all good things are

James sucked in a sharp breath, bracing himself for her question. He had spent hours with his case worker, rehearsing answers to pressing questions and accusations that were sure to come after returning from being gone for so long. For being gone under these circumstances. The Hamlin Group was under a microscope with the unveiling of the cure and it would be bad for business if they were exposed for their unethical practices. In all fairness to the Group, their lawyers had found enough loopholes for what they did, but they needed compliance from their test subjects. James was among the few paid handsomely for his silence or support– the two seemed one in the same at this point. When the opportunity was presented to him, it didn’t seem like much of a choice. He wondered if anyone refused to comply and where they were now. In his opinion, it was better to take the money and go home. Try and forget this ever happened.

But people couldn’t return from the dead without a few questions asked. That was part of the deal.

He stiffened when Alison talked about Kelsie, about the baby. It felt like a shard pierced through his heart. Those were the moments he wanted to be present for, to be the one who held Kelsie’s hand, who marvelled next to her at the first ultrasound and sonograms. He wanted to take Alison by the shoulders, grip her and tell her everything. That he didn’t want to be human again. That he wanted to be here but instead he was taken and tortured. But he bit his tongue, swallowing the bitter taste of lies, his integrity just a word and nothing put in practice anymore.

“Thank you for doing that. For being there for her,” he said, looking away and trying to keep his tone even. He was swarmed with regret, with guilt, with anger. But he couldn’t lose it over something like this. Then he wouldn’t be there for the birth of his child, he wouldn’t be able to take care of Kelsie. “I’m sorry it happened the way it did.” Was all he could manage to say before looking at Alison, his eyes pleading for her to not ask anything else. Those were his canned responses. Those were the Hamlin Group-approved things he could say and he couldn’t risk saying any more. 

All of the fight drained out of her at once. She was left depleted and horrified that she’d unleashed five years of her own bullshit on him. It didn’t take a scholar to see the pain in his eyes, the pleading. She felt so much smaller now as she stood before him and shook her head. “I didn’t-- You don’t even know me. I’m sorry. That wasn’t... You didn’t deserve that. Not from me.”

Her eyes fell to her feet, gaze sweeping across the ground. It felt like a cop out to try and explain to him that she was taking her own experiences out on him. She had identified too closely with Kelsie that it was blurring the lines between reality and her perceived version of it. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, but I have no idea what it feels like to get them back. I’m sure it doesn’t require saying, but just don’t leave her again, okay? It’s hard enough to try and survive the first time.”

There was a tiny piece of Kelsie that felt guilty for being happy.  She knew that she had bonded with Alison over their shared loss, but there was nothing that could be done about it now.  It was a miracle.  James had walked back into her life and it didn’t matter that he was human.  He was alive.  She loved him no matter what.  

“I figured it would be good to get out and see you.  If not I’d probably smother him,” she joked.  Kelsie had promised James she wouldn’t be gone too long, and it was good for him to have time to catch up with his mother.  “But he’s…adjusting.  He’s really happy to be back, but being human again…that’s really hard on him.  I mean…he was raised to always be the alpha someday.  Being a werewolf was such a huge piece of his identity.”  She shrugged.  “It’s going to take time, but he’s happy to be home.  He’s happy I’m okay, and the baby is okay.”

Alison laughed, a little breathless as she struggled to process and function simultaneously. “Okay, yeah, I can see that. I’d probably be a smotherer too.” It was somehow easier to focus on the struggles of his return. It was more complicated, a little grittier- gray, where there had only been black and white. Though her situation was entirely different, she did know what it felt like to have a plan, faith in the way your world looked, and then to wake up one day to something else entirely had taken its place. It was jarring and terrifying and she swallowed. “He’s just as lucky to have you as you are to have him.” Kelsie was a true north. James would be okay even if the road to recovery was filled with bumps and potholes.

She decided to take a turn back to easier conversation and a slow smile spread across her face as she looked pointedly towards Kelsie’s swollen belly. “So does that mean you’re going to want to find out the sex of the baby?”

“That’s amazing,” Kelsie told her.  “But please don’t let your brain completely fry or what will all the schooling have been for?”  She had wanted to finish her degree, having dropped out at Aiden’s insistence with a year left, but it didn’t seem like something she would ever have the chance to do.  Life kept marching on without her having the chance to slow it down.

The question caused Kelsie to smile, lifting a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.  Having James back…the sorrow that had swallowed her seemed to dissipate.  He was home.  They were a family again.  It would take time to figure everything out, but she wasn’t alone anymore.  Her baby would have it’s father.  “I’ve been good….really good, actually.”  She smiled a little, her finger playing with her moonstone engagement ring.  “You know the whole cure thing?” she asked carefully.  “The people who disappeared?  I, um, it turns out James was one of them.”  She stopped, taking a breath.  “He’s alive…”

Alison laughed. The question was obviously rhetorical, but she couldn’t help but answer anyway. “A really expensive form of self-torture?”  Her eyes drifted back to the menu, an internal debate over whether she wanted the turkey avocado sandwich or the grilled chicken salad. She might have been fully enraptured in the decision if it hadn’t been for something in Kelsie’s voice that drew her attention once more.

She was glad that she was already sitting down.

It took a full five seconds or so for the words to process and she balked. It was shameful, maybe, that her first thought was a selfish one. It wasn’t that she wanted Kelsie to know the pain she had to live with everyday, but finding someone that could understand, had made that debilitating, isolating feeling lessen even if just a little. She hated herself for even thinking it. If it had been Ben that had returned after believing him to be dead, she knew she’d be bursting at the seams with overwhelming relief and elation. She realized that she still hadn’t said anything and blinked, shaking her head. “That’s-- I just.. wow! He’s alive. How do you even... I can’t even wrap my head around it.” The silver gleam of tears shone in her eyes as she smiled. “I’m so happy for you! You know you could have totally turned me down for lunch after something like that. How is he? Is he okay?”

Everything felt like a whirlwind.  For the second time in four months, Kelsie’s life had been completely flipped on it’s head.  She’d made the plans to meeting with Alison for lunch before James suddenly showed up on the porch.  It still seemed so surreal.  She couldn’t wrap her mind around it.  She didn’t want to be out of sight of him, but she knew they both had lives that needed to be maintained.  He had four months to get caught up on.

Thankfully, by the time that Alison texted her to tell her where she was sitting, Kelsie’s hunger had outweighed her desire to stay by James.  He was off, but she new he wasn’t going anywhere.  Kelsie stepped into Devil’s Diner and immediately found Alison in one of the booths.  She slid in and smiled.  “Hi,” she greeted her happily.  “How’ve you been?  I’m sorry I sort of…lost touch.  My life has been insane these past few months.”

Alison looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps, tucking away her phone that she’d been mindlessly scrolling through while she waited. She smiled at the sight of her friend, sitting up a little straighter as Kelsie slid into the seat across from her. Alison shook her head. “Hey, I totally get insane. Believe me.” 

She glanced down at the menu again as she considered Kelsie’s question. “Well, I’m in my last semester of school, so I’m pretty sure my brain is about one exam away from packing up and moving out. And this is the first day off I’ve given myself in about two weeks.” She gave a little chuckle and nodded her head in Kelsie’s direction, noting the brightness in her eyes. She looked lighter somehow, as if the world had given her a break from the weight she held on her shoulders. “What about you? How have you been? Besides insane.”

James’ lips twitched into a sad smile before he looked up at Alison. He knew her from around, as a human barista in town. At least they had their humanity in common now. “I uh, used to be allergic to chocolate,” he explained, tapping his temple with his finger. “You’re looking at a fully recovered werewolf,” he said with little enthusiasm. He lowered his hand and sighed. “At least I have chocolate now, right?”

The teasing smile fell off her lips and her brows drew together. It didn’t take her longer than a moment to realize this was James Armstrong she was talking to. Hearing that he’d returned at lunch with Kelsie had been one thing, but seeing him now in the flesh was another entirely. She couldn’t help immediately drawing the comparisons, wishing that one day Ben would knock on her door. But she knew he never would. She had to blink down to the cup in her hands for a moment.

There was something else she could focus on, though. Something else that had been grating at her, albeit in the background of her fuzzy foreground of a world she currently lived in. She’d heard about the cure, heard the buzzing background noise, heard the arguments from both sides. To offer a cure to something was to suggest being supernatural was like measles or chicken pox and that didn’t really sit well with Alison. Not to mention Kelsie had believed him to be dead. For months. There’s no logical explanation for someone to leave like that, no matter how badly they might have wanted to be human. Her eyebrows pulled together, her mouth twisting to the side. “Why do it?” she blurted. She hadn’t meant to say the words out loud and she immediately regretted them, immediately wanted to take them back. But she couldn’t. Kelsie was her friend, possibly the only real one that she had, and she had had to live with this awful nightmare for so long and for what? “I know it’s not my place to ask you, but I don’t understand. I was Kelsie’s nurse at her first sonogram. I held her hand, I cried with her. There is nothing worse than losing the person that you love. Get cured, sure, but don’t let the people you love think you’re dead when you do.”

So she’d reached out to Kelsie, asked her to grab lunch. She hadn’t really seen her friend since the ball and it felt like bad relationship practice to let her fall by the wayside. So when Kelsie had agreed to meet her, she tried to remind herself that it was a good thing. It was normal to be close to people, it was normal to be something other than bright and sunny all the time for everyone else’s sake. 

Sliding into a booth at Devil’s Diner, Alison texted Kelsie to let her know where she’d been sat and let her eyes wander the menu as she waited.

Tae was just collecting the last of his CDs from the stereo in one of the dance classrooms. His after school hip-hop class had gone well as usual, but half the girls had a cheer practice after the class so they let out early. Other teachers would probably have been annoyed, but Tae was paid all the same. He didn’t mind the moments of downtime. But lately, quiet left him feeling unsettled. Maybe it was the political turmoil, the eruption of news regarding a cure for the supernatural gene, or everyone returning to their families after months or years of disappearances. But something in the air felt…off. 

When he heard his name, he turned and smiled at Alison. Perfect. Shadow Falls’ own little ray of sunshine. “Yeah, what’s up, girl?” he asked casually, walking over to her. He beamed when he recognized the notebook he had gotten her for the secret santa a few months ago. Things had been so much simpler back then. Truth was, he liked Alison but didn’t know her all that well. His sisters helped him find some safe gifts, but also something that came across more thoughtful than his original idea to buy just straight up office supplies and shot glasses. He took the paper from her curiously, uncurling the folds and read carefully. He snorted out a small laugh and nodded.

“I’m your man,” he assured, with a wink before crossing over to get his gym bag. “Can’t talk here, let’s go over by my car,” he said, pointing to the door. He held it open for her and guided her over to the parking lot, where his beat-up sudan sat. “What do you need?” He asked, opening his door and tossing his gym bag into the back. “Is this the sleep stuff again or what?”

Alison smiled, relieved. This had been so much simpler than she’d worried it might be. She nodded at the need for secrecy (honestly, a nurse buying a sleeping potion probably wouldn’t have sounded that great to anyone that might be able to overhear) and drew her fingers across her lips before turning an invisible key and tossing it over her shoulder with a wink of her own. 

She followed along obediently behind him, the sluggish sleepiness evident in her heavy footfalls. She slipped through the door as he held it open, bowing her head in silent thanks as he came up beside her. At his question, she nodded her head, humming as if trying to talk through a closed mouth. She couldn’t very well talk with a locked mouth now, could she? She shook her head with a laugh and fanned the air around herself as if waving off the bad joke. “Sorry, bad joke. I get really stupid when I’m tired.” She turned to him. “I hope that answers your question. Yes. I need something for sleeping. Desperately. Bonus points if you can make it dreamless.”

It always ended the same way, too. The moment right before she’d open her eyes to see the vampire that had saved her life, she’d jerk awake. Once a face that she never thought she could forget, it had become a phantom of a memory and she didn’t know why. What she did know was that if she didn’t get real sleep soon, she was going to start making mistakes she couldn’t afford to make at work. 

One of the nurses told her about Tae, a witch with an affinity for potions. She’d said that he’d helped her out with a sleeping potion before when she was having trouble sleeping herself and she’d told her he could be found at Tip Toes. She figured it was the perfect opportunity to thank him for her Secret Santa gifts since she hadn’t gotten the chance at the ball. So, armed with a few pieces of paper from the notebook he’d given her, she made her way to the dance studio. 

Luck was on her side, she realized, as she found most of the building empty. He must have been between classes or done for the day. She recognized him immediately as the guy she’d shared a hospital room with at that disaster of a Halloween festival. “Tae?” she asked cautiously, stepping inside a room with an entire mirrored wall. Her voice echoed through the mostly empty space. “I’ve been having a little trouble and a coworker of mine said that you might be able to help.” She reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded up piece of paper. It was from the notebook he’d given her and as she unfolded it, she held it up for him to read: Please? Oh, and PS, thanks for the Secret Santa gifts! And PPS, you’d be my freaking hero.

“I am so sorry.” Jason apologized again bending down to help the girl pick up her books and papers. “It’s my fault, I wasn’t paying attention.” He really needed to get his spacing out under control but things were still distracting and he was still sort of lost. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He apologized again once he saw that some of her papers were ruined. “I hope those weren’t important.” That would have just been the icing on the cake if they were. Not only did he run into her but he also might have ruined something important and he was trying to actually be careful. 

Alison waved him off, gathering up what papers she could salvage-- which wound up to be most of them-- and turned to smile at him. “It’s really fine. I’m just as at fault here as you are. I was reading and walking. Isn’t that the equivalent of texting and driving?” 

Her eyes followed his to the few papers that had been claimed by the puddle and when he apologized again, she shook her head. “They’re not important. I’ve been--” She shook her head again, cutting herself off. A perfect stranger did not need to know about her sleeping habits. Or lack thereof. “There are at least ten different articles here and I’m really not expecting any of them to actually help me so losing a few of those is nothing. The books are fine and those are the ones I’d have to pay for if they got ruined. Seriously, it’s fine.” She tucked the papers away inside the sleeve of her book and offered a hand. “I’m Alison, by the way. You know, so you can put a name to the face of the girl you just ran over.” She laughed. “I’m totally kidding. Sorry, I get a little,” she twirled a finger around her ear in the universal sign language of batshit crazy, “when I’m tired. Are you okay, though? We smacked... shoulders? Heads? Both? Pretty hard.”

A choked sort of chuckle fell from his lips when the idea of a man bun was presented. Despite his teasing, he honestly couldn’t imagine himself donning the complete barista suit of armor in any case. There were some trends he simply couldn’t abide by. “Maybe in another lifetime. Which in my case, might come sooner rather than later,” His gaze fell to the manner in which she held her coffee, noting the taught fingers with mild concern. He hoped that she didn’t take his request for another matter - but it could entirely be true, as he hadn’t outright said what he had wanted to discuss in the first place. 

After what felt like an eternity of his own rambling, Dewey couldn’t help but feel as though he was wasting her precious time. Maybe this could have been done at the hospital, or via a letter or– anything other than interrupting Alison at her other workplace. He had been so hellbent on venting his remorse that he didn’t really think this through, and yet another apology began forming on his tongue. His head inclined slightly as she leaned in, a firm shake of his head following. “It wasn’t your job to interpret the reason as to my behavior. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place,” He felt rather insistent about this, and Alison’s response only fueled his desire to atone for the entire situation. She was being so understanding, even grateful still for the opportunity to work in cardiology. It baffled him. Though her words should have been soothing, Dewey simply knew better of himself than to think he was acting valiantly. He had a job to do, simple tasks that he couldn’t even perform thanks to his cursed nature. It shouldn’t have been so difficult, and yet, as Amari had pointed out countless times, he was still a young vampire, still learning, still coping. He could only control so much, and that thought alone infuriated him to his very core. His features nearly fell at her words, a pleading, self deprecating sort of laugh ghosting past his lips. “I’d sooner reassign myself than subject you to that. Especially since you’ve proven yourself rather capable over these past few days. So I’d say this chance has been well earned. And, in the future, I’ll be… making arrangements for the full moon, so, hopefully this won’t have to occur again. It truly was wretched of me and, again, I sincerely apologize,”

Alison sat back a little, the intensity in his apology striking her silent. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary, wanted to tell him she was just thankful for the opportunity, glad to still have a job. But he seemed to need to say this if more for himself than for her sake, and she wanted to let him. Truthfully, it felt nice to have someone care so much about how their actions might have affected her. She was so used to being the one handing out pieces of herself, begging for someone to love her and watching them pass her by, that she almost didn’t know what to do as she listened. She shifted in her seat, fidgeted with her hands, focused on the imperfections of the wooden tabletop, and listened. 

She looked up at the praise, at the confirmation that she really was finding a niche in a job she loved. A smile bloomed across her face and she took an extra moment to get her own words right. “Thank you for the apology,” she said slowly. “Honestly, I thought you might be coming in here to tell me that I should look for a different department and to hear that I’m actually doing a good job means so much. So, really, thank you. But please don’t, like, beat yourself up over it or anything, okay? Trust me, on the list of things I’ve had to live through, this doesn’t even make the top one hundred. I’m just happy to still be part of the team.” She looked him over and flashed him playful smile, leaning forward and propping her chin up on her hands. “You can, however, tell me more about how great I am,” she teased.

On occasion, Eilis would even take Willow out beyond her bedtime to show her the night sky. She loved teaching er young daughter about the different constellations and beautiful things that the night sky had within it. Eilis smiled thinking about that. Even after a long night, just simple thoughts like that would brighten her day again.

She had noticed one of the baristas from Procaffination come up to her and ask to join, “Only if you have a cup of coffee with you,” Eilis chuckled a bit at herself. “Of course, take a seat,” Eilis motioned next to the girl to sit next to her, “What are you doing out so late?”

Alison smiled and made a show of checking her pockets, even turning some of them inside out. With a playful frown she shrugged. “I guess I’m out, that’s too bad.” She laughed as she took a seat on one of the stairs beside her, shoving her cold hands deep into her pockets. “I was working late at the hospital. You know, I never thought I’d miss smelling like coffee beans but now I just smell like sterile hospital and polished white tiles. If that even has a smell.” She glanced up at the sky and took a centering breath, reclining back on her hands and slowly turning to face the other woman. “What about you? What are you doing out here so late?”

“Free coffee, too. So there’s no excuse.” Mattie tried creating good perks for her employees. She wanted them to feel taken care of since the job often demanded a lot out of them. Early mornings can be rough before people had their coffee. She factored in more employee drinks than they use to be on the safe side. Since she already counted it, she wanted someone to take advantage of it. 

Mattie had to laugh at her question. “Are you a mind reader or something? I was looking at applying last night.” She finally felt settled enough to get the plan started. Starting, however, might take longer than she hoped. It was easier when she was back in high school and living with her dad. She had the same great support around her, but time was an issue. “I think I can start in the summer, it should slow down around here a bit. But it’s going to be a while before I’m with you.” She suddenly paused, her smile dropped. “Wait… on your side?” she asked. “Like… they’re mean to you? Or just someone else who’s learning too? Cuz if I need to give someone a stern talking to, I will.”

Alison smiled at her friend, at the motherly way she cared for people. Alison’s own mother had preferred to disappear for months on end with a revolving door of men, so the gesture meant a lot. “No excuses. Got it.” She held up three fingers in a scout’s honor and broke into a smile. 

“Not a mind reader. Just a nagger,” she said with a laugh. But the idea of having Mattie as an ally at the hospital was too good not to indulge at least a little. She couldn’t help but laugh when the other woman when full mom mode and offered to give her coworkers a stern talking to. “No, it’s nothing like that. They’re just a team, you know? Fitting in isn’t the main goal, obviously. But it’d be nice.” It was probably her fault anyway. She knew she wasn’t great at hiding her lack of passion for peds. Why would anyone want that on their team? “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Trust me, I get it. I was almost there once.” Mattie shrugged casually. She was closer to graduation that she would admit, especially to anyone at the shop. She did not want anyone knowing how old she was, at least not yet. For the most part she refrained from going too deep into college talk aside from the few classes she was interested in taking. 

“I feel bad calling you in, so you’re free to work whenever you feel up to it. Even if it’s a slow day, I don’t care.” The last thing she wanted was for everyone to disappear, but she knew they would not be going far. They would most likely still be in town after they graduate, and that was good enough for her. “You need to visit. Get your coffee before class.”

Alison tilted her head, curious and considering whether it was worth it to push for more information. She knew that Mattie wanted to be a nurse. It was part of the reason they got along so well. Like interests and whatnot. 

“Wow. I will almost definitely take you up on that offer,” she promised. And it was true. She hadn’t exactly been sleeping much lately and filling her sometimes endless hours with work sounded a lot better than filling them with her wandering mind. Unable to keep the question back any longer, she asked, “So do you still plan on going back? I mean, selfishly speaking, I’d love to have someone on my side there for once.”