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Warnings ⚠️: Canon typical violence, author attempts elvish, author attempts khuzdul, suggestive content, alcohol consumption, angst, blood, medical care, feelings of despair, themes of hope, found family, multiverse/time travel, cussing, angst, fluff, eventual smut, weapon use, realities of battle, tolkein monster encounters, fish out of water, injury to main characters, long fic, slowburn x reader.
A/N: Khuzdul used in this Fic comes from: The Darrow Scholar The Elvish both Sindarin and Quenya, are authors own attempts, from very old memories.
Part 9 | Part 11 - Coming Soon
Of Crowns & Mountains
C.10: Not a King, Just a Dwarf
The sunlight hit you like a physical thing, after the dark of goblin town—that specific, suffocating dark that had no quality of light in it, no stars, no sense that light existed somewhere above it, just the absolute void of deep rock—the forest light came through the trees in slanted columns and landed on your skin, you turned your face toward it without deciding to, eyes closing, just breathing, just letting it be there.
Your heart was still doing something unreasonable in your chest. The adrenaline had not finished with you. It was still running its course through your blood, hands slightly unsteady, breathing slightly too fast, the particular aftermath of sustained terror that your body needed to work out of itself on its own schedule regardless of whether the danger was over.
The bite mark on your hand had stopped bleeding, mostly—the running had consumed all available processing space and your hand had been put aside for later. The bleeding itself was not serious, not the kind of bleeding that required immediate sitting down—you were still standing, which seemed like relevant evidence—but present, and continuous, and you looked at it with the slightly detached assessment of someone whose nervous system had temporarily outsourced the processing of physical sensation to a department that was very far behind on its workload.
You pressed your left hand over it. Looked up at the trees. Kept breathing. Technically later was now, and your brain supplied this information and then noted that you still didn't have sufficient bandwidth to do anything about it, and moved on.
Around you the company collapsed into the forest with the collective exhale of people who had been inside something terrible for too long. Bofur landed against a tree trunk and stayed there, head tipped back, looking at the light. Óin sat on a fallen log with the abrupt, non-negotiable quality of someone whose legs had made a decision. Ori had both arms wrapped around himself, sketchbook clutched to his chest, and the expression on his face was the expression of someone who had a great deal to process and had not yet begun.
Thorin moved through the company the way he always did in the aftermath of something—quickly, quietly, the inventory of a dwarf checking people with the focused attention of someone who understood that the leadership duty and the personal one were the same thing, just expressed differently depending on who he was looking at. Dwalin got a nod and a single question, answered with a shake of the head. Fíli had a cut above his brow that Thorin touched briefly, assessing depth, before Fíli waved him off. Kíli was talking loudly about something—already reconstructing the escape into a story, the fear converting rapidly into energy—Thorin let his gaze pass over him and determine, in the way Thorin's gaze determined things, that Kíli was fine.
He came to you.
You heard him coming, and turned slightly his eyes did the same fast inventory on you that they'd done on the others—top to bottom, direct and clinical—his eyes caught on your hand.
"Let me see,"
"It's fine," you said. "It's not—"
But he was already reaching and in the immediate aftermath of everything—in the adrenaline and the sunlight and the shaking that was beginning now that your body had decided the running was over and was starting to issue invoices for what that had cost—his hand came up and found the back of your neck before either of you had quite processed the movement.
The touch was light. Specific. His fingers finding a place on the back of your neck, just below the hairline, where some of the goblins had caught you in their scramble—you hadn't noticed it at the time, you hadn't noticed anything at the time, you'd been too busy running—now his thumb pressed gently against the edge of a scratch you hadn't known was there, assessing it with the same careful, unhurried attention he'd brought to everything, on your neck and hands and—
You stepped, not dramatically not even sharply. But a reflex, a attempt to make some distance and in the movement you almost walked directly into him because Thorin moved closer in his inspection of you and you hadn't calculated for that, you caught yourself with a slight sideways turn and put two steps between you and looked at him.
He looked up and his hand had dropped the moment you'd moved, his expression was—careful. Not hurt, exactly, not offended—but something that was reading the atmosphere with more attention than his face generally showed.
The Great Goblin's voice arrived in your head, clear and sudden as something dropped from a height.
Thorin Oakenshield. King under the Mountain.
You had heard it loud and unavoidable—the Great Goblin's particular relishing announcement, the weight it had carried, the way the surrounding goblins had reacted to it—in the immediate running chaos of what followed you had filed it somewhere behind everything else and not returned to it, and it had been sitting there the whole time you'd been running and you hadn't thought about it and now you were thinking about it, now you couldn't stop thinking about it in fact.
King under the Mountain.
Not just the leader of a company. Not just Thorin, who corrected your Khuzdul pronunciation and had talked about Erebor in the dark with a voice that went somewhere else when he described his home. Not just the person who had handed you a dagger without waiting to be thanked and taught you the word for joke.
A king.
Who had just touched the back of your neck to check if you were hurt, whose coat was now being pulled from his own shoulders with the specific, purposeful movement of someone who was going to put it around yours—oh. OH shit.
"I'm fine," you said, and the words came out slightly louder than you'd intended, and slightly faster, and slightly higher pitched, you were aware that all three of these things were happening and couldn't do much about any of them.
"Really. The hand is—it's barely—I'm completely fine, you don't need to—your coat is—I'm not cold, thank you, I'm genuinely—"
Thorin had gone still.
He stood with his coat half-extended, his expression doing the thing where it was unreadable on the surface and considerably less unreadable one layer below, and looked at you, and you looked back at him, and the gap between you felt, suddenly, very specifically measured.
"You're bleeding," he said.
"I know," you said. "I'll deal—with it."
He held your gaze for a moment longer. Then, with the particular controlled quality of a dwarf filing something away for later rather than setting it down permanently, he pulled the coat back on his own shoulders and turned to the rest of the company, and you turned back to find Bilbo, and not think about the fact Thorin, Thorin Oakenshield was in fact, a king.
You almost failed.
Bilbo—you'd seen Bilbo last during the fall when the floor had cracked and given way, and the thought of that had been sitting in your chest through all of it, a cold specific thing underneath all the other cold specific things, and you looked around now with a focused, tight attention that was working back through the company again person by person—
Balin. Fíli. Kíli. Dwalin, who had appeared at the treeline with Nori and Glóin. Bombur breathing hard at the base of a birch. Bifur and Bofur and Dori and Óin. Thorin, standing ahead of the group, counting his own company with the same focused rapid attention you were using.
No Bilbo.
Your chest went tight again, a different kind. You began recounting immediately.
"Where is the Halfling?" Thorin asked as he stood in the middle of the company with the flat, efficient focus of a man doing arithmetic he didn't want to do.
Silence, of the specific variety that follows a question when no one has a comfortable answer. The company looked at each other, looked at the trees, looked anywhere that was not Thorin's face asking the question.
"He was behind me on the—" Fíli started.
"He was there when we came out of the—" Kíli offered.
"He was," Bofur said, less certainly.
Thorin let the silence run for exactly as long as it needed to run before he had concluded what he was going to conclude, and then he said, very quietly.
"He's gone."
"We can't just leave him—" Kíli began.
"Master Baggins," Thorin said, and his voice had the flat, controlled quality of someone saying something they had thought through and were not going to be argued out of, "has made his choice. He's no burglar. He never was." He looked at the company and then at Gandalf, who was standing slightly apart with an expression of compressed patience. "He's taken his chances and gone back to his home."
"He signed a contract," Balin said, quietly.
"A contract he never wanted and only signed because—"
"Because Gandalf brought him," you said.
You hadn't meant to say it. The words arrived before the decision to say them did, and then they were out, and Thorin's attention swung to you with the particular direct weight of it, and you met it, and kept going because you'd started.
"He left his home and his couch— his pantry or whatever—" you gestured vaguely, aware this was not your most articulate moment, "—because Gandalf brought him, and he came anyway, and he's kept up anyway, and he was there in those tunnels, I saw him, and—" You stopped. "I don't think he left. I think we should look, we owe him that much."
Thorin looked at you for a long moment.
"We should look," Gandalf said, from behind you, which was not quite a 'she's right' but carried the exact same weight.
The silence that followed had a direction to it, the kind of silence that was moving toward a decision without requiring one to be announced, and Thorin looked at the trees and the company and the place where the shadows of the goblin mountain fell across the forest floor, and whatever he was about to say in response to that silence was preempted by movement at the edge of the tree cover.
Bilbo stepped out of the shadows.
The relief that went through you was immediate and total, the specific physical relief of something your body had been bracing against releasing all at once, you crossed the space between you and the hobbit in approximately five steps and crouched—because he was Bilbo, and crouching was the right scale for Bilbo, for his earnest and slightly windswept face and the weskit he'd apparently lost the buttons from at some point in the tunnels—you put your arms around him.
Bilbo made the small, slightly strangled sound of a hobbit receiving an unexpected hug and patted your shoulder with the uncertain warmth of someone who wasn't accustomed to being embraced outdoors in front of large audiences but wasn't going to object.
"You're alright," you said, into his shoulder.
"I'm—yes," he said, slightly muffled. "I'm quite alright. Yes."
You pulled back and looked at him, checking the same way you'd learned to check from months of watching Óin—face, hands, the set of the shoulders. He was windswept and slightly pale and had an expression on his face that was more complicated than you had time to read, but he was there, all his components were present, and the tight thing in your chest released another increment.
"You scared the shi—shall I just say I was worried so we can move on" you said.
"I had myself worried," Bilbo said, with the feeling of someone for whom this was the understatement of a significant period of time. He reached into his weskit pocket and produced, with a careful gesture, your small vial of oil. "I found this. When I—when things were rather chaotic, on the walkway. It came down with me and I—I didn't want to leave it."
You looked at the vial in his palm. The relief of seeing it was disproportionate and entirely genuine, the specific, warm relief of a small object that had become significant. "Thank you," you said, and you meant it considerably more than those two words usually carried. "Thank you, Bilbo. I—thank you."
You took it and pressed it back into the pocket at the side seam of the dress and felt the small weight of it settle there with the satisfaction of a thing returned to its right place.
Bilbo looked at the company. At Thorin, who stood slightly apart with an expression that was managing several things at once. Then Bilbo straightened, in that way he straightened when he had decided something and was going to say it regardless.
"I know you doubt me," he said, to Thorin. "I know you always have." His voice was quiet and steady with the specific steadiness of someone keeping it that way through effort. "And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books and my armchair and my garden." He paused. "But I know that you don't have that. I know that a home is the one thing that was taken from you." He looked at the mountain's shadow on the forest floor, and back at Thorin. "I will help you get it back, if I can."
Thorin looked at Bilbo for a long moment. Something moved through his expression, something that came up from underneath his usual management of his expression and made it briefly, unmistakably human—not warm, exactly, because warmth was not Thorin's register, but something that had warmth as one of its components, complicated by the pride of a man who has been surprised, and the particular difficulty of someone who had spoken harshly and was now faced with the evidence of what they had been wrong about.
The walk through the forest had the quality of time after crisis—slightly slowed, slightly unreal at the edges, the adrenaline that had been operational currency for the last several hours now moving from active to residual, leaving behind it the particular ache of muscles that had been running and climbing on pure fear-fuel and were now submitting their accounts.
You walked beside Bilbo, which had become one of your default positions over the course of the journey—a natural pairing, the two of you at the back or the middle of the company, comparing notes in the quiet, straightforward way of people who understood each other's particular category of fish-out-of-water.
"How are you really?" you asked him, quietly.
"I—" He considered this, which told you something. "I'm alright. It was—rather more alarming than I had expected, and I had expected considerable alarm." He glanced at your hand. "You're bleeding."
"It's slowing," you said. "Bilbo, did you—while you were separated—were you—"
"I found my way through," he said, and the particular careful quality of the words told you there was more, and the particular set of his jaw told you he wasn't going to say what it was, and you'd known Bilbo long enough to recognise this.
"Alright," you said, and let it sit.
He handed you, without ceremony, a folded square of cloth from his weskit pocket. You took it and pressed it over the bite on your hand and held it there, and Bilbo made a small sound of approval that was so very Balin-like in its quality you found yourself fighting the urge to roll your eyes.
"He's watching you," Bilbo said, after a moment.
You kept your eyes forward. "Who is."
"You know who is," Bilbo said, in the mild, specific tone he used when he was not going to pretend to be less perceptive than he was.
You kept your eyes forward.
"He's a king, Bilbo," you said, keeping your voice very level.
"Yes," Bilbo said. "He is."
You pressed the cloth harder against your hand. "It doesn't—I didn't—what I'm trying to say— the point is I didn't know. I didn't know, and I should have known, and now I know, and it means he's different."
"Is he?" Bilbo said, with a gentle, infuriating, rethorical questioning.
"Yes," you said.
"Mm," said Bilbo, which communicated his opinion without requiring him to actually state it, and you walked on through the forest and felt, distinctly, the quality of Thorin's attention from somewhere behind and to your left, and kept your eyes very firmly forward.
The camp was set near the forest edge where the treeline gave way to a rocky slope, and it was a minimal camp—the kind the company made when function was the only available priority, when the choice was between a fire and a proper shelter and you chose the fire because it was getting cold, no one had the energy for much else. Bedrolls went down in a loose cluster. Bombur produced something from the pack he'd somehow managed to keep through the tunnels, which no one asked about because the result was food and the source was secondary.
Óin settled you onto a log at the edge of the firelight and began his work with the contained thoroughness of someone who was going to address every injury in the correct order and was not going to be hurried.
He started with some scratches on your forearm, He made a sound that managed to communicate several overlapping opinions about goblin hygiene and the wisdom of letting wounds sit untreated for extended periods, he applied himself to the cleaning of it with a salve from a small clay pot that smelled powerfully of something herbal and sharp. It stung, which was appropriate, and you held still and let it sting.
Balin appeared a few minutes later—of course he did—he lowered himself onto the log at your other side and set a bowl in your lap with the firm, wordless authority of a person who had decided you were going to eat and was not presenting this as optional.
"Thank you," you said.
"Mm-hm." said Balin absently, watching Óin work with the proprietary attention of a man who had appointed himself your patriarchal representative and took this role seriously.
You ate around the medical attention—carefully, wrong-handed, the bowl balanced on your knee—Óin moved from the scratch on your forearm to the scratch on your knuckles, and then indicated the back of your neck, which you'd forgotten about for the second time, you tilted your head forward and let him work, and the salve stung there too, the food was warm you were very tired. The combination of these things produced a particular fragile quality of not-quite-alright-but-managing that you were trying to stay on the right side of.
The bowl was half-eaten and going cold in your lap when Thorin crouched in front of you.
He didn't announce it. He arrived in your field of vision—or rather, his hands did, because you were looking at the bowl, and then his hands were visible at the edge of your downward gaze and you looked up and he was there, slightly below your eye level from his crouch, and his expression had the particular set of someone who had made a decision about something and had arrived to implement it.
He looked at Óin. Something passed between them—brief, direct, the specific nonverbal economy of people who didn't require words for most operational communication—Óin sat back and handed Thorin the clay pot of salve and the cloth, and stood up with the small sound of older joints in cold air and went to see to someone else.
Thorin looked at the cloth in his hand. At the pot. At your biten hand, still wrapped in the cloth Bilbo had given you, which was now well past its useful life as an absorbent material. He held out his own hand, palm up. An offer. A request for your hand without words.
You looked at his palm.
You put your hand in it.
His hands were larger than yours—not dramatically, not in the overwhelming way of Dwalin's hands, but noticeably, the fingers wrapping carefully around the edge of your hand with a delicacy that was at odds with the size of them. He unwrapped Bilbo's cloth from your hand and set it aside and looked at the bite mark, his jaw moved slightly at what he saw, a small specific tightening and then he applied the salve with his thumb in the same kind of slow, careful circles Óin had been using, it stung the same way it had before, you watched your hand in his.
His hands were different from Óin's. Óin's were the hands of a professional, quick and systematic. Thorin's were careful in a different way—slower, more deliberate, which was slightly wrong in a way you couldn't account for if you were thinking about Thorin purely as the leader, the king in exile, the man whose default register was authority.
"I owe you an explanation," he said, after a moment.
His voice was low—the register he used late at night or when he wasn't performing anything for anyone, and the campfire was close enough to give you warmth but not so close that there was anyone in immediate earshot.
The fire popped and resettled. Around you the company made its various noises—Bofur and Kíli talking, something low and overlapping, the sound of Bombur's spoon against the pot, Dwalin breathing in a way that suggested he'd already found his way to sleep.
"The Great Goblin called you a King," you said. It came out before you'd fully decided to say it.
Thorin's hands paused, briefly. Then continued. "I am not unknown in the tunnels under the mountains," he said. "My grandfather's name carries further than I would sometimes choose."
"Thorin—he called you," you said. "King under the Mountain."
"I am Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thráin, son of Thrór," he said, and the names came out with the weight of their own particular gravity. "The King under the Mountain, by right of lineage, whether I have the mountain or not. That title cannot be taken from me, it goes with the blood of Durin's line."
"I know," you said and then, more quietly "I — I mean, I understand the sequence of a succession. I just didn't—" You looked at the side of his face. "I didn't know you were a king. I thought—I knew you were in charge and stuff, but that's different from—"
"It is different," he said. "Yes." He looked up then, and found your eyes from below—the angle of the crouch putting him level with you from the log, the firelight on the side of his face, the expression in his eyes having shed most of its usual management and arrived somewhere more direct
You looked at the bowl in your lap. At the fire, at anywhere except at Thorin.
He moved closer to your side, and you felt him rather then saw him—he was at the edge of your peripheral vision, when you didn't turn toward him he waited, and then very gently.
"Look at me."
You let out a breath before you looked at him.
The firelight found the lines of his face, the quality of his eyes in the dark, which were not the flat, managing expression he directed at most situations but something that had the management taken off it, or had set it down, and what was underneath was—direct. Quiet. Very specifically directed at you.
"My father was Thráin," he said again. "My grandfather was Thrór. I am the heir to everything they built and everything they lost, and that is a fact of my blood that will not change. It is what I am." He held your gaze. "But I have sat with you and talked about the deep halls of my people. I have shared the lanuage of my people." Something moved at the corner of his mouth. "You did not call me King during any of it."
"You didn't mention it during any of it."
"No," he said. "I did not" He looked at you steadily. "There are people in this company to whom I owe the title. For whom I carry it. It is a responsibility I will not set down." He paused. "But you are not in this company by my invitation. You fell out of the sky, you signed a contract and you have learned to light fires from your fingertips, you have kept pace with thirteen dwarves in circumstances that would have stopped most people considerably sooner." Another pause, shorter. "I would ask that to you, I might not be a King."
The fire settled. Someone across the camp laughed at something, brief and warm.
You looked at him. At the particular quality of his face in the firelight when it was not being managed. "You don't stop being a king just because you want someone call you something else," you said, carefully.
"No," he agreed. "But can a king want a person to see past the title. To simply—" He stopped himself. Something worked briefly behind his eyes. "To simply see the dwarf."
The honesty of it landed in your chest in the particular way that honest things land when they are also unexpected—you looked down at the bowl in your lap. At his hands resting on his knees in front of him, the cloth he'd been using still held loosely, the salve pot on the ground beside his boot.
"Eat your food," he said, quietly, and it was not an excuse not to answer and it was also entirely an excuse not to answer, and the way he said it—the small, barely visible exhale, the fraction of tension in his shoulders—suggested he understood the need for time in this situation.
He stood. Didn't move away immediately. Stood beside you for a moment with the fire casting light over you both and the company around you, then he moved back toward his own position at the outer edge of the camp, and you watched the fire, and ate the cooling remains of your stew, and pressed your right hand flat against the pocket where the vial sat safe in its cloth lining.
Just Thorin, you thought.
You didn't know what to do with that yet. But you held it carefully, the same way you'd held the flame in your hand—cupped, attentive, not sure what to do next.




















