Alaska couldn't leave now. There was so much left to be done, so much left to be said, so much left to see. She had never left the country, she had never gone and done shots with her friends in a bar, she had never told Freddie that she loved him, truthfully. Her life couldn't be cut so short. Yes, she killed herself everyday, driving recklessly and smoking too much, but that was different. It was different know that she was actually here on the brink of death, staring him right in the eyes. She wasn't ready to go.
There was no way she was going to miss out on when Holden and Jane actually got married, or when Pudge and Lara finally got together, even though they probably wouldn't work out, or when Chip and Sarah finally stopped being dysfunctional. She was going to walk across that stage when she graduated from the institute, and grab her diploma, and flip off the eagle just because she could. She was going to have sleepless nights at Columbia University in New York with Holden and Jane, going out partying. She was going to study hard and she was going to become a teacher, and she was going to help her students more than her teachers ever helped her.
Alaska saw the blood spread across her body and her clothes and nearly fainted right there, but she forced herself to take a breath in through her mouth, keeping the rusty smell of iron away from her nose to keep her from passing out. She needed to stay awake, so that when Hannibal made the body drop, when he thought she was dead, she'd come back. She'd be okay. There was no way she was hurting her friends like this.
Her thoughts wandered to Freddie. He was so fragile. He pretended to be the strong one, but she knew that somewhere underneath, he was just as broken as she was, and together, they somehow managed to hold each other together with tape and glue and a whole lot of sheer will. This was going to destroy him, her dying. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't let herself be the one thing that broke him.
The pain was unbearable. It consumed her mind, screaming signals being sent from her abdomen up to her brain. She wanted to groan, to cry, to scream, to do anything to release this animal of horror that had been building up in her chest, but she didn't have the energy. Instead, crystalline tears welled up in her eyes and spilled out over onto her cheeks.
Alaska had stopped fighting against the restraints at this point. She never would have guessed that she would have stopped fighting, but then again, a lot changes when someone steals your organs. Alaska made one last, feeble attempt against the leather straps, but she could barely move. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that this wasn't it, somewhere in the back of her brain, she knew it was. Alaska used up the last of her breath to say her last, golden, shining words.
"I'm coming to see you, Mom."
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