starlight.

I wish I was! No way! I don’t kill things either! Uh, uh, do we have a paper towel or something? I could put it outside, that way it would go back to it’s, uh, family? I think? Or we could just change um, rooms?

That’s so gross, I know this place is dingy but you’re practically an infant, they could clean it up a little better. Ugh, this is what we get for ditching the dude who’s only good for bug killing. Hang on, let me put a towel on and I’ll come kill it. Or.. try.

Ew, is that a bug? Hey, uh Momma, I don’t mean to complain because this bed is super comfy. But, uh,  does this creepy crawly thing have six legs or seven?

Gross! No way, tell me that you’re kidding! Is it alive? I don’t kill things, Avery! You do it!

But, Mama, I was a literal fetus. A gross, slimy fetus who didn’t know what those foods were but…yeah. I guess that is pretty intense. 

But what do I start with in terms of adding things? I don’t know where…wait…a dog? Really? You really want a dog? Let’s go get a dog! D-He never let us get one. What kind are we getting, can it sleep in my bed? This is the best Christmas ever. 

Pretty gross, I think is what you mean but I guess I can forget considering that you were just fetus or whatever. That’s gross by the way.

In your mouth? Gross!  No way, I couldn’t have been that gross, all the time. But that sounds pretty disgusting. I’ll add it to the shopping list and we can make some extra cookies today for the kids at the shelter too. Are we helping out on Christmas Eve with the dinner thing? Oh, it’s that time already? I kind of forgot about it. Everything? That means we a have ton of stuff to do then. What were you thinking we do first?

Look, it’s not like I enjoyed it either. No,  not that gross all the time, but you did some pretty gross stuff. Plus when I was pregnant with you, you had me eating apples, spray cheese and chocolate chips together. Sounds good to me, I think I’ll grab stuff tomorrow before the stores get busy for the holidays. so just add whatever you want! We can if you want, but we don’t have to. It’s the twentieth of December tomorrow, pal so it’s getting up there. I don’t know, you tell me what you want to do.. I was thinking we could go to the animal shelter.. and.. get a dog? If you want to.. just for fun, and so we aren’t so lonely.

Three Hundred and Fifty One days, almost a full year. Also, yeah for sure.. but we have other stuff too because that stuff is probably ruined.

I’m working on it, it’s not a cut and dry process. A restraining order wouldn’t do much because he’d bail himself out, not everything is cut and dry. That man wouldn’t get custody even if he paid for it. I have proof of bruises on my person and on my kid. He can try all he wants, he’s not taking her from me.

Well, that’s comforting. I’m sure baby me made even bigger messes. I know, I know, but they were kinda soggy. The sink was clean but kind of damp. I started the cleaning process so less work for you too. We can! We’ll need to make more cookie dough though. Do we have ginger in the house? Me too. 

You once threw up in my mouth, so yeah.. you’ve made bigger messes. You used to be kinda gross, all in all. Oh yikes, that’s gross maybe I can buy some more tomorrow and we can make some cookies for the kids at the shelter and stuff. You’ve got it, kid. You haven’t got school again until after the new year, we should do everything christmas that we couldn’t before.

Yeah, I mean who wouldn’t. He does know, believe me I’m not an idiot, he’s sent me pictures of the outside of our home, he knows people who know me. Somehow he knows everything.

Well, if you don’t count an inch of flour dusting the floor, egg shell guts on the counter and a pile of chocolate chips in the sink because they spilled as big. The cookies are pretty delicious, I thought I was making chocolate chip ones till I spilled the chips, so now, sugar.

I guess that isn’t that bad, I’ve seen a worse mess. You totally could’ve used the chips anyways, silly. The sink was clean, but I’ll be in, in a second. Maybe we can make ginger cookies too? What do you think? I know there’s only two of us, but god I love cookies.

I may or may not have made a really big mess in the kitchen attempting to make sugar cookies. 

How big are we talking here? ‘Cause I mean.. if the cookies don’t suck.. then I might help you clean it up.

I know, my summer season is going to be intense. Abby’s decision to put me in summer comps is going to really elevate things though. I’ll get stronger and dance even more.

So what you’re telling me is, we can’t do anything all summer then? Our first one without you know --- and we’re doing dance things?

“I just, I want to be strong for you and for myself y’know.” She paused, breathing a moment before continuing her train of thought. “I dunno, maybe…I want to try dealing with it some more and just talking to you and then, trying a professional when I’m ready…if that’s okay.” Avery murmured in response with a yawn. “But, if it’s easier for you, I can go now, I don’t want to overwhelm you with all of my stuff. Da-Eric…he hurt you too.” Her father didn’t feel like one and she felt it was time to make that known. “I don’t want to call him, y’know, Dad, anymore…he’s not one, h-hasn’t been for a long time.” She whispered, her eyes full of concern. “I-Is that okay, if I do that?” Her blue-ish brown hues looking into Alison’s matching ones. The dancer’s fingers continued to toy with her mother’s hair as she felt the anxiety rise in her gut. “We are okay…but are we gonna be here for long? School is really hard and I wish I could just, homeschool or do it online or something, so we wouldn’t have to drive so much, just to and from dance. “I hope I’ll be like you when I grow up, I mean, I know I’m a teenager but when I’m a real live adult. I want to be beautiful, kind and smart like you. I’m not pretty yet.” Avery mumbled, she had always been self-conscious of her looks, she had always been smaller than the other girls.

“That’s okay.. Whatever you want, babe.” Alison responded softly, nodding her head. She knew that everyones mind worked differently but, she also knew that she wasn’t even sure how she wanted to do things, so in that sense Avery was further along than her in that setting. Fingers ran against the blanket as Alison continued to listen to her daughter speak. Though she’d been expecting it for a while, the younger brunettes words shocked her the slightest. She didn’t expect the words to come so soon. It hadn’t been that long at all. As her daughter looked for approval, the woman managed a gentle smile at her daughter. “Eric is good.. it’s fine.” she assured carefully, though a little embarrassed that her wedding ring still sat against her finger when her daughter seemed to be ready to move on. “I.. um, you don’t like it here?” Her smile seemed to fall and and she swallowed. Did her daughter not like Val? “I don’t know honey, I’ll look around.. for um, somewhere to stay. Just give me a while, to get settled.” she assured quietly, nervously. Again she smiled, shaking her head in disbelief. “You are beautiful, kind and smart, dork.” she assured playfully.