Second Mines Monday still kinda nervous because I wrote most of this at 11pm 😬😁 last time you all got sad old man Sifo-Dyas who survives far into the Clone Wars, this time you get grumpy teenage Sifo-Dyas and his wonderful Master Lene.
Lene had a lot of good ideas, but she also had a lot of bad ones. Sifo-Dyas wasn’t yet sure which category their current adventure would fall into. Which was funny, he thought to himself, incredibly ill-humoredly. Wasn’t he supposed to see the future? After all, that was why they were here. His problem. The whole seeing-the-future deal.
Over the past few weeks, he’d been attacked with visions and nightmares at a frequency he’d never experienced before. Now, they were coming less often, but the headaches and exhaustion still lingered. He felt as though he didn’t exist in his body, but rather that he existed around it — a ghost floating through a void, a hyperspace channel opening around a ship. Hollow and painful and reality-twisting. Sifo-Dyas was a cranky teenager when at his best — lately, Lene hadn’t been able to convince him to eat anything or even leave his room. Naturally, as soon as he showed slightly fewer signs of displeasure at her suggestions, she’d dragged him out to a dead rock in the Outer Rim, with the goal of meditation. That was what she had told him. Meditation, peace, and quiet.
Quiet was all he’d gotten so far. All he could hear was the soft crunch of dust and dirt beneath two pairs of standard-issue Jedi boots and the occasional whispers of the breeze. They were approaching a mountain, or rather, a small mountain range. Stark and tall against the horizon, the mountains reminded Sifo-Dyas of Coruscanti skyscrapers — if all the life were drained from them and all the luster scraped off of them and all of their lightbulbs shattered. He pulled his cloak tighter around himself.
When they arrived at the base of the mountain, he saw no marked trail, no signs of settlement or past visitors. Gray and beige rocks littered the incline, along with pale brush and broken twigs. It did not seem to Sifo-Dyas that any disaster had occurred here. Only winter after a brutally hot summer, perhaps. He thought the Force might echo back at him if he spoke into it, with no creatures or sentient beings to receive his message. Even the plants and the ground they were growing from were muted.
When he looked back at Lene, he saw that she had already started making her way up the slope, nimbly climbing over the stones and avoiding the loose ones as if she did it every day. If he was feeling more like himself, he might have groaned at her agility, or made some comment. Today, he followed her in silence, picking up his feet one after the other and one after the other as if lifting them like anchors from the bottom of the sea — and yet totally and completely unattached.
He wasn’t sure how long their ascent took. He struggled to keep track of time, swallowed as he was by the months and years and decades in front of him. This particular inability of his had also worsened recently. That was no surprise.
“Here.” Lene stepped into the shadows underneath a slight overhang. Upon following, Sifo-Dyas realized that it wasn’t just an overhang, but the entrance to a cave. Once his eyes adjusted, he could see the path in, which Lene was already taking. It was narrow, and the walls smelled very old and very unwelcoming. The air was stale, but further ahead he felt that there was an opening. He hoped they would reach it soon. He didn’t want to be suffocated or entombed like a mummy between two stone walls on some desolate planet, where likely nobody knew his whereabouts.
Caring about his life again. Despite it all, that was a good sign, which he distantly recognized as he crossed the threshold into the cave.
The space was dark and wide-open. He glanced up, trying to gauge the height of the ceiling, but Lene was already sitting cross-legged on the ground. Ah. So this was the meditation aspect of her plan. That would lead to peace, he thought, with a small degree of sarcasm. He’d been struggling lately with his meditation. In the Temple, he was constantly surrounded by a swirling current of thoughts and emotions that didn’t belong to him. It made focusing on himself and the Force harder. He knew other Padawans struggled with this, for the most part the younger ones — but most of them didn’t have visions of a disastrous future constantly scratching at the edges of their consciousness, either.
He lowered himself onto the ground next to her, folding his legs beneath him and adjusting his robes. The rock underneath him was cold but not uncomfortable, and some of the tension in his shoulders began to unwind.
Master and Padawan sat for a while in silence. They were so far away from everything, Sifo-Dyas knew. They were in a pocket of the galaxy far from anger and violence and love and joy, far from any kind of war and or celebration. He almost felt guilty for how much he welcomed the emptiness. It gave him space to come back to himself.
He felt Lene’s eyes on him after a time, and turned to face her.
“When I was your age,” Lene began, a distant look in her eyes, “at the end of the frontier days, the older Jedi would take us to places like this. Places that are quiet and open, empty in a way Coruscant could never be, where the chaos of the galaxy seems to have passed by. There are no societies here, no hierarchies. No sunlight or moonlight ever reaches this cave — hasn’t for a thousand years. I am in no way resentful at the Republic, or at exploration, or at the ingenuity of life, Padawan, but I am old enough to remember that places like this still exist. Where the presence of billions of hearts and minds ceases to exert so much pressure.” She looked at him then, her violet eyes sharper than ever. “Where time is still, and the past does not matter, and the future cannot speak.”
Rarely did he hear her so poetic. He did not meet her knowing gaze, but he couldn’t ignore the swell in his chest, the first real connection to himself he’d felt in weeks, the emotion rising from being so deeply understood.
“You cannot remain here forever. You cannot remain anywhere forever. Not in joy or not in suffering, not on Coruscant and not in space. But you should never be afraid to return to the people and the places that you love.” A pause. “Especially the ones that allow you to step back from it all.” She went quiet, but he could hear her breathing, so steady. Something — not a vision and not the Force, but pure human intuition — told him they would have many moments like these over the years. He would get worse, yes, and then he would get better, and then worse again, but he would have Lene. Lene, and the memory of peaceful silence, the promise of his world righting itself again.