Cute Trash✨

what if one day he’s just chilling in his dome and then out of nowhere, one of the salvaged speakers from the Hail Mary in his house starts crackling. and then a screen lights up with a voice going “incoming transmission, please hold.” And Grace is like “haha. what”

and then the screen clears up and this like. bored teenager is on the other side. maybe chewing gum, kinda scribbling on something off screen, and Grace is just staring at them, trying to parse out what… what the heck was happening.

After a few seconds of nothing, he just goes “hello?”

and the person on the other side jumps, startled out of their skin. they lock eyes. and then slowly, their face goes pale.

Grace swallows and tries again. “Hello?”

This time the person yelps in fright, dropping everything in their hands in a jumbled frenzy. they shoot out of their chair and run off screen, and Grace can hear them shouting. Shouting for people, for someone, screaming “IT HAPPENED, IT WENT THROUGH, THE CALL WENT THROUGH” and all Grace can do is sit there and process the fact that he’s looking at what looks to be a Mission Control room on Earth. And then all of a sudden there’s many more faces— HUMAN faces— cluttering up the screen, all of them wearing lab coats and uniform and winter coats, all stunned speechless. They stare at each other for a long time.

“Dr. Ryland Grace?” one asks, hesitantly.

Grace fidgets. “Uh… Yeah?”

1. Check that you have good access to shade trees, a shelter custom made to fit you and all your friends, and plenty of good airflow

2. Find the hottest, sunniest, and least windy part of you pasture and lay down

3. Make sure you look as much as possible like you have died of heatstroke

4. Get your friends in on it

mysterious next door neighbors~

bonus:

Cringey 2000s kids

YOU BETTER BELIEVE I AM

And hey… who’s this……. Oh my god is that

YOU BETTER BELIEVE I AM

And hey… who’s this……. Oh my god is that

#2: "hi [professor], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, I'm [sick/stuck at work/dead] and won't be able to submit [assignment] by [due date]. could I please have an extension? if not, is there anything else I could do to make up this credit? thanks so much, [op]"

The FIRST SENTENCE is the thing you want the recipient to do. Do not make them guess.

I want to let you know about ... (This email is to inform someone of something not to ask them to do anything)

Could you please do ... (This is a request. You want them to do something).

I'm looking into x and wondering if you can help me (this is also a request but for information instead of an action).

People do not want to read an email and even if they do read it, most people are skimming and not interested. Tell them what you want first, then provide context or other information (when you need a thing is often key). If the email is informational, you can even add "you don't need to do anything, this is just to keep you informed!" People will appreciate not having to figure out what you want from them.

If you can't articulate what you want the recipient to do with the message, you are not ready to email them. I read too many emails where I have no idea what the person wants from me.

IT'S CALLED A BOQUILA TRIOFOLIOLATA AND IT'S FUCKING WITH MY BRAIN

IT APPARENTLY CAN MIMIC OTHER PLANTS AND AT FIRST I WAS LIKE "oh cool man it must take it's genetic code and copy it or feel the roots or something like that!! :3"

AND THEN I READ AN ARTICLE ON IT AND THESE FUCKING PARAGRAPHS HIT ME LIKE A BUS

LIKE READ THIS SHIT