It’s really fucking hard though and focusing is. going to be rough so if anyone wants to throw a rock at me that’d be kind.

I have a desperate need to be with him all of the time, to try and fix it when he’s upset, to do anything I can. but that’s not always what’s right for my partner. It’s hard for me to recognize that sometimes especially through the hurdle of anxiety that I get when people I love are upset. People need to be allowed to just feel their feelings and ask for time and space. Does that freak me out? yes absolutely. I literally feel like clawing out of my skin rn. but indulging that instead of just. letting him come back to me on his terms. isn’t healthy. I’d kill a man for reassurance but I know that isn’t fair. and I need to hold myself accountable.

I love my partner more than anything. I want to treat them right and do what’s best for them and. sometimes that means respecting when they don’t want to see me at all. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or that he hates me, I know that logically.. I just need to keep a cap on the emotional parts of me. try and. refocus. until he’s ready. He deserves that space.

taking a deep breath in and letting it go. resetting.

Reminding myself someone taking space is not the same as them pushing you away.

fuck my life I was so distracted I forgot my damn lunch

i know i make him miserable

I’m so stupid

It’d be shitty to call him this late

fuck. god damnit.

He told me to call him if I ever needed him no matter what but he’s been through so much lately he deserves to rest

Once I’m in a stable enough position I need to go back into therapy.

I don’t want to go to bed without him

I miss him. I miss him so much. I wanna say I’m sorry but he was so tired I don’t wanna wake him. I don’t wanna bother him. fuck