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@allbends-blog
SHEDEATHES.
‘ 𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂 𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂 𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂. You’re kind of pathetic. ’
◉ 〔SAYS THE ONE FOLLOWING ME.〕 Shoulders roll, then a shrug. 〔I DON’T HAVE TIME TO CARE. THERE’S MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON COMPARED TO AN ANNOYING SPIRIT.〕 Definitely not the first one he’s come in contact with. They all get bored in the end.
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❛ there exists a tipping point between gods and monsters. ❜
TWO EYES IN THE DARKNESS OF SHADOW OPEN . he says this like it means something against the cold glimmer of rot , against the snares of nefarious divinity . THEY WERE BOTH DISGUSTING CREATURES , malice strung and full of butcher’s blood . she wants to laugh , to seethe and beckon , but not alone , not when he was just as wicked standing at the edge of the world beside her . ‘ we could be that tipping point , couldn’t we ? ’ silken , lulling . how cruel the air leaves her , drenched with decay , drowned in a sea of dead gods and their withering sorrow . it loses itself to that rumbling throat , that grinning bone as she places a hand on his shoulder . so gingerly , forlorn and full of a distant kind of rawness , a carnal offering sitting in her palm . but the eyes that stare down upon him are different , greedier than those giving hands and so gorged of a divergent kind of hunger . they have always been this kind of starving , always so lavished with blood and dressed in sheepskin , a monstrous leviathan of beasts . ‘ make it redder than the last . ————————— you’re so much fun . ’ THEY HAVE MADE HER A PUERILE GOD , a witch , a monster , a human , but never were they closer to the truth . she , a chasmic apocalypse brimming at humanity’s doors , a moth sitting at the light of their window . her , the chiming death bell as she watches them with their neat little fires and their soft , soft children . how good they looked all crunched up into bone in her loving arms . ‘ you could be the god , and i can be the monster . ’ how good this world would bleed after they were done squeezing it between raw - red hands .
@allbends , shitty horoscopes .
People do not see you, / They invent you and accuse you.
Hélène Cixous, from The Selected Plays of Hélène Cixous; “The Perjured City,” (via violentwavesofemotion)
1p15.
‘ 𝙳𝙾 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚈 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝚃𝙾 𝚂𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙾𝚆 𝙸𝚃 𝚆𝙷𝙾𝙻𝙴 ? ’ the sound of a lone dog snarling , the curl of lips against teeth . brow twitching as she watches him , silk blue eyes narrowing at his own absent stare . now her hand twitches , now her fingers are curling in ———— ‘ whatever , just do what you want . swallow a whole damn river . ’
◉ 〔BETTER THAN CHEWING IT.〕 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐔𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄. The benefit compared the act is what makes it worth it in the end, strange as it previously was, but with the progression of becoming more fiend than man comes the ability and desire to do things he never would’ve thought of before. The thought always left him unnerved. 〔YOU’RE LUCKY THAT YOU FOUND ONE. THEY’RE VERY RARE. MOST PEOPLE DON’T LET ME HAVE THEM SO EASILY.〕
SHEDEATHES.
INTERACT. —— 𝐗𝐈𝐕. 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚄𝙽𝙺𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 / @allbends
‘ 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚂𝙼𝙴𝙻𝙻 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚈 𝙱𝙰𝙳. You should die. ’
◉ 〔EVERYTHING HERE SMELLS. IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. YOU SPIRITS CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.〕
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UNABHOR.
✱ 𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘌 𝘐𝘚 𝘖𝘕𝘓𝘠 𝘚𝘖 𝘔𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘚𝘏𝘌 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘋𝘖 𝘛𝘖 𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘋 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘋 , 𝘛𝘖 𝘕𝘜𝘙𝘚𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘌𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘏 . he makes it his personal mercy , his gorging plague . the question haunts her , tears her away from the world that sits beneath her feet , and she cannot bear to face it . ‘ that’s a gods trade , not mine . ’ this tastes wrong on her tongue , this tastes unnatural . a fool of a child , wandering midst the forest ———— but she knows , she smells that rancid stench about him . he tastes of godhood . ‘ you should find your own answer , boy . ’ how cruelty curls against her tongue , soft and vivid as she turns away from him . ‘ this land will surely give you insight . ’
◉ 〔SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE GOD.〕 𝐈𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐈𝐌, 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄. While the real God’s sleep, wrapped in their own brand of ignorance and peace through everything sinister, the world below churns in agony: waiting, weeping. Humans and demons alike deserved their own forms of salvation, their own answers and solutions to their terrible fates, but God stands blind. The responsibility so grand for a God was forced into his hand, small and once weak. If not for himself, he had to do something for his friends, for everything and everyone lost in The Conception, but he lacked the humanity to find the drive on his own. 〔I CAN’T GIVE UP,〕 he says strongly, continuing to pursue her. 〔YOU HAVE HUMANITY IN YOU. YOU CAN VISUALIZE A WORLD I CAN’T.〕
CUCROGA.
“NAMES matter,” his voice was stubborn. “Not that I’d name you. It’s not my affair—once was enough.” What do you call a boy who cannot surpass his beastly father? Dead. Joke’s on him. Never named another boy after that, no matter how much his brothers-in-arms had asked for a blessing. “Knowing my fortunes, I’d say ‘Finn’ and your curses double and you become a whole fucking ‘fiend’!” He pats the other on the shoulder. “Well… haven’t killed another dog since Culann’s——I’m stuck with it.” He rubs his jaw. “Although, the last life called itself a war, petty and bloody like all wars. But the party was so fucking small, I didn’t have my fill of it. Gods, they put a muzzle on me. Called me ‘lancer,’ they did. Strangest thing, isn’t it? Sure, I’m a Red Branch Knight but I don’t have a lance shoved up my arse.
———Shit. Give me a chuckle, at least. Before morality, learn to laugh. What’d you even do since we parted?”
◉ 𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌, 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓. Eternity continues on, boundless and infinite, creating something anew with each tick of the clock. If he would inevitably be doomed to its certain forever, should he not find the means to free himself and all who wish for the same end, surely the demons who too reside in his world now turned asunder will share the same fate. Some sooner than others. Some already knowing. 〔THAT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME,〕 the boy states sourly. Without admitting, he often wonders if there truly is any humanity left in him at all. There was no telling when and if it could all suddenly dwindle. Even so, the pat on his shoulder and its sentiment gives him peace. A small, nearly visible grin turns on his face. 〔'LANCER’? THAT’S FUNNY.〕 Although forced just a bit, he gives him that chuckle he wanted so badly, folding his arms next. 〔YOU MUST BE GLAD TO BE BACK HERE, THEN. MORE DEMONS COME BY THE DAY. A SPIRIT TOLD ME THE MOIRAE SISTERS ARE SOMEWHERE NEARBY.〕
CUCROGA.
NO ONE remembers what they were before they died. He does, just this one time: a dark, broody man. Sounds like a cat more than a hound. Poetry more than a battle cry. Bullshit. “——I’m myself again,” his breath spirals into a husky laugh. He swings his legs over the ledge he’s been sleeping on for the last hour, drops onto the ground. No trouble. “You look ever the same bastard I remember!” Cú Chulainn wags a finger. “Well, there’s worse things to be disappointed about. Come here—come, let me see. You got a name yet? Or are you still just ‘man’? ‘Demon’? Sounds Christian, heh.”
◉ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇. His home, the certainty of humanity, and a name he hides somewhere deep within his heart, old and worn, unseen to the new world. 〔MY NAME NEVER MATTERED,〕he says, steps taken toward his awfully friendly companion. 〔EVERYONE CALLS ME WHAT THEY WANT.〕 Each Faction of Reason holds him to a different light, humans and demons heralding him as a hero or an omen, each side creating him anew in their own eyes and their own hearts. He exists to be what people need of him. Malleable. Nameless. 〔’DEMI-FIEND’ IS COMMON. IS CÚ CHULAINN STILL YOURS?〕
◉ 𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐖𝐄. The look on his face shows both confusion and interest, head tilted and brows furrowed, his band of fellow demons just behind him. 〔YOU LOOK DIFFERENT. YOU SOUND DIFFERENT. IS THIS A NEW FORM?〕
❍ @cucroga.
𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈
sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed. part i.
BOOK VIII: MEDICINE
❛ you might not be afraid to die, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready. ❜
❛ you were a plague none were prepared for. ❜
❛ you are the mind and the malady, the medicine and the machine. ❜
❛ assholery is incurable. unfortunately. ❜
❛ no one’s going to notice the difference between you pushing dandelions or daisies, so leave them something worth talking about. ❜
❛ there’s no rule stating that parasites can’t be pretty. ❜
❛ justice: just us. ❜
❛ anathema - me without you. ❜
❛ you aren’t obligated to be anyone’s cure. ❜
❛ some are the bandage, some are the knife, some get creative.. ❜
❛ soothe what you can, fight what you can’t. ❜
❛ the only difference between a pathogen and a person is that one is far more creative with how they’ll infect you. ❜
BOOK IX: THE BODY AND THE WRECKAGE
❛ stranger things have happened. like you. you are happening all the time and should probably stop. ❜
❛ let none be the noose. ❜
❛ take what you can and run. ❜
❛ gratuitous violence: unnecessary, satisfying, heartbreaking, and so like everything else you love. ❜
❛ understanding builds bridges, suffering grows gardens, antipathy sets both on fire for shits and giggles. ❜
❛ there is a variety of sadness that makes a home in your guts and never quite leave. ❜
❛ you could have been anyone, operating this body. the good news is that you won! the bad news is that you’re stuck with it. ❜
❛ being loathsome and lovely in equal measure is probably a talent. somewhere. ❜
❛ why fear the dead, when you can fear the living? corpses in motion, cruelty and kindness. ❜
❛ if you’re forging your own path, be prepared to light your own pyre. ❜
❛ what possessed you to come this far? no, honestly. was it cute? ❜
❛ you can’t wrestle apologies from the sea or the sun but by fuck are you every going to try. ❜
BOOK X: LOVERS & LOSERS
❛ pick a place and die there. ❜
❛ i know you mean well. ❜
❛ may fortune favour the fuckups. ❜
❛ remarkable that one plane of existence can host so much (and so little) distance. the spaces between people, ideals, fingertips, the sky and the sea. ❜
❛ learn it’s best to bite your tongue. temper the nest of hornets in your loveless mouth. ❜
❛ i worry. i worry. worry. ❜
❛ time sours, rots, renews, sours again. ❜
❛ grief and growth live hand-in-hand. ❜
❛ sleeping, like dying, delivers you from one world to the next - to rest in crypts and wake in gardens. ❜
❛ words in couples carry weight: “fuck you.” “hell no.” “oh god.” “sorry mom.” ❜
❛ make room for small, fragile things, even with bones like cement and a leaden heart. ❜
❛ you win some, you lose some, you lie, cheat, and swindle some, you vanish on a crisp winter’s day never to be seen again. ❜
BOOK XII: ILLUMINATE
❛ quiet reflection is next to impossible if you mental landscape is one long scream. ❜
❛ you inspire me to be better! a better “what” is up for interpretation. (person? arsonist? alien?) ❜
❛ we don’t know where you came form, but we need you to go back. ❜
❛ the dark doesn’t intend to hurt you - only the creatures who plot during the cruel, cold light of day. ❜
❛ i lived better when i was ignorant of the sun, tucked away in your chest. ❜
❛ there’s asking for forgiveness, there’s asking for permission, and then there’s saying “fuck it,” and doing what you may. ❜
❛ if only it were easy! to wish and want for nothing. if only you weren’t less human for it - wishing and wanting for nothing. ❜
❛ in the end there is no blaze of glory. ❜
❛ love to distraction, die due to carelessness. ❜
❛ in the span of your life there’s plenty to avoid: the wicked, the merciless, the things you want for no reason other than wanting them. ❜
❛ you are dazzling and terrifying - those words are not as removed from one another as you may think. ❜
❛ flirt with death, tease the inevitable, give the void a saucy wink. ❜
BOOK XII: OBITUARIES
❛ things to bother believing in: love, switchblades, extraterrestrials. ❜
❛ let the record show that they were ill-equipped to deal with you. which is unsurprising, since you ill-equipped to deal with you. ❜
❛ you’ll be fertilizer regardless, might as well have interesting stories for the dirt. ❜
❛ there is an exhaustion that comes with living in an embrace like a vice, a kiss like a canker sore. ❜
❛ fear is an absence of understanding. horror is the act of understanding perfectly. ❜
❛ to labour in love, to toil in tenderness. ❜
❛ your love will always be rooted deeper than any grave. ❜
❛ you’ve long seen your downfall spelled out in another’s bones. ❜
❛ the victor spoils, the loser learns. ❜
❛ the body is rot waiting to happen. ❜
❛ you will have never loved for nothing. ❜
❛ the aftermath of you life afford you three real options: obscurity, legend, or horror story. ❜
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UNABHOR.
‘ 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙇𝙄𝙑𝙀 𝘼 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘿𝙊𝙓 . is this your only purpose ? to serve , but never be served . ’ how the world writhes beneath her feet , speaks and sneers of a rot that drips between his fingers unto her . like blood , like unearthly venom that seeps into her skin ——— he makes her hate it , but she smiles only wider , crueler . ‘ what a strange fate you carry upon your back . ’ he makes her curious , makes her want to know whether she ought to bury her blade in that thin neck or leave him to his miserable eternity . ‘ what is it that you want of this future , then ? ’
◉ 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐗, 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐘, 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄: a heart made of molding clay and hands for shaping, unable to meet, forever apart. The irony of his existence hangs over him; 'I had no choice for myself, but I must make one for all.' 〔I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN.〕 The question she gives is left in the air. Kagutsuchi rings in his skull, echoing, asking of which he has never known, has since forgotten as the world turned upside down. The emptiness within him swirls, chokes out the only thing he can grasp in this strange fate, 〔THE WORLD HAS TO MOVE FORWARD. IF I DO NOTHING, IT’LL STAY THE SAME. I HAVE TO FIND WHAT’S RIGHT.〕
◉ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐀 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒. Swallowed whole without a care. Markings gleam and illuminate, energies coursing through each and every line, eyes shining in response. His gaze, seemingly emotionless, lost in time and it’s expansive trials and tribulations, turns and he stares right through opposing eyes. 〔…IT’S NOT AS UNUSUAL AS YOU THINK. I’M ONLY TRYING TO SURVIVE.〕
❍ @1p15.
◉ 〔YOUR GOD AND HEAVEN ARE NOT WHAT YOU THINK.〕 𝐔𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍, 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓, 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃. In each lie was a truth, satin wrapped, thorn ridden. No God was ever as truly loving, no angel as truly saintly. Eternity bites harder than any other curse. 〔IT’S NOT EASY TO REACH HIM. IF I TRY TO MAKE THE EARTH HIS DOMAIN, YOU’LL BE DISAPPOINTED WITH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.〕
❍ @desalvage.
◉ 𝐀 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐑. The Vortex World sits in wait far away for a Reason he cannot seem to find, Lucifer watching in the shadows, his laughter soft and hidden behind the clamoring of all things. He understands it may be foolish to follow her with no avail, but he’s desperate, trying to wrap his hands around something without breaking it. If there is something he can do, he must do it. That’s all. 〔EVERYONE HAS A FUTURE THEY WANT.〕 Don’t they? Don’t I? 〔I CAN’T CHANGE YOUR WORLD, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE MINE.〕
❍ @unabhor.
STOP NOW OR REGRET YOUR ACTIONS LATER
〔 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡'𝐬 𝐯𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝. 𝐍𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥…
𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋. 〕
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CHORUS: And the grace of the gods (I’m pretty sure) is a grace that comes by violence.
Aeschylus, Agamemnon (tr. Anne Carson)
〔❍ : MORAL AMALGAMATION‚ LONELY ULTIMATUM ／ TRUTHS‚ LIES‚ CHOICES〕 (character study)
〔❍ : REASON SHIJIMA ／ STILLNESS‚ NIRVANA〕 (lawful)
〔❍ : REASON MUSUBI ／ SOLITUDE‚ ABSOLUTION〕 (neutral)
〔❍ : REASON YOSUGA ／ ELITISM‚ SURVIVAL〕 (chaotic)
〔❍ : REJECTION ／ RESTORATION‚ FREEDOM〕 (true neutral)
〔❍ : REJECTION ／ DESTRUCTION‚ GODHOOD〕 (true demon)
〔❍ : REJECTION ／ WITHOUT WILL‚ WITHOUT REASON〕 (demon)
〔❍ : NEITHER HUMAN‚ NOR DEVIL ／ ALL BENDS TO MY WILL〕 (fiend)
〔❍ : BY THE GUIDANCE OF THE GREAT WILL〕 (out of character)
〔❍ : ONE MORE GOD REJECTED〕 (meta)
