1. I’m alive and well, lol.

Aleczan.com is no more.

So…. well…. My old domain name, aleczan.com, which was 10 years old got outbidded by some asshole. I’ve been away from my PC and the internet for several weeks which happened to be the worst timing, ever. During that absence, my domain name contract with Godaddy expired. My brother had problem with his recurring automatic payment method and the website’s automated email sent to his mailbox was…

Me:

Me (next day): There’s nothing wrong in clinging desperately to the tiniest things that make you happy or brighten up your day.

Me now: .......

Me now: Okay, let’s rephrase. Cling to what the heck ever things - spiritually, philosophically, physically, or materially - that make you happy or brighten up your day. Just don’t rely wholly on them because nothing is permanent.

Just gotten around to reading this one. Keeper of the Lost Cities (book six): Nightfall.

I am so thrilled to discover how the story will unravel near the end of book 6. But also a little bit bummed that I will have to wait a but more for book 7 to realease in paperback AND arrive in the stores in my country.

(Mild spoilers alert, going to talk about a new character.)

I once wrote “love hurts, yet so precious.” I was wrong. Love doesn’t hurt. And I wholeheartedly agree with Mesa Selimovic on this notion. Also, someone else said it only renders us vulnerable to hurt, but it doesn’t exactly, directly hurt us.

“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.

Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts.

Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts .

Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”

– Meša Selimović

It doesn’t hurt. Right now it honestly doesn’t hurt. I just feel.... cold and empty. Like there’s a hollowed spot somewhere deep inside my heart, my soul. It also feels like a strong grip of sorrowful longing. Bitter sweet. Not exactly pleasant, and at the same time it feels so precious. Too precious to let go.... yet.

And I am not okay. I don’t feel okay. But it is too deep. Too personal. Too delicate. And too precious to share with anyone else in real life. I am reluctant to share. To confide. Contradictively, I need to pour it out to keep it from bursting.

*This entry contains screenshots with NPC dialogue, which might be spoilers to the Custom Deliveries / Kurenai quest lines.*

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Today I was doing Custom Deliveries with Kurenai and I think my internet crapped out and caused some buggy positioning on the NPC. When Sanana spoke, instead of appearing on the screen normally, she was invisible, and Kurenai weirdly looked above. I was like DAFUQ!?

Then,  in the next sentence (pic above), when she talked to Sanana, I realized that she actually tried to look at Sanana… Sanana must have been floating in the air, beyond the camera frame.

The correct cutscene would look like below:

When Sanana speaks.

And then, when Kurenai talks to Sanana.

It was funny that even the cutscene could glitch like that lol!

Beguiling Mist went off. Killed 16 people. Only 2 from A and 2 from B and 4 of our own party survived.

Here’s a rant. Very long rant.

Today I joined a Ramuh EX party just to do the Wondrous Tail for Khloe’s book, a bard was the leader. PF info said Pony farm/book. And when I entered the party, the leader manually said "I need pony, let me have it, other things I'll pass, you can have them" Which was ok to me. Of course, first run it didn't drop. So we repeated. I stayed intentionally to help, although I only needed 1 run for my book. A WAR joined, and asked if we can do it and then 1 more time for Khloe’s book (he or she probably planned to spend Second Chance with Retry on Ramuh). I said OK, I'll stay and help, and told the WAR that this BRD needs Pony. Next round, it dropped. And yes, you guess what, the other 3 people wanted the pony too and competed the loot. Who got the damn pony? A WHM who kept dying (to be fair, though, this WHM was only lv 55 - he or she also kept dying in my other Ramuh party previously, and annoyed me a little because he or she didn’t do any mechanic right.... like, was standing in the water when the circle of thunder hits... of course was one-shot death.)  The BRD whined, but I and the WAR said we will stay and help, meanwhile both of us tried to tell the BRD about setting Lootmaster rules. So, we tried to enter, the WHM declined the commence, and left the party. HAH!!! HAHHHHHH! JERK! 

I was annoyed when the person who was a dead weight, a very heavy burden to the party, or to me in particular, received the loot. But that’s not only it. That WHM didn’t respect the verbal agreement. And on top of that, had the nerves to loot and run away on us. I was so mad because I went out of my way to stay and help the BRD, but this WHM stole the damn Pony. 

But again, there is actually a party function that could have prevented it. Loot rule: Lootmaster. I tried to preach to the BRD that s/he should be clear in the PF information, and also enforce the loot rule to make sure the drop goes to him/her properly, not getting ripped-off and run away on like this.

Because, you know, some people might have joined the party thinking the farm is free for all. As the PF info wasn’t very clear. And there’s no guarantee that everyone in the party will obey the verbal rule set by the party leader. And while the BRD leader was complaining about losing the loot, saying "it's the rule, I need the pony" the other SCH said "but I need it too, don't forget." So I think this SCH joined in the first place for his/her own need of Pony, not to help the BRD.  We went again, with less people now. I think we had 5. Me WHM, the WAR, the BRD, and 2 SCH. Next round no drop, but people kept dying. Especially both the 2 SCH that were still in the party. Then of course, it dropped, and the other SCH (who also kept dying) who DID NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD and never mentioned that he wanted the pony won the loot. :) :) :) :) DAFUQ!! 

Of course s/he got the pony and left, saying NOTHING at all.

The WAR said “Why are you not freaking lootmastering it?” “I cannot stay to help forever.” Amen to that. So we said to the BRD, next round is the last. Too bad, it didn't drop.... (even if it dropped, the SCH who kept saying "I want it too" will compete loot, and I suspect the bard will lose the roll anyway. HAHAHA! Believe it or not, even at this point, the damn BRD still wouldn’t set Loot Rule.) It’s just infuriating. Stupid people. Selfish people. It sucks. I was mad just to have witnessed this. It’s ugly. Very ugly. It ticks me off when people don’t respect verbal agreement. And especially when they ninja looted people, and then left without trying to help the person who spent time and effort in making a PF. Dude, if you want your own loot without wanting to help others equally, make your own damn PF and put the info that you’re the only one who will be getting the freaking loot. Don’t leech off other people’s PF like this!

It also ticks me when people don’t learn from their past mistake, made no improvement, and keep getting ripped off, and then whine. No one is smart from the start, but we all have to learn a lesson somewhere and stop repeating the same old mistake. 

I’ve just paid for a few commissions.

OMG I never saw this message.