leverage.

❛ ☾ ◟━ TIME: mid-morning

❛ ☾ ◟━ STATUS: closed for @akashxbedi

Entering her home in silence, Catriona was focused on getting the tasks from her to do list completed. Luckily there wasn't really anything major to complete as it was more so the finishing touches to the decor for Lizeth's backyard birthday party. Despite the themes she had originally thought of, Cat decided to keep it a mix of simplicity, princess and fairy-like celebration as it was not only easy for everyone involved, but she could at least give her daughter the best of both worlds without having to decide between her current obsessions.

With the bouquet of flowers in her arms, Cat headed to the backyard and began to prep them for display. Humming softly, she trimmed the stems and leaves before placing the flowers in their respective vase along the table. Midway through the preparation, she noticed Akash approaching and as she glanced up, she greeted him with a faint smile and asked, "Is the birthday girl still asleep? I should be almost done and then I can get her ready...Thanks for watching her while I stepped out." Things had been civil between them and while he had been staying by her side, they both hadn't had the time to fully address where they were at with each other.

He hesitated, then took a step closer, voice quieter now. “The truth is… I’ve been on edge lately. Being here with you and Lizeth today—it's everything I ever wanted. But that day when I saw you together, my chest… it just tightened. I felt out of place, like I wasn’t part of this small world I’m supposed to care about the most. And yet… being here now, watching you prepare everything, it reminds me why I stay. Even if I’m still processing everything I saw and felt, being here with you, helping even in small ways—it feels like the one thing I can do to make it right. Like I’m exactly where I should be.”

Akash smiled faintly at the mention of Bianca. “Extraordinary, huh? Sounds like you’ve met someone who makes all the chaos worth it. I get that. I mean… when someone comes along who shifts your world without even trying, you notice. And maybe that’s exactly the kind of chaos that isn’t something you fight—it’s something you lean into.” He shook his head, still smiling, a quiet warmth in his voice. “Guess the trick is figuring out when to take the reins and when to just let the ride carry you. Sounds like you’ve got that part figured out.”

Catriona felt a headache coming along as she couldn’t bear to see, let alone hear Akash and the weight of her actions hurting him this whole time. It pained her to see him, but she was now fully aware of the consequences of her choices and decisions that impacted him too. It should have been be said and not hidden. “Okay.” she softly confirmed with a nod. Walking up to him, she tiptoed and placed a light kiss on his cheek, “I love you and I’ll be here when you’re ready.” She was all out of apologies and rationale at this point that she was ready to just bury herself under the covers and probably cry herself to sleep. 

"Good night," he told her softly as she began heading up the stairs. Akash for his part--didn't follow her up, truly giving herself and himself some space tonight. Knowing that he at least needed it to clear his head and stop feeling provoked at the actions she'd taken today. Instead--he opted to sleep on the couch. He wanted to be here in the morning. He wanted to see the princess's face and he wanted Catriona to know that by still being there--it meant they were okay. They'd work through this little blip. They had to.

Thomas knows Akash is half-joking, but the “emotionally available Kang” line sticks in his head longer than it should. Maybe because it feels like a dare. Maybe because it’s easier to play the part than admit he’s still figuring out what that even means. He falls into step beside him, letting the ribbon comment roll around in his mind. “Alright, but if we’re doing this, you’re picking something that won’t get me roasted in three different group chats before I’ve even left the shop.” He glances at the shelves ahead, already imagining Vera’s mum clocking every detail like it’s a background check. “And for the record, if glitter shows up anywhere near this, I’m sending her straight to you for the engagement party seating chart.” It’s easier to keep talking than admit he’s actually enjoying this more than he thought he would. “So, go on then. Show me the one that says I’ve got depth, taste, and just enough mystery to keep your mum guessing.”

Getting up, she set her tea down and walked up to him, “What’s done is done. I can’t undo it and so take whatever time you need. If you want me to say that I regret, then I do. ” A saddened smile graced her lips as she looked away, “If you think that at any point I ever questioned you, or purposely never gave you a chance, it was never my intention in the first place. I honestly was trying to not stress you out even more and that was a fucking stupid mistake on my end.” 

This time she took a step back and allowed him to make a choice, whether he wants to stay or go. "I hurt you and made you feel like you're not a part of all this, I understand that now. So yeah, do what you need to do and I'll manage on my own."

His hands trembled slightly as he added, voice cracking just enough to betray the depth of his feelings. “I need time, yeah… but not because I don’t care. I need time because this… this matters. You matter. I want to get through this with you, but I can’t pretend it didn’t shake me. I can’t just sweep it under the rug and move on. And I’m telling you that not to push you away, but so you know—every choice we make from here, every word we speak, it needs to be real. Transparent. Honest. That’s how we fix this. Not by hiding, not by trying to protect each other from the truth.” He swallowed hard, letting the words hang between them. “I love you, Cat. And that doesn’t disappear because we screwed up. It doesn’t disappear because it’s complicated or scary. It just… needs to be fought for. And I’m willing to fight. But I need you with me, not just in pieces, not just in parts, but all of you. Even when it’s hard.”

She could feel her mouth go dry as soon as he decided that he wanted time to unpack all these emotions he was feeling. Cat flinched slightly when he took a step closer, feeling like she didn’t deserve to be in his space. “Okay.” she managed to say after much thought. “Take all the time you need. I’ve learned my lesson and what I need to work on...” There was nothing left to say as she knew her words wouldn’t be much help. In fact, she had nothing to say and would rather sit in silence and disassociate from reality than live in it. Regaining her composure, she nodded, “You don’t have to stay. I get that you need time to process. I’ll wait for you when you’re ready.” With no emotion on her face, she brushed past him and headed to the living room to lounge on the couch and to finish her tea in silence.  Cat thought she ran out of tears, but it seems like her body was betraying her as they kept rolling down her cheeks. There was no use in stopping herself and so, she let herself be.

His voice caught then, and he had to look away for a second, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth to keep it steady. “But you didn’t give me that chance. You made the call for both of us, and now… now I’m standing here feeling like I’ve been on the outside of my own life.” Akash dragged a hand over his jaw, the exhaustion in his eyes more emotional than physical. “I’ll take the time I said I need, but don’t mistake it for me walking away. I’m just… trying to find my way back to you without tripping over all this hurt.” He didn’t touch her, though he wanted to. Not yet. Instead, he let his gaze linger a moment longer—just enough to let her see the truth of his words—before he finally stepped back. But he didn't walk away, even if she'd given him a way out if he'd wanted it.

She then turned her back on him and began to steep her tea. Catriona could feel the tears rolling down her face against her will and as much as she cursed herself internally for not being able to keep her emotions at bay, she left it as it is. If she wanted them to work, he needed to see her at her worst, even if it pained her to let her boyfriend see her this way. “It’s complicated with Zayaan.” she admitted while adding some sugar and cream into her cup. “And that’s why I let him meet Lizeth. I heard his side of things and I realized that I have a knack for assuming what’s best for us when it’s the total opposite. I protected him without even realizing that there was no need to, that I should have just let him in…Then maybe I wouldn’t have left my daughter fatherless for a year and struggled to terms with it. I did all that to save myself, but I was selfish for not thinking of his feelings and how what we had could have been real.” 

Taking the spoon, she kept reminding herself that she was in the comfort of her own home, with the man she loves, making tea, and that she was in a safe space to let go of her vulnerabilities. “He didn’t guilt me into wanting to see our child, but I felt guilty knowing that I had broken his heart when it could have been prevented from the start.” Taking the mug, she wrapped her hands around it to feel the heat radiating from it. She wanted to feel something tangible rather than the overwhelming amount of emotions she was feeling. “I made it clear that he has to let me go, but I know that it'll take him time. With that being said, I love you so much and I'm trying to grow from the woman I was a year ago. I will embrace the fuck ups, I will trust my heart with you even though it's pretty fucking terrifying. I value you as you've been a huge component of mine and Lizeth's life, I don't want to take it for granted, I don't want to lose you too." The conversation she had with Zayaan flashed in her mind as she remembered what he had told her, that he would have chosen her over everything, that a part of him never left her. Slowly turning around, she walked over to Akash and looked up, tired, all cried out, and said, "If you'd like me to set a boundary with him, please tell me. I can let him have days with Lizeth without me there or you can be present and we can get her after...As much as it hurts me to see him like this, I've moved on from him. Our main focus is Lizeth and working out this co-parenting relationship. Therefore, the next playdate is that circus event that's coming to the junction."

Akash’s eyes softened slightly as he met hers again. “About the circus... I know you want to move forward, make things lighter. But right now, I’m not there mentally. I’m still trying to untangle what I saw, what I’m feeling. I want to be there for Lizeth, for you—but I need time to wrap my head around all this, to trust, before I can show up to something like that and actually be present.” He stepped closer, his voice quiet but firm. “This isn’t me shutting you out. It’s me asking for honesty—even when it’s hard—and a little patience as I try to work through this. Because I love you, Cat. And if we’re going to make this work, we have to be better than silence and secrets.”

"I guess I never thought about it like that, them offering me moments instead of demands," she said quietly, and wow, that realization was making her feel like kind of an idiot for not seeing it sooner. All those gentle check-ins and careful questions she'd brushed off as normal parent worry had actually been invitations to trust them, and she'd been too scared to take any of them. "Maybe you're right about letting them help carry some of this stuff instead of protecting them from it," she admitted, though the thought of actually doing it still made her stomach flip. "Okay fine, I'll think about cracking the door open instead of keeping it locked, but if this all goes to hell, you're buying the first round when we inevitably need to drink about it."

“Alright, but if I send you a photo, you’d better not roast me in the group chat. I can’t handle another ‘Thomas shops like a hedge fund manager’ meme.” He tries to sound light, but Akash’s words actually hit somewhere real. Maybe he does overthink it, but he’s not about to admit that out loud. “You know, I wish intention counted for more. Most days it just feels like I’m one awkward gift away from getting side-eyed by everyone at brunch.” He glances at the tea set, then back at Akash, trying not to let on how much he actually cares about getting this right. “Honestly, if your mum wants proof I’m not emotionally stunted, maybe I should just staple my therapy bills to the ribbon. That’s got depth, right?” He snorts, shaking his head. “Let’s just find something that looks expensive enough to distract her from asking when I’m finally getting my shit together. I swear, if you pick glitter, I’m blaming you when she starts planning our engagement party.”

Catriona remained silent while Akash spoke, fixated on making her tea and trying to remain calm. She quickly wiped away her tears and took a deep breath as she was mentally telling herself to get a grip. He was right in many ways and his feelings were warranted that she no longer had anything to say other than nodding. This is the part she loathed about herself, the shutting down, the endless overthinking, the pulling it all together to not be a burden to the other and just letting go. She was exhausted, more so on herself as she wondered why she couldn't grasp that it was okay to share such baggage with someone she loves. Not once did her boyfriend ever pressured her or tried to change her, he held space and made her feel safe and secure with her feelings. However, when the time comes for her to face them head on in unexpected situations, she immediately retracts and finds excuses to avoid it. That wasn’t fair to Akash and Catriona understood that, but easier said than done when her words don't match her actions.

The sound of the kettle finishing up interrupted her thoughts. “Okay.” she finally acknowledged while taking the handle and pouring the boiling hot water into her mug. “I understand.” Her mouth practically felt dry as she could feel her cracked voice betray her, already struggling to find the words she’s been meaning to say. When he really looked at her, pleading for what they needed to work on and build from there, Cat’s heart weighed heavily as she knew how much she had hurt him. “I’m scared.” she admitted at first as she took a step back as if she was not worthy of even being near him to feel his warmth. “You stand here, telling me all this and you’re not wrong, but I’m scared that I’ll fuck this up again. I want to promise that I’ll let you in and not carry this all on my own, but I’d be lying to you at that point because I know it’s easier said than done.” She paused as she was trying to formulate the words that showed how she felt and how she wanted to move forward. “…Having to undo a habit that I’ve known and at times makes me feel safer to retreat to—I find myself so far gone that I don’t even realize the impact and severity of the situation until after.” She wasn’t trying to justify her actions, she just wanted him to understand where she was coming from. 

His gaze softened, even through the ache in his chest. “I get that you’ve spent years teaching yourself that retreating is safer. That letting someone in feels like giving them a loaded weapon they could use against you. I don’t want to rip that armour off you and leave you exposed. I just… I want you to trust that I’m not here to take a shot. I’m here to carry some of the weight when it gets too heavy to hold by yourself.” He stepped closer, not to close the distance entirely, but to make sure she heard him without doubt. It killed him to see her this way, to hear her words but hadn't he proved himself enough? Hadn't he been here for her? Clearly the answer here was no. “When you hold it all in, you don’t just protect yourself—you shut me out of us. And that’s what hurts. Not that you struggle, but that I don’t get to stand next to you in the middle of it. I’m not afraid of your bad days, Cat. I’m afraid of you thinking you have to face them alone.”

He paused, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t give you a definite answer tonight on where we end up, because that’s not how relationships work. They’re not a single decision—they’re a series of choices we make every damn day. And right now, my choice is to stay. To keep trying. To meet you in the middle, even if we trip on the way there.” Akash couldn't pretend her words didn't scare him. Of course they did but how could he admit that right now? She was already dealing with enough guilt--he didn't need to add to that even more. Finally, his voice dropped to something almost fragile. “I love you. And I’m not going anywhere tonight. But I need you to meet me halfway—not all at once, not perfectly, but with the willingness to try. Because that’s how we turn this into something we can actually grow from instead of letting it hollow us out.”

“You’re not an outsider. You’re a man trying to show up in a family that doesn’t make that easy. That puts you in rare company.” Akash gave a small nod. “So go talk to him. Not only because it'll solve everything. But because it’s who you’ve decided to be. And that matters.”

There was a softness in his voice now, a kind of knowing that came from the experience of watching people he loved wear brave faces for too long. “We don’t always realize when someone’s holding out their hand in the dark, you know? Not until we’re ready to reach for it. You weren’t wrong for protecting them, Aarti. But maybe now it’s time to let them in—just a little. Let them be more than just people you smile for.” He stepped a little closer, not intruding, just steady. “And for the record? I know it’s hard. I know it’s terrifying to hand over even a fraction of the weight you’ve been carrying, especially when you’ve trained yourself to believe it’s yours alone. But no one—no one—gets through life without leaning sometimes. Doesn’t make you weak. Just makes you human.” His gaze softened, warm and earnest. “You don’t have to do it all tonight. Just… don’t shut the door all the way. Leave it cracked. Let the people who love you find their way through.” Akash hesitated for a breath, then said, quieter now, “You don’t have to be okay yet. But you’re not alone in figuring it out.”

Catriona fell silent as she stood there taking in each word that was said from her boyfriend’s perspective. She didn’t interrupt him as she was processing how he felt and where he was coming from. In fact, she agreed with his points, she should have been transparent from the get-go, but now that she didn’t, it truly felt like it was too late to repair what’s already broken. “I was wrong…” she finally said after a long pause. “I was wrong to assume, I understand that now…” She was trying her best to remain calm, but the panic and the disappointment was eating her up, on top of the guilt and seeing Akash blatantly hurt by her actions and decisions. Her thoughts were getting the best of her as she wondered if this was even worth fighting for if she was always going to fuck things up between them. The pattern in itself was her holding back and making assumptions rather than trusting her boyfriend from the very start. To let him in and embrace all that she is and all that she has. Instead, she’s keeping him at arm’s length, assuming that she was protecting him, but instead she was ruining him and their relationship. 

“I trust you. I really do!” she managed to say out loud with a desperate tone. “My timing was shit and I was really going to tell you! I know I fucked up!” When he took a step back, Cat frowned as she felt her throat close up, struggling to express what she needed to say. “You were never replaceable…” she whispered out. “And it was never my intention to make you feel forgotten. I honestly approached this to not hurt you, but I’m completely wrong! I didn’t realize it until it was too late!”  How could she fix this? Was this even repairable? When she fell silent she could hear her own heart beating out of her chest, her ears ringing and her breath labouring as she felt backed into a corner with no escape out. It was right then and there that Catriona felt pathetic, thinking that she even deserved a love like this when she was known to fucking things up in the first place. She thought she was getting better, she thought she had changed, but old habits die hard and reconciling with her past felt like she was going back to her old ways.

His voice wavered, the vulnerability bleeding through the cracks in his usual control. “It’s not about the decisions you made. It’s about the spaces you left me in—spaces where I was supposed to be your partner, your confidant, and instead I was a stranger watching from the sidelines.” He shook his head slowly, the pain raw and honest. “You say you were protecting me, but protection doesn’t come from silence. It comes from trust. From letting someone in, even when it’s terrifying to be vulnerable.” Akash’s gaze locked on hers, fierce yet soft, like a plea born from the deepest parts of his heart. “I’m not here to fix you or carry the weight of your past. But if we’re going to keep standing in this together, you have to stop carrying it all alone. Because love—love is supposed to be our shared burden, our shared strength. It can’t survive if the truth keeps slipping through the cracks between us.”

“You’re not an idiot…” she whispered out, hurt by how he felt about himself. “It was never my intention to hide all this from you. It happened all fast and the timing was never right in my eyes.” Catriona felt absolutely defeated, not knowing what to do at this very moment. What were they even doing? This whole time she thought they were fine, building a relationship from the ground up and strengthening it with each day that passes by. However, her judgment and decisions got the best of her that it seems like she was doing this all wrong. What else was new? That doubt at the back of her mind started creeping up as she felt like she ruined everything. “I’m sorry…” she repeated after a pause. “I just didn’t want you to carry this, not when he…” She felt her voice unwillingly cut off as she felt a wave of anxiety rush over her. She knew he wasn’t going to be happy with what had happened between her and Zayaan in the stables, let alone what was said, but she knew she had to tell him the truth to explain why she held back on it. 

“We spoke at work, I asked about the gifts, and we talked about what happened…After hearing how he felt and his perspective, I made the decision to let him meet her and from there, we then worked out a day where he could visit Lizeth.” Cat took a step forward and finally met Akash’s gaze, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” she admitted. “I don’t know how to navigate all this, protecting you, protecting Lizeth, hell even protecting him! And before you tell me it isn't my job to, then maybe you don't understand what goes through my mind at that very moment and that's okay because I see it as a me-problem. I worry, I care, and I do too much for the people I love...I acknowledge that!" The panic in her tone began to set in as she couldn't stop herself from spilling out the truth, "So yeah, I’m doing what I can, but I know it’s not enough. I didn’t tell you right away because I knew you’d feel a type of way if you found out how Zayaan felt about me. It would derail your whole week and I know it would feed into your job. After what’s been happening lately, I didn't want it to hinder your performance to the point where those people might think you’re either being sketchy, or unable to carry out their requests! I didn’t want them to doubt you to the point where they’d target you!”

He let out a breath, ran a hand through his hair as if trying to find clarity in the chaos of it all. “I’ve been fighting my whole life to prove I can carry weight. To show that I’m not just a lawyer in someone else’s game, or some guy standing at the edge of other people’s families.” His gaze found hers again, and this time there was no shield, no irony—just hurt. “And the one person I thought saw that—really saw that—decided I couldn’t be trusted with the truth.”

He took a shaky step back like it physically hurt to stay where he was. “You think I wouldn’t have understood? That I couldn’t have handled hearing what Zayaan said? You think I haven’t had to sit across from men who want things they’ll never have? I do that every damn day. What I don’t do is lie to the people I love. What I don’t do is put them in a position where they feel replaceable in their own life.” There was no malice in his tone, just grief. A kind of devastation that came from realizing someone had been playing defence in a game he didn’t even know he was in.

“I know you’re trying. I know you care. I don’t doubt that for a second, Cat. But you should’ve let me try too. You should’ve given me the choice to show up—even if it was messy, even if it hurt. A fucking text message would've sufficed. If you had just told me it was happening...I wouldn't have had to feel so...forgotten.” His voice dropped even lower, the words nearly swallowed by the ache behind them. “I didn’t need you to protect me. I needed you to trust me.” And with that, he went quiet. The silence between them heavy, stretching out like a fault line neither of them had ever wanted to cross.