I am embrassed by my own writing

Don’t ask for specifics, but you ended up living with the demon Alastor. It was rough getting accustomed to one another but over time and patience (on your part) you managed. Alastor was kind of like a cat that if you respected his boundaries he liked you. Or ‘tolerated’ you as the emotionally-constipated deer man said.

One day after an eventful shopping trip, you came home muttering curses. Alastor’s ear twitched and he glanced up from his  newspaper (where did he even get that).

“Hello d- What is that?” He started and ended, the static in his voice crackling.

Still in a sour mood, you went over to the freezer and got out an ice pack to put over your forming black eye. “Some bastarda at the store fucking punched me.”

Alastor got up in a way that seemed almost casual. The way the air got colder and the faint bugles of elks said he was anything but unphased. He strolled over to you and pinched your chin, moving your hand to analyze your eye.

One of his eyes twitched “Someone HIT you? Why?”

You threw your hands up in the air “I was just looking at goddam pokemon cards! Then one of those scalper fucks decided to fucking HIT me for them-“ You hissed out, replacing the ice pack on your face “Fucking prick.”

Alastor straightened up, his arms folded behind his back. He didn’t quite understand your love for the cards as you didn’t even play the game… But you didn’t understand his love for 1920s jazz but you were always respectful – even indulging – of it.

“What’s a ‘scalper’?” Alastor asked, tilting his head too far to one side.

You sighed “A scalper is someone who buys in-demand things just to sell them for a stupid amount somewhere else.”

Alastor tilted his head the opposite direction “So…a business?”

“If your business includes punching people for looking at pieces of construction paper with pretty pictures, then yes.” You growled. You didn’t know how to quite explain the deplorability of scalpers to someone from the 1920s so you dropped it “I’m going to my room” You muttered and did so.

Alastor hummed, his fingers drumming along his arms. He didn’t understand the dislike of ‘scalpers’ but he DID understand that some idiot hit you for cards.

Despicable.

Alastor’s eyes narrowed as his grin hitched up. Time for some research.

The next morning you woke up with a throbbing eye and a sour mood. Less anger and now just a kind of resignation that came from a passing incident of injustice. Someone did something stupid and you moved on.

You went to the kitchen to see Alastor sitting there, drinking a coffee and reading his newspaper as usual.

“Morning, Allie.” You said as you went to pour yourself some tea.

“Morning, darling.” Alastor hummed.

You eyed him “…You seem to be in a good mood.”

Alastor cackled “Why say that as an accusation, my dear?” He put his newspaper and mug down and rested his chin on his hands “I assure you that I’m not up to anything nefarious.”

You sighed and rubbed your face “You know what? Sure. Just make sure it can’t be traced back to me.”

“You offend me.” Alastor said, dramatically putting a hand over his heart. You rolled your eyes and reached up to grab some cereal from the cabinet when something colorful caught your eye.

It was a box of pokemon cards. One of those boxes with like 20 packs in it. All sealed still.

“…Alastor where did you get these?” You asked

Alastor chuckled “Oh. Let’s say they were ‘donated’, yes?” He picked up his coffee mug and sipped at it “And I made sure it couldn’t be tracked back to you.”

“Did you kill a guy over pokemon cards?” You scowled.

~~~~

Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!

You moved into the Hotel seeking redemption.

Or more accurately

Trying to get out of Hell

Hell wasn't good for anyone

But you were skittish by nature and frankly your damning sin was rather mundane.

But hey when afterlife gives you lemons.

You lived in the Hotel for a couple weeks before meeting the aloof hotelier.

When you saw him, your eyes widened in awe and admiration

Alastor returned your gaze, his head tilted curiously

"Something the matter, dear?"

You proceeded to ramble off a bunch of deer facts.

Alastor rose and eyebrow and you decided to shut up

Too late!

alastor found your ramblings amusing.

and adorable

He'd constantly provoke you into rambling about whatever was on your mind

At first he thought it was funny how you'd get flustered and abruptly cut yourself off while sputtering out 'sorry's

But as time passed...

He realized it IRKED him

Alastor wanted to hear you ramble on without you feeling like you had to apologize.

So he provoked your ramblings more

When you cut yourself off he'd shoot off another question

"So how many variations of deer are there in North America, exactly?"

Then off you go again.

He loved the way you moved your hands

and the way your eyes lit up

and how you got progressively louder the more you talked

The way your mind would flit from topic to topic, idea to idea

Your mumbled musings

Perhaps, given his occupation as a radio host, he simply enjoyed listening to you talk

He'd consider having you as a guest on his show...

Not the being-murdered kind

Now he was wondering just how much you were hiding from them all. He stood with the rest of the hotel’s residents, watching intently as you mowed down the mob that had appeared at the Hotel. More sharks Mimzy owed, and the cowardly wretch once again hid within the Hotel’s walls. Alastor had started to throw her out when you had left through the front door. Charlie tried to stop you, Vaggie physically picked you up but you leapt over them both and prowled out the front door.

“I’ll ask you twice. Please leave.” You said.

They, predictably, refused.

“Please leave.”

Once again, a predictable (and rather rude) refusal.

And now here you were, eyes still as wide as ever as you flattened the loan sharks one after the other, swatting them around like they were flies and blasting them with bursts of magic that left them twitching and convulsing in agony. Strange to see such a bug-eyed expression on such a powerful force. You left them alive but the message you sent them was very very clear.

“Done.” You said as you strolled back inside. It was like someone flipped a switch, the moment your foot crossed the threshold of the lobby you were back to the perpetually terrified trembling demon. “Okay bye.” And off you went.

Mimzy was kicked out by Husk and Alastor waved her a cheery farewell (and threatened her because he told her NOT TO COME BACK). Then the hotel went about its business, it’s residents confused to varying levels. The only one unphased by your display of power was Nifty. Though the little maid simply wasn’t bothered by much in general.

Alastor went to your room. You opened the door just a little bit, peering out through the crack with one wide, terrified eye.

“Hello, my dear! May we talk?”

You shook your head but Alastor ignored you and shadowed into your room. You jumped with a little squeak and darted to hide beneath your bed. Alastor’s eye twitched.

“Darling, your little coward schtick isn’t going to work on me anymore. I’ve seen what you’re capable of, now.”

“Not an act.” You muttered, peering out from your hiding space. “M’scared.”

“Were you scared when you were mauling those sharks?”

“Terrified.”

Alastor paused. Crimson eyes observed your trembling visage. Your claws dug into the floorboards, your pupils shook with fear, your whole body was shaking to the point he thought you were trying to shake off death itself.

“…You’re being serious…”

You nodded quickly.

“You destroyed those people while remaining completely untouched.”

You nodded again.

“…You were TERRIFIED of them?” He said, tilting his head so far he broke his own neck. You flinched at the sound ( you always do ) but you nodded again.

“Are you scared of me?”

Another nod.

“Why don’t you maul me, then?”

“Because I don’t want to?” You muttered “you might be nice.”

“HA! Unlikely.”

“Well you haven’t done anything to hurt me.”

“I frighten you.”

“Everyone and everything frightens me, you’re not special.”

Alastor’s eye twitched. “…Pardon?”

“Everyone and everything frightens me. You’re not special.”

Alastor’s eye twitched again. “…So if you felt you were SAFE with someone….?”

“Um… It’d be. Weird? Not very likely-“

“WELL THEN” Alastor interrupted, dragging you out from your hiding place to wrap an arm around your shoulders “Let’s restart our relationship then! I’m Alastor, the Radio Demon! And I’ll ensure your safety, my dear.”

“…Wow. Um.”

“HMMMM?” Alastor said with a too-wide grin.

You didn’t say anything, choosing instead to look anywhere else. Alastor was… something. Now determined to be your protector simply because he wants to be something everyone else isn’t.

One day you woke up in Alastor’s room, nestled in his bed. You blinked, delirious and confused, and tried to sit up only to find you were pinned down on the mattress.

By Alastor.

Who wasn’t wearing his coat. Or his shoes. Or his monocle.

Who was clinging onto you, cheek pressed into your stomach, his tail wagging happily out in the open.

You were equal parts terrified, confused, and awe-struck. But first.

“Alastor…?”

“Mmmm yes?” He murmured, sleep making his voice come out in a drawl.

“…What are you doing?”

“Snuggling.” Alastor sighed, nuzzling his face against you as his wagging tail picked up speed. His sharp grin had been swapped out for a dopey looking smile, his fangs poked out under his lip.

“….Why?”

“Snuggle time.”

You blinked, confused “Alastor- I- what’s going on- why are you-“

“Shshshshhshshshhhhh.” He said, putting a hand over your face to stop your mumbling “Snuggles.”

He withdrew his hand, wrapping the arm around you and sighing contently.

“…Are you sick? Were you drugged?”

“Only drug here is an excessive amount of dopamine.” Alastor said, his eyes squinting in his smile. “So soft. So comfy.”

Not adjectives you’d use to describe yourself, but that wasn’t important. Your tried to pry Alastor off you only to stop abruptly when he whined. Like a dog. The sound was high-pitched and heartbreaking to hear and you couldn’t find it in you to continue pushing him away.

He snapped right back to you, his tail wagging again as he pressed his face flushed against you.

With no other choice, you ended up laying there, staring at the sky of Alastor’s strange pocket-dimension and feeling squished underneath him. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling by any means, but the strangeness of Alastor’s behavior was still upsetting you. After a bit, you tried again.

“Alastor can you tell me what’s going on now?” You said. His response was to nuzzle his face into your stomach and grip you harder. His ears pinned back slightly as he muttered his protest at being interrupted. This was wrong. Fingers curling into the sheets, you tried to steady yourself enough to breath evenly. It failed. You let out a quiet, shaky sob.

Alastor’s ears shot straight up.

“Alastor, please- I’m really worried, okay?” You said as you fought to keep your voice steady “This is really, really weird for you- and I-“

“Oh, darling….” Alastor sighed. He pushed himself away and off you, though it seemed it took a good deal of effort. His hands came to cradle either side of your face and he wiped your tears away gently “Always so considerate…”

You lightly gripped his wrists and pulled them off you “Alastor-“

“It’s rut month, my dear.”

You didn’t try hiding your confusion.

“…Ah. No one told you about it yet.” He muttered “Rut month….well. Most demons get it, it’s an annual punishment where a demon’s… physical interests, intensify to a point it’s near impossible to control.”

You stiffen. “Uh-“

Alastor pressed his forehead to yours, fingers carding gently through your hair. “it’s…humiliating. To say so, but even I’m not exempt from this.”

“UUUUUHHHH”

“….You seem distressed.”

“Alastor, I do NOT want to fuck.”

“I am not asking you to.” Alastor said, a slight growl to his voice. He pressed your head against his chest and wrapped his long limbs around you, keeping you still “For some demons, ruts are…different. Odd. Whatever. In my case,” he took a long, deep breath, nose buried in your hair “I simply…erk. Get.” He pressed you head firmer against him, as if trying to stop you from pulling away. His body felt very warm and you wondered if that was due to the rut or embarrassment. “…snuggly.”

“….That’s it?”

“Clingy. Snuggly. Perhaps…. A bit….silly. Overly affectionate. All those things I hate being.”

“….It feels wrong.” You sighed, trying to pull away “From what I’m gathering, you’re not exactly yourself. I don’t want to do this if you-“

He whined again, wrapping around you even tighter.

“Alastor.” You said.

It seemed he purposely ignored you, pressing his face against the back of your neck.

“Alastor.” You said again, putting more authority into your voice.

“Don’t do this to me, darling….” He said quietly. The tremble in his voice made your heart break but you meant what you said.

“You would not be okay with this during a normal time.” You said “This is something you’d regret once you’re coherent and I will NOT do that to you. Understand?”

“Darling-“

“No.” You hissed.

“….hold my hand?”

You furrowed your brows. “…. I don’t think you’d-“

“Arm around mine then. Hands on my ears. Something, dearest. Please.”

“…Sit up.”

He did. You pretended it didn’t bother you as much as it did. Gently you guided him so he was laying on his back with his head on the pillow. Then you settled next to him, allowing your arm to just barely brush his. Alastor tried to move closer and you pushed him away.

“No. this is as far you’d go normally.”

“Damn.” He murmured, ears pinning back as he glared intently at the ceiling.

“I think you’ll thank me, later.” You said with a roll of your eyes, flipping open a book you snagged from his bedside. It was a murder mystery, to no one’s surprise.

“Well right now, I am not.” He huffed.

“Whatever. Try to sleep it off.” You said, trying to ignore how badly you wanted to move closer. For whatever reason, Alastor had sought you out for this. That alone was enough the set your cheeks aflame and give you the warm and fuzzies. But he was being so cute too.

It didn’t matter, though. As innocent as snuggling was, you were sure Alastor wouldn’t do it while coherent, and you weren’t going to take advantage of it.

The month crawled by. Alastor seemed to accept the boundary you drew for him, but whenever you weren’t by his side he would start pacing irritably. If it was particularly bad day, he’d start to whine. The residents of the hotel seemed more worried about you than Alastor, asking where you’ve been and why you’ve been hard to reach.

You didn’t know how much Alastor would want to share so you kept it vague. Saying it wasn’t your situation to share. Charlie let up when you assured her you would ask for help if need be. Angel kept smirking whenever he saw you and offered to ‘help you out for rut month’. You supposed that was the natural conclusion to come to but you never said anything other than waving him off.

Turned out you were one of the lucky few who didn’t get the annual rut. Nifty had exclaimed she didn’t get it either. Though she sounded incredibly disappointed by it. Angel’s was so insignificant to him given his lifestyle, and Husk said he’d usual set something up before hand to ‘fuck it out’ as soon as possible. Charlie and Vaggie didn’t seem to get it, as it seemed to be a sinner thing. Lucifer seemed surprised it was a thing at all.

None of this helped you with Alastor. You sighed, feeling utterly drained as you trotted back to his room. Your muscles tense but no fierce tackle was thrown your way. First beat was confusion. Second was concern. Third (but faint) was disappointment.

“Alastor?” You said, taking off your shoes by the door and padding softly into his room.

“Hello, dear.” The Radio Demon grinned. He was sat at an armchair, legs crossed primly as he flipped through a book. His coat and monocle were back, his shoes on neatly.

“Oh! Is it over now?” You exclaimed, relief flooding over the slight (selfish) disappointment.

“It would seem so!” He hummed. He closed his book and placed It on the table next to him before strolling over to you. That sharp-toothed grin was back, no longer the dopey smile you had gotten used to.

“That’s such a relief.” You said with a smile “I can go back to living!”

“Nah-ah-ha.” Alastor hummed, wagging his finger “AFTER-living, darling.”

“Yeah, yeah, that.” You said with a roll of your eyes. “Well! I’ll grab my things I moved over here and get going.”

“Already taken care of!” Alastor grinned “I didn’t exactly want all those soulless stuffed animals staring at me with their void-filled eyes.”

“Dude.” You huffed “They’re just stuffed animals. Chill.”

“Kindly use words that make sense.”

“Skibidi.”

“……YOU don’t even know what that one means.”

“I know it annoys you.”

“HA.”

You laughed a bit. “Well, thanks for that. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Kindly do. I have a plethora of matters to attend to.” Alastor said, his grin straining ever-so-slightly “Damned rut season….”

“Well yeah it’s damned, we’re in hell.”

“HA HA.”

“I know, I’m hilarious.” You grinned “Well, see ya.”

“Ta-ta! Oh….One more thing, before you go?”

You stopped, turning to face him “Yeah?”

Alastor ears went back, his eyes darting to the side “…Thank you.”

So tired you just couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore. You sighed and took a step backwards, preparing to turn and walk off when the door opened. Alastor stood there, his head cocked to the side.

“Did you need something, dear? I assume so saying you were standing there for quite a while.”

You stared at him. Any words you had planned leaving you to your own devices. Your feet moved on your own accord, stepping up to the Radio Demon and you slumped, resting your head against his chest. Alastor didn’t move or respond. Perhaps you were slumping against the wall and imagining it was Alastor. You couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Alastor let out a heavy sigh, his warm breath fanning over your head. A wave of self-conciousness overwhelmed you. Taking a step back – Well, you were going to take a step back. Force a smile, apologize, then meander off to deal with your problems solo. Instead, as you went to move, Alastor hooked one arm under your knees and another across your back and picked you up bridal style with all the ease in the world.

“Do I weigh anything to you?” You said with a small smile.

“Weight is not a relative measurement, dear.” He hummed as he carried you into his room.

“It kind of is? Depending on the planet, or even on Earth it can depend on the elevation.” You rambled mostly to yourself.

“Relative from person to person.” He clarified.

“Aw.”

Alastor dropped you onto his bed without ceremony, laughing as you flailed about in surprise. You shot him a glare he ignored and decided to just curl up onto your side, your back to him.

“Sorry for bothering you.” You muttered, eyes drooping.

The bed creaked as Alastor put his weight on it. One clawed hand gently ran through the hair on your head. You melted at the gentle touch.

“You’re never a bother.”

“Oh, that’s such bullshit.”

“Ha! Okay, fair enough.” Alastor snorted his amusement “The amount of bothering you are doing is inconsequential, is that better?”

You chuckled at the bluntness “Yeah. Thanks for being honest.”

The silence lingered. You closed your eyes, feeling overwhelmed by ….. feeling overwhelmed. Your body felt heavy, your heart felt constricted, your mind felt like cotton. All the while Alastor stroked you head, humming gently.

The peaceful quiet was broken by a harsh, cracking sob. Alastor’s humming stopped the same moment his hand froze. You coughed harshly and curled in tighter on yourself. You felt pathetic.

“I’m sorry-“ You said, trying to stifle your sobs “I-“ This was too much, too embarrassing. You got up quickly and headed for the door “I’m sorry- please forget this happened, I’m…. Sorry!” You ran off, not looking back at Alastor. He didn’t say anything and didn’t stop you.

You ran back to your room, slamming the door shut behind you and pressing your forehead to it as you took long, shaky breaths. What were you thinking? You shouldn’t have bothered anyone with your emotions. Let alone Alastor. He already helped you once, going out of his way to comfort you. Asking for more was just selfish. The Radio Demon no doubt had other things he could be doing and you had no right to interrupt them just because you were sad.

“I’m so pathetic.” You whispered to yourself, pulling away from the door. Wiping your eyes you went to your bed, kicked off your shoes, and collapsed onto the covers. The best thing to do was wait for it to blow over, then you can go back to helping the others. They all had their own problems to deal with, so you shouldn’t be bothering them with yours.

At some point you must have fallen asleep. Because when you opened your eyes again, you were tucked in under the covers, surrounded by overly fluffed pillows, soft jazz was playing from somewhere, and Keekee was sleeping on your stomach.

“Good Morning, dear!” The familiar staticy voice rung out. Almost swaddled in soft things, it took you a moment to wiggle free enough to look at Alastor.

He was sitting at the foot of your bed, reading some novel or something with his legs primly crossed and a cup of coffee in one hand.

Keekee let out a disgruntled meow and you relented and started stroking her back gently. The cat settled again, purring her satisfaction. Silently you looked at Alastor, tilting your head in your unvoiced question.

“Coffee?” Alastor said, motioning with his mug for emphasis.

“Er…No thanks.” You said “Alastor, what’s going on….?”

“I asked if you wanted coffee?” He said it like it was obvious, head tilting at an unnatural angle.

“No, I mean….This?” You motioned vaguely at your bed.

“Haven’t the faintest idea!” He hummed “You didn’t come down for breakfast so I trotted along to check on you and here you were!”

You glanced at the clock on your bedstand. “…Breakfast isn’t for another hour.”

“Clearly that clock is behind.” Alastor said flippantly, sipping out of his mug.

You mocked fear “So someone broke into my room and moved me in my bed?”

Alastor stiffened a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly. “…Yes...”

“That’s freaky as hell.” You said, gripping your blankets “We need to tell Charlie or Vaggie that someone is sneaking into the guests’ rooms at night-“

“Oh goodness gracious, you know it was me.” Alastor huffed. You dropped the act, letting yourself have a good laugh.

“Yeah, I know.” You wiped a tear out of the corner of your eye. “Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it.” Alastor hummed, turning his attention back to his book.

“…Why did you-“

“I believe I said think nothing of it.”

You stared at him. Replaying the events of the previous night, a horrifying realization dawned on you. “I’m sorry, Alastor.” His ears flicked in your direction, his eyes darting to stare at you. You fidgeted “You didn’t have to do this- I was just- Oh geez, okay I just mean I shouldn’t have bothered you to begin with you don’t have any obligation-“

“Since when do I do things on ‘obligation’?” He said, his grin straining “My dear, I only do things if I desire to. It was not for obligation, or guilt because I know that would be your next conclusion.” Alastor tapped one claw gently against you nose “It was simply because I felt like it.”

You focused on Keekee purring on your lap “….why?”

“Think nothing of it.”

A small smile found its way to your face. Think nothing of it…? You chuckled quietly “Oh, Alastor…”

“Yeeessssss?” He said, craning his head backwards towards you and twisting it 360 on his neck.

“AH! Don’t do that it’s creepy!”

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.” He responded, spinning his head again in the opposite direction.

You threw one of the pillows at him. Alastor cackled maniacally.

=============

BONUS:

After you ran off the night before….

Alastor: “NIFTY HOW DO YOU MAKE A PERSON LESS SAD.”

Nifty: “Soft things and a happy cat!”

Alastor: “Understood-“

Nifty: “Not Husk.”

Alastor: “…Keekee?”

Nifty: “Keekee.”

Alastor: “Got it. Tell no one about this conversation!”

Of course, his choice of book was one called ‘Blank’. It was a notebook with nothing written in it. Very easy to discuss at a bookclub.

Charlotte was not impressed and Vagatha once again starting throwing vague threats in his direction. How tempted he was to just kill both of them, but alas this hotel has been the greatest form of entertainment he’s had in years (is what he tells himself.)

Darling Nifty came to his rescue, offering up a variety of different light-reading to be discussed in the future. Most of which were….not to his taste. Nifty’s interests highlighted most definitely, but Alastor quickly chucked the books out the window when the story turned to ….that.

As the number of books dwindled, he was just about prepared to give up on this stack entirely and fetch something meaningless to pretend to read (who’d check, anyway?).

He picked up one, a flimsy comic-book like thing and rolled his eyes once before giving it a go. The story wasn’t anything particularly interesting. The plot was just two bunnies going to get some ice cream. But the wordplay, the exaggeration of all the smallest obstacles, how self-aware and absurd it was gave him a good laugh. The Radio Demon’s first introduction to your work.

Although the bookclub idea ended up going nowhere, Alastor found himself seeking out more of your works. Another about a man just making a taco, one about a woman folding her laundry. So many little, day-to-day situations amplified to a ridiculous amount. Clever one-liners and humorous puns sprinkled throughout kept it intelligent enough for him to maintain interest despite the absurdity of it all.

Eventually he got a cartoon you drew that seemed just the same as the rest. Some random cute cartoon raccoon drawing some random little cartoon things. There was a scene in it though that stuck to Alastor’s mind (and dare he say, heart) like glue.

In it, the raccoon was confronted by a shark. “Why do you bother making these?” the shark sneered “No one reads these but you, no one looks at them but you, there’s no point.”

“Why does there need to be a point?” The raccoon said. Alastor’s ears straightened up on their own accord as he read “Even if no one sees it, it’s something I made and it’s some I enjoyed making.”

“Even if you put it out there, no one will care about it.”

“Someone will. They might not say anything but there’ll always be at least one.”

“Do you know how stupid you sound? No one gives a crap about your ‘passions’!”

“I do.”

“Do you know how stupid you sound-“

And then the raccoon pressed a button and an anvil fell onto the shark, comedically turning it into a pancake. “Your argument doesn’t have any depth.” The raccoon said. The story moved on from there.

It struck a bit of a chord with Alastor, he could admit that much to himself. And the raccoon’s way of dealing it was something he’d keep in mind for his next encounter with an annoyance. He didn’t put much stock in it, as storytellers and their stories don’t always agree on all things.

Your comics were a little joyful distraction when he needed them, that was all. Nothing deep and profound.

“BOSS!”

Alastor slammed shut the book he was reading, his grin never faltering though his twitching ears indicated a slight nervousness. He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Hello, Nifty! Did you need something?”

Nifty scamped up his chair and onto his lap, settling down andstaring up at him with her one big eye. “BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS I MET THE DEMONESS WHO DRAWS THOSE CARTOONS YOU LIKE”

Alastor’s eye twitched “Oh? Well, that’s neat.”

She stood up, squishing his face between her hands and stared more as her grin grew wider and more manic “Did you want to meet her?”

Yes

“Now, now, Nifty.” Alastor said as he removed her hands from his face “There’s better ways to waste one’s time.”

Nifty tilted her head, staring at him as though it would allow her to see into his mind. Her expression shifted into….One he hadn’t seen on Nifty, admittedly. The best way he could describe it was ‘smug’. But what would she have to be smug about?”

“If you say so, Boss!” She chirped, hopping off his lap and trotting off “But yeah I was at the Evermore Book-Store and she was there working ‘cause I guess that’s what she does for a livng….” Nifty’s voice faded away as the little maid walked off, not caring her rambling were being said to no one.

After Alastor had finished his errands for the day, he happened by that very store…for…Reasons. Upon entering it, he realized he had no idea who- what- he was looking for. The store itself wasn’t large. A couple patrons, one large hulking demon with tiny spectacles at the desk and a much smaller one organizing shelves.

One of the workers, then?

Not that he cared.

“Pardon me!” Alastor chirped to the desk demon. Their big eyes seemed to move in slow motion to him, a low grunt accompanying the acknowledgement. “I’m looking for someone, yes? The author of some silly comics?”

The demon slowly narrowed their eyes, lips curling up into a snarl as a growl emanated from them.

“Ah, so she is here?”

The demon planted their very large hands on the desk, pushing themselves up to stand at their full height. They were taller than Alastor by a good three feet, and much more muscular as well. Their nostrils flared, blowing hot air into his face.

Alastor wasn’t the slightest bit phased. (He found it funny, actually). “So may I speak to her?”

The large demon opened up their gaping jaw-

“That’s me, hi! How can I help you?” The shelf-stacking demon interrupted, getting between Alastor and the clerk demon. A nervous little lady with a wobbly unsure smile and bags under her eyes that looked like they could carry the entirety of Hell in them.

Alastor held up one of your comics- a book that has been very obviously well-read “You’re the creator of these splendid little things?”

“Splendid…?” You repeated him, trailing off into an amused snort “Er. Yeah, I wrote and drew those.” The Clerk behind you closed their mouth, setting back down on their chair and adjusting their spectacles. The glare didn’t leave Alastor.

“Well, my dear, I find I quite enjoy them! It’s quite a pleasure to meet you.” Alastor said, not paying the larger (glowering) demon any mind. He found himself wondering why you were so tired and so timid. A woman like you should be so much more cheerful! Alastor was a tad offended….Because you weren’t smiling like he did. That’s it. Really.

“Well. I’m glad you like them.” You said. “It’s nice to meet you, too.” You offered your hand for him to shake.

One of his ears twitched. You must be fairly new to Hell, to offer a handshake so easily. Or perhaps a bit sheltered or on the naïve side. Alastor briefly considered making a sly deal to take your soul, but… Well, there was no need for that.

He took your hand and gave it a firm shake. Your hand was so much smaller than his own, but it felt as though it warmed his entire body. This was strange. Perhaps you were casting some spells on him? Why was he finding it so hard to focus- why did he feel like he didn’t know what to say next- why-

The Clerk gripped Alastor’s arm in between two fingers, gently but assertively pulling it away from you. You took half a step back, cradling your arm to your chest as if he burned you. Alastor glared up at the Clerk “Is there a problem?”

The large demon growled. You intervened again “Er….You were just. Holding my hand for a while. It was……kind of weird.”

“Ah.” Alastor cleared his throat, straightening his posture with a flourish “My apologies! Mind was elsewhere, you know how it is with us creative types.”

You blinked. Then your timid smile turned a bit more confident. A bit more…like a smirk. “Er. Yeah, I guess so. Well. See you around, I guess?”

“If I have the time, I suppose!” Alastor grinned “Well then, I must be off! Ta-ta!”

You watched as the strange demon disappeared into shadows and slivered off. As soon as all trace of him was gone, you laughed quietly into your hand “Well, I can certainly say for certain I know someone ‘awkward as hell’ now.”

Addicted to your voice. Your scent. Your touch.

Your sense of humor, your passions, your words,

Then there was what he truly, deeply, sincerely had a difficult time believing.

He was addicted to being your 'somewhere safe'.

Alastor relished in how you'd seek him out when you needed comfort. When your fears were intangible yet he somehow was able to shoo them away from you.

Alastor tried - for a bit- to force that. To force being your 'somewhere safe'. It wasn't genuine. It wasn't real. It wasn't truly safe. His empty threats and vague warnings did nothing but make his own skin crawl in protest.

Eventually he confessed the lies he'd conjure to frighten you. And you forgave him, laughing it off as a series of pranks he went a tad overboard with. Even after he elaborated, you forgave him, citing he hadn't done any real harm. All the things he'd conjure to frighten you were small.

He hadn't realized.

Alastor knew he hated being the one to frighten you. He needed you to want him. To need him- To feel safe - Not just feel safe, to be safe.

How ridiculous. How could anyone truly be safe with someone like himself?

How badly he wanted you to be. How badly he wanted you to truly be as safe with him as you felt you were.

Strands of your hair parted under the gentle ministrations of his claws. His fingers lightly traced from the crown of you head to the back of you neck before returning to the beginning. You sighed in contentment, pressing your cheek closer to him.

How horribly addicted he was to you....

=========

Alastor didn't look at you, eyes straight ahead. His smile was strained, his ears pinned back, his posture straight and his arms crossed behind his back.

The two of you were walking through part of the Vees' territory.

"What, do tell, is your reasoning for bringing me here?"

"Are you stupid?" You hissed out "I just- I told you multiple times! I told you 'hey you don't want to go with me i'm heading somewhere you hate'."

"Perhaps I assumed it was an attempt to avoid me."

Your eye twitched. "Okay. Sure. Well, now you know it's not. So leave."

Alastor's eyes narrowed, though he didn't turn his eyes to you. "Oh but if I do now, that tacky picture-box might view it as a surrender...No, no, no. I'm simply going to take my time is all."

"Picture box?"

He let out a little 'hmm'. You didn't know if he thought he was confirming something for you or if he was fully aware you didn't know what he was talking about. Picture box?

"This is your destination?" Alastor said, ear twitching. You turned to look at him, hand on the door of the shop you arrived at. It was an electronics store with various gadgets and gizmos.

"Er. Yeah. I told you-"

"I'll simply wait out here for you then, yes?" He hummed, turning on heel and making himself comfortable standing right outside the door. Some meandering demons seemed to have recognized him, bursting out into terrfied screams and booking it to who-knows-where. Alastor chuckled and it seemed he found it funny.

You rolled your eyes and got to your business. Your headphones had recently broken down, being damn near impossible to use. You didn't bother having a job down here, but since you moved into the hotel you would do small chores here and there for spending money. Stealing wasn't exactly...encouraged at redemption. So. You tried to be moral about it.

Headphones of choice in hand, you fished about in your pockets for your cash even when the other people in the store started storming out while screeching in fear. Even the cashier was gone when you had placed the money on the counter and pocketed your new headphones.

You paid the right amount and trotted on out.

Expecting only Alastor, you ended up halting in your tracks when you see another demon talking to him. A TV-faced individual who's outfit seemed a blue version of Alastor's own. Oh. Picture box. This was probably who Alastor was talking about- Vox...

TV-face was too close to him.

You felt a growl rise up in your throat.

Alastor was doing a good job appearing unphased, but even if he was it didn't matter to you. The other demon was practically nose to non-existing-nose to the deer man, arms on either side of him in a blockade of sorts.

The TV was talking in a low, threatening growl. Something about 'have the nerve to not join him-'

You ducked underneath TV-man's arm, putting yourself between them and shoving the man away.

The flat-face of the fucker flashed a moment as its owner was startled, then one of the man's eyes started spiraling in color. Your mind started to feel a bit...fuzzy.

Alastor had put his hand on your shoulder, pulling you back behind him. Your gaze was stuck on TV guys, transfixed by the spinning-

Wait.

The bastard was hypnotizing you?

You growled, baring your fangs as your tail bristled.

HOW FUCKING DARE HE

Alastor's sound of surprise was small, quiet, and almost inaudible as you pushed him back, stomping up to Vox and shoved one claw onto his screen.

"Hey, you flat-faced plasma-screened fuck-a-saurus, back off before I shove something in your ports that ain't a HDMI cable!"

A quiet 'what the fuck are they saying' behind you was completely ignored. Blue electricity sparked off of Vox as he grabbed your wrist, leering down at you with that hypnotizing eye.

You pulled back, not managing to get super far as the TV-guy's grip on your wrist tightened.

"You got some nerve, you stupid bitch." He laughed, looking back to Alastor "I can't help if your associate here is brave or incredibly stupid."

"A bit of both, in my opinion." Alastor hummed "I do recommend you return them to me. They're a resident at the hotel, you know."

"You're still involved in that dumb thing?"

"It's entertaining. Now, then-"

You stopped supporting your own weight abruptly. Vox, supposedly not expecting that, stumbled as the center of gravity shifted. You took the opportunity to twist his wrist to release your arm and slid underneath him. You scrambled up onto his back and snapped your jaw open wide, preparing to bite down-

-only for your teeth to meet nothing air.

You blinked, disoriented.

Alastor was suddenly holding you. He's done it before, sure. Carrying you around like a suitcase or by the back of your shirt. But here he was, holding you bridal style.

"Wonderful catching up to you, old pal." Alastor said, grinning widely. "Now if you excuse me, I have other matters to attend to."

Vox's screen was sparking, his eyes darting between Alastor's and your own. His hypnotism started up in his eye a moment. You flipped him off with both hands, glaring intently.

He started screeching something, but Alastor's cackle drowned it out as he shadowed the two of you away.

"You shouldn't bite scum like him, my dear." Alastor said, placing you on your feet. He tapped one claw lightly against your nose "You may catch something awful. On another note..." he crossed his arms behind his back, giving you a flat look "whatever were you thinking getting between two overlords like that? Did you think i couldn't handle myself?" His tone lowered at that last question, his gaze darkening as red and black switched places.

"Um. I wasn't thinking." You replied honestly. Shrugging down into yourself, you took a half-step back. "I...Well. Um. I just. Did. He was giving me some intense incel vibes and I got mad so." You finished lamely with a half-hearted shrug "yeah."

Alastor scanned you a moment in silence. You started fidgeting with your claws and wondered if he'd let you write out a last will before killing you.

"I see." he said. "Well then, were there any other errands you needed to run?"

"Um. Nope." You said, ducking your head. Alastor tsked, pinching your chin between his thumb and index finger and forced you to look up at him.

"No need to avoid my gaze, my dear. Simply let me handle my own affairs from now on, yes?"

You blinked. "...I mean. No promises, but i'll attempt."

Alastor hummed "Yes, I supposed that's the most you can do."

~~~~~~

Later that day, Alastor asked Nifty what 'incel vibes' were. The little maid answer without a care in the world, going about her cleaning as usual without giving it another thought.

Alastor stood alone in that hallway, staring at nothing in particular. You got protective over him? It was laughable! He was the Radio Demon! You were...you.

Why was his heart beating so fast again?

==================

Maybe the whole biting thing isn't quite what Alastor is fixating on Reader about....

The king leaned more heavily on one leg, spinning his cane with his left hand. “Charlie’s getting kind of worried about one of the residents, so she asked me to look into it.”

“Aaaannd?” Alastor said, snapping his neck as he tilted his head.

Lucifer said your name. Alastor’s ears twitched.

Something was going on with you? Charlie was worried? What had happened-

“So what the fuck do you want with ‘em?” Lucifer said, raising an eyebrow.

“Pardon?” Alastor straightened up his posture as he spoke, turning to face the king completely.

“You’ve been stalking them for the past, like, two weeks.” Lucifer said. He spun his cane back towards him, nestling it under his arm as he motioned with his hand “Let me remind you: you’re not allowed to harm residents of the hotel.”

“I wasn’t aware I was attempting to.” Alastor said, eye twitching yet again.

“Then why are you following them- oh.” Lucifer cut himself off abruptly, seemingly having an epiphany. The fallen angel’s eyes widened, light gleaming in them “Oh! OOOOOH!”

“….what?” Alastor said, not following the king’s train of thought.

Lucifer was bouncing on his feet, grinning so wide it rivalled the Radio Demon’s. His eyes were practically sparkling “I know what’s going on~!” He sang, elbowing Alastor in the side “Y’gotta be straightforward, bambi!”

Alastor took a large step back and took a good amount of joy watching the king fall into his face. He cleared his throat, tilting his head slightly “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re implying.”

Lucifer rose from the floor, propping his chin up on his hands while kicking his feet behind him “You, y’know, want their attention!”

“That’s absurd.” Alastor hissed.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“Not at all?”

“None.”

“You sure?”

“Lucifer if you continue this pointless back-and-forth I will rip out your wings and grill them.”

Lucifer actually paused, letting the side of his head hit the floor as he studied Alastor. There was a bright flash of sparkles and the king appeared on Alastor shoulder in the form of a snake (with a hat). “That kind of sssoundsss like a threat they came up with.”

Alastor chucked Lucifer off of his shoulder. The king poofed back into his usual self mid-air and hovered there. “SooOooOooo…. Do they… y’know?” Lucifer giggled, fanning his hand outwards as rainbow-colored magic filled the space between them “Inspire you?”

“This conversation is pointless and I’m leaving.” Alastor scoffed, making true of his statement by immediately shadow-ing away.

Lucifer landed on his feet and put his wings away. Seems Bambi either doesn’t realize or is too stubborn to admit it out loud. Well. If there was one thing Lucifer learned about the glorified bellhop…

Is that man was made of 105% spite.

Later that day at dinner, Lucifer forsook his usual seat in order to sit next to you. While some of the residents were mildly confused by this (as usually people never ventured from their self-assigned seats), no one particularly cared.

You paid him little extra attention either, simply moving on with the meal as per usual. However, seated across from you, Alastor’s eyes were narrowed intently at the king. Lucifer grinned and dusted off the old charm.

“Heeey, y’know, I was wondering…why are you in Hell to begin with?” Lucifer said, propping his chin up on his hand “Surely an angel like you just got lost?”

Charlie spat out her drink on her end of the table and keeled over while coughing violently, Vaggie frantically rubbing her back to get her situated. Once she was all right (giving a shakey thumbsup), you gave the king a bemused look.

“It’s rude to ask a person of indistinguishable gender what got them hell-bound.” You hummed.

Lucifer paused in his response, too concerned with Charlie’s situation. She gave him another thumbsup and he hesitantly turned his attention back to you.

“Sorry, can’t help myself.” He lidded his eyes, leaning slightly closer “I simply can’t help but want to learn all about you~”

You put a hand over his face and pushed him back “Personal space.”

“Fair.” Lucifer said with one finger up, his voice muffled by your hand.

You retracted your hand and rolled your eyes “Well, I’m not a super share-y person…I mean I’ll do it during Charlie’s redemption activities but that’s about it.”

“And that’s okay!” Charlie chimed in, “I appreciate your efforts!”

You gave her a thumbs up. Lucifer took the pause to glance at Alastor, to find the deer man only paying half attention. Well. That wasn’t what he was aiming for. Absentmindely, Lucifer picked a fry off your plate and chomped down on it.

“Dad! That’s not your plate.” Charlie said, motioning awkwardly.

Lucifer was going to apologize (he’s a bit of an airhead, he knows…) but you made the funniest goddam squeak he had ever heard in his life. Never had he seen anyone so comedically offended by someone eating their fries.

He couldn’t help it- he laughed.

“Dad!” Charlie squeaked “Don’t laugh at them-!”

“S-s-sorry Char-Char but that SQUEAK- Oh my lord…”

He wasn’t the only one laughing. The spider person was joining in, throwing arm across your shoulders in a friendly manner while you seethed in silent resentment. Bar cat chuckled a bit under his breath, Vaggie and Charlie were both trying to suppress their giggles, and Nifty was howling with deranged cackling. Alastor took a drink from his mug but didn’t react much more than a slight snort.

“Lucifer I am going to fill your socks with mayonnaise when you sleep.” You muttered out.

Everyone burst into more hysterical laughter.

Except Alastor.

Who broke his mug in his hand like it was made of crackers.

At the sound of shatter ceramic, everyone’s attention shifted to him.

“Whoops!” Alastor grinned, shrugging non-chalantly as blood dripped down the hand that now had shards of ceramic in it.

“OhMyGosh, Alastor!” Charlie yelped, jumping to her feet “I’ll get the first aid kit-“

“No need, Charlotte!” Alastor hummed, getting to his feet. He reached over the table and picked you up by the back of your shirt like a kitten, tucking you under one arm as he walked off with you. “This one is responsible for the mug shattering, this one will take care of the wound.”

“Wait- Alastor-“ Charlie took a step to follow, but you waved her down and gave her a reassuring smile. Charlie hesitated a moment before sitting back down.

The table fell into an awkward silence. Lucifer was vibrating in his seat while grinning. Nifty was doing the same thing. The rest of the table-people wondered if they were somehow communicating this way.

Meanwhile, for you, Alastor had you held like a suitcase as he entered the kitchen, setting you on your feet.

You dusted yourself off and made for the cabinet the first aid kit was in. Alastor, frankly, had no plan other than to get you away from that joke of a king. So he was left standing their awkwardly as you patched his hand up gently. (He could’ve done it himself, it didn’t even hurt, he just did not want you wasting those ‘threats’ on that stupid lawn-gnome looking bastard)

“There you go.” You said, putting the unused first aid materials back in the kit and the kit back in the pantry.

Your name left Alastor’s lips.

You looked back at him, head tilted slightly.

His treacherous mind abruptly shoved forward the memory of you biting him. Teeth sinking into his shoulder, his blood on your face and the cold look you gave him afterwards. His heartbeat started to race. It was so different from now, your big eyes looking at him softly as though you could warm his entire soul with your gaze alone.

How amusingly two-faced of you…

“Alastor?” You said. He jolted back to the moment, tilting his head.

“Aplogies. Thank you, my dear.” He hummed.

“uh. Sure.” You said, tail flicking in irritation. “You’re a weirdo, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told!”

=============================================

Deer man's in denial.