AlickSalo

I can’t face the grazes

He was fear itself and had no being apart from the flesh of another; and he bled forth from his own womb.

Wherefore he did partake of the flesh of the Lord in the darkness, and the wounds of the Lord were closed at the dawn, that they might be opened again in the night.

And he hungered for the flesh of the Lord the more as he did partake thereof, and he feared to be cut off from it, even as a child is taken from his mother’s breast.

You can find full here: https://t.me/AlickSalo/1609

Recently I decided to start therapy. My life had finally stabilized, yet something still felt wrong. I couldn’t feel anything at all.

At the same time, I was creating a lot - drawing and writing - and that creative process slowly helped me get closer and closer to the root of my problem. Until one evening it all hit me at once: all the terrifying things that had happened in my life had affected me - the violence in my family, the sexualized violence, my mother’s coldness and her refusal to acknowledge my personality, and the violence based on my sexual and gender identity. I was swinging between affect and dissociation, memories came back as flashbacks, and it was unbearably frightening.

I went to a psychiatrist, got prescribed medication, and slowly began to recover. At first it was incredibly hard - I couldn’t do anything, I was crawling on the floor, and even stepping outside felt impossible. Everything around me was too bright, too loud, too terrifying.

But now I’m doing better. I’m still scared of emotional closeness with other people, it’s still hard for me to stay outside for long, and I barely have any energy left - but I’m already doing better, and I know it’s only going to get better from here. I’ve gone back to work and I’m trying to return to my art.

When I was almost at the core of the problem, I created a character - Jet. They’re deeply traumatized and prefer to dissociate, just like I used to. At the time, I didn’t realize I was simply drawing from my own experience, but now everything makes sense. Here’s the artwork I made back then.

And today, I finally managed to sit down and draw again. I drew Jet once more - but this time with an understanding of what had actually been happening to me all this time. And what I’d been living with all along was C-PTSD.

I’m glad I’m finally able to answer my question from the past.

Full: https://t.me/AlickSalo/1526?comment=4720

You can order it, if you’re from Russia❤️

I can’t find enough words to express how much I love what you do and how deeply I respect you for it.

Today your comic finally arrived, and it’s absolutely delightful!
I find so much strength, honesty, and truth in this work - it resonates with me on a very deep, personal level. This little story feels far more real than a lot of queer media made just to make cishet people feel comfortable about LGBT folks. I truly appreciate how gently and thoughtfully you explore themes of identity, acceptance, and the place of a queer person in society - and how this small, personal story also touches on things that are rarely talked about in this context.

When I read the chapter where Illi finds out they didn’t win, I almost cried myself - that scene hit so hard. I feel Illi so deeply in that moment (and in general), and I could sign my name under every word they say. It’s so powerful and important.

I didn’t mean to sound too dramatic, but I genuinely value your work. I’m so happy I managed to get a physical copy, even though it wasn’t easy since I live in Russia.
By the way, greetings from Russia! Our small killjoys community here loves your story too. Many people I’ve talked to speak of your work with great warmth and appreciation - it truly helps, especially in places and times like these. It gives strength and inspiration.

Because, in the end, we all live our own small, ordinary lives — not about changing the world or being universally accepted, but simply about living. And sometimes that life happens in conditions not very welcoming to. But we still live. Our lives go on.

I think Illi is not only about being freaky! She’s also a sweet person, even if sometimes she gets too caught up in her strange obsessions! Not innocent, yep, but not extremely odd either. Balanced girl💅