Obsessed With My Obsessions

 Prompt: Teen!Dean having to cut Sammy’s hair because it’s to long and Sammy complaint the whole time until Dean kisses him and makes it better! Would love if it could be wee!cest and it doesn’t matter who writes it!!

Pairing: Wincest/Weecest

Admin: Darker

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“C’mon, Sammy,” Dean sighed with exaggerated patience. “Just hold still.” 

“No!” Sam tries once more to wiggle out of Dean’s reach, but his older brother simple tugs an arm around his waist and waits until Sam’s done his little tantrum. “Dean, c’mon, just–just quit it. I like my hair.” 

“You look homeless,” Dean scowls, holding the scissors. 

Sam folds his arms over his chest, not meeting Dean’s eyes. “Technically we are.” 

He knew that one hurt Dean when his brother didn’t immediately snap back with something clever. Instead, Dean just tugged Sam onto the floor and sat behind him, his legs bracketing his younger brother. 

“I won’t butcher it, you know that,” Dean’s voice is considerably more gentle when he speaks next. “C’mere, Sammy. You know your hair is getting too long; it’s falling in your eyes.” 

Without meaning to, Sam pushes his hair out of his eyes a that very moment, and then submits, leaning back heavily against Dean’s chest. “Don’t mess it up,” Sam warns wearily. 

Dean ruffles his hair and gets to work.

*

“See?” Dean stands behind Sam in the bathroom mirror, his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “Now when you start sophomore year, all the girls will be all over you,” 

Sam swallowed, but his mouth was suddenly dry. It wasn’t that Dean did a bad job, exactly. In fact, it looked pretty good. Maybe a tad bit uneven, but it was nothing immediately noticeable.

It was the way Dean had said all the girls, when he knew damn well there wasn’t a soul on earth that Sam would ever want more than he wanted Dean. 

He stares down, looking away from his reflection. “I don’t care about girls,” He mutters, “I only care about you.” 

Dean spins him, then, bracketing Sam against the counter with his long arms, staring down at his brother with wide eyes. “You shouldn’t,” He replied, as he often did when they talked about their feelings towards each other. 

“I know,” Sam tilted his head up expectantly. He also knew that following that confession, every time, was a kiss. 

Dean had a clouded look in his eyes, something like desperation mixed with guilt, but he still leaned down and pressed his chapped lips to Sam. 

“Someday you’re gonna want someone else,” Dean murmured, even as his hands became claws at Sam’s shoulders, not giving his little brother an inch. 

“No,” Sam gasped between hungry kisses. The very thought of it made his stomach roll. He wrapped his skinny arms around his brother and let himself believe that they had a future worth fighting for, that maybe Dean would live past thirty and they would get to have a normal life, a life where no monsters lurked in the dark and the shadows were just shadows. Dean bit his lip extra hard and the vision crumpled. He could taste something salty on Dean’s lips; his tears. “No, Dean,” He soothed, tugging him closer. “No. N-Not ever.” 

*********

A decade before Sam was conceived, Mary made a deal that impacted her son. The narrative implies that this deal, her permission, was necessary for Azazel to have access to her child. We learn from this that mothers have ownership over their children even prior to conception. That Mary could give permission on behalf of Sam.  

With this deal, Azazel is implied to hold some rightful claim over Sam’s body, a claim that he sealed by violating his body at 6 months old with demon blood. From there he manipulated and controlled his life with demons, never relinquishing his claim. 

Sam sought autonomy, intrinsically aware of the lack of control over his own life, his own body and experiences. He rebelled, ran away, grew up and left. 

Even so, demons dogged him. His prom date, his best friend in college. Visions, powers, migraines, nightmares – all a direct result of how the right to his body was sold in a deal by his mother. 

And then at 22, John Winchester gives Sam’s life to Dean. John Winchester tells Dean that he will either have to save his brother, or kill him.  

This is a burden, a cruel and unusual responsibility for one man who raised Sam to place onto another man who raised him. At the same time, it is treated as a right. Dean has the responsibility of killing Sam, but also, in his father’s eyes, the right to. The right to make the call for if and when Sam can no longer be saved.

Sam’s body belonged first to Mary. It was claimed and violated by Azazel, by demons. And John gave what claim was left to Dean. Sam acknowledges this right in Playthings, doubles down and agrees to it. Whatever claim Sam held over his own life is now given to Dean.  

Sam dies. Dean, the true owner of the right to decide if Sam dies, did not allow Sam permission to die, and so this is unacceptable. Dean sells his soul to buy Sam’s life back. 

The narrative allows this. It allows for Sam to be bought by and for Dean. It tels us that Dean has this right (and the narrative goes on step further to imply that this decision is right. Dean is Righteous).  

And Dean pays heavily for that purchase, ripped to ribbons and sunk to Hell. The transaction comes due, confirming his proprietary ownership is valid and true.

This relationship does not go both ways. 

Sam does not have ownership over Dean’s body, over his life or his death. Sam is never able to save or resurrect Dean under his own power. Not in Mystery Spot, not when he kills the Crossroads Demon holding Dean’s contract, and not when Dean goes to Hell. Nothing of Dean’s can be purchased by Sam.

Without Dean, his body minder, Sam is infected by demon blood and manipulated by Ruby. He makes these choices himself, despite them being flawed. It is implied these choices were made in a direct absence of Dean. Without Dean, Sam’s body is corrupted. Ruby’s claws are in deep, a claim she is staking as the owner was absent. Finders-keepers.

When Dean discovers this, he reasserts his control over Sam’s body and locks him up in Bobby’s panic room to detox. He overrides any concerns Bobby may raise, and decides that even if this kills Sam, it will be worth it if Sam “dies human”.

We are once again reminded that it is Dean’s right to choose if Sam dies, and moreover that it is Dean’s right to choose how Sam dies. Sam’s body was bought and paid for by him, after all. Sam’s life and death are his inheritance.  

Dean may lock Sam up as he detoxes and strap him as Jesus to a cross in the centre of that space, and we may look on in horror and Bobby may question if what they are doing is right, but he does not question Dean’s authority to do it. At every step, implicit ownership is upheld – by the story, by Bobby, and by Sam himself. Upon escaping Sam doesn’t tell Dean he was wrong to control him, only that he was wrong about the necessity of his own corruption. He questions Dean’s conclusions, but not his means, not his reassertion control.

In killing Ruby, Dean’s reassertion of his claim is validated.  

And then Lucifer comes along.

Lucifer stakes a claim on Sam, millennia in the making. In the flash forward in time, Lucifer is the owner of Sam’s body, and Dean is still contesting that clam, still arguing a right to Sam’s life and death. Lucifer’s claim is upheld when the colt fails and future!Dean dies.

We learn that Lucifer’s stake is as valid as Dean’s.  

Sam’s body is still not his own.

In order to save the world, Lucifer cannot be allowed to own Sam’s body. In order to make that happen, Sam must die under his own power. Sam must accept Lucifer into his body under his own power. Sam must choose his own destiny under his own power.

In order to save the world, Dean must relinquish his claim to Sam’s body. And finally, he does. Acknowledging Sam’s right to choose this, supporting Sam’s plan to do this.

Until Season 5 episode 22, Sam has belonged to Mary, to Azazel, to John, to Dean, to Ruby, to Lucifer. He has never belonged only to himself.  

And when he finally does? He saves the world.