention and then gestured towards the screen. She made a noise of approval and also sat with me for a moment in pondering silence. 

We, human beings, constantly talk about finding soulmates, soul searching and doing what makes our soul happy but then we also harp on about calories, how many pounds we've shed or gained, how frizzy our hair is, how much our nail beds suck... There’s absolutely NOTHIING wrong with wanting to look your best. I did my make-up before leaving the house this morning. As I do every morning. I colour co-ordinated my outfit too. I want more tattoos. Having an opinion on how you look and wanting to change things about your appearance isn’t a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it consumes our lives and we forget about our souls. Our body is just the casing. It’s the wrapper on the chocolate bar. It’s paper on the birthday presents. It’s the bit that we coat in make-up, tattoos, pretty clothes, jewellery and hairspray to make ourselves feel more at home in our own skin. But what’s the point in decorating a house if no one lives there? What’s the point in an exciting wrapper if the chocolate bar tastes like crap? Why wrap up a present in ribbons and paper if there’s nothing in the box? It’s our soul that is the most important thing. If our souls aren’t happy then it doesn’t matter how great our shells look. If we aren’t happy, that unhappiness will seep through that shell no matter how much we try to hide it. On the flip side, if we don’t think our bodies look the best, our happy soul will shine through that shell regardless and you’ll glow far brighter than the people who have glammed up their shells to the max but whose souls lay forgotten, shrivelled and dying on the inside. 

  You ARE a soul. You HAVE a body. Do with your body what you wish. It’s your body after all and it’s hugely important but it’s home to your soul. You don’t decorate the fish bowl with plants, models of castles and treasure chests and pebbles and let the fish die, do you? So decorate as much as you wish but make sure you feed the fish! 

Hello All, 

I am aware it’s Stupid O’Clock in the morning but I felt like writing. Like sharing. Not that I have anything specific to share but…let’s see where my brain goes together shall we? A little late night adventure. I imagine us all like little kids running away from home with rucksacks far too big for us on our tiny backs, all trying to see each other by the light of the yellow street lamps and holding hands so we don’t get squished by cars on the roads. Let’s go!

It’s currently half term. The time when most parents will bring their children to see West End shows without having to worry about it being a school night but this results in stage door being quite crowded! It’s always lovely to meet new people but I always feel bad if I’m in a rush to go and get food before I have to get ready for another show, or I’ve got a meeting or an audition or what not! But I try to say hello to as many people as I can while I’m there! 

However, overall, stage door is a very strange experience for me. I see all these guys and girls come up to me with gleaming, tearful eyes, huge grins and what they’ve just seen on stage still being played in their minds. I always say a show as heavy and huge as Les Mis needs recovery time and the five minutes it took them to walk from front of house to stage door is never nearly enough so I often get people of all ages still clutching tissues to their tear stained cheeks saying a shaky “Hello!”. It’s wonderful because the reason I waited and fought for twelve years to be in Les Mis is because that used to be me! I used to be the shaking mess in the stalls watching the show in awe! So it’s brilliantly bizarre to see people having the same reaction and be so uplifted and hopeful because of something I am now a part of.

That’s one reason why it’s an odd experience for me but another is, from my point of view, I walk out of stage door, not gonna lie, a little sweaty from the stage lights, hair sticking out at all angles and, at least three or four days a week, I can’t be bothered to wash the “dirt” make up off my legs so I just go home with brown stained calves under my leggings. I am kinda gross after a show and as much as I still adore Les Mis and can’t wait to get into work every day, it is still my job! A job I love but a job all the same and I’m in a very happy routine with it now after a year and a half of doing it. 

As a cast, perform eight shows a week, six days a week. I’m in that theatre as much as I am my own home. It feels very natural to be there and I kind of use it like an extra house. Any place where I keep a toothbrush and sleeping bag is definitely home to me! But obviously, when someone comes to see a show, they see a glimpse of who we all are on stage, the glitz and glamour, the lights and the sets and then go home again, not to return for a long time or in some cases, ever! But we stay there and do the same thing day in and day out, some of us, for years and years. So it’s very odd to see people come and go and to feel like maybe their worlds were changed in some way by what they saw. I mean, I saw Les Mis for the first time when I was seven, so it must have impacted my life in such a huge way for me to have carried that little desire in me all these years to fight to be in it twelve years later…so what if there are people in the audience watching me play Eponine who are impacted in the same way? It’s such a strange thought. Like history repeating itself in the most awesome way possible. In fact, just tonight a lovely girl called Cassie (I hope she doesn’t mind me naming her! Hello Cassie!) said she one day wants to play Eponine and I said to her something that may have sounded clichéd but it felt so true…”If I can do it, then there’s absolutely not reason why you can’t too”. If me, a girl from South Harrow, with parents who scrimped and saved all their lives just to give myself and my brother McDonald’s birthday parties, a girl who was bullied at school, who has no Drama qualifications to speak of and only nine GCSE’s to her name…can end up playing Eponine in the West End...thenseriously, why not Cassie too? If she’s willing to work hard, jump on opportunities as they arise, be patient but keep that fight and that desire alive, then why the hell can’t it happen to her too? It takes huge guts and courage to keep fighting. It’s so easy to give up and settle for something less than what you really want. And yes, sometimes, no matter how much you want and work for something it still may not happen. But it 100% won’t happen if you don’t even try at all. So, why the hell not give it everything? 

So, where this little blog adventure went was me getting myself all emotional over the lovely people I meet at stage door. Cassie, if you ever find yourself reading this, I wish you all the best of luck in everything you do and if you ever end up on stage, let me know because I want a front row ticket. And to anyone else reading this, have a wonderful night (well…morning now) and for goodness sake, keep fighting for whatever it is you want. 

Carrie

T&Cs

1. Three people will win one goody bag each. Each goody bag contains one copy of each of the following books:

The Christmas Surprise by Jenny Colgan

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North

The Bookshop Book by Jen Campbell

Very British Problems by Rob Temple

The Worst Girlfriend in the World by Sarra Manning

Salvage by Keren David

Unspeakable by Abbie Rushton (early reading copy)

What Milo Saw by Virginia Macgregor

The Seafront Tea Rooms by Vanessa Greene