A Readers Spot

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.

Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.

Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.

There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.

Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.

The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.

Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”

Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.

Voldemort wears high heels.

Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.

Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.

Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?

The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.

Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”

Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.

James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.

Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”

Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.

Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”

McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.

Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.

Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.

The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.

Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”

This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”

And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”

“Azerbaijan”

“Hoes of Wax”

“Tom Bombodil”

“Cornelio Fuck”

“Professor Slutborn”

“Preacher McGongol”

“Lumpkin”

“TaEbory”

“The Bark Lord”

College AU where Percy and Annabeth study at my uni (UST🐯)!

Annabeth’s an Architecture student on her way to present her model while Percy’s a Tiger Shark (swimming varsity).

Times change but we don’t

@flurobyn

The plan for the 17th, when the adult content ban comes in, is to protest.

To do that, we are making as much noise either side of the 17th as possible, and using the site as normal.

On the 17th, dead silence.

People are saying log off but what they really mean is don’t open the site or the app.

But, on the 17th make as much noise as possible on every other platform. Tweet about it and post on facebook and instagram and everywhere else.

What this does is causes a massive dip in ad revenue for one single day. That does not make staff think ‘oh everyone’s gone let’s shut down.’ What it actually makes them think is ‘oh shit people aren’t happy and if people don’t keep using our site we’re out of money and out of jobs.’

A boycott reminds a company that the users (consumers) have the power to make their site (business) worthless with one single coordinated decision.

If you want to join in, here’s what to do:

Do:

Close all open instances of the app and site on all your devices before the 17th

Make posts before and after the 17th on tumblr and other platforms, talking about why this ban is bad

Make posts on other sites during the 17th. Flood the official tumblr staff twitter and facebook with your anger and your opinion

Come back on the 18th and check in

Don’t:

Delete the app from your phone (this doesn’t affect their revenue and since it’s off the store at the moment it’ll be hard to get back)

Delete your account. I mean you can if you want to, but if you keep your account and don’t use it you’re saying to staff that there’s still time to save it. If you delete it’s hard work to come back.

Open the app or website (including specific blogs)

Make any posts (turn down/off your queue and make sure nothing is scheduled)

Go quiet elsewhere. Make it clear that this is just about tumblr, not a mass move away from all social media.

Remember: the execs don’t care about anything but money. Shutting down the site means there’s $0 further income from it. That’s their last possible course of action. If we make it clear we’re not happy, they’ll have to do something or we can do more and more until it becomes too expensive.

Eragon: I want to figure out my religious beliefs, do the right thing, reconcile my duty of saving the world with my family and my personal ethics, and live up to the Riders' legacy

Nasuada: I want to make my father proud, overthrow Galbatorix with every possible mean, rise to power and unite the races of Alagaësia in my name

Arya: I want to do my duty, to be a Rider and to make my people understand they must stand up for other races and fight

Roran: I want to save my village, to avenge my father and to retain my compassion through this

• a black woman in a position of power (arguably one of the highest positions in the series itself)

• men openly showing emotions (crying, having breakdowns, etc)

• women calling men out on their sexism and shutting them the fuck down

• women being shown as being stronger than men (emotionally and physically) several times throughout the book and series

• are you kidding me I could go on for hours about this series

• it influenced the way I viewed the world and for that I will forever be in love with it holy shit

think about it: petunia and vernon /hated/ james potter, made up stories about him “probably being unemployed” and they seemed to thoroughly dislike him for more than just the magic. how much d'you wanna bet me that their prejudice may have been on the racist side? they treated harry pretty awfully, even considering his magic. they hated that he looked like james as well. 

plus, harry has “great skin” but no specified skin colour or tone or anything! 

draw and write about east asian harry, south asian harry, black harry. draw harry potter in every single race there is.

it would make more sense as to why people keep commenting on him having his mother’s eyes and dark skin and green eyes are a rarer combination than light skin and green eyes. 

harry’s grandad made the family rich by inventing a potion that straighten’s hair, the one hermione uses in book 4, that’s a product way more likely to be used by poc, especially black poc like hermione, and so is more likely to come from a poc who noticed the demand in the market as it was relevant to them,

 it would explain why no muggle ever investigated harry, why his teachers and other adults were content to let him be bullied and abused, because the area where he grew up is clearly very right wing, (voted tory/ bnp likes the EDL kind of place) so a mixed race kid is way more likely to be ignored.