𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙
❝and i am the idiot with the painted face, in the corner, taking up space.❞
♡ izana kurokawa ♡
pt. 1, pt. 2
a/n: please read the previous chapter for better context! reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated <3 talk to me! lmk in the comments or in my dms your thoughts :)
content: royal! au, prince izana x princess y/n (reader), arranged marriage, shitty/toxic parenting, angst, cheating, izana’s a jerk, swearing/cursing, maybe smut (?), strangers to enemies to lovers, not checked for grammatical errors.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
the long dreaded weekend finally arrived, a rainy saturday evening embraced the kingdom. you were sitting at your vanity in a robe, staring at yourself in the mirror as you tried to familiarize yourself with this new sight.
you cut your hair.
well, you didn’t do it, but the decision was impulsive. your once long hair that reached below your ass would always be in a bun or braid. now, it was shoulder-length with subtle wispy bangs to complete it. you smiled at yourself, feeling like the prettiest woman, as you finally had the freedom to do what you wanted.
your mother never let you cut your hair, nagging at you about how men loved women with long and luscious hair. you hated it, absolutely despised it truly. your hair would always get in the way of tasks, tangled and was a nuisance to wash.
not to mention your head felt like there was a boulder on it. but now, you felt lighter and a little dainty, too.
you picked out a lavender colored dress to wear for the dinner, slipping it on as your hands reached for your back to zip it up. you struggled for a few seconds, huffing in frustration as you clicked your tongue.
you opened your door a little, poking your mouth out as you yelled for one of the maid’s to come upstairs. your eyes suddenly fell upon the figure exiting in the far distanced corner, walking towards your room. as izana came closer, you got a good look of his fit.
it was simple, a casual white silk button-up and black slacks. yet, he looked so handsome.
“you ready?” izana calmly asked, approaching your door as you inched back, slightly closing your door more.
“almost, i just need help with something. give me a few minutes and i’ll be out.” you replied, the tension between you both still a little off from the previous events from earlier this week.
“move, i’ll help you.” he suddenly blurted out, catching you by surprise as you didn’t have the time to react when he opened your door, inviting himself in.
“what do you need help with?” izana asked, eyes locking with yours as his hands were shoved in his pockets. for some reason, your words were stuck in your throat, not knowing he suddenly made you feel so nervous.
“my zipper.” you meekly responded, making him hum in response. he placed his hand on the small of your back, pushing you towards the huge mirror on your vanity as you both now stood in front of it, with him behind you.
izana’s finger’s momentarily grazed the soft skin of your back, sending off goosebumps all over your body. your heart began to beat faster, the proximity to him allowing you to get a whiff of his scent, playing games with your mind.
“you cut your hair?” izana asked, but his words came out like a whisper, his warm breath fanning over your ears.
“yeah. why?” you asked, afraid that he’d make some snarky comments about how you look ugly as traditionally, women weren’t allowed to have short hair.
“no reason, it suits you.” he complimented, making your heart jump from the sudden kindness coming from him.
he slowly began to pull the zipper up, a hand on the side of your hips as you tried your best not to think much. you looked forward in the mirror, only to find his lilac eyes staring at you. you both locked eyes, unable to pull away. you could feel his hard chest against your back and it made you shudder.
why did you feel so hot all of a sudden? was he always this attractive? of course, izana’s a king after all, yet; just something about him made your knees weak.
“lord kurokawa! the car is ready for you and your highness.” the butler called out, breaking you both from the weird trance.
izana pulled the zipper all the way to the top, clearing his throat as you quickly mumbled an awkward ‘thank you’ to him before he left. you sat down on the small stool, trying to distract yourself from what just happened a few seconds ago by doing your makeup.
with a few final touches, you headed outside where the car was waiting for you as izana sat in the back next to the empty spot reserved for you. as per usual, the ride was silent as you played with the ribbon tied around the fruit basket in your lap, as you both were taking to your parent’s house as a gift.
as the driver parked the car, you saw your parents standing outside with a wide smile, making you roll your eyes. izana got out of the car, going over to your side as you were startled when your door got pulled open. you stared at izana in shock, watching him offer his hand.
then you remembered that you guys have to put this little act together to show your parents that you both aren’t miserable with each other and are actually in love.
without fighting back, you put your hands in his, which was shockingly warm and very soft. after exiting the car, you felt an arm snake around your waist, as izana pulled you close to his body.
your breath hitched, never being this close to a person before, let alone a man. your knees felt like jelly, yet you tried to keep your facade, so that you and izana don’t get busted.
“my little princess! how- what in god’s name did you do to your hair?!” you mother screeched, eyes widening in horror as she rushed up to you. izana watched with astonishment, seeing your mother pull you away from his hold. she touched your hair, in denial that you could ever do such a thing.
“you stupid, stupid, stupid girl! have you not learned a single thing from me? how could you cut off the part of you that gave you your femininity? you look so hideous!” your mother cried out, making you scoff.
“geez, missed you too, mom.” you walked past her, not sparing izana a glance as you didn’t want to know whether he’d give you a taunting look or a pitiful one.
you didn’t want either.
you walked to the dining space, placing the fruit basket in the middle as you took a seat in front of the usual bland and depressing food at your parent’s house. after eating so well for the past few weeks, you didn’t know if your body could go back to stomaching such awful food.
“mother, all of this looks delicious.” izana smiled, making you snort as you gave him a questioning look. you could see right through him, there was no way he thought that this nasty ass food was good. nonetheless, he took a seat next to you as one of the maid’s began to serve everyone.
“thank you, dear. i know my useless daughter isn’t much of a help, so please, help yourself. it’s my secret recipe too!” your mother boasted, making izana nervously chuckle as he dug in. you looked at him, waiting for his reaction and you could see how he quickly chewed and swallowed it before cringing.
you smirked in amusement, watching him suffer, just like how you had to eat this disgusting food for your entire life.
“so, how are things going between you both?” your father asked, making izana clear his throat before taking a hold of your free hand with his.
“sir, i would cross the seven seas just to spend a second of my life with my beautiful wife. you have truly blessed me with your daughter and for that i thank you.” izana spoke, making your heart clutch in pain as you knew that those were a bunch of white lies that he told your parents.
yet, for some reason, a part of you secretly wished that he meant it.
“what joy! y/n, do you have nothing to say? it’s been ages since we’ve seen you.” your father’s eyes shifted to yours, as you silently picked at the chicken and surrounding vegetables.
“i am simply following your rules, which is having my husband talk for me since i am of course to be treated like a porcelain bimbo doll.” you snarked, making both of your parents sigh out in frustration.
“for goodness’s sake, y/n, can we all please have a nice family dinner?” your mother begged, making you glare at her.
“i literally did nothing, why am i always the one to blame?” you said through gritted teeth, constantly feeling attacked by your parent’s bipolar decisions.
“you’re no longer a child, y/n. you know how this world works and the responsibilities that come with it. ever since you’ve arrived here today, you’ve been nothing but a brat. you have nothing good to say or any future plans such as having kids-”
“woah, woah, are you hearing yourselves? having kids? we’re newly-weds, i barely even know his favorite color and you think we’re ready to bring in a child into this world?” your eyebrows furrowed, now getting visibly mad at your parents as your tone became laced with irritation.
“we’re taking things slowly, nothing wrong with that.” izana tried to calm things down, but his attempt was futile.
“your father and i had you a year after our marriage. you are a woman, y/n, your role in this world is to birth and nurture a child while taking care of your wife duties such as taking care of your husband. why must you always be stubborn and overcomplicate everything?” you mother shook her head in disbelief, giving you a disappointed looked.
“your mother’s right. izana will go to war soon and he won’t be with you for some time. having a child would at least keep you distracted and make time pass faster while he’s gone.” you father added on, their ridiculous words making your eyes twitch as you couldn’t believe your ears.
“so you think i’m some kind of sex machine? that i need a man’s touch and seed to keep me sane while he’s away? do you think i’m that needy and low? god, this is exactly why i don’t want to have a child now. i don’t want to make the same mistake as you both and raise my baby like how you both raised me. actually, i don’t even want you guys anywhere near my future child. you’ll only defile his or her brain with your shitty expectations.” your eyes watered, feeling absolutely humiliated as you dropped your fork on your plate, getting up from your seat as you rushed out of the dining area.
you heard your parents and izana call out your name a few times, but you didn’t care. you needed to be away from them and get some peace, so you went to the garden.
you went to the cherry blossom tree at the very back, now drenched in the rain as your clothes and hair were now sticking to your body.
but you no longer cared, sitting on the grass as you cried with your palms covering your face. you were so uhappy with your life, you hated your parents with a passion and you hated how you were stuck in an unhappy marriage.
you had no one by your side.
it made you wonder, was it even worth it to keep on going? this feeling of loneliness swallowing you was far too painful.
there was no use of running away as your parents would find you no matter what, your father would sent out an army of soldiers all over the world to look for you.
the only real option would just be to end your life, but you didn’t want to give up eveything because of a bunch of assholes.
“i don’t know, please just shut up.” you whispered to yourself, wanting your inner thoughts to just go away and let you cry in peace.
“but i haven’t even said anything.” you heard a familiar voice answer, looking up to see izana standing before you, an umbrella in his hands as he shielded your body with it.
“go away, you’re the last person i’d wanna see.” you scoffed, hugging your knees as your eyes averted to your feet.
“you know, if you didn’t want to come for dinner at your parents you could’ve just told me. i could’ve made up some excuse or something.” izana sighed, bending down to get eye-level with you.
“both you and i know that we can’t avoid my shitty parents forever.” you said in a monotone, making him chuckle as he hummed.
“you’re right, but atleast we could’ve gone when you were ready to face them. this whole marriage things is still very new to process, even for me.” he spoke with honesty, harboring a small comforting smile.
for some reason, it made you furious. how dare he behave so well with you when he’s been nothing but an absolute shitbag back at home?!
you didn’t want to be pitied, especially by someone like him.
“can you leave me alone? i want to feel the rain on me and be sad.” you groaned out in annoyance.
“okay.” izana blurted out, throwing the umbrella to the side which caught you completely off guard. he took a seat next to you, making you roll your eyes.
“you’re seriously annoying, you know that? why are you suddenly being nice, i don’t need your pity or sympathy. i’ve been living like this for like my entire life, i’m not some glass doll who needs protection.” you nagged at him, wanting to hit a nerve of his so that he could get mad and leave.
“i know, and i’m not trying to offer you any of those. your parents are assholes and that’s no lie. i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’ve been living in delusion.” izana’s eyes softened, making your breath hitch as you looked at him through your glossy eyes.
“what?” you croaked out, still in shock.
“i thought that you were the blame as to why i’m stuck in this marriage, because you were like those other princesses that begged their daddy to get them married to a rich prince. i didn’t know how badly your parents treated you, i was just so focused on my anger that i forgot about basic human compassion. i thought that because my parents were so loving and caring before they died, every family would be the same.” guilt was plastered all over his face and it was refreshing to finally have someone understand your misery.
“i mean, in one way this marriage kind of saved me. i’m free from everything. it’s like my escape route, but one where my father won’t have the entire nation’s army search for me. so, i guess it’s not that bad.” you admitted, making him smile.
god, why did he look so good even with his hair wet and face drenched in the pouring rain?
your heart was skipping multiple beats at the same time, worrying you on if you were on the verge of having a stroke.
“izana! y/n! there you both are, we were worried sick.” your parents came rushing to you both, startling you.
“we’re so sorry, izana. y/n, you have spoiled your evening dress along with izana’s suit. dear god, you have so much to learn. you know, i had this meeting with other neighbhoring queens and they’ve put their daughters in these special classes. honey, we could fix this together. please, let me help you.” your mother gave you sickening puppy eyes, making your stomach churn in horror. you were silent, no longer having any words left to say to them.
you looked over at izana, seeing his face darken as his jaw locked. you sensed some kind of dark aura embracing him, getting a little nervous yourself.
“what the fuck? can you please stop treating her like she’s diseased? god, you both are so obsessed with her! she’s perfectly fine the way she is.” izana angrily spoke, the vein on his neck popping out as evidence of his fury. you were shocked at his sudden outburst, not expecting him to fight back against your parents’ words.
“oh dear, izana you’re too blinded by your love. this is not princess behavior, this is freakish, son.” your father tried to fakely empathize with izana. he placed a hand on izana’s shoulder, but izana roughly shook it off, making your parents gasp.
“what’s freakish is how obsessed you both are in making my perfectly fine wife your little doll. she’s no longer your princess, she’s my princess and the future queen of my kingdom when i get crowned in a few months.” he bitterly spat, making your mother scoff.
“you oblivious little child, one day you both will regret not listening to your elders.” your mother shook her head in disbelief.
“yeah, well, i’ll be waiting for that day. till then, please do not ever contact me or my wife.” izana snickered, grabbing your hand before standing up as he pulled you along with him.
before walking off, izana stopped in his tracks, making you stop as well.
now what?
today was full of surprises and you couldn’t help but grow more curious as to what would happen.
“by the way, mother. i would say thank you for the meal, but the dinner was absolutely horrendous. i wouldn’t even feed that to the stray dogs near my castle.” he smirked, as you turned to see the mix of anger and sadness paint your mother’s face.
you couldn’t help but feel joyous inside, your heart feeling at peace knowing that your parents received the medicine that they’ve been deserving for years now.
“wait, but how will we get home?” you asked, looking at izana and he looked at you with a mischievous grin.
“a prince always has a plan.” he answered slyly, as when you both reached the front yard, you saw his car and the butler waiting with an umbrella as he welcomed you both inside the car.
“lord kurokawa and your highness! i will inform the maids to prepare warm baths for you both as soon as possible.” the butler said in a panicked voice, making you smile.
“take it easy, man. i just witnessed the best show of my life.” you let out a chuckle, hearing a soft chortle coming from your side.
“yeah, it was pretty amusing.” izana admitted, making you hum in response.
the rest of the ride was silent, neither of you knowing how to start a conversation with each other. you decided to sleep, knowing it would be a long drive home.
—
you groaned, body aching as you sat up. you realized that you were in your bed and changed into your pajamas. you tried to recall memories of earlier and you remembered that you fell asleep in the car.
then..
how did you end up here?
“the fuck?” you whispered to yourself. did izana carry you to your room? but what about your clothes, he couldn’t possibly change you out of your wet ones while you were asleep.
“your highness?” you heard a knock at your door, giving them your command to enter. two maids entered the room, a tray with porridge and what seemed like medicine on the side.
“what’s that?” you asked, pointing to the tray.
“ginseng porridge and medicine. lord kurokawa has ordered the cook to make some for you and the royal doctor to give medicine to prevent a cold.” she informed you, making you unknowingly smile.
“i see. oh, can you please tell me who brought me to my room?” you asked, trying to hide your embarrassment.
“lord kurokawa carried you to your room and requested us to change you out of your soiled dress.” she said with dreamy eyes, making you blush for even thinking about izana changing you.
“anyways, you may give me the medicine and take the porridge down. i don’t like eating porridge.” you cleared your throat, opening your palm as you waited for the pill.
it wasn’t a lie, you hated porridge. you always flushed down the bowl of porridge your mother would bring up to your room, lying to her when she came back to your room to check up on you.
“but, your majesty, this medicine has to be taken with food.” the maid meekly responded, making you groan in annoyance.
“fine, i’ll just go downstairs and have yesterday’s left over.” you threw off the covers, the cold air hitting your exposed arms and legs due to the silk gown you were wearing.
nonetheless, you were starving and headed down stairs.
the hallway was quiet, the lights downstairs were turned off, indicating that everyone has went to sleep.
you reached the bottom of the stairs, walking towards the kitchen as you tried to tiptoe.
“what do we have here?” a groggy voice behind you startled you as you screamed, immediately lunging at the person behind you in defense. the person wasn’t expecting the sudden attack, falling on their back with a thud as you fell on top of them.
you raised your fist to land a punch but the person beneath you tightly entangled their arms around you to prevent you from doing any harm.
red alarms went off in your mind, tears welling in your eyes as you were now genuinely scared for your life. being caged in your parents’ castle had the only benefit of preventing you from any crazy harm, now you were fearful if they made any weird ties with shady people to make your life hellish.
what if this time they wanted to get rid of you, for good?
“let me go! iza-”
you stopped midway when the familiar smell of light vanilla came to your senses. your heartbeat began to relax, making you let out a sigh of relief as you allowed yourself to melt into his embrace.
“it’s you. thank god, it’s you.” you mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, hugging onto him tighter. you don’t know why, but you can’t decide whether you hate or like izana. all you know is that you didn’t want to let him go right now.
“who else would it be other than you and me, princess?” izana’s voice was raspy and slightly cracked, as he comfortingly rubbed your back to help you calm down.
you soon realized what was going on and quickly pulled away, standing up to your feet as you rushed over to turn on the lights. you cleared your throat, wishing you left the lights off as you knew your cheeks were bright red right now since you could physically feel them burning.
“um, sorry about that. i was just a little paranoid and your voice didn’t sound like how it normally does.” you cleared your throat, avoiding eye contact with him.
“it’s fine, i just came down for a glass of water and saw you lurking. oh, and for my voice, i have a sore throat. i sent your medicine to prevent it from affecting you, although maybe now i may have given it to you i think.” he giggled, making you smile.
“yeah, i saw. i didn’t take it yet, i’m trying to look for some food.” you answered him, making him furrow his eyebrows.
“did the maids not deliver you the porridge?” he asked.
“no, they did. i just don’t like porridge, it makes me gag.” you reasoned, scrunching your nose as he rolled his eyes.
“that’s because you’ve been eating your mother’s shitty food for all your life so you’ve never had good porridge. this is my family’s recipe, i guarantee that you’ll like it.” izana swears, grabbing your hand before dragging you to the dining space. he walked into the kitchen and plated you another bowl of porridge and heated it up.
“just take a bite, if you don’t like it i won’t force you to eat it.” he assured, making you sigh as you obliged with his request.
you scooped up some of the porridge, making sure to get a little bit of everything in it. the porridge wasn’t bland like your mother’s, it had a lot of veggies along with chicken and what seemed like pickled vegetables as well?
you placed the bite in your mouth, tasting the food. the warm food going down your throat brought you some comfort, the taste of the different seasonings including the pickled vegetables brought your tastebuds back to life.
you quietly inhaled the food, sensing the prideful aura radiating off of izana.
“it’s good, isn’t it?” izana taunted, making you clear your throat.
“it’s alright.” you said with a mouthful of the porridge, struggling to speak as he chuckled from your stubbornness.
silence fell upon you both once again, running out of things to talk about as you ate. izana was trying to distract himself from constantly looking at you by reading his official papers.
“finally some good fucking food.” you breathed out as you dropped your spoon in the bowl, accidentally letting out a burp as you quickly excused yourself.
“for a princess that’s be imprisoned with obsessive royal parents, you’re so brash.” he snickered, making you scoff.
“huh?! the hell’s that supposed to mean, jerk.” you mumbled under your breath, annoyed by his words.
“i don’t know, you’re just.. weird.” izana laughed, making you roll your eyes.
“and what about you? i don’t think you can even take a shit by yourself without the help of your butlers.” you retorted an insulted back at him, making his eyes widen.
“you little shit.” izana narrowed his eyes, making you grin.
“grow up, bitch.” you remarked, knowing that you won this conversation. you got up with your bowl, heading to the kitchen to wash it. it started to rain once again, the soft pitter-pattering noice radiating throughout the hollow castle, bring a sense of peace to you.
you walked back to your chair, the shuffling sounds of your slipper against the tiled floor caught izana’s attention. he helped you with taking out the pills, handing it to you along with the glass of water as you drank it.
“do you like living in royalty?” izana suddenly blurted out, catching you by surprise.
“of course not, every noble that exists on this planet are nothing but slaves to the cycle of money and power. i am most certainly not one of those dogs.” you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.
“you have a point, but you must admit, we royals live in much better conditions than commoners. we have people to serve us, protection, great housing and food. i mean, it’s a commoners dream to live like us, isn’t it?” izana tried to defend, placing his face on the palm of his hand, now interested to listen to your rebuttal.
“the devil never makes a deal with a desperate soul if it doesn’t sound appealing. these commoners are completely oblivious about our lives, the abuse and creulty that it comes with. i’d rather live in a old, worn-out cottage with bread and soup as my meal than live this shitty life.” you angrily spat out, wishing that things could’ve been different.
you weren’t upset with izana’s words, but rather with the fact that every other noble thought the same way as him. which wasn’t a surprise or anything, royal children were brainwashed to believe in this crap.
“convince me.” he egged further, making you scoff.
“tell me, did you ever get to feel the rush of the town’s river beneath your feet? the sun kissing your skin as you sit a feild of flower, having a small picnic consisting of bread, butter and fresh jam? or how about watching the stars in the great night sky on a hill?” you questioned him, making izana go silent as he never had an answer to give you. his silence answered your questions, as you gave him a sad smile.
“me neither, and it’s all because while living in such fame and wealth, we forget to enjoy and cherish the creation of god. we forget to appreciate mother nature’s beauty and the gift of life.” you sighed, putting your head down as you counted the number of drops you heard.
“wow i… i’ve never thought about it like that.” izana breathed out, eyes widened from shock as you just opened a whole new perspective of life to him.
“yeah, well, being imprisoned for your whole life makes you think a lot. i’d kill to be a commoner, dance in the streets during festivals with the small children, eat street food, and just live in peace. i want to have flowers in my hair, dance with the stars and sing with the moon.” you dreamily said, similing to yourself at the romanticization of life.
“is it that fun?” izana hesitantly asked, intrigued by your passionate argument.
“like a dream that i never want to wake up from.” you giggled like a child, delirious with sleep as you knew these medications would make you drowsy.
“hmm, i suppose you’ll have to take me to one to make me convinced.” he playfully said, making you hum in agreement.
“i will, but what’ll i get if i win?” you mumbled into your arms, trying to keep yourself awake to hear his response.
“whatever that is that you desire, i will service you. but if i win, you must submit to me like we were taught as royals.” izana challenged, making you smirk against your skin as you gave him a thumbs up.
“you’re on, prince jackass.”
