☁️

i miss you, still no longer in a deep, aching way, but rather in the dull hum of my car radio i hope you smiled today and while you’re getting swept up in the excitement and mystery and passion of this confusing, intriguing, heartbreaking, beautiful life, i hope you never forget what is most important i hope you remember that it’s not about finding someone to complete and write sappy poems about, it’s not about listening to soft music on repeat with your eyes closed, wishing you were somewhere else or someone else, and it’s not about doing well on exams, or traveling the world, or always being artificial sunshine instead of being real because it’s okay to have sad days, and a number in the corner of a page can’t give you lasting satisfaction, and you can’t be everyone’s prince charming, and while music stirs up something so beautiful inside of us, you can’t hide in your melancholy world of D minor, forever every night i pray that you’re not lost, that you’re somehow finding your way, and although i can’t speak these words to you directly, i hope you know i’ll always care.

There is a difference between saying goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is not permanent. You can meet years later and share what happened in your life. You can smile and laugh about all the nonsense that you both went through. However, letting go is being okay with never seeing this person ever again…being okay with never knowing how their life turned out…being okay with fifty or more years of silence…being okay with running into that person at a grocery store and having them not acknowledge your presence. This is the part of life that doesn’t sit well with me and never will. It tears my heart in pieces, robs me of gratitude, drains me of anything positive and eats at the faith that holds on.