this_ photography, art and whatever catches my eye. fan fic, shows and films I can’t stop thinking about. the sea, always. me_genderqueer adhd forty-something. i have friends everywhere. trans women are women, trans men are men. alexaprilgarden on ao3.
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saw a grown woman on tiktok snidely calling gen z the christopher columbus generation bc someone’s fifteen year old son ‘thought he’d discovered weezer’. newsflash every generation finds out about the music of the previous generation at some point it comes free with being fifteen. being annoying about music also comes free with being fifteen. a kid saying yeah i’ve just found this band nirvana have you ever heard of them should be a thing of joy
He was impossibly hard at this point, and he was certain Riduur'ika could feel him through the fabric of his night pants, heavy against her thigh.
He'd take care of that on his own later, after she'd been fully and thoroughly sated by his hands. This night was about her safely taking a new step and absolutely nothing else.
Summary: Din and his anxious riduur turn over a new intimate chapter.
Note: This is loosely based on one of the 'bad sex' prompts, but in typical J fashion, I had to make it fluffy and get away from the 'bad sex' altogether, so the prompt winds up being a catalyst for a completely different story lol.
Din's riduur is asexual spectrum in this story, and as a couple, they've been approaching intimacy slowly and cautiously.
Many thanks to @alexaprilgarden who read the first, outrageously different iteration of this fic without judgment. It wouldn't have become this new and much improved story without your reassurance.🙏 I even pushed myself to make this a bit more explicit than my usual.
Warnings: Language, sexual content (mildly explicit), vaginal fingering, handjob, mutual masturbation, sex toy reference, references to past trauma.
Read on AO3/Masterlist
_______________________________________
The proposal had been a surprise.
Din looked forward to what the evening held with cautious enthusiasm. There was still a chance that Riduur'ika, as he'd come to affectionately call her over these few early months of bonded marriage, would change her mind.
And that was fine.
He'd never cared much for carnal endeavors. Sex had been nice in his younger days when opportunities arose, but the celibacy of this older and more mature life had not been a bother in the slightest. He'd long accepted that safety generally required solitude.
Meeting Riduur'ika had thrown a wrench into that acceptance. His desire for her was easily outshined by his emotional attachment to the same, but still, he'd not felt this consistently lustful toward a person in his entire life.
She was evidently attracted to him, too, if her penchant for fervent kissing and sensual touch was any indication, but that mutual desire had not led to the kind of passionately intimate life Din had somewhat naively expected.
She wasn't a prude… nor a virgin.
But she was hesitant - excessively so.
Of course, it might be difficult to forge physical intimacy with a man whose face she'd only been privy to for a small percentage of the time they'd known each other, but it was more than that.
Sex was a fraught thing in her world.
Unkind men, painful encounters, and muted attraction as an ingrained trait had left her exceedingly cautious despite a deep yearning to enjoy such pleasures with the man she trusted beyond measure.
Din, for his part, didn't care if they ever made it there, content to have the woman he loved by his side. A lifetime of abstinence was nothing in comparison to one without her in it.
Fortunately, she wasn't averse to other forms of physical intimacy. Thus far, kissing, bathing together, and all manner of touch had easily filled the void.
At this point, the only remaining boundary was that surrounding the genitals, and Din gladly kept his hands, mouth, and member at a safe distance to ensure her comfort.
A few days ago, though, something had happened - a small, even if accidental, step forward.
It still made him chuckle to think about the way she'd waddled into the living room that night, face stricken as if a deadly plague had befallen their little home, begging him for both assistance and forbearance.
It was amusing in retrospect only. In the moment, his utmost concern had been for her health and welfare.
Coaxing out the full nature of the issue had taken some time, but she finally admitted to the fatal error which had left an implement of self-pleasure lodged in her vaginal canal, too large and insufficiently lubricated to remove without intense pain. Multiple failed attempts had only aggravated the situation, causing the delicate tissue to swell around the offending object.
As she adamantly refused to leave the house and seek care at the med center in this humiliating state, Din had stepped up to the metaphorical plate.
The whole thing had been a relatively brief affair, resolved with a bit of lubricant and a single inserted digit to break the suction.
Riduur'ika, however, had been unexpectedly emotional in the aftermath - not over the physical intrusion or even the embarrassment, but rather the circumstances under which that boundary had been crossed.
Necessity and practicality, Din agreed, were not exactly the most satisfying reasons to have his fingers inside of her for the first time. He'd also imagined something a bit more erotic when or if such an event ever came to pass.
Still, Din was very satisfied knowing that his partner, with whom he'd not yet shared that type of intimacy, trusted him with something so vulnerable.
And that trust, decidedly well earned, had ultimately paved the way for the unanticipated proposition she'd timidly thrown his way earlier this afternoon.
________________________________________
When Riduur'ika finally joined him in bed that night, she didn't immediately initiate anything, instead curling up into his shoulder and resting comfortably there for some time.
Din certainly wasn't going to push her into something for which she was apparently not ready and quickly resigned himself to a peaceful evening of innocent togetherness.
It wasn't a disappointment. He enjoyed every moment in her presence, however passionate or not.
His fingers had just begun lazily tracing down her arm when she finally broke the silence.
"I'm nervous."
The words clearly took some effort to get out - a reminder of the heavy anxiety underlying every new intimate act.
Din should have known better than to assume the night's plans were forgotten. His riduur often needed time for mental preparation before embarking on such things.
"What are you nervous about?"
She gave that question serious thought, pensive expression plastered on her face. It seemed even she didn't immediately know the root of her own apprehension.
"I think I'm afraid of disappointing you…"
"You couldn't, cyare," Din replied, smoothing his hand down her back over the soft fabric of her robe. "But we don't have to do anything if you don't want."
That little moment of reassurance went a long way in fortifying her resolve, and she smiled widely.
"I do want, though, Din."
A small, sharp intake of breath belied his calm demeanor when he returned the smile, unexpectedly titillated by her teasing words.
In lieu of a verbal response, he shifted their positions such that she was set supine on the mattress, his body angled over hers, and their lips met soon thereafter.
Kissing had become a favorite pastime for them both, one they indulged in nearly every night and often resulting in various degrees of undress and sensual exploration, even if carnal endeavors remained unexplored.
Tonight, the strong undercurrent of desire brought those familiar intimacies to fruition rapidly.
Din's shirt was pulled over his head and tossed to the side almost without him realizing it, and then his hands were going to the tie of her robe and spreading it open as his mouth trailed down her chest and latched onto one nipple.
She whimpered helplessly at the pleasurable sensation, further spurring him on, and his thumb took over while his mouth went to the other side.
'Tonight I'd like to use your fingers…'
Riduur'ika's shy words from just a few hours ago echoed in Din's brain, reminding him that he had a task to fulfill tonight - to be himself the implement of her pleasure in place of the indifferent but less intimidating phallus-shaped object she kept in her bedside drawer.
He'd always kept his hands safely away from her most intimate region by request… but now he took the liberty of trailing the hand on her breast down her abdomen to rest over that soft mound, lightly caressing the curls of hair there under his fingertips.
Her breath became more labored then, anticipation increasing the arousal exponentially.
Din was about to seek permission to further explore when she surprised him by covering his hand, slender fingers splayed over his own, and eagerly steered him to the most sensitive spot, setting the pace and pressure herself.
"Keep guiding me, cyare," he whispered when her hand fell away, leaving him to continue the stimulating motion. "We'll only do what you want."
She nodded, unable to speak as sensation built.
Din kept talking, though, words of encouragement, praise, and affection falling from his lips endlessly. He'd likely never said so much in so little time.
Riduur'ika, about ready to implode from the heady combination of love and pleasure, eventually laid a halting hand over his forearm to allow a centering breath and head off the inevitable climax a little bit longer.
"Your voice alone is liable to kill me, riduur," she joked breathlessly. "Hottest thing I've ever heard in my life…"
Din ducked his head bashfully at the compliment. In his view, everything about her was alluring, and he was just lucky to be included.
"How can I repay you for that ego boost?" he asked lightly, eyes conveying desire despite the playfulness of his tone.
She swallowed, a tell for nerves that Din had come to recognize well.
"You fingers…" she faltered slightly. "Your fingers inside of me would be a good start…"
Din was delighted to oblige.
He shifted to adjust the angle of his hand, leaving him hovering over her body, and talked her through the initial intrusion, watching her face closely for signs of discomfort. Seeing none, he added a second digit and resumed stimulation of her clitoris with his thumb as he pushed into her shallowly in and out.
"Talk to me, riduur," he whispered into her ear, the exertion of propping himself like this causing the words to come out more breathily than he'd intended. "Tell me what feels good."
Her chest was heaving now, skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat and nipples hard peaks. He had to stop himself from taking them in his mouth again, not wanting to distract her when he'd seemingly found the right rhythm.
"It's perfect," she gasped out. "Keep doing this exactly."
Seeing his sexually inconfident spouse so openly reveling in pleasure of his making was a bigger turn-on than Din would have anticipated.
He was impossibly hard at this point, and he was certain Riduur'ika could feel him through the fabric of his night pants, heavy against her thigh.
He'd take care of that on his own later, after she'd been fully and thoroughly sated by his hands. This night was about her safely taking a new step and absolutely nothing else.
Din could tell that she was close already, involuntarily contracting around his fingers and softly moaning completely against her own will.
"You've got it, mesh'la," he encouraged, lips ghosting over her temple. "Let it go."
She'd tell him later that it was his voice that finally did her in, but at the moment, as she gasped for air and spasmed around his fingers with her eyes squeezed shut, there were absolutely no words.
He worked her through it and only withdrew his hand when the twitches had fully abated, bringing it to rest on the mattress beside her head as he kissed her soundly.
She opened her eyes, and Din could feel some sort of unspoken wisdom passing between them as their gazes met.
His unerring patience.. her absolute trust…
Had erupted into a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss.
It was a lot, but that emotional connection was even more satisfying than the intimacy itself.
Her gaze didn't falter as she slowly lifted her hands to his torso and slid them down to the waist of his pants, moving deftly to unclasp the fastening.
Din did break the spell then, gently gripping her wrist.
There was no expectation of a returned favor tonight. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel obligated - the root of much of her past trauma.
She reassured him with two brief words, spoken with serenity.
"Let me."
He nodded, acquiescing. Riduur'ika was finding her power, and he had no interest in taking that from her.
She resumed the task, loosening the zipper and hooking her thumbs into his pants and small clothes before pushing it all down past his thighs.
His erection sprung free into the space between their bodies. He watched her face as she took it in, almost expecting to see fear.
She'd never seen this part of him in this state, fully rigid and tip glistening with evidence of his desire. When such a condition arose while unclothed together, he'd always hid behind a towel or well-placed bed sheet, fearful of his arousal being interpreted as a demand.
Instead, though, she looked intrigued… curiosity and desire conveyed in equal measure.
Din had no idea what she planned to do, and he didn't dare ask. If he knew anything about his riduur it was that she needed space for self-determination when it came to these intimate things.
That knowledge didn't make waiting for her to take action any less torturous. He hoped her intention wasn't only to simply look at it, but if so, he would just weather the throbbing discomfort until he had the chance to handle it himself.
Finally, she took mercy on him, bringing her hand to hover between them until he nodded his consent, and then she was wrapping her fingers around him for the first time.
Her grip was loose and movements tentative, but she clearly knew what she was doing, expertly sweeping over his own fluids for lubrication.
Riduur'ika was wary when it came to sex - but evidently not inexperienced.
In only a few strokes, Din was well on his way to the Manda. It had been years since he'd enjoyed anything but his own hand, and for that streak to be broken by the woman he considered a soulmate?
Euphoric.
Honestly, it was over in an embarrassingly brief amount of time, and by that point he was practically nonverbal, panting into her mouth, and nearly incapable of holding up his own body.
Exhibiting again her carnal knowledge, she milked him through the last aftershocks before letting go, and he all but collapsed on top of her, his release painting her abdomen and torso turning sticky between them.
He apologized for the mess while still catching his breath, but she didn't care, content to run her fingers through his curls where his head pressed into the curve of her neck.
"No worries, my love," she replied, lips grazing his ear. "We both need a shower now, anyway."
Din sighed happily, mumbled words muffled by the pillow.
"Gods…fucking fantastic, cyare… you're amazing…"
Riduur'ika couldn't help but laugh, finding this effusive side of her ever serious and sparse-with-words husband downright comical.
What a beautiful evening this had been.
________________________________________
Din woke to a funny but pleasurable sensation on his chest and opened his eyes to find Riduur'ika's gentle fingers playing with the spattering of hair on his sternum.
They'd fallen to bed exhausted, completely nude after a shared shower, and Din realized with mild concern that he was currently exposed in all his naked glory.
That seemed to be the point, though, as her hand wandered downward, following the trail of dark hair to his pubic region where she paused to run her fingertips over the coarse curls he sported there.
This exercise was more relaxing than arousing, so he didn't stop her little exploration, though he did warn in a rough and sleep-worn voice, "I can't control what happens down there…"
She hummed peacefully, unbothered.
"That's ok," she whispered softly. "I'm just getting familiar…"
Din chuckled.
It was such a 'her' thing to do - just taking a calm moment to learn his anatomy in a slow and patient manner rather than a more frantic one of passion.
Next she smoothed over the soft skin of his still flaccid organ a few times and then moved lower to test the weight of his scrotum in her cupped hand.
Nobody had ever handled his body like this before - with both curiosity and gentle reverence - and it was in fact beginning to affect him in a particular way.
Before the growing tumescence could fully manifest itself, he distracted her from the task with a proposal of his own.
"Can I do anything for you, riduur?" he asked, in as alluring a tone as he could muster. "We have another hour probably before the kid wakes up."
She didn't respond right away, just staring back at him, and Din worried he'd inadvertently applied too much pressure to the situation.
But then she was turning her body away to dig for something in her beside drawers, and when she turned back to him, he was shocked to see that same toy he'd helped remove a few days ago sitting in her proffered hand.
"Perhaps…" she started with a hint of nerves. "…you could insert this for me…"
Din had so many questions in that moment about where this was supposed go from there, but he stayed quiet knowing she would clue him in eventually, taking the device and reaching over her to fish around for the lubricant.
Once it was sufficiently prepared for insertion, he took his place between her open legs and waited for a signal that she was ready to proceed. It came in the form of a subtle nod, and he nodded back reassuringly, turning his attention to the task.
The toy was relatively broad, and it didn't go in as smoothly as his fingers had the previous night, requiring his other hand to spread her more widely open and a bit of encouragement to relieve the resultant muscle tension.
"Relax, cyare… almost there…"
Finally, it was fully seated within her, and before Din could even ask what to do next, delicate fingers were reaching down to flip the switch and then grazing upward to begin stimulating the now swelling nub just above herself.
Din watched with rapt attention.
The toy had a mechanism which allowed the inserted end to push forward and back, mimicking a thrust, and he swore he could see the rounded end pushing against her lower abdomen.
Is that what it would look like if it was him inside of her?
And then his eyes flitted just downward to her own fingers passing over her clitoris with practiced ease.
It was, without a doubt, the hottest thing he had ever had the pleasure of witnessing - even more so because she was apparently completely comfortable allowing him to see it.
"Din…"
Her voice brought his attention back to her face.
She wasn't looking back at him, though.
Her gaze was fixated on his now fully erect member standing at attention where he knelt between her legs.
"I think you should touch yourself," she told him, fixed stare never breaking.
His riduur, in all of her anxiety and reticence around sexual endeavors, had found the perfect way to turn a solo activity into a mutually intimate one.
Fucking genius.
And by the gods, he didn't think he could possibly love or desire her more as he took himself in his own hand.
For the next few minutes, there was only sound - skin on slick skin, the soft buzz of the toy, and labored breath.
Their eyes never left each other's hands.
Riduur'ika neared a climax first, hastened by the internal stimulation, and she took a second's pause to reach down and flip the device off and pull it out in one swift motion, allowing Din an unobstructed view of her swollen folds and the spasmodic contractions of her forthcoming orgasm.
She was still gasping for breath when he finished with a groan shortly thereafter, spilling his release in spurts onto the linen sheets.
After regaining his composure, he turned and collapsed on his back next to her, sighing contentedly.
"I love you so much," he huffed out. "And you're a kriffing sex goddess, by the way."
That made her chuckle heartily. Din was most certainly the only man in the galaxy who had ever considered her a 'sex goddess'.
She stretched out her limbs and curled into his side, craning her neck to kiss him before bringing her fingers to run over his beard.
"Well, my love," she replied fondly. "You're the only person who's ever brought this out in me… I think it's because I know I can trust you with it."
How sad that men existed who could not be entrusted with their partner's vulnerability. Even sadder that his riduur had experienced it so many times in her life.
Din had never thought of himself as a necessarily good man, but at least he was doing something right.
"Regardless, I will gladly leave my intimate needs in your hands, cyare."
Din didn't think much of that statement when he said it, but it was veritable music to Riduur'ika's ears - the first time a partner had ever appreciated her just for being herself.
________________________________________
So it went for some months, trying new things as she felt comfortable, her whims entirely in the driver's seat.
Din wouldn't have it any other way.
And one day, when he wasn't at all expecting it, she told him that she was ready to fully come together.
She directed that activity, too, and while it was quite different from Din's past carnal experiences of this nature - slower and more intentional - it was so perfectly them that he threw everything he'd ever known about intercourse out the window.
Uncharted territory, as it turned out, was the best kind -
At least with her by his side.
________________________________________
Thank you for reading!
If anyone is wondering, the prompt was 'sex toy gets stuck'😂. The final story ended up not really being about that at all!
I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at something a bit more explicitly smutty. I really enjoyed writing it!
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Mark Hamill in publicity portraits and production stills for the 20th Century Fox/George Lucas/Irvin Kershner epic space opera The Empire Strikes Back (aka: Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back), 1980. Mark later commented on his social media feed when asked about the color photos (borrowing his co-star Carrie Fisher's famous line about not being permitted to wear a bra in outer space in her role as Princess Leia) and jokingly said that this "was the t-shirt I wore under my Empire Strikes Back uniform. It was strategically torn to match the damaged jacket so you would see skin and not the t-shirt. These pictures were suppressed for years because George (Lucas) said: 'There's no underwear in space.' Seriously.🤣"
i have a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will say that fandom moving from semi-private blogs and communities to extremely public and algorithm-driven social media was a huge mistake that has changed fandom culture for the worse
summary: There’s something about Jackson’s newest resident that gets under Joel’s skin. It’s not just Javier Peña’s cocky attitude that Joel can’t stand - it’s his tight pants and his too-smooth voice, and especially the way he’s sleeping with half of Jackson. But Joel can’t deny that Javi is a damn good shot, so when raiders make camp in the nearby mountains, he begrudgingly agrees to partner up. Soon their rivalry shifts into an attraction, as fever-hot as it is terrifying. But Javi’s not the kind of guy who does commitment, and Joel doesn’t want to let him get too close. As feelings start to spiral and raiders close in, Joel and Javi both have to fight for their lives - and maybe for each other, if they decide it’s worth the risk.
tags: 18+ only MDNI. takes place after tlou s1 and long after narcos s3, with some timeline fudging to make them the same age. slutty bi javi. grouchy bi joel (he's sorta comphet coded?). horny medium burn with a lot of TLOU-style plot. mutual pining. dual POV. one-sided enemies to lovers. eventual smut. angst. jealousy. tension. flirting. canon-typical violence. javi has two canons worth of trauma and it shows. commitment issues. joel being a dad to ellie. javi and ellie friendship. possible minor character and animal death. more tags will be added on the chapters. status: in progress.
andrea says: This started as me watching Javi shove his gun in his pants and thinking "Joel Miller would not approve". Then it was a one-shot, then a three-parter, and now a full blown series. I've officially redone the outline to accommodate these boys' emotional problems, and am looking forward to sharing the story with you all.
EDIT 7-30: updates will temporarily be posted on ao3 only.
read on ao3 | playlist | taglist
chapter one: Crosshairs
chapter two: Locked and Loaded
chapter three: Misfire
chapter four: Hammer (ao3 only)
chapter five: Shoot First, Ask Questions Later (ao3 only)
To those who have been waiting on an update: parts 4 and 5 are on AO3.
I've been taking a tumblr break this summer, so it will be a while before the chapters are posted here. But they're accessible even if you don't have an AO3 account.
If you're still interested in crosshairs and all the bi panic/longing/emotional baggage/siege tactics/horniness/grouchiness/inaccurate horse lore that comes with it, I love and appreciate you a lot. There's plenty more of all of that to come. ❤️
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you think he's quiet because he's scary and dangerous. he's actually quiet because he's not comfortable with social cues. also because semi verbal king.
his syntax is my favorite bc he swings wildly from speaking like an old knight and not using contractions (masking frfr) to saying things like "wizard" and it directly depends on how comfortable he is around you to how relaxed his speech is
all of his friends are people he's collected in the oddest of ways, and for various reasons, but a common thread is his friends just treat him like A Guy who sometimes needs to be called out on bullshit (peli, cara, kuill, greef, zeb, commander ward) and not A MandalorianTM that they project onto what they think he's like bc he's got the "faceless" helmet and doesn't talk a lot (the old crew from the prisoner, other bounty hunters, etc)
does he wear the helmet bc it's his religion or does he wear it because he likes not showing his face and having to worry about facial expressions? the answer is yes. thinking about any time his helmet is off and it's just vulnerable expressions. bro is making all kinds of expressions under there and nobody would know
he's a lil dyspraxic. he's like Marc Spector, he's really good at fighting and throwing his body weight around bc hes already careening around the corner anyway might as well make it look intentional. yeah he is good at being sneaky but the two aren't mutually exclusive.
the bounty hunting is great because it's routine without being monotonous. get the puck. track the bounty. capture them. bring them in. get paid. get the puck. rinse and repeat
he's also very literal (that gifset of ig trying to make a joke and din being like. you mean my brain 😐). the "din doesn't know he's a main character" joke and it's just him being an autistic king minding his business. also some of the tension with other mandalorians. have you ever been autistic and thought you had something in common with somebody else but they Do It Wrong? yeah
also reasons I think he doesn't care that grogu doesn't speak in basic. he knows grogu understands even if he doesn't respond verbally. I bet he talked even less as a kid and whoever his guardian was treated him the same way he treats grogu.
also something about him hanging out with the tuskens. trust the autistic guy to hang out with the people everybody else hates/assumes the worst of (off topic but I'm favorite part of s2e1 the marshall is when they're sitting around the campfire and din is clearly on the side of the tuskens over cobb. cracks me up every time)
ANYWAY yeah he's super autistic and I love himmmmm
before the next heatwave hits let me tell you what you should make for lunch when it's hot, which is the polish salad mizeria, but it will make you less miserable actually. thinly slice some cucumbers (i like them thin anyway, you can make them thicker if you want more crunch.), salt them for a bit and drain if needed (or don't, honestly. do whatever. i don't always.), add dill + pepper + lemon juice + yogurt or sour cream (vegan versions are fine, doesn't need to be dairy for any reason.) + i like to add thinly sliced radish too. do it in whatever proportions you prefer really, maybe you want it soupy, or more sour so you add more lemon. i just keep adding lemon and yogurt and stir until it looks like a good texture. if you let it sit in the fridge for a day it's even better the next one, imo. yes i'm eating it right now and yes every time i eat it i am compelled to convince everyone else to try it.
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before the next heatwave hits let me tell you what you should make for lunch when it's hot, which is the polish salad mizeria, but it will make you less miserable actually. thinly slice some cucumbers (i like them thin anyway, you can make them thicker if you want more crunch.), salt them for a bit and drain if needed (or don't, honestly. do whatever. i don't always.), add dill + pepper + lemon juice + yogurt or sour cream (vegan versions are fine, doesn't need to be dairy for any reason.) + i like to add thinly sliced radish too. do it in whatever proportions you prefer really, maybe you want it soupy, or more sour so you add more lemon. i just keep adding lemon and yogurt and stir until it looks like a good texture. if you let it sit in the fridge for a day it's even better the next one, imo. yes i'm eating it right now and yes every time i eat it i am compelled to convince everyone else to try it.
amandla
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theartofmadeline
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