AlexMovesDifferent 👟

I'm trying to live an independent life, and I've realized that I genuinely enjoy my own company. After some difficult experiences, I've come to value my freedom more than ever. At the same time, because I have dyspraxia, many people see me as someone who isn't fully aware of danger. That perception can make it feel as though my independence as an adult is limited or questioned.

Something as simple as standing in a queue at a shop can become overwhelming. As I get closer to the checkout, I feel the pressure building because I know I need to find my purse and get my card out quickly. What seems like a small task to other people can feel like a nightmare when your disability affects your speed, coordination, and processing.

It's exhausting constantly feeling like you're too slow. You try to move faster, but the harder you push yourself, the more frustrated you become. Sometimes it gets to the point where all you want to do is scream, throw something, punch something, or tell everyone to stop talking and just give you a chance.

There's also the constant question of, "Why me?" Living with dyspraxia means dealing with situations that other people don't even think twice about. It isn't laziness or a lack of effort—it's a disability that affects how quickly I can process information and carry out everyday tasks.

When it comes to fashion, I used to be good at putting outfits together and choosing clothes that matched. Now, I often don't even iron my clothes, or I simply don't care enough to. Even tying my hair up can be stressful because my scalp is so sensitive, and I'm worried it won't feel right or that my hair will get messed up.

I struggle with speed and getting everyday tasks done. I become frustrated because I try my best, but things often take me much longer than they do other people. It can be exhausting.

I also find wearing makeup difficult because I can constantly feel it on my face. The sensation is overwhelming, so I rarely wear it.

Another thing people don't always understand is how easily I become attached to people. I care deeply, and I get hurt more easily than most. I find it difficult to let things go, even when I know I probably should.

I also live with depression. I went to Pieta House, and they truly saved my life. Do I still have difficult thoughts? Of course I do. Would I act on them? Absolutely not. I've learned through experience that talking helps, and reaching out is one of the strongest things I can do.

I also struggle with ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). For me, it's not just about food itself being around people eating certain foods, especially messy foods, can be overwhelming. If I get food or anything messy on my hands, I can panic and sometimes have panic attacks.