Alice Mary Cooper

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe starts in a month and I’ve found that doing a solo show during the festival can be tough, isolating, sometimes zero fun and sometimes the best thing that’s ever happened to you. So, from one solo performer to another here are some tips to keep you calm, stop you from being exploited and generally help you keep your shit in August. 

1 - P R E P A R E 

Start thinking about your pre-show routine now. 

Make your playlist for the 15 mins before your audience arrive that’ll get you focused. I’ll be going for Sleigh Bells, Cults and probably Bonnie Tyler.  I also love to have 10 minutes stage time, where I can stretch out, keep calm or have some bants with the technician I’ve just met who is now running my show. 

2 - T E C H N I C A L  G E T  I N

Your show isn’t more important than anyone else’s.

Of course it is, but that’s no reason to be a massive arsehole because your space hasn’t been fitted up when you arrive for your tech. Everyone is in the same position, so get mad / graciously outraged with the right people at the right time, and not with the companies you’ll be negotiating tight turn arounds with for the next three weeks. 

3 - F I R S T  P E R F O R M A N C E 

Why isn’t everyone here?

You’re not Bryony Kimmings or Chris Thorpe, yet, so accept that when you step out on stage, there may only be three people staring back at you. It’s a total downer when you’ve been slaving away on a show and you can’t share your World Premiere with a bigger crowd, but, you’re going to give those three beautiful people your focus, your energy and the performance of your life. They CHOSE to be there with you, appreciate that.

4 - R E V I E W E R S 

Why is their pen so loud?

The likelihood is that reviewers will be at every performance you do during the festival, they will all have notepads, they will all scrawl loudly, they will have bitchy resting face, it doesn’t mean they hate you. Just relax, keep going, you’re doing great.

5 - R E V I E W S 

Everyone has an opinion they want you to know about.

The reviewers have filed, you need to make a choice; are you going to read all those reviews from people who have spent 60 minutes with you and your work, compared the two years you’ve spent making it? They say if you’re going to read the good, you have to read the bad. I know personally that this is super unhealthy for me, so I’ll pass this duty on to my producer and avoid all reviews, including the bottom half of the internet. 

6 - D O N T  G I V E  A W A Y  C O M P S 

But that person could help further my career.

Obviously give out comps to your Bae, and people that’ve helped you make the show, but for christ’s sake don’t give them to anyone who works for an organisation that says they want to support your work then asks for a comp in the same breath. They have salaries and their expenses get covered, if they want to support you, they’ll buy a ticket.

7- S A C R E D  B A C K S T A G E  S P A C E S 

Is this a prop?

Get to know your turnaround buddies, be accommodating backstage and don’t wreck or move other people’s stuff. Backstage is a sacred space, you need to look after it and each other. 

8 - W E  C A N T  S E E  E V E R Y T H I N G 

I’d love it if you came to see my show.

Don’t be pissed off if people don’t come to see your show, we all have huge lists of shows to see and very small budgets. Be understanding, and maybe don’t go see their show either, or do, and take the moral high ground, just kidding, don’t go, no, do, no, don’t. You can navigate the politics of this yourself.  

Incidentally, here’s my show: F A S L A N E

9 - E N D  O F  W E E K  T W O

I want to get a ‘normal’ job.

I hate the end of week two, I’m tired, super sensitive, super paranoid, my mental health is on the brink of collapse and I’m the worst person to be around, who knew working for on hour a day could be so hard.  If you come across someone who’s experiencing the week two slump, sit with them, hang out, get some food, see a show, sit in the meadows, don’t mention THAT shitty review

10 - E D I N B U R G H  I S  A  C I T Y  A L L  Y E A R  R O U N D

365 days a year.

Not everyone in the city will give a shit about your show, be humble.

11 - E N D  O  F  T H E  F E S T I V A L 

Looks like we’ve made it.

Pendant que tous les autres se vantent de lancer la cueillette, de graisser la presse, de rassembler les bouteilles, à Bangor, ce n’est pas encore pour cette année. On doit patienter deux, trois ans encore. Dur. On avait quand même fait en sorte de laisser quelques petites pommes sur les branches au printemps pour voir si elles deviendraient grosses. Les survivantes à notre arrachage de juin sont belles. Cliché.

Afternoon Creatures.

We are hurtling across the midlands on our train to Edinburgh. We have just dropped off our tiny set and Tim’s amazing array of elaborate head pieces (oh how times have changed!) to the Soho Theatre van. And I have a very familiar feeling in my guts… And it’s not the wriggly little 25 week old boy I am growing inside me… It’s the feeling of another Edinburgh Fringe upon us!!!

Nothing feels quite like it. It’s such a heady mix. If I had to bag it up and formally list it’s ingredients I’d go for…

500g of Excitement 

200g of Anticipation 

100g of Nerves

A massive dollop of heavy, fatty Regret

The acrid whiff of Impending Doom

The hopeful aftertaste of possible impending success

With a sucky bullshit foam of TERROR on the side

DELISH!!

It’s a fucked up thing Edinburgh fringe really. I’ve been asked to write the opening address this year by the head of the festival (a long way from cleaning the pubic hair of my punters from borrowed microphones in a 35 seater basement circa Sex Idiot 2010 - Zoo Roxy), and I feel wholy compelled to sing the praises of this truly magnificent festival that has given me the career I love today. But at the same time on an individual and personal note… Artist to artist… The pressure, the emotional upheaval, the expectation and the stress it can cause is fucking mental!! So I thought I would write a blog that addresses that TOO. A sort of survival guide and a wave from “I’m having exactly the same feeling as you” island… to offset the praise I will be bestowing on Friday morning.

SO…

First up and to set the tone This Article from The Daily Mash is hilarious: 

It is one of the reasons that every year my dear old mum rings me to remind me it’s exactly 12 weeks til my Edinburgh travel day and that I need to quickly call national rail and bag a £29 first class single … So I don’t have to share a carriage with the cast of Twinkle Fingers the Kids Musical or Pathetic American Graduate Showcase the Opera.

And on the one hand I completely agree with its silly sentiment: The privileged white brigade descend on an already culturally rich city to self aggrandise whilst juggling copies of Greek tragedies and playing Robin Thicke for outdated ironic purposes. But at the same time I would scratch your eyes out if you tried to argue with me about the positive effect DECENT live performance can have on the lives of others (and show you the pages and pages of punter emails I have been privileged to receive in recent years)… So, for the purposes of this blog…

I’m talking to those of you who make work with glorious heart, immense skill, good intentions, interesting angles or brilliant stories… I am talking about those makers who have slogged their guts out for 6 months, who have spent their own fucking cash getting up to the fest from teaching or tending bar, who have floated through July like worried, decision making ghosts. And are, like me, in a car, on a mega bus or about to step onto a train knowing they essential face either the month of their dreams or a never ending living nightmare… Wholly dependent on the cosmos aligning! 

So if that is you and you are new to the Fringe or just need a reminder on how to cope…here are my top tips… tell me to fuck off later if you don’t care…

Don’t flyer your own show – it’s a mugs game. Flyering your own show destroys your soul and can change your relationship to your work to such an extent that it turns it as sour as old milk. If you have to flyer (I recommend paying someone else to do it as the reward outweighs the cost if they get 4 extra bums on seats a day) then swap flyer stacks with a mate and do each others shows.

Don’t drink two-three nights a week – I know its hard. You go nocturnal during the fringe and its just SO exciting to find a new friend or a new hang out every night of the week but your body needs rest and to be honest you should be doing rewrites instead. Your show isn’t ready for touring until the final week of Edinburgh, FACT, so put the bevs down and have a bath instead. #youwillthankmelaterbabes.

Don’t fixate on bad reviews – this is a tough thing to do. No matter how many good reviews you get; the niggling snide aside from a scathing take down is the thing you obsess over. Its human/british nature to focus on the negative. Step back from the sentence repeating over and over in your head, assess whether you agree or disagree with it. Then change the show accordingly or chalk it up as some grumpy cunt having a pop. Not everyone will like you. Its not possible. 

Don’t watch anything else for the first week – its so so easy to be swayed when in the fetal stages of an idea, you can end up with a mash up of all the other shows you have adored in the first week if you aren’t settled in to your patter enough. Sit tight, concentrate on your own work for a while then go and reward yourself with art. PLUS seeing everyone else’s fabulous work can make you feel like crap if you hate yours.

Don’t stop trying to get a crowds/press/better – don’t give up half way through if everything feels lost and its not going well. Get on a train out to the country on your day off. Stare at the sea and find your second wind and KEEP trying on your return. I have known many acts and shows to only find steam in the final week, including my own. Ask advice, pull in favours, try new tact.

Keep a hold of your audience intentions - what are you trying to say? What are you asking of your audience? Is that clear? Is it getting blurry, wanky or swayed by things you should ignore. Keep your brain in the game and eyes on the prize. Don’t get lazy. I rehearse my lines everyday before I go on, I do a full warm up. This is your job: the manipulation of an audience to feel the feelings you want them to, don’t forget that!

Court the press - it’s probably too late now but the two things you need in Edinburgh is a good show and an even better PR. That being said you can get away with a lot on your own if you have a laptop and some press savvy. Each day the papers and blogs are looking for new content. Give them what they want. Funny stories, new angles, radio worthy stuff. Keep pushing. It pays off. But don’t keep sending your one sole press release to Lyn Gardner over and over again. It’s annoying.

Sneak into vip bars and talk to people you don’t know – everyone knows I love a bevvy. I am a social butterfly and it has got me far just being able to talk clearly and with humour about my own work and practice to people who don’t yet know me. If you are a social butterfly like me, break into the places where the big wigs hang out and get pitching and drinking. It is 20% who you know in this world. If you are shy, don’t bother… your work will live on its 80% integrity.

Eat your 5 a day – Honestly I know I’m pregnant now but there was a point in 2011 where I ate out of a bin one evening with a certain member of Soho Theatre staff who will remain unnamed. Stay healthy. Swim a bit. Climb Arthurs seat. The Edinburgh come down is the worst. Protect your immune system and your mental health by being sensible with your diet. Mummy says so. 

Don’t fucking sweat it – Its one month of one year with one group of drongo’s that you never have to see again. You can never come back here if you like. Don’t get sucked into THIS being real life forever (tomorrow you are fish and chip paper!) but savour every success and learn from every failure for the month because it means you will come back stronger and more equipped next time.

LISTEN… Have faith that if you make a good piece of work someone of some importance will stumble across it and make your dreams come true. It is the law of averages + the secret Edinburgh whispers effect at work. And if you haven’t quite nailed it this year, there is always another time. 

Click here if you want to see me do my opening speech. I hear they have had to change the venue as it sold out (Fuck! No pressure!) 

See you on the Royal Mile (NO you fucking won’t and I don’t want to see you hanging out down there either!)

Have a wonderful month. I am sending you positive vibes from my womb.