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@alex-fermer
I haven't written anything here for a long time, a lot of things have happened. but the most important thing is that I feel better. I try to take care of myself and I have plans for the future. Of course, I still don't feel too good, but I'm working on it c:
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Like fuck
I'm tired of being kind when everyone around me is such an idiot
I just need people to apologize and beg me to forgive them. But for some reason, everyone thinks they can do something that hurts me and then they won't even apologize, well, thank you fuck
I'm so angry right now, but I just don't want to look ungrateful.So the emotions just eat me up from the inside. I'm going to sleep, I hate it all
I'm very tired
I understand that I don't want anything more. And I lost my last Empathy and love for People.I don't like anyone.
Maybe I'm tired or maybe I'm just an idiot.I don't want to look angry, but I'm very angry right now
And sad
I do not know what else to text, I just do not want anyone to read it or something like that. I just want to be an evil asshole
I can't stop crying, I can't breathe, I'm shaking and I just don't know what to do. It hurts so much, but I deserve it
It's all my fault.
Everyone hates me
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I'm stupid, I've already prepared everything, both the loop and the notes, but I'm still scared. I'm very afraid of [email protected] I'm a coward
I'm so sorry that I didn't do it now. I'm such a coward I'm such a coward I'm such a coward
And today I was called weird again.Like, these people didn't do it in a bad way, but today they've been saying all day that I'm weird and that I seem to live in my own world. I understand they didn't mean to say anything bad, it just reminded me how uncomfortable I am when people call me weird or unusual. I don't want to be weird :(
Like, I know I'm weird, but I want to be normal
I feel disgusting. Yesterday I couldn't sleep and just cried all night. I feel terrible. Yesterday I barely restrained myself from k##ling myself or c@tting myself even deeper. I also feel bad today, but my head still hurts a lot. I really don't know what to do
Like, I feel a little better, but to be honest, I still want to d@e, I feel like I'm on the verge. If anything else bad happens, I just can't stand it
I hate it when people lie to me. This is the most painful thing a person can do for me.I just want to know the truth, I don't want lies, I'd rather know the hard truth.Why are you doing this
I'm so sad that I do not know what I want to do. It's just that everyone talks about how they like doing things, but I don't like anything😞
I've tried a lot of hobbies and stuff like that, but nothing gives me so much pleasure that I think I want to do it. Everything seems boring.Sometimes I don't understand What's wrong with me, many people my age just do what they want, but what should I do if I do not know what I want. I don't even have any ideas
I really really want to know what my favorite hobbies are, I would be so happy, but I can't
I literally have no preferences, I love everything, that's my problem. And it always confuses me a lot, because I can't even choose the food to eat or the clothes or my favorite movie. Because I like everything, because nothing makes me feel emotional
I don't know much, I need to be better, I need to be perfect in everything I do, otherwise I feel wrong
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Maybe I should stay home tonight and sleep all day, but I realize that I need to go to college and work really hard ughh
It's just that life feels bad, I'm all alone in my room, no one texts to me, I don't have the energy to text to anyone. I'm just sitting here and that's it
And the people I love keep hurting me, but I can't talk to them yet because everyone has their own problems
Like, I just don't know what to do with my life
I'm in a bad mood right now because I really don't want to do anything. I have a lot of problems to solve right now, but I don't have the energy at all
And I just understand that I can't be tired, a lot of people rely on me and my support, but when I get so depressed, I can't support anyone properly, but everyone is also busy with themselves and I doubt that anyone will be with me
It just hurts a lot to realize how much I have to do, I really would like love from my loved ones right now, just a couple of nice words. But I understand that I won't get it
And I understand that no one cares.Like, I don't need constant care, just why doesn't anyone try for me the same way I do for them
Just please, just a little attention or care and I'll never say anything. I will be the happiest person on the whole planet.I just need people around me to finally start treating me like a human being
All the good days I've had recently have been ruined by getting upset with people. It could have been the most amazing days of my life, but in the end, I just cried all day, even though my dreams were coming true
I just always hold back my emotions, but when I show them, everyone reacts negatively. I don't know what to do. If I don't talk to people, they don't like it, if I express my feelings, then everyone reacts negatively again. So what's the point
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I understand that no one needs me
It's just sad that I thought otherwise all the time. I had a hope that at least one person.One person who really cares about me
I know that I'm being overly dramatic, that I'm not saying the right things. I'm just tired, really. I just want some kind of step forward from other people.It's just that people would show at least once that they care about me.Like, take care of me, for real
Maybe I'm just demanding too much, or people just don't know what I want. I'm not judging anyone. I just also want to be important to someone. But no one seems to be afraid of losing me
Like, in the sense that there are people to whom I am important for my support and the like. But I don't hear people saying things like, "you're very important to me because of who you are. That's why I want you to live."
Like, I love everyone, really. I'm just not in the mood right now
And I also ran out of food, I'm hungry. I only have coffee, salt, sugar, and one egg 😞💔