Gussie Calimeris

Fellow citizens of this fair town, I come with a warning. I was hacked, I suffered a loss, and it could all happen to you.

Wait. Isn't it like known to not open links? That's just computers 101. I worked with this girl once who clicked on a pop-up ad and ended up getting her entire bank account drained. It was awful to see, but also...she was kinda silly to do so. It was just the worst! Anyway, do you remember what the website was? Or how did you find the link, were you sent it?

You know, that's a great point. Just the other day, I had a dream that I was at school and I went to this science lab that was full of hamsters. Then the teacher handed me a basket of them and they kept crawling all over me! It was kind of awful. What does that mean?

See? Exactly. Just by this interaction now, I can tell you'd never willingly go to school. I think it means you should stay away from science labs, but you probably already knew that deep down.

Oh, I mean, of course not. School is awful. They make you confirm to their dumb little rules. I also really hated science, if I'm being honest.

Yea man, education is so 50 years ago. We should all run free! And naked, why not naked, too! You know? Because rules are for rigid freaks.

I mean, I think getting an education and running around naked are two very different things.

I mean, yes. But also no. Why? Are you into shrimp?

nope, it's just you get more used to the weird and wacky things in this town with time.

Well, yeah. I work at The Mime Motel and that's one weird place. The quiet is nice though.

I mean, yeah, sometimes. Honestly I like to binge watch trash television and read. Just some time alone to watch or read something that means absolutely nothing, turn off my brain for a while, you know? What about you?

Turn off your brain? I don't think I know what that would even look like for me. I read but I read to learn. All I have is alone time. I just do what is needed. I eat. Or gather food for next time. I observe. I learn. But my brain is always on.

No, no. I mean, don't you ever read something just to enjoy it? To go somewhere else in your mind? To read something fun, or silly?

But why would anyone worship shrimp?

... you're new around here, aren't you?

I mean, yes. But also no. Why? Are you into shrimp?

I suppose that makes sense. It can be off-putting when someone just approaches me out of the blue and acts like they know me. Sometimes you just want alone time, you know?

People actually do that to you? What do you do for alone time?

I mean, yeah, sometimes. Honestly I like to binge watch trash television and read. Just some time alone to watch or read something that means absolutely nothing, turn off my brain for a while, you know? What about you?

Hmm, I guess I see what you mean. It's not a normal thing at all. It's just nice to think that people like you enough to do something like that, you know?

I think it would be nice of people to not notice me at all, honestly. Now that you are thinking about it... what are you thinking?

I suppose that makes sense. It can be off-putting when someone just approaches me out of the blue and acts like they know me. Sometimes you just want alone time, you know?

That's true. I never thought of it that way. Maybe it is a cult. But of what?

shrimp, presumably.

But why would anyone worship shrimp?

Maybe it was an invisible man! Or a trick of the light. The only way to really know is if you investigated it further. But since you are asking me, I assume the thing is gone now.

OOH WAIT, like the H. G. Wells story? Love that. If I see it again, I'll try and ask for their name, see if I get a response...

Yes! Just like the story! Except, didn't the invisible man in that story do some...bad things? It's been awhile since I've last read it.

Yes. Unless you are like me and want to know what Shrult is, what Krillios is, and like the sense of adventure. I assume it's just some sort of club or something. Only one way to find out!

I mean. It's totally your call, but this feels culty. Shrult. Cult. They rhyme.

That's true. I never thought of it that way. Maybe it is a cult. But of what?

HELLO AIDEN MY NAME IS GUSSIE WHY ARE WE SHOUTING

I did not realize what capslock was. I have since learned.

Oh, that's amazing. I didn't know what it was at first either until people pointed out that I was yelling. I guess it makes sense. So what's the tea?

That sounds like a fan fiction, haha. Although I think that it is an excellent dream to have. Maybe you should write something about it.

I've read many fanfictions just like that. I read a self insert where I was sold to One Direction. Apparently that's one of many fanfics where you're sold to One Direction? You think you're special to Zayn and then find out that you're just one of many with messy ponytails sold off to their boy band.

Oh man, don't get me started on the Fanfiction rabbit hole. Once you've read one self insert, you just can't stop reading it. It's an addiction, I swear.

Are you sure that there wasn't anyone in them? Maybe they were just shadowed or something. Was it in the daylight? I need to know.

Pretty sure. Didn't see ANYTHING in them. And I don't know how anything in the bottom of a shoe would be able to get the pair to move. And yeah, it was in the daylight.

Maybe it was an invisible man! Or a trick of the light. The only way to really know is if you investigated it further. But since you are asking me, I assume the thing is gone now.

I have tried both of those methods, yet the glitter remains. I am attempting to remove it from my body. It's not supposed to be there.

I guess it depends on what type of date you are thinking of. Are we talking first date, or more than one date? Are we looking to have some fun or are we going for run-of-the-mill date stuff? I need to know the details.

Honestly, I have no fucking clue. Definitely not something too intimate. This is a first date and I just want to get to know them and I doubt I'll see them again. Though I don't want to get to know them too much either, like I'd prefer if we didn't delve into family traumas and whatnot. Something fun and interactive would probably work best, so that if everything goes wrong I will at least have something else to focus on.

Interesting. You could always try a theme park, the minigolf, or something that already has a mystical feel to it, so as not to raise any suspicious. Plus it's better than going to a restaurant where you can't really leave.

Not really... cult leaders usually have religion or something, right? And try to kill their followers? If my followers died, then that would be kind of bad for me.

Not always and not exactly. No, I don't imagine that leaders would want to kill their followers exactly; I imagine that you'd like to have more followers, not less. I don't know the intricacies of running a cult. Although you still haven't explained why you are so...odd.

Exactly. I would never want to kill my followers, because then I wouldn't have any left. I'm not some crazy person who is trying to kill a bunch of people just because I hear voices in my head.

Why don't you just ride your bike on the sidewalk? I know it's not ideal, but if you are so worried about getting hit, then wouldn't that be the solution? I honestly don't know because I tend to either take a ride or walk everywhere I go.

That's where people walk. That's basically solving one issue by making a whole new one.

I mean, sometimes they walk there. Unless they see you biking, then you can just get off your bike and walk it for a bit?